and the connection so strong that you are pretty sure you won't likely match it anytime soon?

Do you semi-retire and only see the new "ATF"?

Do you keep on trucking as usual assuming it was just another "business as usual" for the provider and it will fade?

Do you step up the new provider chase to try to go over the top again?

And providers- what would you want the hobbyist who experienced that with you to do?

After only having sex with my wife for 24 years - then go two years with no sex - I hobbied for the first time.

I met a lady that completely rocked me and I freaked.  She knows who she is (hint: her hair is NOT blonde) and I've actually been afraid to see her.  

That may sound weenie to you guys but I wasn't ready for what being with her did to me emotionally.  Will I go back?  Yes, eventually I have too.  But I'm intimidated by her.

OK, call me a pussy.

Channelguy, you need to see a movie called defending your Life..It stars Albert Brooks & Meryl Streep..Its an old movie..THe key to the movie plot was fear & how folks dealt with it when they were alive on earth..

In short..you need to face your fear & overcome it so you can move on to the next galaxy.

lol, somewhat similar experience when I first started- married 24 years monogamously, no sex for last four years, started hobbying.  No major panic first good experience, but to keep from being a foolish "teenager in love" I exercised option #3- saw as many providers as I could as fast as I could!

However, what generated this post is most recent visit was so amazing- not the "teenager in love" deal, just a really great experience unlikely to be repeatable by others for now!  Not that most of the awesome ladies I've seen aren't awesome and not that there aren't more awesome ones out there- just that this one really rocked my boat!

-- Modified on 12/10/2007 9:37:00 PM

Your over the top once in a lifetime experience may leave the hobby tomorrow and then where will you be?
If you are seeing a great lady and having a good time with her I would say continue to do so. Isn't that what paying for sex is all about? Remember, you are paying for sex. Nothing more and nothing less. If you start trying to attach any more significance to her affections than her simply doing a good job and wanting your return business you are going to be in for a huge let-down sooner or later. Enjoy the hobby for what it is, weather you see only one lady regularly or two or three a month.

As far as what any provider would want you to do I think you will find the answer is easy. Keep coming back and spending your money, be respectful of her, and don't cause any drama.

... wrote a review that became a classic. I only saw her one more time after that.

If it's who I think it is, I can completely relate...second time was better than the first, and I'm starting to feel the same way you are...but I'm not going to let it stop me...

If it's not who I think it is, then I can still relate, but in a different way lol

Now on to your poser. I only started in this hobby 2 months ago. I have had only 2 appointments, both with the same provider. I had such a great time the first time that I went back to her. I will be having another multi-hour date with her again this month.

I thought a long time about this and came up with this as a solution for myself. I will continue to see my ATF (call her #1) until I feel I may be getting "too close" with my emotions for her. Then I will find #2 and maybe #3 to take a break from #1. I expect I will hobby once a month so seeing #1 about 6-8 times a year and mixing in #2 and/or #3 the other times should keep me well adjusted (I hope).

b-

that amazing experiences are just "business as usual" for us? Amazing experiences are rare for both parties. That's what makes them amazing.

And to answer your question from the other side of the aisle, I tend to go out of my way to make time for a Man who wows me. In fact, I don't have time for any other type.

I've had enough mediocre experiences to truly appreciate the amazing ladies who deliver an amazing time. What is important though is to keep perspective and remember that an envelope full of cash is what got the both of us into the room together. If you keep that in perspective then you can let loose and truly enjoy what a great lady has to offer.
I'm being spoiled rotten by a couple of truly great ladies right now. I can honestly say that the only time I really think about the money is when I go to the bank to withdraw the cash.

I can agree a "Wow" time can happen for everyone involved. But it is just a little harder to determine that it happened with the provider also because that is how she is "supposed" to act. Not saying it doesn't happen, just saying it is harder to recognize.

For your last statement you said you go out of your way to make time for a man who wows you, then you say you don't have time for any other type. So basically the only guys you see are the "wow" type guys. To paraphrase that great movie "The Incredibles" - "Once everyone is special, then no one will be".

Just a little tease, I know the gist of what you were saying.

b-

Every member should have the ability to post one number 11.  Not muliple number 11s, just one.  Possibly be allowed to move that 11 around as needed, when a new find leap frogs the current champ.  That would truely reflect "once in a lifetime" a little better.  Or leave "once in a lifetime" to number 10 and call 11 "uber poonage" or "spinal tap volume".  Then we can compare lady looks or performance in terms of the number of 11s they have, or their uber poonage score.

