"Our first choice is for her to have a baby....husband not required."
God,so many things come to mind here. I had it soooooo much easier after my children's father left us. Wonderful man.. but so hard to take care of him and the children.
Personally though, after going through the agony of pregnancy and the pain of child birth, and years later, still remembering how trapped I felt, how painful it was...
Honestly, I don't wish that on my daughter or any other daughters.
I love my children very much but if I knew then what I know now..... I would not have entered into motherhood. There are rewards, yes, but many things on this earth offer rewards.
I'm very optimistic though that we are coming into a new age, that we are evolving into more logical beings.
There are so many other possibilities than just mating and bearing children to perpetuate the human race.
I will tell each one of my children that there's no need to continue our "seed", no need to perpetuate our "bloodline". It can stop with their generation for all I care. There are so many children on this planet already who are in need.
Anyway, happy Mother's Day.
I think children are growing up faster and faster in this day and age as well. And the role of motherhood is changing and evolving too. We are learning to view people, regardless of age, race, gender, or religious belief.. as simply.. people. Individuals with no more particular value than any other individual. Every human on this earth at this time, belongs on this earth at this time, and each holds their own unique value.
(not to say that any of you are really looking) listen to the author of "Am bitch-ous"!
-- Modified on 5/10/2008 6:15:54 AM
-- Modified on 5/10/2008 6:20:21 AM
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
The article kind of leaves me with the impression that it's a negative thing to be a single woman. I think that there's nothing wrong with our race evolving into a new way of relating to one another. Maybe the old ways are simply passing away as we are realizing that there might be different, possibly better, ways of living.
Maybe we, as evolving creatures, are "reviewing" the ideals of the past and rethinking the roles that have been handed down to us generation upon generation.
I know, as a mom of two daughters myself, I'm gearing my girls toward a college education, financial planning, creative endeavors, and individual empowerment. (we've even created our own business and I'm teaching them how to do the "books")
It's rare, actually, that we ever have discussions about relationships with men. I haven't been in a relationship in over 7 years and the girl's dad works in Alaska so it's rare that they ever see the two of us together. Yet, somehow, (crazy notion) we are extremely happy.
Interesting article though.
I thought the article was really interesting as well. I am single, but if I found a man who was open minded about my work and gave me the freedom and space to "be me" I am sure I would be happy to open myself up to having a loving and powerful relationship with him.
Sitara Devi
Obviously, they haven't reached their teens. You poor woman.
No, you're right, they haven't. But, unlike my teenage years, they won't have a mom who is constantly concerned about them "fitting in & finding a nice boy".
Hopefully I will be able to instill in them enough sense of self that even though the teen years can be tough to navigate, they'll always know that at home base... mom's proud of their accomplishments, not their mates.
Society is changing.... My oldest is in third grade and at her school they have local business women come in every week and tell the girls about the intricacies of the job they are doing. They talk about everything from how much money they make, how they deal with schedules, what they actually do, how they got the job...
When I was in third grade I was playing with barbies and dreaming about who I would marry, making up names for my babies.
My daughter is going online, studying the distance in light years from the earth to Pluto, wondering about the implications of Hilary becoming the next president, and trying to decide if she wants to buy a new bike or chemistry set with the money she's making...
Times are different for girls, for sure. But, not to worry, I'm expecting hormonal eruptions in the years to come. Not looking forward to them, but I'm glad that society has come so far, and that my girls have so much opportunity available to them now.
We encourage that a lot. But she also has an inquisative mind... and she is 11. Last year on vacation I took her to a vet school - as she is interested in being a vet. I've also taken her with me to work - on days I work in the hospital - and she has watched some limited procedures etc. and for dad school this summer... her reading list? well it will be as intensive as my son's....
For the most part - when my kids ask me what I want them to be - they both get the same one word answer - HAPPY!
and that is an internal thing - which cannot be purchased.
Our daughter just recently got her masters and is still single.
My wife and I would really love to have some grandchildren, our first choice is for her to have a baby....husband not required.
Who needs the baggage? Just as long as shes happy, we'll be happy!
"Our first choice is for her to have a baby....husband not required."
God,so many things come to mind here. I had it soooooo much easier after my children's father left us. Wonderful man.. but so hard to take care of him and the children.
Personally though, after going through the agony of pregnancy and the pain of child birth, and years later, still remembering how trapped I felt, how painful it was...
Honestly, I don't wish that on my daughter or any other daughters.
I love my children very much but if I knew then what I know now..... I would not have entered into motherhood. There are rewards, yes, but many things on this earth offer rewards.
I'm very optimistic though that we are coming into a new age, that we are evolving into more logical beings.
There are so many other possibilities than just mating and bearing children to perpetuate the human race.
I will tell each one of my children that there's no need to continue our "seed", no need to perpetuate our "bloodline". It can stop with their generation for all I care. There are so many children on this planet already who are in need.
Anyway, happy Mother's Day.
I think children are growing up faster and faster in this day and age as well. And the role of motherhood is changing and evolving too. We are learning to view people, regardless of age, race, gender, or religious belief.. as simply.. people. Individuals with no more particular value than any other individual. Every human on this earth at this time, belongs on this earth at this time, and each holds their own unique value.
