"At one's best" with one being respectful and well-groomed. I endeavor to do so anytime I'm with others. I can't think of a time, in the last 10 years, where I've tried to impress someone. If s/he is interested in me and what I do, I may tell her/her, and they determine whether they find anything to be impressed about, about me. You'd be surprised by how many people are impressed with true humility.
I stumbled across an article which posed an interesting question which I had to ask here: do men try to impress women when they are paying for their time?
I'm curious to see what all your boys have to say... Do companions get to meet you when you are your most charming and charismatic selves?
I belong in the evolutionarily novel camp! It's also a test to find out if the woman, albeit an escort, has any degree of sophistication about her. The ones who turned out to be a mere "Ho", never got a second look
But I do that with most of my casual social engagements. Since I don't spend a lot of my day to day time with some people, they tend to see my better side.
I want my time spent with a companion to be as enjoyable as possible, and I learned long ago that this really starts with me. If I am open, comfy, friendly right off the bat, it enourages my companion to be also. If she doesn't respond to that, then it's not a good fit and I'll move on in the future.
by your post it sounds as though you feel we deserve less than a person you are NOT paying. Less respect less personality less human kindness...
is this how you treat other ppl you pay, like your barber the check out girl at the grocery store your server in the restaurant you like, your bartender, machanic, your lawrer banker and so on and so on.
I don't think so!
I say be on your best behavior, respectful as with anyone else or go else where.
I am not paid to put up with your crap, I am paid for my time. The Gentlemen I see pay me for my time, are nice interesting and respectful, or thats the last time I see them. They are not trying to impress me they arejust being themselves.
I THINK your answer is "no", based on the last statement in your post.
In other words, from your post I take it that you mean "be the best YOU"---in my mind the basics (clean, respectful, with a properly stuffed envelope) should be a common "set of denominators" among everyone in this community.
To the OP's point, I'm a realist; based on the likely cross-section of gents a woman has seen, I'm probably not going to push a lady's "impression level" higher than she's already experienced. But based on factors I can control, yes, a lady I see will see the REAL ME, on my squeaky-cleanest, best behavior (until a mutual read invites an erosion in decorum)
That said, she's also going to have to be comfortable with the REAL ME, the simple, backwater country boy whose jeans & polo wardrobe won't be sacrificed to try to impress.
I've met a couple ladies whom I felt regarded me as their cultural or intellectual junior....ONCE.
We expect the women that we see to be at their best...why shouldn't they expect the same in return? The fact that $ are in play changes nothing, since that would be a factor in a civvie setting as well. Regardless of whether the woman is being compensated directly (hobby) or not (civvie), the simple fact is that the woman expects you to treat her with respect, and that means being at your best, i.e., clean, shaved, groomed, and to act like and be a gentleman.
Many of the questions in the article are superficial, and barely scratch the surface. The researcher has a lot more work to do before reaching any definitive conclusions, though there seems to be the usual bias against the hobby from the onset...
I think that the mistake in that article is the assumption that there is a fine line between sex strictly for pay, and sex for something else.
I believe there is a continuum between the two so called poles of sex strictly for pay and sex for (for want of a better term) emotional/personal reasons.
A man's behavior towards a woman could be seen as a form of tribute, or payment of a type, if that behavior is courteous.
Many marriages are formed in whole or part of expectations of rewards from one partner to the other.
As such, the male is wired to use all his resources to attract a female, and chivalry is just one. Of course an envelope can become another with certain plusses of convenience and lack of any misunderstanding.
This might be an interesting thread to send to The Love Goddess for her take on this.
That all females are bought and everyone woman is a hooker
Yes, I think you make a great point... most women do like to be treated a certain way (wined and dined, treated like a princess) and BOY do you really pay if typical women think you have messed up. This can be construed as a payment of sorts. Many people also enter into long-term relationships/marriages hoping to gain something from the arrangement.
Luckily for you boys, I'm not one to play games... and I this is why I will stick to the "convenient" method of wooing me. I'm much happier being that woman that will GLADLY cook you dinner naked (except for a pair of VERY high heels)
I stumbled across an article which posed an interesting question which I had to ask here: do men try to impress women when they are paying for their time?
I'm curious to see what all your boys have to say... Do companions get to meet you when you are your most charming and charismatic selves?
Inquiring minds would love to know
To quote from the article " If prostitution is evolutionarily familiar, then men’s brain should be able to recognize prostitutes and to treat them differently from “ordinary” women, whom they do have to impress if they want to have sex with them. In other words, there should be an evolved “hooker module” in the brain."
