We were all newbies once.  What were your misconceptions when you started this?  

I'll tell you mine.  Don't misunderstand it's not that I'm at all disappointed with it, but I really believed in general that most providers I would meet would be far younger.  I didn't think women lasted in this for more than a few years.  I didn't think you could remain in demand after that.  

What I discovered has been beautiful and marvelous women in their 30s and 40s and even 50s and 60s could be.

Okay that was the misconception that I had. And yours?        

Additional note: I wasn't hunting for younger ladies when I started.  The first tryster I saw was at least in her late 30s, and probably 40s.

-- Modified on 6/3/2006 1:27:02 AM

The stark candor of my edification to the realities herein lends best to reticence than promulgation.

 I'm not inferring disparagement of either supply or consumer side; but only that the keen edge of veracity might cut deeply, and serve neither.

I've noticed though, in that thread below, is how harshly misconceptions are treated.  (Though some are pretty offensive, now.)  Prostitution stays illegal and disdained because of misconceptions.  It does create even worst judgments even within the community if all misconceptions are treated so acerbically.  

But, in the end, maybe you're right.  Maybe the truth of it hurts too much..

...the more you paid, the more physically attractive a provider would likely be. After 20 years of paying women at various price points, that has simply proved to be untrue. There is no significant correlation between price and looks in my experience. Maybe five of the top ten hottest lookers that I have come across cost me less than $100.

...the wider society thinks it to be damaging. You might disagree, I might disagree but I do not think it is to do with misconceptions. Western society may be screwed up in many ways but people are not bloody stupid. They know what the score is as far as prostitution is concerned. The hobby might get a bad rap to an extent, but as far as I can see, based upon the characters that I have come across, it is mostly deserved. Frankly, I would not suggest it to any young girl as a career option. But for those who do it, and do it well, I take my hat off.

...all providers would look like Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke. Had I known they didn't, I might have started this hobby long before I did.

Mine was that they all did or allowed the three basics.DATY,BJ,and intercourse.I also thought they would all be working for a pimp.And I had no idea about the term "bait and switch".

I started in earnest about 30 years ago -- BEFORE the internet -- in brothels in New York.

My misconception?  That providers were from another planet.  Put another way -- that women who would willingly have sex, even for money, or whoa -- that would actually enjoy it, had to be a species that I'd never encountered in civvie life.  Going to the brothel was a kind of "real life" equivalent of buying a dirty magazine to be kept under the mattress, and slipped out in twilight to jerk off to.  Therefore, providers were to be treated totally as sexual objects, to be kept at a distance, to be hidden and to be feared.

I owe a huge debt of gratitude to a woman named Nerida.  I'd booked an hour with her on August 15, 1987. After we'd finished the act, with half an hour to go, I casually asked her what she did when she wasn't working.  She started talking about the Bukowski she was reading, the showings of Basquiat (sp?) she was going to, the Tom Waits she listened to.  Then she started digging into the critical analysis of the Bukowski.  Oh, my God! I thought.  She's more cultured, hipper and, dare I say, maybe even smarter than I am.  And, holy shit! A human being!!! I bought another hour -- we had more sex and more conversation -- and another one after that, and then I took her out for drinks when she got off work.  We stayed up till 4 in the morning; I walked her home and kissed her good night at her door.  

And everything has been different since then.

...the first provider I saw DID look a lot like Miss Kitty (only with much bigger tits, so all was not lost, lol).
Seriously, this is a great thread.  Probably, my biggest misconception was that I'd feel "dirty" and guilty about my infidelity.  I love my wife, but I am sorry that I didn't start sooner.  I've met some truly wonderful ladies, who've made me feel like the king of the world.  Everyone needs that from time to time.

1.That the ladies are so beautiful, sexy, smart and classy.
2.That she actually would be intimate with me.
3 Thinking that the date would be "wham bam thank you mam". Instead it was like a real date with an old girlfriend.
4. Not realizing how addictive and fun this Hobby can be, but I have no regrets.

pun intended

-- Modified on 6/3/2006 9:31:47 AM

There are some of us that make it a point to be human, yknow. I'd be happy to delve into a critical analysis of Bukowski vs. the Beats anytime.

