Well, I've just spent the day with a very wide variety of ages of people........all stemming from one family. The experience has left me with alot of questions........ mainly...... "Am I Truly happy with my life?"     My 94 year old grandmother was there.  She spent her life being subservient to a tyranical man.  Now, in her last years she has some peace.  But..... at what price?  My 64 year old aunt lives with grandma 24/7...... takes care of her, after living a supposed exciting life as a modeling agency manager, etc.  Nothing to her name......... nothing but some good memories.  Is this enough?  My nephew and his new young wife.  An idealistic young couple....... building a house, making a new life.  They are probably happy........... right now.  My son.......... 23 years old.......single and lost.  Not being responsible in most ways........ to live a good life.  But.....who is to say he is wrong?  My mother and her husband.  Their world is one mile wide........ but they love each other and take care of each other.  Ideal??????  Me........ In my world of pleasing my clients......which pleases me........ which makes me (at least think) I am a whole person...... happy and satisfied in what I do.  But.......... when I reach age 64, as my aunt........ will I be just like her?  Lost and alone?  
This has been a most reflective Thanksgiving for me.  Just wondering............ how your day has been.  And wondering......... where  I'm headed.  I LOVE my life as it is..... but time does not stand still.  

a book by Dennis Prager called "Happiness is a serious problem". The points you raise, he touches upon in his very readable book. Many people equate 'happiness' with 'fun', ina kind of equation  H = n * F, or Happiness equals the number of times one experiences fun. This is not the case at all.

Some of the thoughts from his book passed on to me fro a friend good at condensing info (This is  only a small part. There are many more chapters):

1. Happiness is a moral obligation.
1.1. We have a moral obligation in daily life to be as happy as possible.
1.2. This does not mean we refrain from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings.
1.3. But it does mean that we owe it to others to work on our happiness.
1.4. We do not enjoy being around others who are usually unhappy.
1.5. Do you feel more positively disposed toward other people, and do you want to treat other people better when you are happy or when you are unhappy?
1.6. Unhappy religious people reflect poorly on their religion and on their Creator. If their faith is so impressive, why aren’t these devoted adherents happy? Either they are not practicing their faith correctly, or the religion is not conducive to happiness.

2. Unhappiness is easy – Happiness takes work
2.1. Being unhappy is easy, the easy way out. It takes no courage, effort, or greatness to be unhappy.
2.2. True achievement is in struggling to be happy.
2.3. Everything worthwhile in life is attained through hard work. Happiness is not an exception.

3. The Mind Plays the Central Role
3.1. The use of one’s mind and intelligence is indispensable to achieving happiness.
3.2. In order to be happy, we constantly need to use wisdom in asking ourselves, “Will this – (thing, action relationship, dwelling on thoughts) make me happier or unhappier?”
3.3. Most people do not ask if something will make them happier, rather they do what they do because it feels good at that moment.
3.4. The awareness that what will make them happy demands a great deal of thought.
3.5. It takes self-discipline to overcome their natural inclination to do what is most pleasurable at the moment rather than what is most happiness-inducing.

So check out the book. You may find it to be a good gift to give as well.


-- Modified on 11/22/2007 8:59:55 PM

Dennis Prager, to me, is the most intelligent and compassionate talk show host on radio.  If you've not listened to him, go to his website and listen to some podcasts.  Or better yet, read this book and/or download some  of his talks.  The man is amazing.

The previous post is well done and really captures the essence of the book.  Prager URGES everyone to work hard to be happy.  He says " you owe it to yourself and others to be happy."

I'm over in Asia all by myself for Thanksgiving - working (yuch!) and I miss my family.  But I'm happy knowing I can do this and make money to support my family (and my hobby!).  So I'm happy...yeah! (a little sarcasm here, folks.)

He says we don't want to inflict our bad breath or body odor on others, so we do what we can and clean up. The same goes for bad moods. No one has a moral right to inflict it on others. How much better would our drives, shopping experiences, and family get togethers be if people followed this.