I have several clients with whom I have had totally rocking, over-the-top, mind-blowing experiences. As I said goodbye to them, still panting, I could hardly wait until they returned.

It's a frustrating mystery to me why some never came back.

I'm not the type who usually has guys "fall in love" with me-- I'm sexy and giving, but it's clear that I'm not available for anything more. So I don't think an untoward emotional attachment explains it.

When you're paying, presumably, for a mind-blowing time, why wouldn't you want to repeat? Some of my 10/10 reviews came from just such sessions--- but even those hobbyists haven't always become regulars.

My escort girlfriends and I have talked about this phenomenon many times-- so I know I'm not alone.

Boys-- if we REALLY rock your world, reward us with repeat visits!!!! You wouldn't want us to cry ourselves to sleep!  

having the degree of intensity... or living up to my expectations... and that was over 4 years ago...

That some will avoid the greatest pleasures for fear of not being able to cope with it.

Fortunately, I've never had a problem coping, my vice, if you call it that, is over-indulgence.

When next in Chicago, I hope we can re-capture that face of ecstasy... LOL Safe Travels Tabu.

at least from a hobby perspective is that you have nothing to compare. I probably had great experiences the first 8 of 10 times and it freaked me out a bit until I realized that these ladies specialize in bringing that NSA pleasure... one of my ATFs, now retired, had such a special touch and way and I can't remember getting and remaining as stiff with any other woman... That's hard to top and what I've learned is that one cannot have complete control over who we see and how they will perform, because it's not entirely possible to find perfection, no matter how hard you try. So we must learn to strike comprises with ourselves and not be too much in a hurry to find the next and the next... Oh, I know, many of us do try and it's a fool's gold in a way...Rather, we should you should strive for excellence over a sustained period, as opposed to judging that each experience must be excellent.

Finally, it's been rare that a provider is emotionally available and the majority of us are not either so it's unlikely that you can do anything about should either of you want to do anything about that mind blowing experience... no?

-- Modified on 12/11/2007 6:38:05 AM

You said it, ITgirl.  I'm glad a provider finally stepped up and said this.

I agree with some of the other men, that it's harder for the guy to know when the other party has had an amazing experience as well.  I've had someone who's rocked my boat as well, but it was on many fronts, not just physical.  I think we can all agree that this is usually what is surprising and amazing at the same time.

What I think is more difficult is nurturing it, but keeping it within the boundaries that both have set.  I think this can scare some people, that they don't know what to do with it when it happens.

For me, my ATF shows me it's not "business as usual" in different ways.  I'm very confident that the wow factor goes both ways.  But, we're also careful to keep it in perspective.  But when we have our time....WOW, what a time it is.  And we're not afraid to tell one another about it!

Each time, I saw only those providers a couple of more times before I started looking around again.  Of course I hope to have that kind of experience every time, but realistically that can't happen, but do this long enough and you'll meet quite a few ladies who can hit it out of the ballpark.  

After about the third session with the providers above, a certain feeling of routine began to set in [on both our parts], and I wanted to see others.  Both above providers have different styles, personalities and body types, and I enjoyed each immensely, but there's only so much that can be physically done.  I still see them today, but now I intersperse my time with them with other providers.

I consider them my "safeties."  If I ever feel like I don't want to roll the dice, and want to see someone that I know will be awesome, I call one of them.

Many of us are in the hobby for quality AND quantity.  It's not always about having the best experience but for many, it's about having a wide variety of great ones.  Now that you've found HER, count yourself lucky; you can move on, knowing that she and others like her are out there.

I wasn't going to post a response, but you repeated your post on your blog, so I assume you have more than a passing interest in the discussion.

ITgirl asked "Why do most guys assume that amazing experiences are just 'business as usual' for us?"

Tabu echoed: "I could hardly wait until they returned."

Response: How is a guy to know that it was great for the gal? How can he differentiate real from memorex?

I pick ladies that have a reputation of providing a good time. During our time together, I get pleasure out of pleasing the lady. So, how can a guy tell when the lady is being "nice" vs. "she really had an awesome time"? Part of the entire mystique of the better ladies is making the guys feel "I forgot it was a date". We are paying for your time, and if we were a decent date, why would you not like to see us again?

By the same token, if the guy had a great time, what difference does the lady's true feelings make? For me, I like the GFE experience. If I could really know that the lady enjoyed our time together, that would make a difference to me. It would be nice to see a lady on a regular basis and have an underlying friendship relationship, not just a business one. This presumes that if she "could hardly wait until he returned" implies she is willing to be more open in the relationship. Nothing untoward, just more than a business relationship.

