I have been hobbying for maybe 10 years with an increasing frequency and intensity. I have been less and less cautious and sometimes, I think it's almost like I want to get caught.  I love my wife of thirty years but we have had no intimacy for at least the past 9 years.  I don't even get any affection from our cat.  The only affection I get is from numerous encounters with providers here.  I very much enjoy the intimacy that multi-hour and overnight visits give me.  I don't think I would be involved in the hobby if I had not lost that at home.
As I'm heading out on a four day trip with my ATF, I'm asking myself what would I do if I get caught.  I know what it feels like to be hurt and I do not want to do that to my wife.  I do want to stay married, but I do crave intimacy in the final quarter of my life.  I fear I will never experience intimacy again with my wife no matter what, so I hobby.

-- Modified on 4/8/2015 1:41:19 AM

If she has any interest in catching you-you will be caught-so be prepared to deny everything-admit nothing !!

A lot of men I spend time with tell me the same thing.  They come to me more for the intimacy than just for sex.  They crave love and attention they don't get at home.  I'm happy I can be there for them.  However, if you get caught, you will more than likely loose your ability to hobby for a while.  You may have to be on a shorter leash with the wife or if you get divorced, you may not be able to afford to hobby.

After the first time, I promised to be a good boy.  That lasted about 3 months.

After the second time my wife branded me as incorrigible, and she was correct.  She actually abided my hobbying for a couple of years, but then decided she didn't want me in her life and divorced me.

On balance I'd say it was a win/win; but that's my situation and may not be yours.

To you all I can say is: Don't get caught.

Be very careful and take every precaution there is that you read about on here.  

This all happened to me because TER had not yet been invented.  Had it been, things would have gone differently I'm sure.

I think the same thing every other week when I need intimacy. I am not sure what I would do but I do know I would deny everything and hope my SO of 40+ years would let me have my clothes before she threw me out.

and maybe getting caught might not be as bad as you think? I am a VERY happily divorced man, and I can't imagine living my life as you live yours. Sneaking around looking for even the slightest intimacy is no way for a man to live.

I can only speak for myself, and I know it's human nature to "project" but I couldn't be happier, and my decision to get divorced was the best decision I ever made in my life, and YES it was my decision to get divorced, I never did this while married, so getting caught was never part of my equation.

I am not trying to make your decision for you, only you can decide for yourself, but would getting caught and starting over really be worse than living your life as a lie???

I'm sure the shit would hit the fan, but after that all settles out, it would be best to be pretty much honest about the whole situation.    

..and he told his wife.... What the fuck do you expect. You haven't fucked me in 10 years. That shut her up. And she stayed.

.......... there will be zero intimacy in the relationship. I would not hang around for long in such a relationship, it would make me so miserable, but I guess to each their own. I've found both men and women are guilty of showing their partners a lack of intimacy because I have heard the same complaints from women. I'm forever thankful I never fell into the marriage trap and have been happily single for a very long time. Friends always wonder why I am always smiling and have not aged one iota in all these years. My secret sauce which they will never know is the hobby.

After years of a troubled, sexless marriage, I told my wife I'd only stay married if we had an open marriage. She said she assumed that meant I'd see hookers (she knew I'd done it before we got married) and I told her yes.  She said she wasn't sure she could handle that, and it turned out she couldn't.  So we got divorced. And, yes, I am happy.  And we are still friends.

People continually drive themselves insane trying to be "everything" to their SOs. Sexual desire is built on novelty and mystery, which is extremely hard to maintain over the long term. I wouldn't be surprised if your wife suspects but prefers to look the other way, probably because she appreciates the value of the other parts of your marriage (kids, family, lifestyle, shared history and experiences).  

I would hate to get caught, and you are quite right--it may not be as bad as he thinks.  There are a LOT of worse things that can happen in our lives.   It certainly wouldn't be the end of the world or even have to be the end of the marriage.   It's always difficult, if not impossible, to "project" the consequences of our decisions; and it's great that things went well for you.   Yes, everyone and every situation is unique and thus we do have to decide for ourselves.  Often times things do not go in the direction we expect, so getting opinions and feedback is always a good thing.

I don't get that at all. Intimacy is a two way street. Sharing life's challenges as well as your dreams and goals. Accepting someone at both their best and worst. Taking on life and see what happens. I don't see how you can achieve it with someone you are paying to spend time with. Would they even be talking to you if it wasn't for the envelope?

The "lifetime of shared experience" aspect of intimacy is what he has with his wife. With a good rapport and a substantial amount of time spent together, one can certainly experience a deep intimacy with a provider.

And I'm not saying this to gloat---nor am I necessarily putting down marriage "per se." What I AM putting down is tired institutions and dogma---as hippy-dippy as this sounds I think polyamory is the most natural, beautiful way!! Why does love and intimacy have to be confined to one person? (For those who say that's the way "God" mandated it I can honestly only shake my head in sympathy for you---because you've been hoodwinked like so many others!! All that shit is just a way to control you and keep you "obedient" and "in your place"---YUCK---HOW FUCKING AWFUL!!)

It may seem like an odd concept to you (and others), but I understand where the OP is coming from.  Maybe the easiest way to explain it is whether you are looking for an encounter or an experience.

and it was worth every penny. Every time I hear a married guy bitch, whine or complain about how badly his life sucks, I think to myself how I most definitely made the right choice some 20 years ago.

"away time" to play.  Not sure how you can manage to get away for an overnight let alone a 4-day trip.  Or, how you can put away the funds to finance these longer encounters.

She got totally screwed by her shitbag husband.  She gave up WAY more than her attorney wanted her to,  but she just wanted out of the marriage, and wanted to have her kids without his interference.   She just didn't care about anything else and still says it was worth every damn penny!  

And that is fucking perfect, that situation will not change.

NO intimacy for 9 years seems totally weird.

I agree 100%!

Perhaps she all ready knows and chooses too remain quiet-she may not be interested in having only 'Half The Stuff" so she goes along with it in a silent-smug manner -Maybe-not necessarily in this case-but maybe the Ol' Boy she hooked up with 30 years ago no longer turns her on-maybe she gets off on her own-or maybe someone else is getting her off  !!  Things to consider !!