But yes, the road runs the other way too. When I first started, I was under the impression that all the gentlemen would be socially awkward and less than ideal in appearance. What a pleasant surprise to find out that my clients are more or less like the men I would date in civilian life!

. . . that much drama among providers and their clients.

That's what happens sometimes with a GFE. There is more demand for kissing, closeness, etc. When people get to know one another there will always be a certain amount of drama, especially for those who cannot separate business from pleasure.

I enjoy it all, but I find that men are wanting more time without compensation these days. And -- let' face it -- some women are petty and jeolous in this profession. Go figure! I've never understood that one.  

Anyway, I really didn't have any misconceptions when I decided to do this as a profession. I knew what I was getting into, and I was one of those cases that I really was struggling financially at the time (even though I'm college educated, blah, blah, blah) and was trying to help out family. My story is the old story, but I've come to meet some wonderful people in this business (and some not so wonderful). I think the main thing I've achieved through this business that is a plus is that I've learned to see past physical beauty and now seek more internal beauty.

Hugs,
ciara

I didn't expect that I would feel more loving and tender towards my wife after I indulge with a provider.  I have been married forever and have a BBW, but with some health problems she is having I found a great woman that gives me what I am missing, and she always leaves me with a sense of gratitude for her services even with an exchange of money between us.  That's two things I didn't expect.

I was advertising "face to face" in hotel lounges and by word of mouth when I first started.
No website, no reviews. Business cards with my name and number.
One gentleman I saw suggested I go online to advertise. So I did, from there I discover the message boards, online directories and so forth.
TER was actually one of the last places I found and only because a gentleman I saw said "I will leave a review for you on TER." I had to have him give the URL and was shocked to say the least.
This business is very...private to say the least, but websites, and community sites make it (and us) excessible to the entire world. I am often suprised at how open some people (especially the hobbyists) are about personal info and experiences. And the reviews are very detailed as well. I personally would never tell anything about a session, other than good or bad when I give references. Good girls don't kiss and tell. LOL

I had little idea that a couple of providers I saw regularly would be jealous and hurt by glowing reviews I wrote of other newly met providers.

I was blindsided by the strong irritation shown by a few providers who, even though I was fully enjoying a session, noticed that I had failed to cum. This fortunately is infrequent, yet when it does occur perhaps 50% of the ladies mistook the lack of dramatic results as a mark of failure on their part. Thank god I was almost always able to convince them they had been wonderful partners.

I at first never expected true affection, spontaneous intimacy or deeply shared satisfaction from a partner during transacted companionship. And yet it has sometimes happened. This possibility has kept me in the hobby and provided memories that last forever.

I was, and still am, thrilled and amazed at the friendships I have developed in this hobby.
I know that it is still "business" first, but I have cultivated some great friendships with some very lovely, classy, and wonderfull ladies that I might not have had otherwise.

Thank you ladies.
You are much appreciated.

Just my opinion...
B

-- Modified on 6/3/2006 1:00:16 PM

I have met only a handful of men that I have made good friends with in this business, yet even those who wander into my life unexpectedly have somehow touched me in some way or form (no pun intended). Bobb, Bizarro, Zinaval and a few more (sorry if I'm forgetting anyone - I'm still tired) are just a few.

Hugs,
ciara

but went to an M&G and was much impressed by all that were there.  the wealth of knowledge, the genuine sharing of life experiences (sexual and non-sexual) and how much in common I had  with others... it was a relief!  

I'm with you. I was surprised how much information about the hobby is right here for all to see. After reading reviews and discussion board posts my expereinces were pretty much what I expected.

Now if you'd asked me 6 years ago, when my knowledge was limited to what I'd seen in movies, I'd have said it surprised me that the ladies aren't fishnet stocking-wearing, gum cracking, bouffant hair-wearing, makeup covered, hot pants-wearing, drug-addicted streetwalkers with AIDS. That's the impression you'd get from the media.

I originally put "all" after aren't in that last paragraph, but that would imply some or most are. I haven't found any meeting any part of that description.

..."Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Wondering in the night, what were the chances we'd be sharing love before the night was through.