Also, some guys don't go back because they hobby for the variety. That is their M.O.

do whatever makes you happiest!  This is your fantasy world and you should make the most of it.  I think that if you wanted to stick to one girl, then you would feel that.  And if you wanted variety then go for it.  I for one like returning lovers, so we can make a great connection.  It takes a little time to figure out, just what makes to other tick.  Just my thoughts have a great day!

if you want to call it that, is that I go back and start having longer and longer appointments.  Then I have to stop and remind myself that I'm missing out on some other great ladies and I end up sprinkling some of them in between and maybe not seeing my ATF as much.  But I still save room for my ATF on the schedule for as long as I can afford when I see her.  In that sense, I guess you could say she gets rewarded for doing a great job, but our connection is such that we could spend 4 hours together and it seems like 20 minutes, and I'm fairly sure it's not faked after all this time.

I have wondered the same thing a few times.

I have had a few excellent experiences in my time as a hobbyist.  A couple with the same woman.  Each time the lady has stated, in some fashion, that she had a great time as well.  But, here is the problem, I know that I am paying them to make me feel special so how can I discern the truth in the fiction?

Being realistic, each time I have assumed that it is part of the "show" that I have paid to participate in.  This kind of reaction, for me, is a little bit like wearing a condom on my emotions.  I feel like it is a slightly disconcerting, but necessary "protection" used in the hobby.

That said, it would be more deeply satisfying to know that there had really been a more complete connection than customer-provider.  It may happen, but I'm not holding my breath.

You say that it's CLEAR that you aren't available for anything more.  Perhaps that's viewed as great sex with a lovely lady that isn't interested in me.

The lady that rocked my world made me feel like she was ready to quit escorting when I left my wife, so that we could live happily ever after.  I knew that wasn't real, but that's how she leaves her clients, or maybe just the ones that she connects with.  The flip side is that she probably deals with guys falling in luuuuuuuuv.

...to tell if a provider is being sincere or just stroking your ego when she compliments you on how great a time she had, or how much she likes spending time with you.   I try to take it at face value but it's hard not to wonder if they are really saying that.   You realize you are paying them and they want to make you feel special, but at the same time why would they go through the trouble of saying some things that would not need to be said if they really didn't mean it?

Actually, I really don't assume that any more- I've been exceedingly lucky or exceedingly rewarded by careful pre-visit research to have had a run of visits with particularly "real" and sincere ladies, and have been blessed with a couple of 'friendships' within the the protective boundaries.  

After a few experiences, I've found you can pretty much tell whether a particularly good provider is particularly good but just business, or is in to the session as well.

But as a couple have said- how often can you know if an experience was truly amazing to the provider?  The necessary protective boundary is almost always there, and of course really does need to be for obvious reasons.  When you "float" away from a truly amazing experience, you almost have to assume "business as usual" to keep from being a fool afterwards!

-- Modified on 12/11/2007 10:33:56 AM

I've mentioned in the past that I don't hobby while in a relationship. So awhile back I'd been seeing a woman very seriously for a number of years. To make a difficult story short she kicked me to the curb. So for a number of months I pretty much pulled up the draw bridge and didn't see anyone. Eventually I started hobbying again. I'd seen several providers and had the excellent luck that each was a great experience. So a new lady comes to town and I book her the first afternoon she is in town. She'd never been here before. So is a stranger in town an perhaps feeling a touch ill at ease.

  So we get together and during the getting to know you phase of the meeting, she hears about my previous civilian relationship. Things progress and we have a "knock your socks off time". She ends up curled up against me with me stroking her back until she falls asleep. So she gets a nice if somewhat brief nap. When I wake her, she looks at me with a huge smile and laughs and says, referring to my former girl friend, "that girl is just plain crazy".

  In that instance I think it fair to say that she had a pretty good time. Oh and I did see her again several times.

-J


-- Modified on 12/11/2007 12:13:53 PM

and both are fraught with peril and potential heartache.  The issue of "falling" for a provider has been discussed and re-discussed until all possible permutations have been laid out, but there remains no clearly satisfactory answer.

My first date was not so "over the top" that subsequent dates with the same or other ladies caused me trepidation but there is one lady, one great lady, whom I've seen half a dozen times that I can't bring myself to go back to see because she evokes such strong reactions in me.  I'm very well controlled emotionally but I'm very afraid I could lose my composure with this one lady and the only way I can deal with those feelings is to wall the lady off.  I wish there were another way.

I've pretty much worked through any illusions of "falling in love" in hobbying-  What I am talking about in this post is just an awesome experience and awesome connection at least on my end that makes me wonder "why see anyone else for now?".

