when I entered this world after my divorce 15 yrs ago. While I had a few torrid IRL relationships, most were more vanilla affairs where I brought the experience to bed with a few gals admitting they never had an orgasm, and that they fucked more for their partner than themselves. I actually was doing the same, but by enjoying a dominant and serving role without really understanding that fact.
When I met my first uber-aggressive provider, I was taken back that she had WAY more experience and libido than me and mad skills to back it up. I laid back in shock as she ravaged me and when she was done sucking my cock, she needed to get fucked. Even then, she was the aggressor, more so than any woman I'd been with, and she proceeded to fuck my brains out. When I left the room, I didn't know what hit me, until I realized I was on cloud 9 and I wanted to do this again, with someone more my type, but not necessarily less aggressive or less experienced. Until that date, I did most of the fucking and sucking and now had learned that I could lie back and enjoy foreplay and cumming as much as my partner was beneath my lips, fingers and cock. Sex became more fulfilling. I learned that I could be a receiver of pleasure as well as the giver, and during some exploits, be totally selfish and let all of the pleasure and attention come my way before I reciprocated. My repertoire expanded. Toys and games were introduced. A little kink appeared and all of that transformed me into the sexual being that I am. I experienced a sexual awakening, something I'll appreciate forever. It's also made me more comfortable expressing my fantasies and desires, making me a more desirable partner. Having never "cheated" on my ex despite a few sexless years toward the end of our marriage, I couldn't promise that again ... lol ...Earlier this Summer, I celebrated my third year as a companion and reflected on the ways in which I've changed since entering this world.
Some of these changes have to do with sexual desires that were once just distant fantasies that I've since gotten to fulfill. Other changes have less to do with sexy times. And I've also acquired or fine-tuned some outside of the bedroom life skills.
My personal reflections got me thinking about what shifts others may have noticed whether you've been a client or companion for a short time or decades. How has the demimonde changed you?
was look up the word demimonde in the dictionary. :p So thanks for that bit of homework.
I have definitely gotten to fulfill a ton of fantasies not possible with regular girls, and I've discovered that some of them are still better in fantasy and not in real life. I've also learned that half the positions you see in pornos really don't feel that good for either partner.
But for the more impactful effects, I have become more comfortable socially around women. I think spending time with a helpful courtesan has helped me understand a little better what makes a woman tick. I'm not saying I've become the "chick whisperer" or anything, only that I got a little better at interacting with them. 
I've also learned how to do things and cover my tracks better. 
dem·i·monde
(in 19th-century France) the class of women considered to be of doubtful morality and social standing.
Probably none, I've been jaded for a long while.
I have definitely been changed by my interactions with providers over the years, but it is hard to condense it all down to a manageable number of sentences. It's like asking a fish about water.
Probably the biggest change is that I took women off of pedestals and related to them better as people. Somehow this didn't happen during my peak dating years, but only after I started seeing providers. In recent times, I have tried out different things in appointments and then tried them again with my long-term girlfriend to her delight. So far, she has only asked me once where I learned something, and I blamed it on online porn.
"I learned it in the demimonde," or better yet "Alors, je l'ai appris dans le demimonde" and impress her with your French!
And now I've learned my something new for today. In response to your question: I've come to realize that monogamy is not natural.
(Started when I was 22.) that I have no idea who I would be had I never got involved.
I never thought about it either, but it is an interesting subject.
....to ever notice a change.
Now when I got my first dog 10 years ago I immeditely changed. I became a superficially friendlier person. I made small talk with people I wouldn't have given the time od day to pre-dog.
I realized when chatting with a newer helix that since I've spent pretty much 100% of my adult life on these boards and in this lifestyle, I can't really identify any changes in my personality due to being here. I feel like it's simply who I was always meant to be
~Mme X~
Young, handsome, successful bachelor (only the last descriptor still applies) up until the age of 32 when I married, I had no problem getting hot model types into my bed, but when I found myself suddenly a widower at age 48, I wanted to start seducing 20-somethings again, but soon discovered that even though I was doing some of my best selling, not many were buying, so enter the hobby. The resulting change in my demeanor is that it makes me feel young again and makes my friends ask what's up with the perpetual shit-eating grin. These are indeed happy times for me.
Though not a widower my sentiments and spin on the thread exactly echo cspatz and cdl. I walk around with almost the confidence I had back in my 30`s. I`m much more patient and I smile a lot. I flirt all the time with barmaids, waitresses, all females in fact and you know what? They flirt back. Life is good again.
It's almost as though civvie women can sense from your renewed confidence and swagger that you're fucking really young women and so they have a curiosity about who this guy is. It's like the beer commercials with the second-most interesting man in the world with two 20-somethings. Even though he's old enough to fall asleep and drown in his soup bowl if dinner runs late, women fantasize about what it is that these young hotties know about this old guy that they don't know.
