I am not fond of men who speak badly of their wives or SOs. Complaining re the marriage is one thing, but being derogatory about her to a complete stranger speaks volumes about a person.
Also, I never go there (discuss marriage or relationship status) unless he brings it up or has made an obvious segue. It's none of my business.Do you guys tell your provider that you're married? I find myself lying to them that I'm single even though I'd rather tell the truth. I think I'm afraid she'll look down on me as cheating scum (which I pretty much am, I admit...). Also maybe a part of me wants to maintain the illusion that we're actually on a legit date.
What about you, providers? Do you look down on the married ones?
Perhaps you just need to reach a point in your life where you accept what/who you are.
Yes I know I am cheating (as defined by current American social mores - which I don't particularly agree with). Am I "scum" as you say? I am not. I am an average male with a slightly above average sex drive who is unwilling to live his life without the companionship of a woman in bed. Many of the ladies I have been with tell me I am "a nice guy" Perhaps I am unusual in that I am not here for an illusion.
I will not pretend to speak for the providers, but my opinion is that if they do look down on married clients they don't dare show it for fear of losing 70% of their business.
JB
Yeah I threw around the word "scum" a little loosely...I don't really see myself that way either. Cheater? Yes. Scum? Nah. Just an insatiable appetite for the ladies =)
The first time I saw two girls in NV, I was still married, but on my way to divorce. I told them.
If I hadn't been going to divorce, I wouldn't have seen a provider.
That way they don't have to worry about you getting all doe-eyed for them and making trouble.
But they know the majority of us are married (I'm divorced, by the way, but have an SO who knows what I do.)
I don't bring up the subject, but if they do (Most do.), then I tell them.
From what I've heard from many providers...married men are preferred as they are less likely to get attached and/or become the stalker type looking for a girlfriend.
Most providers are used to seeing married men. Most providers would go out of business if they stopped seeing married men. Most couldn't care less and many are even delighted to think that they may be filling some kind of void, or helping to keep your marriage together. Any provider that would look down on you or get offended hasn't been in the biz long and won't last.
What about you, providers? Do you look down on the married ones?
You definitely aren't the first married man she has seen, I can promise you that. She doesn't look down on you, and if she does she hasn't been in this business very long. 
I love married men for the reasons mentioned- if they have a life outside of this then they know how to play within the requisite boundaries, and they can be soooo much fun. Like a trampoline with safety netting!!
Unmarried men are also fun.
Couples are fun too!!
My views on marriage diverge from the norm quite significantly; I think most married people can be hapless victims of a repressive but accepted dogma. So no judgment from me
I am not fond of men who speak badly of their wives or SOs. Complaining re the marriage is one thing, but being derogatory about her to a complete stranger speaks volumes about a person.
Also, I never go there (discuss marriage or relationship status) unless he brings it up or has made an obvious segue. It's none of my business.
Oh definitely. I would never speak bad of my wife. I really do love her. Unfortunately, I just a have a lot of love to give =)
Also, I appreciate that you don't bring up the subject yourself. Sometimes it just comes up naturally though and I found myself having difficulty addressing it.
most of the gents I see (who speak about their SOs) have nothing but wonderful things to say about them. I really love that. Like I said- a trampoline with safety netting! 
Too bad society hasn't caught on to the fact that humans are just not meant to be monogamous. As a matter of fact, there is not one of the ten commandments that a human can ever keep all the time. Even the thou shalt not kill one: we all eat living things (even carrots are alive). So those commandments are a very effective means of social control. Guilt is a powerful tool.
Actually, men are not wired to be monogamous. They've been wired since the beginning to seek multiple partners, be violent, rob, pillage and otherwise inconvenience folks. Marriage was designed as a means to civilize men. I forget which philosopher said that. I think it was either Nietzsche or Cliff Clavin.
You could tell her if you feel like being honest with your answer. Is it necessary to, no. You could avoid the discussion altogether if you rather no talk about your personal life. There is no need to lie about it though. Some you can tell by the ring on their finger while others will take it off for their own personal reasons. I personally don't look down on them as I don't see it as a bad thing for guys to go out, and live a little. In fact, most times it spices up their marriage. I think I have more respect for the ones that see providers than those that go out seeking regular relationships while being married due to the connection involved unless they have an open marriage.
Been around providers for a while now, and honestly for the most part what they think is
Is this a decent guy who is not going to f**k me up physically?
Is he clean and respectful (to me)?
Will he pay my requested honorarium with a minimum of hastle (ie will he provide the funds in the manner I specify)?
Has he, will he be, discreet in our dealings?
