And knew you were doing the civvy GF thing. Sorry it didn't work out and even sorrier to hear why. Your former "bro" is a giant asshole, and it goes to show you never know who you can trust. It's also sad the girl couldn't just accept that as part of your past. You weren't doing it while you were with her. You didn't only give up mongering. You even gave up posting on the boards!
-- Modified on 1/28/2014 11:37:44 AM
I am fairly new to this world but am enjoying my initial forays into it. It seems to me that some people on this board would recommend keeping this area of their lives "private" or separate from their friends. I was wondering if this was pretty much the majority view or not.
I'm not looking for advice as I can make up my own mind about discussing with others I know. What I'm interested in is your experience if you have discussed this with a close friend or two. How did you bring the subject up? What was your reason for talking with them about this? How did they react? Etc. I appreciate the response and please be gentle as this is my first post..
but I am not part of the majority.
I don't hide the fact that I have sex with prostitutes, I don't wear it like a badge of honor in day to day society, but nor do I hide the fact. Most of the whore mongering I discuss is the mongering I do in Latin America where it is perfectly legal. If the conversation continues, sometimes it segues into talking about the hobby here at home.
My advice is that if you are married, or could lose your job, or have any other unwanted consequences from people knowing what you do, Keep it to yourself. If you live a Charlie Harper type of life like I do, where every one knows you are a whore monger, that's a different story
The people you can "trust" to handle a secret like that is few and far between.
Even if I got the sense a guy I knew was a mongerer, I would wait a period of time and then let the conversation come up under very guarded, that is, deniable circumstances.
Think about upside-downside. Unless you are just so heavily morally burdened (doubtful) or facing a crisis in judgment, the downside always outweighs the upside.
That said, I have established an email friendship with another mongerer on this board. Perhaps, it'll grow into a RL friendship. Who knows, but for now that is what it is.
But he has never seen me, doesn't know my name, and doesn't even know my real handle.
That is the mindset you should take. And again, as I said in the earlier thread, I'm more blackmail proof than most. But I'm not quite at GaG's level yet.
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-- Modified on 1/28/2014 5:22:54 PM
So far, I have not told a single soul in my real life about this additional 'hobby' of mine. Heck, back in the beginning, when I bothered to go to confession, I would go to a completely different church so I didn't risk facing my priest, lol... I once even had a friend and work colleague tell me about his sexcapades with escorts. I simply tried to look astonished, be non-judgmental, and took a mental note of the provider he was seeing to be sure I crossed her off my To Do List... It even took me a while to start writing reviews, let alone begin posting on these boards. I have found it helpful though. I am also lucky to have made a few good provider friends, and have even gotten to know a few fellow hobbyists through BC as well. All the more reason now to keep my hobby life completely separate from my real life.
- Spartan
-- Modified on 1/28/2014 1:13:04 PM
Long term consequences and loose mouth sinking the ship could happen. It is best not let others know everything about you.
My friends all saw escorts before I did.
They did the BP route. Cheap girls, and brothel type houses.
When I decided to do this. I was smart about it, and found this place.
So I told my oldest friends what I was up to.
More to brag about what they were missing out on, than anything else... Stupid stupid me..
I ran into a girl I had a crush on since I was little. Hit it off with her, and started dating.
I was walking on clouds.. Even said goodbye, and thanks to everyone here..
I was done with the hobby as long as she was in my life. I had it, still have it bad for her.
My ex best friend. Who obviously didn't want me to be with her outted me.
Told her everything.. Needless to say. She didn't take it well.
I used to call that motherfucker my brother....
What's worse is he is married with a kid now...
No reason to out me. But he did.
A big part of me wants to get him back. Tell his wife what he has done.
I thought about that for a long time....
Came to the conclusion that it wouldn't make me feel better.
Even though I hate his guts now. Fucking up his family is not something I could ever bring myself to do.
And knew you were doing the civvy GF thing. Sorry it didn't work out and even sorrier to hear why. Your former "bro" is a giant asshole, and it goes to show you never know who you can trust. It's also sad the girl couldn't just accept that as part of your past. You weren't doing it while you were with her. You didn't only give up mongering. You even gave up posting on the boards!
-- Modified on 1/28/2014 11:37:44 AM
For a while... Hell sometimes I still feel like a whoremongering asshole who fucked up his civie dating life.
Odd though.. I don't regret what I've done.
The hobby has made me so much more comfortable around women...
I would never have gotten the girl to date me without the confidence the hobby gave me..
I think it is a shame that prostitution has such a bad rap in this era.