With all the garbage they teach kids nowadays in school, adding his book as required reading would start society back on a civil path pretty quickly...

In The Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle inquires into happiness in his usual way of establishing a taxonomy and I've found it very, very useful.

Basically, he comes to the conclusion that happiness results from living a virtuous life. However, in the Greek view, morality was only one component of virtue. Other components were creative skills and the opportunity to use them, self knowledge, social aptitude, etc.

What I would say is that when one knows herself and lives her life according to that knowledge, happiness results. The presence of happiness does not preclude the presence of other emotions, though, and it is extremely important to learn how to experience happiness amidst those emotions. Victor Frankl's book, Man's Search For Meaning, is an amazing exploration into this.

Great thread, BTW. One that many people here would be uniquely prepared to dig into.

My .02  is that at  age  64 you will be who you want  to be . Between now and then concentrate on who you are , be true to yourself ,and live life the way YOU see best .
Will you be lost & alone? Only you can decide your future .

Layla South

... most of the time.

I think for people in the USA, happiness is a choice. Yes, there are people who are better able to be happy, but for the vast majority of people, their basic needs are taken care of (food, clothing, shelter). After that, you have time to contemplate: Am I happy?

You can either choose to have your glass half empty, or half full. You can either enjoy what you have, or envy those who have more.

It is said that when you get to the end of your life, there are some things that are more likely to lead to happiness. Accomplishments that actually mean something TO YOU. No one died wishing they had worked more. Connections with others seems to produce the more contented (happy?) people in their twilight years.

(paraphrasing)

Happy families are happy all in the same way.

Unhappy families are each unhappy in their own way.

And so it must be with people.  Prager is right.  Unhappiness is so easy, which is why it is such a common feature.

My decision about personal happiness came about twenty something years ago.

I decided that I could regret not doing something, or regret doing something.  To do the former would always leave a doubt, to do the latter would at least clear up the doubts.

And so I chose the latter and here I am.

And I haven't any regrets, and I'm reasonably happy most of the time.

-- Modified on 11/23/2007 5:25:58 AM

starts with letting go of opinions of how it should be...

Then it requires you let go of any stories from your past...

then the easiest of them all... Is choosing happiness every moment. Choosing everything as it is and as it isnt...

You can be lost and alone in a croud as easy as by yourself... So be someone who is available for a relationship...

You can be lost and directionless as a captian of industry as easy as a high plains drifter... So be someone who has a purpose and you will always have a reason to live...

I am glad for you that you love your life... keep on choosing it over and over... life is grand!

-- Modified on 11/23/2007 6:11:56 AM

Everyone thinks that you can be happy 24/7 that is not true. Also there is no such thing as happiness without sorrow.

So to me you can't be happy all the time just like you can't be sad all the time.

Live for the moments in between and enjoy this rollercoaster of emotions we call life.

LOL, funny, I was just having this conversation over Thanksgiving dinner last night with my date-my mom...
Short term happiness and being a happy person are not always connected and often illusive. We all face challenges every day-financial, physical, emotional that can test what we are made of. We each have the power to decide if we are going to let those challenges overcome us and bog us down in our own misery or if we will accept the challenges that life hands us, move on, and be happy with whatever we have in life.
Life is never easy and yes, the rules for happiness seem to change every time we think we have a handle on them but what can you do? It will always come down to the same two choices: Give up and be miserable or overcome the challenges and move forward.  I think that as long as we choose to keep moving forward we always give ourselves a chance to be happy.

I suspected this before, but learned the truth of it recently awakening from a 10 day coma resulting from a horrendous motorcycle accident. I cant walk anymore.  I may after more surgery and six months or so of rehab.

I pretty much have had it and done it all, at least to my satisfaction.  I was ready to have died with that knowledge. But I didnt.  And I discovered instead that people mattered.  That those who loved me, family and friends alike werent ready to let me go.