Is he disease free? (in addition to stds, this includes cold, flu, strep, staph, other communicable diseases of the viral or bacterial ilk)
Is he on drugs, or drunk to the point of no return, thereby drama prone?
Will he become an obsessed stalker? (like moi!)
Is he an obsessed stalker?
Is he a "drama queen?" (Guys who get there with excuses as to why they are 5 hours late, guys who have excuses as to why they are providing your fee, in cartons of quarters instead of the usual pile of $20s)?
Notice, the ABSENCE of "is he married?" on this list. Dude, it is NOT a date, no matter how much you want it to be, it ain't! I have many theories about the hobby, but one is it is a far more honest male/female relationship than in many "Civie" relationships, and divorce stats would tend to support that statement
I don't pass judgement on people who are seeing people outside of their marriage. I know that the fact that they (usually) haven't gained the approval of their spouse is problematic, but I think that in a lot of cases it can ease the stress that would otherwise be placed on the relationship.
One provider, after pulling off the condom and cleaning me up, straight up asked "So are you married?" I don't mind being honest, and I kinda like the direct approach. Most don't seem to want to bring it up, a couple have almost seemed disappointed when I mention the OL. I don't bring it up unless they ask, I'll even fudge some details in my life during the conversation to hide the SO (like how you maintain the illusion of the date!)
I'm sure a lot of guys like to use these sessions to vent their frustrations, particularly with their wives, and the providers sit through it and give the head nods and "aw I'm sorry" responses to make them feel better. I'm there for one reason, and it's not to use them as a makeshift shrink. Plus I'd bet they're sick of hearing every guy bitching about the women they married. I hate when people come by my office to gripe about the choices they made in their lives, I'm not about to put that on someone else.
I figure there is no reason to hide anything. So I just leave my ring on. Both Providers I've seen mentioned it...casually asked why I'm there with them if I'm married. Not in a condescending or judgemental way though...just curious. I had no problem answering, but kept it short. I assume Providers get a fair amount of guys bitching about their awful SO's...I'm not going to be that guy. Plus it wouldn't be the truth.
... whatever it is, if it comes up just tell the truth. She'll appreciate it and you won't feel like cheating scum AND lying scum. Hell, you may even learn something about yourself and walk away a stronger, better, more confident person.
Honestly, we usually can tell if you are married whether you tell us or not. As some of the previous responses indicate, it's not really an issue for us. At all.
As you progress further into this particular (and peculiar) hobby world, you may find your self image changing to accommodate a somewhat more practical view of male sexuality in our society. My own particular view is that men have a serious need for passionate sexual connection, a need which is frequently not met within a marriage. Marriage offers a lot of wonderful things: companionship, friendship, and partnership to name a few. But passion? It is through the unknown that we experience passion.
Is is not deep abiding love we ladies offer, but a kindness and understanding of your quest for passion. What we provide is vital for most men to have for as long as possible in their lives. The embrace, the electric connection, the caring touch and exploration...these and many more things stand to be gained in those moments together. What we offer has value beyond what our society is willing to recognize and condone. That doesn't make it wrong though. And it also doesn't make it an affair of the heart. It is something entirely different.
I have to say though, that the very best providers do experience a kind of love for their clients. I call it compassion.
~Jillian
What about you, providers? Do you look down on the married ones?
Thank you Jillian. You have done an excellent job of articulating what "knew" but could not find the words to express.
Perhaps one day our society will mature to the point that it can accept the idea of loving different people in different ways and that love does not have to be either/or. Sometimes it is both/and.
Well stated
I didn't play this game while I was married, though I don't judge those who do. I don't ever plan to be married again, either. And I don't recall being asked the question by any provider. They were just too discreet to do it.
I have an intricate god puzzle ring that I ware when I go out. I've been asked if I'm married; so I remove the ring and show the 9 separate bands that constitute the ring and explain that I've been a widower for more than 11 years. And that being with her is very therapeutic for me; I still miss my wife; being with her is the exact opposite of missing my wife. Plus, it gives me new warm, exciting memories.
The first escort I was with was in a part of town I would avoid at all costs—the hospital my wife died in was in that area (I was with her when she died).
Getting close to that area brought up my wife's death—something I avoided, driving in that area; probably a type of PTSD.
The escort was stunning, beautiful, gave me a long hug and kiss when she heard that. I now have dual memories of being in that area, one wonderful filled with my lust for and excuisit pleasure being with that wonderful beautiful sexy woman; one horrible, empty, hollow, greif riddled that reminds me how permant death is.
Deprived