Oh yeah! They know, believe me they know. Back in my day and even now girls have a sixth sense that subconsciously tells them that you`re getting laid on a regular basis and they become very intrigued. It`s almost like we`re emitting some kind of scent or pheromones and oh brother do they ever pick up on it. Mix in some confidence and a little swagger and the whole playing field changes to our advantage.
Speaking for myself I can remember times when I was in a bad slump and couldn`t get any booty no matter how hard I tried. Don`t think for a second that they don`t pick up on that too. To get out of my funk I would look for a bimbo or two who in no way would ever turn me down and sure enough after a couple of boinks the confidence and swagger would return.
Since I`ve been in the hobby I`ve had many civvie platonic lady friends and guy friends too look at me and ask me why am I smiling and glowing all the time and I tell them. I`m not married and own my own business so I don`t care who knows what I do, I`m damn proud of it too. The next time I see these ladies/guys they want to hear all about it.
"Who did you see this week? The skinny blonde, the redhead, or that blue eyed brunette in Philly you told me was so hot? I want to hear all about it" so I tell them and they love it.
I guess they`re livin' it vicariously through me.
This hobby has done wonders for me. Thank you ladies, you are all angels.
Life is good again.
after I got married.
When a man is in a serious sexual drought and gets so desperate he'll hump a ham sandwich, that frustration radiates off of him! And no, no self respecting woman wants to be with a man who she suspects has low standards.
Of course, the female version is also quite common, though men seem to get snares by "thirsty bitches" much more often, lol.
Basically the old adage applies - them that has, gets!
~Mme X~
-- Modified on 8/1/2017 1:50:54 PM
Growing up on "that side of the tracks" I have been around hookers pretty much all my life and my "first time" with a hooker was at the ripe old age of 15, best five bucks I ever spent. lol
You are celebrating your third year, I suppose I am celebrating my 43rd year and I still love everything about it.
...but I'm much happier for all the amazing experiences I've had. I'm still the irreverant, fun loving guy I've always been. It's just that now that my children are off the payroll, I not only have extra funds, but extra time to explore all the things I've wanted to.
Still have kids at home that they're going to have two problems to deal with once they leave:
1. Getting used to the quiet
2. What to do with all the extra money each month.
...I'd say that they're opportunities. 😎
As a "problem" they understand I'm being facetious. Of course it's a benefit and not a problem.
I am not a member of the “demi-monde.” This is a part-time job, not my lifestyle.
I can pay my bills on time. Mundane bourgeois values are far more pragmatic than the decadent and equally anachronistic sensibilities of Dumas’ Paris of the 1840’s, from which demi-monde is derived.
...but I think I'd like to monde your demi. 😎
Demimonde is just one of those terms that I really dislike. One of your staffers should have briefed you.
...but I do like your peaches and would like to shake your tree. 😎
Dumas, fils, certainement.
I am not a member of the “demi-monde.” This is a part-time job, not my lifestyle.
I can pay my bills on time. Mundane bourgeois values are far more pragmatic than the decadent and equally anachronistic sensibilities of Dumas’ Paris of the 1840’s, from which demi-monde is derived.
I've got noire but had to try to figure out quaintrelle from Lena's email. "A black, quaintly attractive, woman"?
.
"Un pour tous et tous pour un!" Ooops. That's Dumas, pere. C'est la vie.
Emile Zola est la littérature. Dumas est une bagatelle.
...according to Ralph Kramden:
Alice: "Ralph, I'd be very proud of you, you know, if you answered the first two questions and came home with $600."
Ralph: "$600? A mere bag of shells."
My taste for Latina providers prompted me to learn a new language (Spanish). I pursued this interest further with mongering trips to Latin America, which I enjoyed it other, non-sexual ways, such as appreciating nature.
One of my mongering trips to Latin America led me to discover a new hobby: scuba diving, which has been the focus of other vacations, and which I have combined with mongering.
So this hobby has definitely broadened my horizons and made me a better person in non-sexual ways.
I'm kind of an introverted, artistic-intellectual guy, and while I find that women appreciate those qualities later on, most of them don't in high school or college, at least not where I was. So I came into early manhood with little experience and zero self-confidence about sex and relationships.
The demimonde--which I didn't dip into until my forties--wasn't the only thing that turned that around for me, but it helped. Especially with getting a wider range of experience, trying out new experiences, and becoming more skillful and adventurous as a lover.
A lot has changed, but the biggie for me is the confidence in my own body, and the confidence enjoying pleasure from a man without feeling a lick of insecurity. Result: Many more Ohs. A part of that is the intellectual stimulation I get here. When I leave, I'll be looking for what I got here in men.