Providing the same, decent role model for boys (without a father present) would be quite another matter.
Life and co-existing in an industrial, digital, urban, sub-urban society is far different than an agrarian society. Having a mate and children are now simply a financial burden and legal liability rather than serendipitous farm hands.
Thanks to conventional (old) precepts I erroneously spent the first 20 years of my adult life thinking about and striving to find a "mate" even though I NEVER desired to sire children. Now squarely "middle aged" with two divorces and several co-habitations behind me I revel in the solace of having only myself to feed, worry about, entertain, etc. The local dry cleaner freshens, tailors and mends my clothes. The local grocery market is a 20 minute adventure in gathering a cornucopia of international food stuffs that can be easily prepared in a microwave, George Forman Grill, blender, or bowl; and when too busy or lazy there is easily 100 different types of restaurants in a five mile radius of my home. When the need arises for female coital interaction TER is at hand to research and make an informed choice from the legions of polygamists for pay females advertising on the internet, and with the biological/libido pressures pragmatically relieved; basic social interaction with women is far simplified and improved.
kids. the stuff of life.
I'm happy you feel that way, you sound like an attentive, loving father.
For me they would have posed expenses, obligations and complications that I decided in my teens that I wanted no part of.
Whether my ideology/motives are selfish, pragmatic or sapient; with 6.5 billion others infesting this planet it is not as if they are missed.
No, in that context they are not missed, but you are missing out on one of the most wonderful things you can experience in life.
I do not have children either and never will at my stage in life. I have spent numerous years as a very involved Big Brother so I feel that I have experienced the joys and sorrows of children. Obviously not to the extent of them being my own blood but in the love category none the less.
I am also an only child and to reference "missing out in the greatest joys of life" one would only know that if they experienced having children in the first place. I will never know the joy of having a sibling, yet I have never felt cheated or missing something as I never experienced it in the first place.
When you tell someone else "you are missing out on one of the most wonderful things you can experience in life" you are always wrong. You may feel that way about your life and your choices, but since everyone is different you cannot ever possibley hope to say that everyone on this planet is going to feel the same way.
You like kids, you have kids, you are happy. Fine, but don't presume to tell others they are missing out on a wonderful life by not having kids. I don't have any, never wanted any, never will have any and I am not missing out on anything.
b-
Ya ever hear the old saying "Birds of a feather flock together"?
There ARE others like me in the world. Granted; we are a minority; but others of my ilk who have made a cogent choice to not have children often remark on how the rest of the world constantly puts the hard sell on them about what they missed, are missing, and will regret.
I salute the parents of the world (except the ones who can't rightfully afford to procreate yet keep on fertilizing and squirting out more future criminals); but I wish they would shut up and stop trying to inflict regret & guilt because as the saying goes "Misery loves company".
advertising slogan by Gloria Steinem.
Of course women need men. Who the hell else might listen to silly shit like that?
So who is going to date a shrink that talks and looks like that? No way in the world I would touch that with a barge pole, and I'm thinking here that she may well have encountered a lot of other men on the same wavelength, and so her personal experience is now a national phenomenon since she's discovered Youtube.
You ask the average woman what she wants in a man, and she will give you a list of a dozen characteristics of height, income, and subjective qualities (What the HELL does "supportive" mean? Is it kind of like a jockstrap?) any one of which excludes about 80% of the population - then she says, "where have all the good men gone?" Babe, using your definitions, they never existed.
And we know this shrinkette is "not going to settle" for what makes the average man happy, ie., somebody who can either be fairly reasonable or keep her distance when she can't be. Nope - now that she's affirmative actioned her way into a PhD in some soft subject (women's studies used to be what they covered in every frat house), she won't settle for somebody who doesn't outscore her in every respect. Because that's her program.
Whatever floats your boat, you know? You just can't be taking this shit seriously. The day she's worried about it will be the day she does something more about it than run her mouth - like maybe realize that happiness isn't a fucking score.
That way you only get the best and rarely see the worst in men.
a bit over the top....
I am successful - my ex-mate is a highly successful - and competitive woman (MD and an executive in a major corporation) found me to be um - lacking in the success department - even though she (while we were married) expected me to carry the MAJORITY of the burden with respect to household duties. I was also faithful to her - for 10 years. She? was not faithful to me.
Generalizations are just that - and unfairly are used to characterize all the folk in a category.
What I learned is that successful in the opinion of some means that NO ONE has better play toys than you - and NOTHING about happiness is in the contract. That was and is my ex's assertion -
As to your statement - "That way you only get the best and rarely see the worst in men." I can tell you is false... WE ACT! so that during a session you only see the dramatic representation of another persona. Same as you. What you see during a session is a facade... some providers have gotten to see the real me... but they have revealed the real them to me. It is not so bad.... certainly was nice from my perspective... and one provider got to see the absolute best in me.... and now lady - you want the kicker - I've NEVER had a session with her.... simply she is a friend.
wow.... Sorry, but to me - this was kinda a kick below the belt - without a smiley... so I don't think you were kidding. and with that attitude - as was stated by the original poster and as Sponge Bob would say "good luck with that"
-- Modified on 5/10/2008 8:40:47 AM
I seem to have struck a nerve with you and that was not my intent. I was simply making a lighthearted statement that I am more than happy with my life as it is - no need to marry.