I am renewed, and even closer in those relationships, and with mankind.  What matters are people who matter to us, helping them helping them  Aand receiving their help in exchange.  Life matters; living things matter, and that which sustains us all.  Everything else is mere passing scenery that fades in the distance of time. The people that matter to you do not, and become immortal.  Every lady that ever took me in her embrace lives within me always.

Sugarpussy, know that perhaps not all, but many of us feel this way.  Thank you.












b

are our greatest assets- we learn and move on and can do so without shame or remorse if we so choose.  

But to not live due to fear.....  what a waste!

The same applies to our happiness in the company of another person or in conversation with our online friends-  we can choose to enjoy the good and creative sides of them and let the negatives slide or we can focus on the negatives and miss enjoying them all together!  I've never met a person yet that I could not gain something from- even in the rare cases where the gain was learning what not to be!

-- Modified on 11/23/2007 11:06:17 AM

...is that we could spend a lifetime trying to do what makes others happy.  Whether it be our parents, spouses, bosses, children, or any one else I believe it less important to spend time defining happiness (so that we have an external validation) and more time looking internally for answers.  In truth, we all arrive on this planet alone and we will all depart alone.

It's just not full of wonderful people! (Father Flannegan was wrong)

While being able to live comfortably, for the moment, most of my mental comfort comes from those things that had my greatest investment of time, not money.

Time with my children, my wife, time spent working on things to help a few less fortunate and the hundreds of kids I worked with in sports.

Sugar, you have to constantly focus on the value you might have made in others lives. It might be that your actions might have made the difference, hopefully a positive one, in their lives.

I get tired of this movie as much as anyone else, but it is a better well to drink from than the well of dispare and bitterness.

I guess that explains why I hate "Flaming" topics since I can see the images of bitterness reflected in the words of those "authors". Obviously they are among the un-happy.

There normally are no U-Hauls in funeral processions. What we take with us is our own self-esteem.

Short term vs long term happiness, health and financial stability is a start. Meaningful relationships are important and I just don't mean romantic ones. Relationships are tough because we all risk some kind of disappointment, hurt. but in the end it is worth the risk. Happiness maybe elusive but not impossible.

Many people die wishing they had done more. Or accomplished more. Or made a greater difference.

  Its convenient perhaps even popular now to trivialize the time that people spend pursuing their careers or vocations. If the person's singular focus on their work happens to produce a cure for cancer then popular culture lauds their devotion. If they spent the same effort but either through bad luck or fate did nothing memorable then, according to the same pundits, they died "wasting" a life more ordinary. But who is to know, other than perhaps the people closest to them, if they felt that time was well spent?

  The parts of life that bring people pleasure are astonishingly varied and thankfully, while many (perhaps most?) people die with some regrets, the majority of them die happy.

  Each of us, if we are responsible, make provision for our "twilight years". We also need to realize that even today, the majority of us won't have many if any twilight years at all and are well advised to find happiness in each day we are on the green side of the grass.

-J

I don't think true happiness is anywhere near impossible as long as you approach your life with the intent of being open to the possibility of it. My point is that only we can make ourselves happy. No one else can do it for you.

Kinda unfortunate quote for your philosophy, actually.  Would you say Anna regretted doing what she did, or would she regret not doing what she did ?  Given the ending, I would say the former.

Anyway, I enjoy this thread very much.

It's better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done?

I spent Thanksgiving with an immediate family riven by lifelong conflict and emotional hurts which will never be healed, forgiven only with the most superhauman of efforts, and absolutely will never be forgotten.  One permanent breech betwen parent and  adult child was in evidence.

Each of us has some small zone of happiness in life -- my married sisters have their families, my unmarried sisters have their careers, I have my education and my quiet little pursuits and pastimes and eye for the absurdities of life.

Happiness?  For some, it's like the AA serenity pray ; change what you can change, accept what is beyond your power to change.  Not much, not ideal, but it's a start for some [and sadly, it's all some others will ever get].  Sigh.