oh lucky you! i haven't learned that yet.....

i'm just glad that my lady friends haven't all fallen asleep.

i do remember one magical moment though when a civy friend, first time, said: "i'm surprised that it wasn't more like solving a math problem. i thought it was going to be much less interesting."

I mean, not when you thought you were...

but when did you become completely 100% certain that you were a GOOD LAY?

Did you think you were, and then later had an epiphany?
Were you taught how by someone who couold teach you?
Was it all trial and error?
Were you deep in prayer and received a calling?

Since I asked, I will go first: it was with a civvie GF, divorcee, 40-ish who had about 20 lovers in her life. When we got to that point in our relationship, she asked me not to be disappointed when we made love because she didn't have orgasms, but it didn't bother her, so hoped it didn't bother me.

I told her we would just take ou time and enjoy each other. We went out to dinner, came back to my place, had wine, in candlelight, goodpulsing music on, and a nice long foreplay. BCD, I had warm brandy and ice cubes to stimulate and lick off all sorts of key spots. Spent plenty of time giving her flower plenty of increasing attention.

Eventually her moans became a panting drone, her back arched, eyes rolled, and she began convulsing.
Soon she screamed as she thrashed and had her first O, and to both our suprise it was a gusher. It was quite long. Having nothing to compare it to she thought it was one O. Later she realized it was 3 or 4 in a row. She was so cute and so fucking hot! And very appreciative! !There were 2 other firsts for her that night. She it was my turn and went to town on me. she was very wanton, and responded to my verbal coaxing and decription of how dirty and slutty she seems with me in her mouth. As I was getting close I told her to lay down and prop her hea d up on the pillow. I told her she was sucking my cock just how I liked, but what I really wanted was to fuck her mouth just like a pussy.

That seemed to rev her up, she told me to tell her just what to do so I stradled her head and did just that, as I thrust into her I told her when to suck, when to lick, I told her to hold onto by balls and dont let go, and to rub her clit and finger fuck herself while I fucked her. As I got very close I told her that I didn't want to pull out, in garbled grunt she let me know that was OK. AS I came I thrusted hard telling her to swallow it. Which she did. I pulled out and she said she had never wanted to do that before, but she wanted to do it to me. Another first fro her

I asked if she wanted to try again, and she said "Yes", So with the brandy and some lube I went down for some dining and finger action. I worked on finger, then two. I told her I wanted to try three fingers. she said yes.She laid back and just moaned and seemed to be in a haze. taking my time I ended up with four and the thumb just infront of the knuckle. I stopped movrment and held my hand still. She said she felt so full and asked how many fingers I had in her. I told her to reach down and feel.

She touched and moved her hands around my hand and her pussy. She made little noises, it was like a blind woman trying to imagine in her head what exactly she was feeling. Her hands stopped, pressed around my fist. "Oh!"  "Is that?" It was VERY fucking hot as she realized most of my fist was in her, SHe liked how it felt but I could tell she was a bit shocked. I started to move ny hand and said does it hurt? she gasped a "No!" as I moved more and said I'm going to stretch out your pussy some more and worked my fist in to about and inch past the nuckle. She lay there as I slwoly licked her clit with my fist inside her for several more minutes. She never did have another orgasm.

She ended up spending the night. We did no more after that. The next morning she was a bit shy about discussing it. It was her first O, first multi-O, first san juan capistrano, first fist. All she said was that after a night like that she had to think about what she was going to do for me.

That was when I knew

HalfHour

Won't get as long as detailed as you did (fantastic though btw lol) but i'd say when the 3rd guy (before providing) told me I was the best sex he'd ever had so.....yeah.

That sounds about right.

..."a good lay." the very idea is ridiculous...no matter how sexually experienced someone may be, what "techniques" they may have picked up along the way, good sex will always come down to chemistry, and that is not something which can be learned. it simply is, or it is not. also i should point out that every human being is an individual, with their own individual likes, dislikes, body chemistry, etc. this means that mechanical technique cannot be universally applied, and in fact is the downfall of many who feel themselves to be, in their own minds at least, sexual dynamos. it blinds them to the immense uniqueness of every person, every body.

so to answer the question, i do not feel i am "a good lay." i feel that for certain men, i am a very intuitive, passionate and highly pleasing sexual partner. and i know that for other men i suck, in the bad way, lol. and that is the reality for us all.