But tons of great points have been made- one of the great things about this discussion board!

For clients this is a paid fantasy experience.  When the fantasy becomes reality even for the briefest time, be grateful.  This was after all your original objective.  

Do not put yourself in the position wondering if the other person enjoyed the experience at the same level.  Doing that would be too close to emulating real life where lies, deceit, and pain are all too common.

I agree, "over the top" is intangible, much more than looks and performance, and undoubtedly a very individual thing, not the same for every person.

In fact, would it not be entirely different even with a "new" over the top as the individual would be different and thus the experience would be different.

At least for me- it is chemistry and connection both happening simultaneously with someone where everything hit right- touch, smell, temperature, temperment, intellectual stimulation, and both of us intuitively knowing exactly how and where to touch, make sparks fly, intensely enjoying each other's response.  And where the experience ends up being timeless- hours flowing by without even noticing!  Sound over the top?

-- Modified on 12/11/2007 1:51:41 PM

-- Modified on 12/11/2007 2:00:50 PM

I felt such a connection due to not only the way she treated me, but our common backgrounds and experiences. She stated she felt a real connection, but being my first time, I didn't know if that was real or just a line. After leaving, I found myself thinking more about her then the specific acts we engaged in.

So I decided not to see her again right away to keep it all in perspective. I only see her once every two months, but its still so hard to say goodbye each time. I haven't seen anyone else in between who has made that kind of impact, and I've never repeated with any of the others. But I'm still leery of seeing my ATF too frequently.

I mean isn't that the whole point anyway?  If you don't want to see anyone else, don't.  If you do, do.  In any event, just have a good time and be respectful of everyone you meet.

Same here.

Goldenbear22 pretty much encapsulated the phenomena in the above post.

There is a spontenaity (sp?)that simply cant be qualified. There is a flow between the two of you that is completly malifluous. Time just travels as in a time machine. The intensity of the situation , while intuitvely understood between the two of you, cannot be described.Everyting is in compete synchronization.

It is like an inferno between the two of you

Some ladies perhaps have the same fear when they encounter this for themselves. They perfer to stay away so as not to cross the line. This has to be understood & not countered with any drama.

Yeah its what every guy wants and it just evens the playing field because you dont have to stress for years about not getting laid and every woman has a price whether its 3 dates and having to meet her stupid friends etc. You add it all up and hobbying eliminates having to buy a Porsche and buy a bunch of crap to attract oprahfied no cooking gold diggers who will end up draining your bank account if you marry them. Greg Norman had to shell out 150 million to his skank ex wife, can you imagine any pussy being worth 10 million let alone 150 million ? Glad there are guys wiling to marry because it makes no sense to me.

I think that the reason they don't come back was because there was more than just great sex and a fun time.  Sometimes people feel connected...I don't think most hobbyists want to feel connected.  They want a good time.

If feeling connected is what they wanted they would be looking to have an affair.  Perhaps they are just afraid of what they felt???

Just my $0.02 worth.  And remember, free advice is worth what you paid for it!

I have been seeing providers for about a year both in the states and Europe (because of the YMMV thing I only post really positive or a negative experience, the in betweeners I tend to keep to myself)...

So I see a well reviewed lady for the first time (let's call her Betty for now) and I am left speechless.  This was a first for me, it was more than the physical but a connection that I have never, ever felt before.  With anyone at any time.  So I just assume that Betty was "good at her job" and try to move on.  

But I can't...I book another session after a few weeks of an emotional wrestling match that I was loosing.  When I return, she tells me almost immediately that I am her ATF and that she hoped I would come back and over the next few hours tells me  she has never felt connected to a client before.

Then she asks if she can see me outside of the hobby, "you'll never pay for me again".  So the conflict grows, I am not married but do have a girlfriend that I have been with for a significant while.

The times I have spent with Betty have been some of the most emotionally moving experiences of my life and I am both ecstatic and miserable.

She knows about my situation and said she would like to see me anyway.  She said she take a day a week off to accomodate my schedule.

People, can I get a dose of reality from both the ladies and gents.  Anybody ever transitioned into a relationship with a provider?  Am I as crazy as I think I am to even consider this?  

Every nuance about this woman intrigues me.  Physically she is my ideal of perfection but it is so much more than that.

I feel lost and adrift....

But that's exactly what happened on my second session ever. I visited several other ladies and had wonderful times, but eventually began to see only my ATF. Thankfully, each meeting was more specialer than the last.

It's a good question but so far down on the first page that no one will read it.