I treat providers as people first, the P4P is a transaction, like many others. I pay a woman to cut my hair, I try to impress a little. It just anyone's public face.
Men try to impress women under all circumstances...at least we start out that way, when we're still under the false impression that they can actually be understood, or ever be wholly contented by anything WE do.
And often the harder we try, the more we fail at it. Because as it turns out, guessing what moves a chick at any given moment is like guessing what your next roll of the dice will be - odds are on 6-7-8 but you never really know...and nobody wins with any consistency.
Once a guy comes to that realization, I don't see how he could possibly give a shit about trying to impress them any more - a useless excersize in futility.
Since there is no proven formula to appeal to the ephemeral whims of the female gender, I say just go with the basics; stay clean and sharp, speak your true intentions while maintaining eye contact so they know you mean what the fuck you say, listen and pay attention, never take yourself seriously, and ALWAYS have at least one thing in your life that matters more than pussy (difficult, I know). Any reasonably well rounded human being shouldn't have to make a conscious effort to do any of those things. And if it's not a conscious effort, then it isn't trying to impress.
So basically, assuming you're not a total douche, you just do you, and they either dig it or they don't. Fuck it. When things are kept in perspective - meaning there will be a thousand more chances to make an impression on somebody else, it's easy to not care about the outcome with any particular person. No reason to break a sweat (unless it goes well).
So my highly unscientific theory is - if YOU are impressed, he's probably not trying. If not, he's probably working his ass off; be merciful.
So he should forget to open doors for me, tell me I take too long to get ready and repeatedly ask if he can put it in my backdoor "just this one time, baby"?
Male-female interaction has been part of our evolution since we evolved from bacterial ooze and progressed to sexual reproduction. On the other hand, a great many people of the world never touched money until as little as a few hundred years ago. The Whiskey Rebellion in the U.S. occurred, in part, because it required people to use currency in order to pay taxes when they had traditionally simply bartered.
In essence, I do not believe that handing over an envelope changes the intrinsic and evolved male-female interactions and tendencies. A couple hundred years of exposure doesn't cancel millions of years of evolution.
This is why you see hobbyists react so horribly to revelations that providers often find them unspeakably unattractive. Sorry, it IS personal; just like anything else pertaining to sex. It's why, on the one occasion where I walked into a provider's incall and found her so unattractive (and smelly, sorry) there was no way I could imagine sex with her; leaving the envelope behind was little consolation because as kind as I was, she knew she had been rejected.
As brave a face as providers and hobbyists may adopt; the envelope doesn't make it less personal. Rejection is still rejection, the feelings involved can be very real, and the consequences can certainly be real. About the only thing the envelope accomplishes psychologically for me is it gives me broad license to believe anything positive a provider might say about me is false thereby rendering me relatively (though not absolutely) immune to "fallen and can't get up" syndrome.
Because sex is intrinsically personal and the envelope doesn't change that; I don't even bother trying to treat providers any differently than I would a civie. I choose providers specifically because I like them as people and apply the same criteria as if I were choosing a woman for a civie date. I like and admire them genuinely, and simply can't imagine treating them differently than I would a civie.
In essence, then, I treat a provider exactly as I would treat a civie girl; the only exception being that with my envelope I have purchased her discretion, a certain level of immunity to seduction (because the envelope creates a credibility gap for the woman), and she has likewise agreed not to become a stalker. (I have had troubles with civie girls stalking me. There is STILL a civie woman stalking me that all I ever did was kiss her once 11 years ago. Arrgghhh!)
So, no, I don't specifically attempt to impress providers in any unique way. But, yes, I DO treat them just like civie women and therefore try to make my best impression.
This is especially the case given my approach to hobbying in which I emphasize seeing the same women repeatedly and try to make seeing not-before-seen women by far the exception rather than the rule. To a certain extent, then, there is often some form of (non-romantic) relationship between myself and providers that I see. Sometimes, they become very good friends indeed, with friendships that extend well beyond their retirement from providing. So, obviously, I make my best impression just as I would a civie woman because quite often (though not always) the (non sexual aspect of the) relationship ends up civie.
No wonder you have so many stalkers, you sound like quite the gent!
Good thing you haven't met me, because I would probably fall in love with you
I can guarantee that you probably get treated like gold by the ladies you see. We can always appreciate someone who is open, honest and a gentleman. So many of us actually invest a lot of ourselves into the time you have booked with us. Because, really, what's the fun in just going through the motions? Those gentlemen that appreciate what we give of ourselves and how genuinely we DO care about you gents (and your happiness!) will always be favorites of the ladies.