That's a great story and I do love it. It might even be true.. but what works for her may not work for others. I do love your creativity and your confidence and that is what makes it hot...

Posted By: HalfHour

I mean, not when you thought you were...

but when did you become completely 100% certain that you were a GOOD LAY?

Did you think you were, and then later had an epiphany?
Were you taught how by someone who couold teach you?
Was it all trial and error?
Were you deep in prayer and received a calling?

Since I asked, I will go first: it was with a civvie GF, divorcee, 40-ish who had about 20 lovers in her life. When we got to that point in our relationship, she asked me not to be disappointed when we made love because she didn't have orgasms, but it didn't bother her, so hoped it didn't bother me.

I told her we would just take ou time and enjoy each other. We went out to dinner, came back to my place, had wine, in candlelight, goodpulsing music on, and a nice long foreplay. BCD, I had warm brandy and ice cubes to stimulate and lick off all sorts of key spots. Spent plenty of time giving her flower plenty of increasing attention.

Eventually her moans became a panting drone, her back arched, eyes rolled, and she began convulsing.
Soon she screamed as she thrashed and had her first O, and to both our suprise it was a gusher. It was quite long. Having nothing to compare it to she thought it was one O. Later she realized it was 3 or 4 in a row. She was so cute and so fucking hot! And very appreciative! !There were 2 other firsts for her that night. She it was my turn and went to town on me. she was very wanton, and responded to my verbal coaxing and decription of how dirty and slutty she seems with me in her mouth. As I was getting close I told her to lay down and prop her hea d up on the pillow. I told her she was sucking my cock just how I liked, but what I really wanted was to fuck her mouth just like a pussy.

That seemed to rev her up, she told me to tell her just what to do so I stradled her head and did just that, as I thrust into her I told her when to suck, when to lick, I told her to hold onto by balls and dont let go, and to rub her clit and finger fuck herself while I fucked her. As I got very close I told her that I didn't want to pull out, in garbled grunt she let me know that was OK. AS I came I thrusted hard telling her to swallow it. Which she did. I pulled out and she said she had never wanted to do that before, but she wanted to do it to me. Another first fro her

I asked if she wanted to try again, and she said "Yes", So with the brandy and some lube I went down for some dining and finger action. I worked on finger, then two. I told her I wanted to try three fingers. she said yes.She laid back and just moaned and seemed to be in a haze. taking my time I ended up with four and the thumb just infront of the knuckle. I stopped movrment and held my hand still. She said she felt so full and asked how many fingers I had in her. I told her to reach down and feel.

She touched and moved her hands around my hand and her pussy. She made little noises, it was like a blind woman trying to imagine in her head what exactly she was feeling. Her hands stopped, pressed around my fist. "Oh!"  "Is that?" It was VERY fucking hot as she realized most of my fist was in her, SHe liked how it felt but I could tell she was a bit shocked. I started to move ny hand and said does it hurt? she gasped a "No!" as I moved more and said I'm going to stretch out your pussy some more and worked my fist in to about and inch past the nuckle. She lay there as I slwoly licked her clit with my fist inside her for several more minutes. She never did have another orgasm.

She ended up spending the night. We did no more after that. The next morning she was a bit shy about discussing it. It was her first O, first multi-O, first san juan capistrano, first fist. All she said was that after a night like that she had to think about what she was going to do for me.

That was when I knew

HalfHour

I think you are correct overall, but would add some caveats.

Chemistry, real chemistry, is noted more by the female than the male. The woman can sense immunological compatibility within mere moments. The man can, at most, react to ovulation. So in a sexual situation, the male typically reacts to the woman's lead.

Thus it is possible for a woman who is an actress to give every impression of being a fantastic lover to a man with whom she has little or no chemistry.

Certain things can be learned. How to read a man's body language, how to assess his personality, correlations between personality and likes/dislikes, etc.

Some women are able to create an impression of chemistry that will convincingly fool 95% of men; and simultaneously due to being able to read body language and adapt on the fly, be very very good lovers for those men even with little or no real chemistry. Thus the existence of the 9-10 performance GFE provider.

