I admit it. I’m a hobbyist and I really love the ladies. I’m also a mangina and love to snowball. I’ve also become so fat I can’t drag my butt to a ladies incall. I live in a small city in South Carolina where there are very few providers. The few girls that do outcall… there just ain’t no chemistry. Know what I’m sayin? Also I am afraid that my neighbors might suspect somethins up. Get it?

It’s not that I am afraid of my wife or nuthin. We yammered about it a bit. We don’t have sex anymore. She says she is so grossed out by hosing and scraping the body cheese out of my fat folds that she just isn’t turned on anymore. Can’t blame her. But I think she is getting it on with our kitty corner neighbors’ daughter Barbara LuAnne.

So I have to take matters into my own hands, so to say. I can give myself an OK hand job. But I need variety. It’s the spice of life! I miss the snowballin but I get grossed out at the idea of CIM. I also miss that trick the pro babes do where they put the raincoat on with their mouth!

So I have two Qs. A can give their $0.03 but I especially want to know what Mr MP67 thinks. He seems to get into all sorts of situations and get out of ‘em. I mean he hasn’t been banned yet so he must know somethin or somebody. Right? So here they are.

1) Why do I think that giving myself a hand job isn’t gay but go “yuck” at giving myself a BJ?
2) Is there anyone who can teach me to put a happy hat on my dick with my own mouth so I can at least switch from hand jobs to giving myself my own BJ?

Thanks all. See ya in the funny papers.