Something in your eyes was so inviting, something in you smile was so exciting, something in my heart, told me I must have you.

Strangers in the night, two lonely people
we were strangers in the night up to the moment
when we said our first hello, little did we know
LOVE was just a glance away, a warm embracing dance away.

Ever since that night weve been together, lovers at first sight, in love forever.
It turned out so right, for strangers in the night."

Only one question remains. Did she give you the money back? And did she fuck another guy half an hour later?.

Sorry my mistake, that is two questions.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Who said real romance was dead????

My mistake, if they quote Basquiet they surely love you for real. Because nobody knows who the fuck is Basquiet is! Didn't he win Wimbledon last year?

...obviously have not been at it seriously enough if you have not!

I appreciate anybody who gives vfm. Hobby business or other business. I have no illusions though.

It is easy to make friends without paying for it if you try. Honest.

In the several years I have been "active", I can truthfully say I have not been ripped off.
And also, that I have not had a disappointing visit with any of the ladies I have seen, reviewed or not.
If you are careful, do your homework, see reputable ladies, and are a gentleman, you won't get ripped off and won't be disappointed.
Maybe I should get more serious then maybe I can get ripped off.
Maybe you're just seeing the wrong ladies, think about it.

Of course you can make friends without paying for it, DUH.

Some of the most upfront, honest, "be there when you need them" friends I have ever had, are CiaraPhx and Anneke, both who I met through here.
Yes, I support their business, not as much as I would like, but because we are friends, there is a much better "relationship" than just the throw the envelope, get it on and leave saga.
I am old enough and wise enough to know the difference.

The old adage;
"to get a friend you have to be a friend"
works in this business as well as outside.
We are all still just people.

Just my opinion...
B

and although I agree with a lot of things Catatonic has to say because I think he is usually quite sensible, I have to think he has also been jaded a few times in this business. There are "some" nice people in this business.

Hugs,
Ciara

"Because nobody knows who the fuck is Basquiet"

Basquiat portrait

It took about ten years for that idea to die.

It does not take a genious to figure out that for any lady to come onto chat and "open" herself to criticism takes a lot of courage and self confidence.  There are few that I have met who measure up to Ciara... (yes there are others) but Ciara is someone I admire for many, many reasons.  She is truly worth a trip across the country, just to get to know.  Thanks.

Age, a number stuck in the mind... profession?  depends on how you look at any job...  I know cleaning staff, who are happy, but CEOs of MAJOR companies who are not.  

Too many people say that they can only be happy with perfection.  I would suggest that they are seldom happy....  Ciara, made me happy, even if for too short of a time.! but then again, who knows how life's paths cross?! I am just happy to have met her!

Sadly, perhaps my marriage and divorce have left me a tad cynical about "true love" or even "love."  I won't go into my marriage and divorce since I have expounded on that elsewhere on this board... however, since the divorce, many wonderful friends have "set me up" or offered to go out with me... and on those "dates" I had no expectations of anything other than a pleasant evening - at the movies, some sporting event, a concert, or just dinner or lunch... What I got, was a very strange and in one instance scary evening.  

Suffice to say, I have had civies lie to me, tell me I was not good enough for them!, and the expectations of what I would do for them... well they were so outlandish that they make the envelop look silly!  

I restarted hobbying (did not while married- and was TOTALLY faithful during my marriage) and was amazingly and very pleasantly surprised.  Most of the ladies that I see, have a degree, are very knowledgeable about a very wide range of topics and some have kids... and we talk about how to handle school officials and the like.  in short, I would be very comfortable with one of them at my side during any community event.  That is how I think of them, very honest ladies - no deceit, no "hidden agendas" and certainly no lies.  I know that during the short period of time that I pay them to be with me, they are providing a fantasy, BUT, hints of their true personality do become apparant.  and not all the ladies fill this description - in fact after sampling a few, I would say that of the total number of ladies that I have seen, about 1/4 of them are as I have just described.

Have I been ripped off?  yea... but more by civies than by escorts.  

