as i read this goddamn drivel you call important.

do everybody a fucking favor and cut the fucking thing OFF already so you won't feel the need to BE HERE anymore

Yep! Got mine while ice fishin. All bundled up, and fishing for hours with hands nearly frozen. Had to take a leak, and thought I had everything tucked in nicely, until I zipped up. Caught it in the zipper, right on the head, not the shaft. Lots of blood for a long time.

Nope, that was a long time before I visited any providers, but to this day, some of them look a little quizzical at the scar that was left.

They don't bite. It's the abrasion from the teeth going over the same skin a few hundred times.  Wait 3-4 weeks to hobby again or the next girl will think you have an STD.  The healed scar remains visible as lighter color skin for a few more weeks.

Have been through this many times.  Not painful to receive, but the soap will sting when taking a shower later.

But I have had another kind of zipper accident.

While walking though a hotel lobby after a particularly satisfying session, I noticed all the smiling faces admiring me; I figured no doubt my aura was giving off happy post coitius vibes to all around until I felt a breeze and looked down to see that I was loosing altitude.

Glad I hadn't gone out commando.

I went to this Mexican restaurant and had their special, they ask what kind of sauce I wanted, and they recommended that I get their green sauce. The food was good, and the sauce was even better. A half hour when I left, my stomach started to bubble and made all sorts of weird noises. My butthole was beginning to loosen up to prepare for the big finale. I could tell that I was gonna release some nuclear waste.

I was on the highway, and couldn't find a bathroom. Finally got off exit and tried to find a public restroom. Found a gas station, hurried in and cut in front of four people. I frantically told the clerk to let me use his restroom, he said, "for paying customers only" and I had to wait in line. I grab a soda, waiting in line while sweat was dripping down my forehead thinking--this is gonna be nasty. I didn't want to fart to prevent any loose dooky juice to flow out while squeezing my butt cheeks.

Finally the clerk said, "$1.05", I told him, "where the hell is the bathroom?". He gave me the keys and said, "outside around the corner". I ran out there, had a hard time opening up the door with the damn key glued to a plumber stick. Went inside, and smelled the stank ass dookie all over the place. At this time, I just hold my breath and tried to ignore the stanky bathroom smell, and cleaned the toilet to the best of my ability while using a toilet paper on the seats. I just let that sucker go. Relief.

Sat in the bathroom for about 5 minutes and heard a back-up truck sound. Looked through the bathroom window and there was a tow truck towing my 1987 rusty Toyota corolla. I rushed myself to finish and "zip it" accidentally. Too much testosterone at the time to notice, and argued with the tow truck man. Told him, I was only in the restroom for 5 minutes, and he argued I was parked in a no park zone. I made a getaway, just hoped in my car and ran. Its nothing like the tow truck shows, the tow truck man looked stunned.

Driving home and notice a had a small sting on my shaft. Went home and took a shower and looked at my dick. It was a small cut on my shaft, so tiny, it looked like the tip of a pen. Anyways, that was like a week ago, and let me tell you, the skin on your shaft is different from the skin on your body. Usually, with a small cut, especially the size of a tip of a pen, it will will within a day. But the skin on your shaft, it takes WAY longer to heal. Its almost a week in a half and its still healing. I am like damn!! When is this shit gonna completely heal? But its getting there, but I had no idea it will take so long.

So, I am prevented to fuck any providers cause I am embarrass. Besides, I have a small cut on my shaft, can't let the germs spread. My SO didn't even notice it cause it was so small, until I showed her and pointed it out. FUCK!!! I know I won't be able to see a provider for another two weeks at least until I make a full recover. Anyways, anybody else got something that accidentally happened to their dick that prevent them from seeing a provider?

This might be better on the jokes & humor board but I needed a laugh for the day.  I can say that because I've had the "gotta goes" and you were lucky to even find a restroom.  Around here the states are closing up the roadside rest stops...  except for those with fast food who pay for the rest rooms.  

"This too shall pass"  (pun intended)

to take DAMN good care of you for weeks to come!