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Who suffers more from monogamy and who gains?....
mrfisher 115 Reviews 1349 reads
posted

Men:  Pro:  Women are chattelized, masculine property transfer dominates.

     Con:  Men are bound into a contract and suffer severely (if the wife gets a good divorce lawyer and he has significant assets) for screwing around and getting caught.

Women:  Pro:  Provides financial protection for the raising of the children.

       Con:  Stuck with a jerk sometimes.  Divorce often leads to worse financial circumstances.

I'm sure I'm missing some stuff here so everyone feel free to chime in.

gtbeatdawgs271 reads

Well I can only speak for men, and here in the South (Hotlanta) its commonly summed up as follows:

Divorce:  "Its the screwing you get, for the screwing you did".

Well, that's what happened to yours truly.

Over and out.

GT

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SweetJaneHR165 reads

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SolaLove578 reads

Monogamy does not bind anyone to a contract nor often create the financial pros and cons you mention, and while split ups can be painful it is a much different matter from divorce.

Your question would be more properly - who benefits from marriage as an institution?  Why is it simply assumed that marriage is the way to relate in the long run?  And by the way, why is it so ingrained in our culture that monogamy = fidelity?

.02

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MrSelfDestruct266 reads

I just saw your new pics, and they bring to mind a song...

DAMMMN..I wish I was your lover!

And, as always, enlightened post.

Namaste'

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SolaLove354 reads

Aaaaw shucks,
I thought you WERE my lover!
*sigh*  Maybe I was daydreaming again...
; )

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zinaval274 reads


Usually, there's a time when you're in love in which  nobody else does it for you. It may last two weeks, it may last a decade or two. Also, generally polyamorous people will suddenly find themselves enjoying monogamy, or vice versa.  

So, which arrangement is the better one? Neither. They are both answers to the same needs posed by the sex drive. They both can be choice by the same person at different times. What changes are the physical and psychological needs of the person, and their responsibilities.

It's the one-size-fits-all expectation that makes monogamy a socially sanctioned perversion.  

Both polyamory and monogamy have their different pros and cons.

Relativism? No, realism. What really are our choices, and is the sanctioned one really good every time and the disdained one really evil every time?



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shadeplay138 reads

"Also, generally polyamorous people will suddenly find themselves enjoying monogamy"

There's a difference though: a polyamorous couple might decide they don't want other lovers for a while (maybe even a long while), but that doesn't mean they can't still be poly in spirit, and take it in good stride if one or both want to see others.

The reverse doesn't happen much, since the way monogamy is usually practiced in our culture, fidelity is assumed, and often enough that leaves cheating as the only option, which is a breach of faith.

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zinaval160 reads


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        What I really meant was a monogamous couple who break up, and then each practice polyamory.

I'll add that maybe it would be better if monogamous and even married couples have temporary open periods like every 5 years, and renew their vows at the end.

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shadeplay360 reads

Yeah it seems you are talking about state-sanctioned marriage & divorce (which presumes monogamy and allows adultery as grounds for divorce).

Since when is financial (and emotional) protection for children only a woman's concern?

Since when do women who are stuck with jerks never cheat?

So the real argument is not between men and women, but between people who want financial or relationship security, and those who want emotional or sexual freedom.

Problems occur when the former marry the latter, or when people are unrealistic about which of the two they *really* want.

As for masculine property transfer dominating, that's all well and good until you get downsized, or sick or hurt and end up relying on you wife's income and health insurance to get back on your feet! I *think* most married couples are 2-income households these days, so realistically it's more like marriage allows couples to pool the resources they need to raise kids (or live well), and not a purely male breadwinner/female chattel situation.

I'm not even sure how many men would agree that "chattelization" is a pro. Having a grumpy, bored, depressed stay-at-home wife who can't contribute financially, professionally, or intellectually to a marriage, and who might not be the greatest role-model to kids sounds like hell to me. (good social policy if you want to promote sex-work though!! :-)  ;).

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holeydiver254 reads

... you can brag about how great your wife or SO is via discussion threads.  Guys love to do that.

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