It wasn't always that way.
The fact is.. This girl will never trust me... Neither would most civie girls....
That stings.
I'm stupid. I know.. But it never occurred to me that I would have to carry a 500lb gorilla of a secret to any girl I want to seriously date in the future..
I think London said this..
"I could never date a guy who used to hobby."
"Once a guy realizes how easy it is to just go out and get some tail." "He cannot be trusted."
So somehow.. In a matter of 2 years...
I went from super shy guy with no confidence who the girl won't date.
To a pretty confident guy who used prostitution to learn some confidence to be more charming to women who won't date him because he can't be trusted..
WTF?!?!
Okay. Do you have a violin? :
there is another woman who is downright intrigued by it. Like I said before, I don't lie about my whore mongering, it might not be the best topic of conversation on a first date, but I find that women can put up with "players" which they sometimes find rather sexy, than "liars" who nobody wants to have a relationship with.
I will confess, I do find it a bit awkward when asked what my "number" is where it comes to how many women I have been with. Coming right out and admitting to literally "thousands" of women is a hard thing to say to a woman you are trying to woo. lol
I guess.
But you are rich right? No offense..
That changes everything.
Plus.. Didn't you just say you mostly date escorts?
That's also a different story..
I will confess I have a lot of disposable income, and although I "date" mainly escorts, that doesn't mean that I date "only" escorts.
At 55 my ability to attract women that I am attracted to is waning a bit. I can occasionally land a twenty something. I do a lot better attracting thirty somethings, and I have to run off the forty somethings with a stick. You don't even want to know about the fucking cougars over fifty. They can't believe that I don't have the slightest interest in them.
but I have a standing invitation for anyone who wants to join me in Costa Rica, your Dad is spending all of next month down there.
Please don't tell your Mom, but I'll be in Jaco for most of the month canoodling with Miss Ray Ban. C'mon down and, if yore nice, I'll introduce you.
Super Bowl at the Blue Marlin, anyone?
And she shrugs and says, "I don't know. What do you usually do?"
And you wind up the only guy at the cathouse who brought a date?
We are not worthy!
...it casts you as a pariah for most of mainstream America. The fewer people who know of your new avocation the better!
Great points on both sides. It all depends on the kind of life you lead. Mr. Spartan and I are of the same view. Why add additional risk to already risky behavior? Once you tell one person, it's no longer a secret.
It would be one thing where you and the friend have killed someone and buried the body in the woods!
But I don't think that's the case. My suggestion is to play it close to the vest.
Have fun and be safe.
But that's just me. In general, it's best to stay mum, although the freedom I have to talk about it is liberating.
It took me a long time to share with a good friend of mine my secret life lol
I only did because he talked about his all the time with anyone
Turned out to be a mistake and I lost a good friend over it
Live and learn
Tell No One-Period-Ever....No good comes from revealing this to any living person.
Treat everyone in your real life like LE, and STFU about your Hobbying... There is too much risk involved. The less people that know, the better... You can only decide for yourself, but I for one will not be sharing my sexcapades with anyone IRL.. Luckily we all have TER!
All were accepting of me doing it, 2 wanted to try it as well but never did. Feel better keeping quiet now.
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1st time, are you kidding me I had to tell someone, I was going to explode if I didn't! ( I was kind of excited about seeing all these hot girls)
2nd time, just the guy who would make it a priority to get me out of jail if that was to happen.
This time, undecided, less worried about LE, done meeting new people for awhile.
-- Modified on 1/28/2014 1:31:36 PM
I also introduced her to my GF at the time who is a retired provider that I first met as a client. My mother being a very open minded woman, was/is completely fine with it, and her and my now ex GF, but still FWB, are still "facebook family"
I hate hypocrites, and I refuse to make my life a lie. I am not a bit ashamed of anything I do, and if people don't like it they can GFY
Thank you one and all for your response(s) to my query. Just asking the question of this group has been somewhat liberating. While I have little risk in revealing this I think the potential judgment of others is probably not worth attempting to discuss this. In other words the "reward" of freely discussing this is probably not worth it to me.
On the other hand I have been reinvigorated in the past few months and I find myself feeling more "alive" then I have felt in awhile! I have found a couple of ladies that I have really enjoyed spending time with and that is exciting. I think that this feeling of being happy with the discovery of this "life" leads me to want to share with a couple of friends...however, I realize this is perceived as different and certainly behavior outside of societal norms. Therefore, at this time I am going to keep it to myself. I appreciate the thoughtful responses that indeed helps clarify my own thinking on this.