You and some other providers are in a different and entirely honest realm. You and these few providers have the luxury of being able to select clients with whom such chemistry exists, and leave the remaining clients for other providers. This is a very ideal model, but the number of providers who could follow it and still keep a roof over their head is small.

In general, then, I would say you are totally correct. I suck in bed. I KNOW I suck in bed. EXCEPT for with women I genuinely like and who give honest feedback and whose sexual nuances I can learn over time in order to please them. For those women, presumably women with whom there is some degree of genuine chemistry, I don't suck in bed after the 3rd-4th visit. But initially? Or with a woman I don't really like? I suck. Oh boy do I suck. I give it the old college try, of course; but it's like being a bull in a China shop -- I can't do anything right. That's because it isn't genuine. Even with a woman I like, for our first physical contact to be sex is unnatural; and so the sex isn't that good. But as it becomes more natural, more expected, more an extension of how I feel about the person; it becomes better and more enjoyable for her and thus me.

But, in the other direction, a woman who thinks I am Satan incarnate and is a good actress can be one helluva lover. Nature had to give women some advantages to make up for less upper body strength.

We may not be able to learn much in the way of mechanics which make us a 'good lay', but we may definitely learn how to pay attention to our partners and what they appreciate sexually. If we develop a mindset that allows us to consider our partner's needs and desires as well as our own, we are much more likely to become 'good lays' with a larger variety of people.

And, FWIW, the OP should stop trying for the Penthouse Forum prize for fiction.

For me, I figured I was at least a better-than-average lay when a couple of ladies offered intimate time OTC. That was a boost for the old ego after 30 years of monogamy!

I was bestowed with a greeting of flowers around my neck from a hot hawaiian male and a female greeter.: )))
xoxo lorena

you make the same point I was going for with dark quasi neurotic humor. Cheers.

you have given me some new ideas to chew on, especially the concept that females possibly intuit chemistry more keenly than males. that's something i'd never considered and may well be accurate.

but of course the idealist in me would like to think that deep down people could not truly be fooled by someone "faking the funk," as it were. that they may enjoy and appreciate the physical but have an awareness on some level that there is something missing. but eh, perhaps that is just my own naivete?

on knowing and liking both being required for great sex, i am fortunate that that is not the case for me personally. one of my most intense and amazing sexual relationships was in college, with a man i truly detested. i found his attitude, carriage, values and general way of life to be almost abhorrent...and the feeling very much seemed to be mutual. yet one sunny afternoon we found ourselves breathless in each other's arms, mating frantically like lions. he instinctively knew and understood every nuance of my body, and i could even physically sense when he was in need...even from a great distance (like that of several US states). it was frightening and wonderful at the same time. but in the 2 years we maintained a sexual relationship, our feelings toward each other never changed. they remained quite negative and hostile.

likewise i have had intensive connective encounters with complete strangers, never seen before and never to be seen again. where a single brief eye contact led to my orally worshiping them on my knees in the nearest washroom, where my throat felt like a long lost home for their cock. every movement, every touch, every breath was just right.

chemistry is the term i use to explain such encounters. because they defy all logic and understanding otherwise.

I know I am not physically attractive nor am I skilled in sex. I am physically limited do to weight and certain heath issues. I do try and I do listen to and take instruction both the verbal and the physical kind. I have read a lot on the subject but at the end of the day I only have a 1 time out of 4 success rate of giving ladies other than my wife the big "O." Although, many do try and fake it but I can tell most of the time when a lady is faking it. But at the end of the day I know how to get the woman I love off and that is enough for me. The ladies I pay I try my best for but at the end of the session I paid them not the other way around so it is not the end of the world if I failed to rock her world. But what is it to you?

You may be a rck star to one lady and a nightmare to another. Besides the best sex comes from between the ears, not between the legs. If you're both into each other and the chemistry is there. Yes You are the shit!

I don't think I'm the worst but definitely not the best. I would say I'm okay. But, I'm always trying to learn more and pay attention.

