I'm pretty new to the hobby. After 25 years of monogamy, I'm fascinated by the variety and pleasure of the experience. One thing I've learned about myself, is that it makes a pretty big difference to me whether my provider reaches orgasm – ideally more than once. It turns me on on a number of levels. I find it stimulating in itself, but also there are clearly a bunch of psychological issues at play. Providing the woman with pleasure makes me feel generous. It removes some of the more business-like aspects of the arrangement. And most of all, it makes me feel like a successful lover. OTOH, if I'm unable to bring the woman to orgasm, I feel kind of unfulfilled, even if I had my world rocked in unbelievable ways. Sometimes I'll work diligently for 10-15 minutes, mostly DATY and fingers, bringing her close but unable to bring her over the edge. Then the clock intercedes (and my own desires) and I stop.

So I think I'm learning a few things. It's not necessarily so easy for many providers to come. After all, they may be seeing a number of clients in a day. And you are totally new to them. You may not be hitting their spots. This is a job after all.

I think I've also learned from the TER reviews, that this issue varies a lot for hobbyists. Some don't mention it at all.It doesn't seem to be priority or even something some care about. Others write things like "I think she had a big O." That doesn't seem very believable to me. If you're really engaged with the woman's body, it seems to me you know if she came.

So I'm going to begin to focus on my search for providers on women who seem to achieve orgasm regularly during sessions.

I'd be curious to hear thoughts. How common or uncommon do you think it is for providers to achieve orgasms? Is it a subset? Do other hobbyists have the same interest that I do?

I'm sure someone is going to post a reply saying that I should just improve my technique. Well, go ahead. Any comments are appreciated.

Since I do my homework, and am pretty selective, I am already reasonably sure that my evening is going to be enjoyable. At that point, it's just as important to me that the lady I'm with enjoys a little pleasure as well. I do my best and hope that she is enjoying herself as much as I am. Additionally, I think that a lady is more likely to enjoy more pleasure during a second visit and beyond, as the comfort level increases with me or any client.

Sorry, buddy, they're all fake. It's part of the show.

You have to make a decision.  Why are you going to see a provider?  Once that is answered ask yourself is it fair to place yourself or your selected playmate under this kind of pressure?  Too much pressure could be one way to guarantee that nothing positive happens in that area.

To me it’s really great when it happens.  However, there could be a number of reasons why it may not be possible for your friend to O (time constraints, busy day, doesn't feel 100%, or 1,000 other reasons).  Not to mention, your provider is a professional.  She will do whatever she can to make your experience as fulfilling as possible.  This includes acting (faking) the Big O.  Don't take it personally if the acting did not persuade you (or even it was very convincing it may not be real).  That really should not matter.  What matters is that she is doing her best and that you are making an effort to have a great time.

I have learned that treating your lady with respect and kindness as well as really listening are perhaps most important attributes of a great session (also that you're clean, on time, pay without complaining / negotiating, and in general show that you are concerned about her enjoying your time together).

So relax!  At the end of the day that’s why your there.


-- Modified on 1/21/2008 5:19:33 PM

but, I don't care if the provider has a real orgasm or not because I respect her desire whether to let herself go or not.  IMHO, a person usually cannot have an orgasm unless they want to, and have the state of mind to connect with their partner.  I fully respect the wishes of the provider in this regard and do not gauge my experience with her on whether or not I was able to make her cum.  

I am very happy for her if she does, and if, during DATY, I think she is on the verge through swelling, responsiveness, or hint (grabbing my head and grinding my face in to her ) I will not stop until she either cums or pretends to.  If she cums, it is usually a nice time to move on through the experience; if she is faking, then she probably wants me to stop, which is a hint the other way, and I am happy to oblige.

Please don't get me wrong - I am very happy when a provider I am with has an orgasm.  However, if she is faking it, I do not hold it against her because she is either trying to heighten my experience, or she is giving me a hint to move on to another position or act.  Either way, I am usually happy, happy, happy.

Your pessimism will prevent you from ever fully enjoying the experience of pleasing the lady you are with!

Then again, if you are the wham-bam type, maybe the ones you experience ARE all fake?

A very interesting thread. I agree that the mutually satisfying encounters are the most enjoyable. I know that we all hobby for our own individual reasons and that as always YMMV. That said, for myself, I am generally seeking a relaxing GFE encounter that seems more like a date or a romantic tryst between FWBs than a business transaction. I also usually go for extened time to allow for a few minutes of small talk and perhaps even a drink to help us both relax.  

In my limited hobbying experience, I have carefully read reviews and websites in making my selections. I have only sought out more mature ladies (30+) who know their bodies, and are looking for fun and enjoyment as well as a donation. Thus far, with one exception, all have been mutually satisfying encounters (several multiples). I treat the ladies with kindness and respect and that seems to go a long way. It also seems that lower volume providers are more apt to enjoy themselves as well.

(Climbing out on a limb here)
I think that for the ladies, it is as much a mental as a physical thing. They need to feel at least safe and appreciated in order to get fully into the session. One lady tried to fake it early on, then later let down her guard and was quite surprised when she had a real one. She confessed about the earlier deception (I already knew)and and thanked me for "the gift". She said she doesn't usually have real ones with clients but that I made her feel so comfortable she did. (I know, could be total BS.) We laughed about it later.