Of course men act and are on their best behavior during our dates - that was my point so you helped make the point for me.
I apologize if I offended you in any way. That certainly was not my intent.
Truce? 
A lady for a specified period of time! which is why I have MAJOR problems with the prostitution laws when it comes to escorts.... just seems so unfair.
Truce accepted!
Her statement is dead neutral, and no way could be regarded as aimed at you if it wasn't.
Calm down. You need to get off the estrogen supplements.
JackO was right, Bizzy lay of the estrogen. Your post came across a bit(quite a bit) whiny.
Then are some ladies that are afraid of living alone.
Can't move on to the next level if you don't enjoy your own company.
but being hihgly successful would be the least of their problems..... How about explaining their profession to their mate or hiding it from them.
I think a topic like this with the ladies here in this biz are bakring up the wrong tree. Independence is a must for a recipe of success here in the biz.
The problem I see in our world today is Men want what their fathers had, well not mine, my mom has worked and has always been independant, but a great majority, want their wives lovers mates GFs what ever to be independant but not too independant. They still want to be needed ect. And since what we require to be able to make our own way in the world is to be independant, well we have evolved so to speak while men are hoping for what they want and not what really is.
They want a woman who can stand on her own but still need to lean on them a bit. Thats not a reality in Our world today. We are just as educated and successful and independant as the men whom we might date. We no longer feel it's a bad thing to not "have a man in Our lives".
Its tough finding the middle of the road but I do know it's there and that there are a great deal of men out there who are not intimidated by successful woman.
Its a double standard for sure but it is slowly changing. All major changes in societys way of thinking takes multiple generations to improve and evolve. "we've come a long way Baby" how true...we still have a long way to go.
The trouble with this biz and dating now theres the true value double standard and its not going to change any time soon.
Men want to see the ladies they date and are intimate with as wholesome and yes sensual but only to them.
Men want to be seen as studs and wanted but for a woman to be in this biz a great deal of society still wants to put a scarlet letter on you as a whore and tainted. Thats not going to change any time soon. Time moves slowly and the society points of view even slower.
Play safe everyone
Toodles
Nicole~~
-- Modified on 5/10/2008 12:04:09 PM
Well the perfect man would have to let me bring home women so we can do her like crazy together! And work out and be oh so bad together. Of course id insist on him either being a male provider or a hobbiest.
He he he
Well the perfect man would have to let me bring home women so we can do her like crazy together! And work out and be oh so bad together. Of course id insist on him either being a male provider or a hobbiest.
He he he
this topic has been done-to-death in conventional media and fora. its no surprise it's finally reached this one
lower sex drive than men.
No straight and successful man I know would be happy living a sexless life.
She used to hear how intimidating she was all the time on dates and when I hear it from the civvie boys, I always think of Mom.
It's not that uncommon... my close group of friends hear things like this all the time. No one wants to really believe it, though... However, short of finding secure and successful men, I doubt any of my friends are going to dumb themselves down to find one. In the school environment, guys seem to be pretty secure with dating smart women, but God only knows how it will be in the "real" world or when we all get to our 30's... This doesn't give me much hope.
Katie
The heat is in the Related Link.
In Northanger Abbey Jane Austin makes the mock editorial comment, "Where people wish to attach [others to them], they should always be ignorant. To come with a well-informed mind is to come with an inability of administering to the vanity of others which a sensible person would always wish to avoid. A woman especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. The advantages of folly in a beautiful girl have already been set forth by the capital pen of a sister author [Fanny Burney in Camilla]; -- and to her treatment of the subject I will only add in justice to men, that though to the larger and more trifling part of the sex, imbecility in females is a great enhancement of their personal charms, there is a portion of them too reasonable and too well-informed themselves to desire anything more in woman than ignorance."
My late wife was both a feminist and a published author. I'm sure she would comment that things haven't changed very much. 
-- Modified on 5/11/2008 5:09:27 AM
Being in a real relationship with someone lacking knowledge would become very boring very quickly.
In trying to convince their sister Marge to dump Homer despite the fact he gave her three wonderful children:
"After you plant the seeds, you usually toss the wrapper out."
In any case, this has turned out to be a spirited and timely discussion seeing as how it is Mothers Day.
Let me wish a very happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there in TER land.
as good as Brandine.
Of course, I've been a provider for 20 months and a wife for 9 years.
Difference being that what ever I do my husband knows FULL WELL every aspect of my job. He is successful in his chosen field as well but I out earn him 3 to 1.
Some may not understand our relationship but the point is, to each their own. He will soon be my house husband. We can make more $ with him NOT working that with him working. It doesn't have anything to do with who is ambitious or who is successful. What is important is that we as a couple and family make the best decision for our family.
Granted I get to live out all my naughty fantasies at work and YES he is totally perverted but....it works....and it works well.