Do the escorts that I am friends with help me?  yea, they are pretty grounded and are always very honest with me.  I can tell them of specific problems... and know what, they ususally give pretty honest answers that do address the issue... in short they act as any friend would.

And I agree, value for money... I would like to think that I take advantage of no one, hobby or in the business world... as in the "business" world I have had a partner lie, cheat and steal from me... and he still does to this day!  So I know how that feels... lol.... if I have shorted anyone, they should let me know!  I would try to make it up to them... lol! but I don't think that I have.  Always a two-way-street!

In short, Maybe you should set me up with some of YOUR civie dates! lol!!! cause you seem to do better than me there!

would be to force many to examine their own lives a little too closely.  

Think of this....  many (civie) women really get off, on the power that they hold over men.  Prostitution chips away at that power.  Many men are embarassed by their sexual desires... mostly because of our societal views... legalized prostitution would chip at that as well...

other countries deal with this differently, and it presents less of a problem that you would think.  The US is a strange place with respect to sex.  it is at odds with itself.

For me,  I had no idea of what kind of experience I would have.  Sex had home had gone from infrequent to almost never, and very unfullfilling. But, even from the start of my marriage, she has never allowed me to enjoy sex with her.  When I was in my thirties and in better shape, she used to make me feel guilty because I was only wanting to have sex with her (albiet, all the time). Sex for her is only for procreation

The fine Ladies I have seen have helped me experience sex like I have never had before.  Maybe it is the newness of another person or trying new things, but it feels like electricity everytime now

Being an "old-school" kind of guy, I used to be the married once and always type.  I had never thought about being with another woman besides my wife.  A female co-worker I was working closely with on a project became interested in me. She reminded me that I was still a man. One day, I woke up and decided to stop taking myself for granted.  I eventually found my way here to TER and found some great providers.

So far, there are only 2 flaws in my plans.  NOT enough money and not enough time!

That all providers were out to rip you off, to get your money without doing anything.  That was my misconception.  I now know that most (all that I've seen) will go the extra mile to please you.  They'll stay until the last minute of the hour at least.  All in all, they'll deliver the goods in spades.

...so did you boink the female co-worker yet?

It reminds me a little of the Monty Python bit with the "hermit" community, with Eric Idle talking about how being a hermit is so worthwhile because of the social life.  

The "underground" has never been so much on the surface.  It's unsettling.

The laws haven't been reconsidered since.  Meanwhile prejudices and misconceptions and a general contempt for sex have kept it in that state.  The fact that it was illegal before that is more because it was associated with the production of children who were called "bastards" who had no traceable connection to their father's family, and were generally exiled from the mother's family too.  Without that support, and without participation in child-rearing by the families, the "bastards" generally became a terrible social problem: bastards.  

The other thing that caused it to be illegal was the political situatiob of Israel when the prophet scriptures were written.

It's interesting that you think it should be illegal, yet take your hat off to ladies in it.  I'd compare the ethics of an independent tryster very favorably to the ethics of other professions and against corporate ethics.  Except, of course, for the ones who are actually grifters.  You had a lot of rackets in gambling too, before it was legal.

It means something that you actually marked that as a calender date afterward.  From here forward, I know I'm different.

Back when I was 18, I thought the same thing about women.  Then for years after counterexamples, I wondered how the writings of women and what I saw in porn didn't match any of what I saw in real life.  If I had come into the hobby then, I would have thought just the way did.  

Apparently, there would have been a lot of contempt of prostitutes for their clients too.

wow, good stuff,
I'm in total agreement

...I said that I understand why it is illegal. Certainly the laws in the UK have been reconsidered often, particularly recently because of issues surrounding trafficking and underage girls. The legal position here is not just a hangover from 400 years ago or a function of ancient scriptures. I'm guessing, but based upon people that I come across in my own life, I think that of the typical Americans on the street more rather than less would approve of prostitution being illegal and it is their society as well as ours. Even legalising it is not a complete cure to the problems surrounding the business. I used to know a Dutch escort and she is contemptuous of prostitution in Holland, despite it being legal. Women still face various real problems regardless of the legal position as a simple consequence of the type of business it is.