I disagree, and  I'm betting you're response is tainted by the old phrase "a good lay" -- whatever that phase means -- and possibly the caveman like attitude toward sex that was so rampant when that phrase was current. To further my point I'll quote you on yourself

" i feel that for certain men, i am a very intuitive, passionate and highly pleasing sexual partner "

Only knowing you from your posts, I would bet that assessment is accurate. So to use a different phrase and say that "you are a fine lover" would, IMO, be reasonable and probably very true. The fact that there may be certain men with whom you would not click sexually, and who MAY not enjoy themselves with you to the fullest does not detract with who you are as a sexual person.

If the question were posted differnetly, such as

"At what point did you find yourself fully confident as a person who could express and share your sexuality fully, freely, and in such a way as to significantly enhance the sexual experience of you partner?"

... I bet your answer would have been different.

The way my post was written may have influenced what is completely a reader inference, that you allude to in your fisrt sentence. That being, the phrase "a good lay" is related to "techniques" which would be in essence mechanical motions. A bygone era elevated the naive idea that mastery of techniques could make a man a 'stud' or a woman 'a good lay'. By no means do I believe that idea,  nor it it  implied. (I'm old enough to have lived through that era, and fortunately, left those ideas behind long ago.) Using that phrase was just a tongue-in-cheek type of style.

I'll be candid and tell the reason for my post to help explain. I am plain looking at best, I have no physical prowess of any kind, not well endowed,  not even I particularly coordinated. I was a late bloomer: first kiss at 19. Married the girl I lost my virginity to. After my divorce, I was quite nervous about being a single adult male, not having had all the sexual experiences in high-school and college that my friends had. My only sexual experience was in marraige--fullfilling but fairly vanilla.

After divorce I decided to stay single. I was unsure of being able to be a good lover. If a woman has looking for a big strong man to pound her hard nonstop all night (and I found some are) I would not satisfy her. By the way, I'm sure you know there are both men AND women who consider that good sex.  What I thought I MIGHT have to offer was a level of intuitiveness, the ability to read a woman, and a strong desire to have my partner enjoy sex as much or more that I did. (My wife said she thought I was a lesbian trapped inside a man's body, whatever THAT meant!)

Anyway I had some experiences that left me wondering, like the lover who said she was very comfortable with me, but fell asleep DURING sex, the first two and only two times we were together. LOL! It's funny now, but at the time, not so much. Eventually I began seeing the woman I wrote the post about. We had a good connection, and our first time having sex was what I wrote about. The story is true, more importantly, the things I did with her WERE NOT "techniques", I had never aggressively facefucked a woman, nor fisted a woman prior to that. It just happened that way, and the result was off the hook. After that, I became very relaxed and completely confident about having sex. I know now that if the session isn't great, it's not because I can't "deliver the goods", it's just that my partner and I don't click for some reason, and such is life.

So within the bounds of that perspective and invoking a bit of literary license, I know I'm "a good lay." Somehow, I think you are too.



HalfHour

It's just an interesting point of conversation on an anonymous sexboard. I like people and their personal stories, they facinate me.

But what is it to you?

HalfHour

I too do like to read about why people do what they do. I like the question you gave in your response to lilli better though then your first one.  "At what point did you find yourself fully confident as a person who could express and share your sexuality fully, freely, and in such a way as to significantly enhance the sexual experience of you partner?" My answer I am not there yet. I am very shy both sexually and socially, but I am getting less so all the time. Now in that post you implied anther question When did you first learn "you are a fine lover?" Now on that I can say with confidence I learned that a without a doubt three months ago. Being a good lover is less about sex and more about concern for your parter. I learned I real enjoy pleasing my partner more than pleasing myself. I try and read her body language and listen to her wants and instructions. I have genuine concern for their wellbeing. That is my definition of being a good lover. Please do not assume I fall in love with or am a push over for the ladies I am with other than my wife, because I am not. Now when it comes to my wife the lady I truly love I am an exceptional lover. I know as of about three mouths ago that I have what it take to stick with her through anything. I know I have what it take to love her unconditionally and to be understanding and forgiving even when it hurts.  I also know exactly how to turn her on and get off. I knew a long time ago that my wife is a good lover and now I am too.

That I ought to share my talents by becoming an escort because I was "that good"...
(While clutching their chest and catching their breath sometimes.)
I am serious! My bed partners would tell me that! lol It amazed me
that anyone would think that and of course, I could never....

LOL
Fast forward a few years...

The power of suggestion is an amazing thing.