The one that didn't get off was kind of a strange encounter for me on several levels. While she was very attractive, well reviewed and her services were first rate, we just didn't seem to click like most of the others. Turns out she is a higher volume provider whom I saw late in the day during a tour. I don't know how many previous clients she'd had that day or what else was going on, but the entire encounter seemed somewhat scripted and routine. She also told me she never does with clients.

On the other extreme, there was a lady who was so into the moment that I had to remind her to breathe when I sensed that she was holding her breath for too long.

Maybe, I'm totally kidding myself and they're all faking, but afterall isn't that what we're all doing in this hobby? Living out fantasies and having fun?

However, women are very different. Usually when I have an orgasm through DATY (not always), it is very sensitive and I want the guy to stop quickly. So . . . please, please, please men: Stop trying to please us and assume that we have or have not had one. If I do it's great. If I cannot I'm still enjoying myself and I don't want that kind of pressure. Remember, this is for you guys.

Hugs,
Ciara

When I tell them I was faking it.

Sweetie, a woman can give an Academy Award winning performance, but the body never lies.

You are probably correct within your experience though. If you haven't figured out this truism by now, they probably have all been fake.

LOL Ciara's reply and the one I am about to post just show how very different women are from one another.

When I orgasm from DATY, I can almost always orgasm at least once more, and often two more times in succession. What is more, the second orgasm is always far more powerful than the first, and if I do have a third one, it is usually the variety that has me on the edge of passing out, and causing passersby on the street to give a standing ovation. So for me, when I orgasm once, I definitely don't want him to stop because I am just getting warmed up!

But there is no way for a man to know that unless I tell him - and trust me, I do

PS. I should add that after a really really big orgasm, YES I want him to stop too....but I generally make THAT pretty clear too because that is when the legs slam shut regardless of any foreign objects that may be residing between them, and I start naming all the saints in order of their canonization. But if I'm not squirming to get away, then I am definitely not signaling him to stop

-- Modified on 1/21/2008 7:08:37 PM

After I've cum with DATY...it becomes soooooo sensitive that it's uncomfortable if the gent keeps going. The best thing for me is, after I cum, take the palm of your hand and place it over my kitty. That feels soooo good. Back to original topic.....there are times when I don't cum.  That does not make it any less enjoyable though. Orgasms are not what make sex great for me. I've sometimes had a more enjoyable time with a gent and never orgasmed. Maybe the big O is Overrated?!

Once again the women are telling it like it is. Very good advise to take in. I really enjoy pleasuring a woman, and that is where I keep my focus, not whether or not she is going to O. Taking cues as to what is bringing her pleasure in the moment, and when it is not longer doing so, while not having a preconception as to what will work for her.

No DATY isnt a deal breaker but to me it's part of a well rounded experience. It's one of my favorite parts of a session. I've O'd while down there on more than one occasion. You say "stop trying to please us", well for some of us pleasing you is also pleasing to us.

PS, I'll be Phoenix next month

Truer wors have not been spoken! LOL

m-

There is genuinely a considerable amount of truth to this statement, as well. Love and let Love I say, or is that O and Let O....

Great news!I love it!

m-

I totally disagree with the comment "They're all fake, it's part of the show".

NOT IN MY CASE, and I am positive I am not alone when I say that many a "client" has hit the nail on the head, and knew just exactly what to do to make me have more than just one "O", lol. I would appreciate not being put in a box of stereotyped ladies and I am sure I speak for each of us ladies when I say we are all different and diverse, but please do not make judgement on each of us as all being the same, especially FAKE.
Thank you.

AMEN SOLA!!!

She usually comes about half the time and the other half she's enjoying herself but not getting over the edge so she'll fake it to heighten her clients experience.  Rarely has her experience been unpleasant.

Either way she comes home happy, which *always* winds up making me happy! :-P

You got the right attitude and it's the same one I take when I'm sampling what others have to offer.

Oh yeah and pay attention to the hints fellas!

That's been her biggest complaint.  The clueless guy who doesn't follow her body language.

Yeah, but some guys (me) are kinda dense and don't know a hint from a brick in the head. It is a very nice thing when a woman says "a little to your left, yeah right there, softer.....up a little...yeah...harder...." rather than moan louder or softer or something like that. Sometimes a direct approach works very well.

b-

but main things I think are some level of metal/physical connection

I dont mean a guy has to be hot, but a good personality, good manners, a cute smile, a way of putting me at ease go a LONG way

And for me anyhow, many men can be a bit rough. DATY should be more like licking an ice cream cone than devouring a burger

And more than 2 fingers inserted can hurt, mens hands generally are kind of rough.

Slow, gentle, consistent motion, whether by hand or mouth is best

I find almost all men I have seen are somewhat to VERY concerned I have one or more orgasms.

As I am fairly new to this, it ha taken me a few mothes to let my guard down and relax, but as I have I have had some great sex.

Probably one of the top 5 lovers I have had in my life I saw last week, he looked like a construction foreman, big, roughly manly guy with a darling smile and he was incredible in bed, you never know going in what to expect the first time, but I would say some of us fake it some of the time, but most all of us are NOT faking it every time!