If you genuinely would compare the ethics of an independent escort favourably with other professions and corporate ethics, then you just have not seen enough of them. I can assure you that the industry is much wider than the intelligent type of women that you see posting on sites such as this. Reading the reviews would be instructive. I work in banking and if I treated my clients in the same way that I have been treated too often in the past by escorts then not only would I be sacked but I may well find myself in prison.

...to read much of the stuff on this board you would think prostitution is a fairy tale sort of business. It most certainly is not. But I would not be a consumer if I did not get a lot out of it.

at the moment. We are driving each other nuts at the mo. I'm soon to get my marching orders I'm sure, so I'll send you her number. Hope you handle her better than I did, lol.

Guys who take your approach and stick to the cream will usually do ok. It is guys like me that seek variety and hundreds of different types of girls that come unstuck on occasion. It's a different way of hobbying.

48 Hours have past. Although all have observed a polite level of decorum; this thread has proved prolific and colorful, as well as a modest vindication of my sentiments.

 zinaval; I salute you.

current user name.  in fact very few are.  also, note that in my post, I stated that only 1/4th of providers are "genuine" - but they are truly genuine.... whether they like me, or not.

Some that I see, should really not be in this business, some that I see, I get the distinct impression that they are as much a hobbiest, or more so than me! and some, well, they are just very sweet people- and I really like them.

and one or two, well, under different circumstances..... who knows... from my perspective - and those circumstances, by the way, have NOTHING to do with the lady(s) being a provider, they are more to do with me, sadly....

Yea, it is tough in the civie dating world, and I don't understand why.  I am a pretty decent guy, can be fun to be around and am, for the most part, fairly interesting.  Heck, I was even in a one hour meeting with my ex just now and you would think we are old buddies...  so getting along (with anyone), while not my forte, is something I can do.  

...rather than earned
Sometimes it's just a really expensive jerk off
The most erotic part of a man's body is not the bulge in the front of his pants but in his back pocket

I'm wit'ya-

I thought it would be all about using ladies and guys lack of respect- came to find  out it was a world with a lot of mutual respect(at least openly- i'm sure the ladies can't help giggle after I leave...)  Some of the guys are simply in awe of the ladies... it's more respectful and friendlier than I thought it would be...

I too realize that legalizing is currently out of the question.  Nobody knows how to deal with it.  Decriminalizing is what I think should be done, for a generation or two, till an actual humane system comes out of it, and I would hope it does.  

I stand by the statement that our laws a hangover from 400 years ago.  Our culture was much more affected by the puritans than the UK is-- because the UK had to actually repudiate them.  In modern days, yes, the UK is vacillating on it, but I'm certain they will realize sometime that trafficking is a slavery issue.  They will head in the right direction, I hope, eventually.

Please think about this: women face various problems also in monogamous marriage.  Many will complain about that, too.  Men do to, which is why they are often on this board.

As for comparisons with other industries, first I know many nightmare stories about doctor malpractice-- not just frivilous lawsuits either.  Many of those doctors continue to practice.  Lawyers... enough said.  Politicians... again enough said.  In comparing trysters to corporations, I tend to think providers look pretty good compared to the oil industry, the tobacco industry, the pharmaceutical industry (I worked for one of those), the insurance industry, stock trading firms, the advertising industry, the movie industry, and yes, even banking and credit lending.  Maybe my standards are very low, but that's the way I see it.

If you'll get fired for treating customers badly, I point out that corporations have a way of steering the right people into their proper jobs.  They depend on your ethics and customer service in that role.  If they need a lobbyist or corporate lawyer they'll hire somebody of lower ethical standards with the proper expertise for that job.  Then they have to be careful that the nastier side never blows its cover to the nicer one.

Am I cynical?  Yes. You don't have to join me in it.  However, I once had a provider return $700 to me. I want to make it clear: not because my sex was spectacular either.  I've never experienced a corporation doing anything similar.      

It has turned out to be a very good thread.

my biggest misconception is that I would never in a million years get caught, and put my family life at risk.  It happened and a day does not pass without some kind of reminder of the risk of having my young sons taken from me.

I have to say, I don't have that misconception.  I believe that I will probably be caught and go to jail for this someday.