Because I know when and where my sex is coming from, I now am able to talk to any woman that I wasn't able to before.
With that dance off the table, I now have many civie women friends (some with benefits) that I wouldn't have had before.
my forties when things were going down hill quickly on the home front (romantically speaking. Prior to then, I would dabble with a provider or stripper maybe once a year. No experience to write home about.
Once I became more consistent in my activities, my experiences opened up a new world; as has been said elsewhere, "like a kid in a candy store". As I became more adventuresome and some very skilled providers opened up my sensual being, I became a more skilled lover and became a much more thoughtful person when around women.
These past 15+ years have been an absolute joy. While I am limited in my access to free time to partake in P4P, I relish each and every opportunity to be with a skilled provider.
Thank you to all the ladies who have helped me by opening up my sexual awareness.
Responding because of "demimonde".
I am coming up on my two-year anniversary of dabbling in the demimonde, although my earlier dabbling was more sugar dating than "providing".
Being a provider has made me much better about asserting my boundaries, both socially and in the bedroom. I look back at some of my first few dates, and I realize that I caved into pressures in those dates that I wouldn't put up with today. I know this has extended into my personal life, too. When dealing with non-clients in the bedroom, I'm much more-confident in asking for what I want, and in saying "no" to things that push my boundaries.
I think some people would find that odd. To use the perjorative term -- "Being a whore has given me the confidence to say "no."
I've also grown more comfortable with my body. I know what works for me and what does not work for me. That's liberating.
"Being a whore has given me the confidence to say "no."
You could look it up. But I won't make you.
"Disreputable or sordid in a rakish or appealing way."
Ladies like louche. Pronounced "loosh."
It also helps that I'm a lush.
there is no "t" in "mensch."
Anyway, that is less likely than my being recognized as a douche. A louche douche. Nice ring, eh?
I won't try to copy the Hebrew letters, but in the glossary it's mem, ayen, nun, tes, shin--m-e-n-t-sh.
But I've seen it transcribed all kinds of ways. It would be meshuge to stir up tsuris over such a thing.
Or a louche lush.
But can a loose-lipped louche lush lisp "louche mensh"?
...to the wider range of possibilities. See, I married my first "true love" and then endured almost 20 years of once-a-month sex (if I was lucky), missionary, no lights and NO oral (for either of us). Seems my "true love" was a Good Girl and they don't do that.
Fast-forward to the end of the marriage and me being paranoid about "picking up" a woman in a bar (as if I knew how to do that anyway , as HIV/AIDS was all the rage in the early 90s. Since I was in Reno and I'd read that the women who worked the legal bordellos were at least tested on a semi-regular basis, I figured that was the least potentially lethal way to explore some unknown sexual parameters for me.
In the 25+ years that I've been in p4p (off & on), my range of experiences and "wish list" sexual activities has truly opened my eyes to what is possible. It's made me more in tune with my own wants, needs and desires; what I like and what I don't care for; and how to better relate to women in my civvie relationships due to that knowledge. So it's been a benefit -- if I'd known then what I know now...
when I entered this world after my divorce 15 yrs ago. While I had a few torrid IRL relationships, most were more vanilla affairs where I brought the experience to bed with a few gals admitting they never had an orgasm, and that they fucked more for their partner than themselves. I actually was doing the same, but by enjoying a dominant and serving role without really understanding that fact.
When I met my first uber-aggressive provider, I was taken back that she had WAY more experience and libido than me and mad skills to back it up. I laid back in shock as she ravaged me and when she was done sucking my cock, she needed to get fucked. Even then, she was the aggressor, more so than any woman I'd been with, and she proceeded to fuck my brains out.
When I left the room, I didn't know what hit me, until I realized I was on cloud 9 and I wanted to do this again, with someone more my type, but not necessarily less aggressive or less experienced. Until that date, I did most of the fucking and sucking and now had learned that I could lie back and enjoy foreplay and cumming as much as my partner was beneath my lips, fingers and cock.
Sex became more fulfilling. I learned that I could be a receiver of pleasure as well as the giver, and during some exploits, be totally selfish and let all of the pleasure and attention come my way before I reciprocated.
My repertoire expanded. Toys and games were introduced. A little kink appeared and all of that transformed me into the sexual being that I am.
I experienced a sexual awakening, something I'll appreciate forever. It's also made me more comfortable expressing my fantasies and desires, making me a more desirable partner.
Having never "cheated" on my ex despite a few sexless years toward the end of our marriage, I couldn't promise that again ... lol ...