It's a mixed bag i've had many brag about stuff they had, houses, new job, raise this and that (i know when it's sharing and just carrying on) and there are some who are like i paid let's see what you got. Just because some pay means they don't act like some men do and try to impress a WOMAN.... come oooonnn lol.
Posted By: KCinOC
I stumbled across an article which posed an interesting question which I had to ask here: do men try to impress women when they are paying for their time?
I'm curious to see what all your boys have to say... Do companions get to meet you when you are your most charming and charismatic selves?
very cool question here. In the answers so far, some gents feel that simply being well mannered is too much. Others see their sessions as a complicated give and take, where service is required, but is only a small part of making the session successful.
For me, I try to be polite to everyone to a fault and i'm insecure enough to hope i impress anyone -- president, lady, mail man, dogcatcher. But once that little head takes over as a session progresses, the playing field is completely level, and I fall more to the "give and take" side of things. If the lady tunes out, the session is toast. After that, I could care less if she's impressed because she clearly couldn't care less herself.
the real truth is, everyone puts on, and takes off, their pants one leg at a time. This hobby tells more truth about men and women almost because the envelope is there, not despite it.
Without the razzle-dazzle of worrying about "Does she like me?", etc. that comes with the usual romantic involvement; the rest of the real world comes into clear focus, for better or worse.
"At one's best" with one being respectful and well-groomed. I endeavor to do so anytime I'm with others. I can't think of a time, in the last 10 years, where I've tried to impress someone. If s/he is interested in me and what I do, I may tell her/her, and they determine whether they find anything to be impressed about, about me. You'd be surprised by how many people are impressed with true humility.
Of course we all try to impress ladies, starting by trying to convince them that 4 inches is 12 inches, and it goes on from there.
The article is idiotic, by the way. Positing an evolutionary hooker reaction and that, absent that, it proves that the results with the monkey are not true or reflective of humans? Double speak, and what I most dislike about a lot of the soft, social sciences.
As for impressing ladies, I think there are guys who try to impress everyone, and guys who do not. If you are a guy who tries to impress people, you are going to try to impress a lady; if that is not your style, then you will not do it here either.
Reading the posts, I think there is some confusion between trying to impress and treating nicely - I definitely do the latter, but I do not think I engage in the former, though some may think I try to impress...
If you mean do I treat her with courtesy and respect the same as I do with any woman I meet the answer would be yes. If you mean do I lie about how much money I make or brag about what a great lover I am the answer would be no. There's really no reason to.
I think alot of the "trying to impress" is related to a maturity level and self-esteem issue. I can think back, at least a few years ago when I was a tad more impressionable, I would feel compelled to try and show people how "smart" I was, or how much money I made, or how much crap I have accumulated. However, as the years have rolled on many of those insecurities have evaporated as my own confidence increased. I learned that I may not be the smartest guy on the block, but I am humble in accepting accolades on work that I now produce. As I learned that people would accept me for who I am (with all of my imperfections), I felt more and more comfortable in my own skin.
Had I been in this "hobby" twenty (or thirty) years ago I might have a different approach when I would see a lady. That being from a less confident (hence a less mature) man. Today however, I treat (at least to the best of my abilities) all people with the respect they earn. And I do mean earn. I assume upon meeting a lady here that she is hard working and respectful of me. In most cases this has been the case (and I think each of us has met the lady that would not have earned my respect..or yours). But most of us (on both sides of the envelope) here are truly hard working and honest (within the contexts of this hobby). I have not felt in the least I need to try and impress her, or anyone else that I have befriended here.
Could be that as many of the ladies don't want to see guys under 30 or 40 (whatever their age limitations might be), I can understand as I can look back at myself at those ages and I can see that my "attitude" might have been a bit much for a lady to digest.
I like it when guys try to impress me. If they do and they are a little short one week I might lower my rate just for them I like it when they impress me with their intellect and charm rather than a "I own a brand new Lexus with leather inside" I mean material things are cheezy to try to impress me with.
I hate when guys try to impress you with "I'd like to meet you every week" or "I'm going to be your regular" then after 1 time of meeting you never hear from them again. (and there's NO WAY they didn't have fun)
besides, when I hire girls younger than my daughter, who are about 1/3 my age (but LEGAL!!!!) I understand there is NO WAY I or any fellow my age could impress them.
Except with the fact that I can blow the kind of money on them that their unemployed loser boyfriend has never even seen.
Once again folks, the moment you contact her, the moment you pay, you are automatically stereotyped as "the guy who sucks with hot women, who needs to pay to get laid by them". It's such common sense. Unfortunately though, there are guys out there who have good game and are good with women, who automatically get lumped into this stereotype, and no amount of "impressing" is going to change her mind about you.
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