It's not so much that it's a secret, but it is a rather personal and private aspect of life.
Still feel funny about the "kiss and tell" thing. Early programming never purged, though updated.
Talk here is somehow different except for those providers who know who I am.
Was the reaction of those I told, shocked at the beauty of the girls I had seen and awe'd by the fact that I had somehow pulled it off without getting busting or ripped off. lol
None of us were aware of the "hobby" or how to hook up with any sort of P4P really. Sheltered lives I guess.
I recently mentioned to one of the original guys, who has been turning into grouchy old man lately, that he should hire a girl friend, maybe it would cheer him up (he's a widower). After telling me to get off his grass, he looks at me and says "I have a moral problem with that, and I'm not a very moral guy" idk if that was a shot at me or what.
Do you want to hold your breath every time a buddy gets drunk? Imagine, you find the love of your life... quit the hobby, trash your hobby phone & delete your hobby email account... your Best Buddy stands up at your wedding & toasts the lovely lady that "took you away from the whoring life!" (Shock intended, remember said best buddy is drunk!) This is a secret world... if you must "talk about it" here is the place.
I thought about telling my brother who surely needs to get F*CKED! I Didn't.
We might think this is cool... but it's still illegal in most of the US. (If you live somewhere where the culture is different, you may have more options.)
I am single, no children, self employed in a low profile occupation, and not at all any kind of public figure. So if I am outed it wouldn't really hurt me. However, I don't feel the need or desire to mention this part of my life with my family and friends
I really don't talk about it much either, except for a couple of friends who live vicariously through me.
Just that you guys won't be hurt by being outed, and neither would I.
as I said before, I am not the least bit ashamed about what I do, and I don't really give a fuck about the people that don't approve. I don't bring it up at every opportunity, but I don't shy away from it either.
IMO how is this business ever going to move out of the shadows if even the participants in it are afraid to speak out for fear of being publicly shamed. Didn't gay people go through that type of shit not that awful long ago. We are never going to change public opinion if none of us have the stones to stand up and be counted.
I am also new to this and I am just itching to tell someone. Why? Because it is natural for me to want to share something so "powerful" a human experience.
If anyone is concerned that it may come back to hurt them some day, why do it? Or continue to do it? Could one say they may be addicted
Maybe your doctor. Indeed, yes, let your doctor know what you're doing and get tested regularly.
It's more powerful when no one around you knows.
Live life to live life, not to talk about it.
For me? At first?
Was I addicted? FUCK YEAH!
It's a lifestyle. You get sucked in. Be aware of that.
They have a saying...
Hindsight is 20-20.
Believe me...
Don't tell even your most trusted friends
loose lips sink ships! I do get tempted to tell some of my divorced friends who are suffering going back into the dating scene and wanting to be with younger women and though they do get together with them of course they soon realize these girls are just interested in their bank accounts (yes they are that dumb) and end up getting their guts kicked in. I want to say you know I can recommend a hot girl for you to see that will rock your world for a few hours and not leave you in pain but no way no how I am going there they will just have to find their own way!
From what you wrote..
I think of the Decent Into The Maelstrom. By Mr. Poe.
Be well, and good sleep...
Be nice, and you won't get sucked down into the deep.
Enough people have said don't tell to scare the shit out of me telling...for now.
I still need to reconcile the feeling that by not telling I am not being true to myself.
It's good to hear that I am not the only who felt addicted...and even better to hear that the addition does not (may not?) last
Re define what "Being True to Yourself" Really means
Hey!!!! It's human nature..
We are not machines, you know?
go to a therapist and talk about it.
Don't under any circumstances, tell people in real life.
I remember being in the same position you were, not only wanting to tell someone for the sake of the fun of it but also wanting to bounce off ideas and hear from others who were hobbying as well. I have become friends with a couple of people through this board, gone to a couple of Meet & Greets and now i get together over coffee, or a meal every so often with a couple of guys I know and trust. This has helped me immensely in the hobby and it satisfies the unhealthy urge to tell my regular friends. Honestly, anyone you tell that is not in the hobby themselves will never think of you the same. I have never told one person outside of the hobby and I plan to keep it that way.
My best friend. She was surprised, but fairly accepting of it. By this I mean, not condemning at all. But she does want me to quit. If I could get in her pants regularly lol, maybe I would (she really is a hot MILF type). She wasn't condemning because she has enough skeletons in her own closet (a lot of which she has told me about), so she didn't feel like she was in a position to judge me.
Where would I find out about Meet and Greets? Being new to this I'm still learning about all the resources on this site...thanks