I'm sure this has been asked before, but what was the precipitating factor that led you to the hobby? (this is for both hobbyists and providers)

In my case, it was a life-changing, extremely rare chronic injury that transformed me from a very highly athletic individual, to one whose use of both arms is quite limited (not just in terms of athletic activity, but in general). The prognosis is uncertain, since no doc has ever seen it before, apparently. Anyway, since I am single, I didn't have a partner around for reassurance, and so I turned to the hobby to see if I could feel -- there is no way to avoid the cliché here -- like a man again, given the limitations on my arms (no hugging, no missionary, minimal caressing, etc., not to mention an inability to do most of the things I most love in life: sailing, swimming, outdoor work, etc.)

Sorry for all of the detail, but I felt it necessary in order to provide a specific context for my question.

Having never really thought too much about the hobby prior to my injury, I didn't really know what to expect. I've been amazed to find in the three providers I've seen (ranging from 19 to 40 years old), tremendous warmth and solicitude (no pun intended). All three of these women were extremely caring (and careful).

What was also interesting, however, and what actually made me feel even closer to them, is that two of three became providers primarily because of the onset of expensive, chronic illnesses (though all three of them *also* seemed to have a high sex drive, and were more comfortable with their sexuality than almost all of the civilian women I've known).

Anyway, to (finally) return to my question, these experiences led me to wonder how many hobbyists and providers may have entered the hobby because of life-changing events, medical or otherwise, and beyond that to ponder the possible range of other reasons many of us entered the hobby.

Sorry for the long-winded post (occupational hazard -- I'm an academic!)

Hardly a life-changing event because I've been horny as long as I can remember.

I was coming out of a LTR when I visited Costa Rica in 1994. The purpose of the trip was attending a World Cup qualifying match between the US and Costa Rica. After the match, we walked into the Del Rey/Blue Marlin zone. I met a fraternity brother in the Del Rey of all places. He quickly explained the Del Rey was expensive and took us to Club Dandy. Initially, I was hesitant about doing anything except drinking. However, my MARRIED frat brother didn't have any hesitation. Evidently, he was a regular and chose one of his favoritas. He recommended a raven-haired mujere to me and rest is history.

A level playing field and a distaste for bullsh*t & hypocracy led me to the hobby. (Attractive civilian women are SOOO about the money it isn't funny but they will never admit to it)

  Cm.

As odd as it may seem...

A friend had been trying to convince me to go to a MP where they offered HR.  I wasn't getting much at home, but kept shying away from the idea.

But, it was planted in my head.

So when I threw out my back and decided to start getting massages, well, I chose places that offered more than a basic massage.

And that's how I started.

My wife stopped putting out after our second child. I Love them (kids) too much to leave, but crave the intimacy of a fine smelling woman. It has kept me in my marriage.

No life changing events in my case.  It's really pretty simple & maybe something felt at least somewhat by other guys.  

I was married, raised a family, divorced after 13yrs, then had another long-term GF for about the same length of time.  Both the wife & the GF were good people (still friends with each of them), so while there was certainly some pain involved in seeing those relationships come to an end, I wasn't left with any emotional scars or bitterness toward women.

But when I got back into the 'civilian' dating scene it was hard to find an attractive woman near my age who was one the same page as me.  I didn't run into any gold-diggers as some guys have, but it seemed without fail they were looking to 'nest' & that's simply not where I'm at or what I want.  It's not so much that lots of variety was that important to me, but I didn't want to either get married again or deal with the strings...the jealousy, the "why didn't you call me?" or the "I called you & you weren't home, where were you?" sort of b.s. which is nothing short of innuendo that I should account to someone else for my time...& that's something I'm not about to do at this stage of my life.  And no matter how much I would try to make all that clear in the beginning, it seemed they either wouldn't listen or else thought they would be the one to change me.  

After a couple of years of that sort of crap I finally decided to hell with it & began seeing providers for really the first time in my life.  Through the hobby I've met some pretty fantastic ladies, the kind I can enjoy spending time with aside from the sexual aspects of being together.  And the part that's as important as anything else to me....no damn strings attached!!

My wife died and with my children being so young(preschool/early grade school) I prefer to not yet bring a woman into their lives. When they are older and if the right one comes along then fine. I wonder now if when that happens I will continue in this hobby. hhhhmmm. Who knows! I'll have to cross that bridge then. For now, I'm enjoying the ride.

I agree, being horniy was probably the primary factor. But also, the opportunity to have sex with some very nice and lovely ladies. Given what I am currently going through in my life, it can be very both exhilerating and life-affirming.

The trouble with being a man is that you want to nail all the good looking chicks in the world. And after many years of pursuing the "perfect 10", I tried the hobby... and batta-bing, instant fantasy, instant pleasure, instant gratification. The hell with chasing civilian girls.

That statement is true enough about men in general, and me in particular.

On a lighter more humerous note it reminds me of a commercial I used to see when I was in my early teens.