Although I've always been willing to cheat, married life in the civie world doesn't provide many opportunities and the selection is limited to those who inhabit your little world. Nevertheless when your horizon is just 10 feet away, you fixate your fantasies on what is in your field of view.
Now that I've been in this activity for a year and a half, though I still want to fuck practically every woman who crosses my path, the same level of motivation isn't there because I already have a list of future providers I want to see.
Although civie world "forbidden" (illicit affair) sex is still the best, so I'd take it if I could get it. But it is like waiting for lightning to strike (finding someone who is willing to cheat with no-strings attached.)
It's still a new feeling, so I am not sure how this will actually affect my civie world interactions. But I guess because of their reduced importance (for scoring some sex), I don't care as much.
"a group of people on the fringes of respectable society"
I don't really have a problem with that term - it's a widely used if judgmental descriptor in this World. I tend to use "life beyond the veil" more - same thing I suppose but without the judgment
I digress...have I changed?
Yes, but in positive ways I believe
In my early days whilst studying, the interactions I was having with successful gents in this World made me much more comfortable around them in a formal setting - especially in an interview/corporate setting. I'd go as far as to say that the level of ease/confidence achieved has certainly been a key component of propelling me up through the corporate ranks (I work in a very heavily male dominated environment). It takes more than an education to be successful...
On a personal level - again, yes. I used to be really quite shy and found it difficult and uncomfortable allowing a man to enjoy me. That part of me is LONG gone lol. Despite some of the thought processes on here ('who gives a fuck if the SP wants to be courted/enjoyed/romanced/insert moniker here it's about what I want') most men actually do want a woman to really enjoy being enjoyed! It's a very simple and accurate truth. The vast majority of men that I have met have absolutely been as interested in enjoying as well as being enjoyed. In that sense it quickly gave me an insight into what men want - which is not what I thought before I had stepped into this World. I've also learned (from these same men) that most civvy women don't 'get it' which is why so many men that I have met are restless and feel a void.
I've learned loads actually....and I've definitely become much more sensitive to the nuances of others....
Two great French phrases:
la petit mort = orgasm (direct translation 'the small death)
Tu me manques (quoted translation 'I miss you' - actual translation 'you are missing from me' which is so much better)
Xx
-- Modified on 7/29/2017 4:44:28 PM
Personally, I'm just fine with being considered on the fringes of same, and even with being judged for it.
Yes, wanting to enjoy and to BE enjoyed; most women don't seem to get that.
La petite mort, always loved that phrase myself. Also a fun website.
And "Tu me manques"--I've read the expression but you're right, the literal meaning really takes it deeper.
I get that the experience has been positive for all of you, as it has for me. I've met many lovely women with different motivations and aspirations, the whole range of personalities you find in any group of people, and that's made me see sex workers in a more realistic and humanistic way. But in a certain way, I find that I objectify women more than I did before the hobby. Before, when I would see women in public I might think "she's beautiful" or "she's got a sexy way of standing/walking/running/whatever" but now I think "wow I'd like to have sex with her" because it's ever so easy to go search on TER for someone that looks like her or at least reminds me of her. I know it sounds a bit creepy but it's not a big change, just a subtle difference in my perspective that I've noticed.
I've always been sexually confident, but used to hide the kinky fetish stuff from civvie guys. Now, I'm up front about the fact that I'm a sexually dominant woman. It's too much work to hide the thigh high boots, whips and sex toys.
I find since starting in this a little over 2 months ago I have a renewed lust for life, health and happiness... I can feel my old self coming back... I have spent years in a misriable marriage and is effect on me has been profound ... spending time with people who even if they are doing their job make me feel Wonderful is life altering
I know it sounds stupid but to me it felt like I was stuck in a hole that I was too deep to escape from. I now feel like I have reason to start climbing out of that hole and start taking care of myself and get my old self back
Some of the ladies, when you get to know them better or if you read their comments on TER, will tell you that that's an important and satisfying part of what they do. It has had a similar effect for me.
I've always thought that there's a great therapeutic value to this underworld society we participate in. Just the value of human touch and connection in itself is very important!! So many providers that I've seen have told me in many sessions the client mostly just wants to talk and have someone listen to him.
Years ago I read an essay online written by a provider titled "Friends, lovers, and slaves." That title is spot on--can't think of a better description of what providers do than that!! (Even if it's just for an hour or two at a time.)
...my laughter is louder and my demeanor more open and confident. I've met so many encouraging, charming, and chivalrous folks that it is difficult to not embrace life with full arms and live it to the fullest.
Plus, it helps that I am a Scorpio woman and so if any of that means anything to you, the demimonde definitely satisfies the carnal desires
It has let fantasies and exploration in the sexual avenue possible. More comfortable with my own sexual freakiness.