"Jack in the Box" resturants, an arguable competitor to McDonalds in some parts of this country used to run a commercial with the slogan "What brought you to Jack in the Box?". Answer, "Because I was hungry".

I was looking for some new and fun things to try, while planning a vacation.  Some anonymous person (who I'll never know or be able to thank) simply mentioned it, along with an eros link.  Well, it sure fit the "new and fun" description!  Some research, and then I decided I would go ahead and try it, at least once.

Ok, it's been more than once.

I don't even know if I'll stay in it forever (it's hitting the wallet pretty hard, and contrary to what you read on this board, there IS more to life than this) but I'm enjoying it for now.

I like what it's doing to me, too.  I'm a lot more confident around women than I used to be; their power no longer works against me.  Now their charms are just something to be savored, and life is good.

And I truly believe that the laws against this hobby, are wrong.  This is not the REASON we have government, and such abuse of power and contemptuous hateful spitting on the social contract, makes me angry.

greywolf wrote:

which is nothing short of innuendo that I should account to someone else for my time...& that's something I'm not about to do at this stage of my life.

=================================================================

For a while, when I was married, I was attending some meetings of a 12-step recovery group. Every time I mentioned going, she asked me:

1. What time is your meeting?
2. What time do you have to leave?
3. What time is it now?

Incidentally, the meetings were ALWAYS at 8:30, never any other time. But she could never be bothered with that level of detail. Nor would she wear a watch.

Very interesting replies so far--

BTW, I belatedly realized that some providers, since many post with their provider name, might be leery of posting the reasons, if they felt that these were too intimate to share. Two suggestions-- use a new alias, or be vague (i.e., life-changing event, but without too much detail).

Just a thought--

My experience is slightly different. I started at an early age. To be exact when I was 19 years old. Why so young? Well I was a foreigner in a foreign land, I came to the States when I was 18 and did not understand the dating game, new no one and had to figure things out. So after a year of bursting in need of sex I cashed my first pay check from flipping burgers on campus, bought an LA xpress magazine, picked a phone number, took the bus to Hollywood and saw my first provider, a gorgeous latin chic who figured out my needs and gave me the time of my life. I purely lucked out, and never turned back.

It has been a blessing and a curse. After doing this for nearly 16 years I have had some memorable, wild, unbelievable experiences with incredibly beautiful women. Yes I have had my share of rip offs, but managed to avoid them by following some simple rules. The down side has been that I have lucked out on the youthful experience of madly falling in love, burned tones of money and missed out on the rituals of dating. Do I regret this? I don’t know. Would I do this all over again? Maybe. Would I ever leave this hobby? Only for the alternative of knowing of the experience of what it feels like to fall in love and be loved in return. But I am afraid as I get older, that the chances of that happening are diminishing. Well we all have to live the cards we have been dealt with. No regrets here. Thanks for the question.

Perfect balance of no more lies, no more promises and the gift is a lovely boundary!!

Of course,  now I'm in the dreaded land of monogamy, thrashing about with learning to deal with the ups and downs of love's simple pleasures and pains on a daily basis. UGGH and AHHH at the same time.

Sometimes I think I simply care too much.

Elise [email protected]

Due to my physical disability ( cerebal palsey ) i found it to be very difficult to find some one who would be willing to spend time with me.  Im 39 years old and have never had a girl friend.

I am able to walk, I hold a masters degree and work full time.
but i guess thats NOT enough.. In general i have found many people to be unaccepting of people with disabilitys.

THANK GOD FOR PROVIDERS !!!!

RAY

I had lived in a non-intimate marriage for over 10 years.  I was approaching 50 years old, and wondered if I'd ever experience a woman again.  Somehow I became aware of "escorts", but that was before the internet, and all those phone listings in the yellow pages were intimidating.  

A little over 4 years ago, I was surfing the net, and "escorts" popped into my mind.  I typed it into the search engine, and the rest is history.  Actually, I researched the subject for over 6 months before I got the nerve to try my hand.

It's been a life changing experience.  There have been some disappointments, but overall, I've met wonderful women, and some interesting fellow hobbyists.

tennis

i guess i was not getting laid. i was labeled the "harmless" guy friend by the women i knew and currently know. The type of guy in which women want to unburden their problems to. I would get complimentary comments like "why can't other guys be like you?" or "all guys are jerks, but you." of course, all these "other guys" were getting laid by these women and i went home to watch "skinamax".  so i said screw this (no pun intended) and started hobbying.

Was a 25 year old virgin. Maybe I was a bit older or younger -- I don't quite remember.

I was very frustrated.

I was too scared of women to take care of this problem "the natural way".  (And, my fraidy-cat ways were sometimes seen as misogny.)  

Got with a SW around 1988 (NYC) and got a blowjob.  I felt this huge weight lifted off of me.  

Fast-forward 8 years.  Had been seeing providers but not for full-service.  Was 33 years old and didn't want to die a virgin.  Way I was going I didn't see why I wouldn't; I rarely dated.

Next time I went to a provider; I got F/S.  I felt like I was inducted into some secret society.

In a few months, I will be 40 years old.  I still have not had "free sex".   Maybe I will; maybe I won't.   I date more now, but not a whole heck of a lot.

If you're married, it usually has to start with some justification you use to partake and still feel good about yourself.  For me, it was just one of those deals where things were "winding down" for my SO...  Things weren't good enough to propose an open relationship, but not bad enough to throw it out just because her interest was fading.  Coming up on 40 at the time, I just wasn't quite ready to hang up my spurs quite yet, but never really had any starting place and never gave it much thought.

The rest were coincidences...  I happened onto TER one day without looking for it.  Started reading, then joined...  Would never, ever have gotten into this were it not for TER.

Thought I'd give it ONE try, and thought I'd be really nervous.  Again by coincidence, I ended up seeing an amazing, compassionate provider.  Knowing I was a newbie, she called me up earlier the day of the meeting just to be sweet.  When I showed up, there were no code words like "get comfortable", no talk of donations, or anything else that required knowledge of the hobby.  She was so careful not to create any awkward moments.  The only thing she said when I walked in the door was "Nothing has to happen that isn't just the way you want it to, just hold me for a while and let's see where that takes us."  It started me on the road to a lot of really great experiences.  What an amazing trip this has turned out to be.

I was 26 and very very shy, I blushed when I talk to women (not just attractive women either), and couldn't even look at them in the eyes.  decided that I don't want to live like that anymore so I started seeing some providers that I thought would be nice to me.  That definitely helped my confidence, and women don't intimate me as much anymore.  It's been about 6 months since I started the hobby, but I'm thinking about staying away for a while.  It just seems like such a phoney world out here sometimes.  I want to try my luck in the civilian world now, doubt I'll have much luck, but I want to try.

Back in my twenties my girlfriend and I were traveling through Amsterdam. She had plans to meet her sister. So one night she and her sister went to a cafe and gave me $60 to go find a nice girl in a window to occupy myself with for an hour. Unfortunately it was my first time with a provider. I was very insecure and only ended up with a massage and hand release. It did get me over the resistance of visiting with lovely women of the night.

For me a very bad business year, people trying to steal my business' money.
A partner who has over the years slowly reduced her desire for sexual contacts, the last now some five months ago.

A convention to go to in Vegas, some prudent web investigations for things to do in the 'off times' at nights and then really stumbling upon "providers" just by chance.
I had not set out to go down the provider route being probably more inclined to go to a "gentlemans club" but just came across escorts almost by mistake.

I had an exceptional experience and enjoyed my week in Vegas (see elsewhere), I am now hooked, so much so that I am flying back before Christmas to enjoy the particular ladies company again which takes me back more years than I care to admit to.

Thank you, (you know who you are)for giving something to be excited about again

MI@M

being that I had been divorced and did not have anyone in my life to ease the need for personal contact( other wise known as SEX). I also had one of my sons( 18 mths old) who was very ill and I did not want worry about Corporate America all I wanted was to help my son get better and out of the hospital. It took 22 days for him to recover and then I had the opportunity to enter this biz. I could be a part-time stay home mom set my own schedule. It has been a wonderful 3 years and I do not regret or ever will anything about my decision to enter this biz. I have met the most amazing people, this biz has help me keep my sanity after all I am raising 4 children by myself and it can get a little crazy if I do not have some adult time.

kisses & licks......
Mara

I first entered the Hobby on vacation in Amsterdam,
I was young the $ was strong and I could go to the Yab Yum (The best of the best) and have two girls who looked ten times better than any super model you can imagine for $$$
I knew without becoming an ultra rich professional there is no way I could get a girl like that back home, let along 2 in my bed in 1 night.

I return NL about every 2 years.

Because of my NL experience, I tried a few providers in Vegas, although the cost was much higher, I was still away from home and couldn't really become a problem. This was my first experience crossing the LE line.

Recently I have tried 2 providers in my city, I am a bit worried about my local LE and that the hobby has become too easy
self control is not my strong point...

Why do I continue, because europeans are so damm irrestible
and I just rarely meet any that aren't already involved in a Long Term relation ship, so I have to pay to play...


MC

My first experience I was unbearably horny in Vegas, and spent $$$$ on something that wasn't worth 1/2 that. It did the job, though, and it was exhilerating.

The next was borderline mysogyny... I had broken up with a GF that really had done a number on me, and I just hated women. I picked up a whore off the street, brought her to a sleazy hotel and just used her. No talking, just hard, angry pounding. I feel bad about that now.

Maybe a year after that, I became an actual "hobbyist". Match.com was setting me back about $30/month, and I was dating useless chicks to the tune of $500-$1,000 month.

Enough of the BS, I thought. There's a way I can get laid 5x/month for those prices.

I guess there's probably still a bit of mysogyny in why I do it, but it's personal mysogyny in my mind only. I actually enjoy my time with providers, and I treat them well and am very respectful of them. That I don't respect regular chicks is the mysogynistic manifestation.