I can't bring myself to stop seeing a particular provider. Does that mean that I am in love with her? I have tried to stop seeing her but something always bring me back and it isn't the sex.

I'm worried because I fear I need her. Seeing other girls is not going to help. I've tried. There is something else there and it's not compulsion. I just care about her and need to see her. I love my wife and have no intention of leaving her. It  never even crossed my mind but now I think I can live without her. I could not live without my ATF.

Am I a gonner?

It's her job to make your experience as pleasant as possible. When you show up (or she shows up), there are no orthodontist bills, car payments, Little Johnny's school suspension or any other of life's unpleasantness. You know she isn't gonna have a headache; and, she'll do most (if not all) of the acts you read about in the Playboy Adviser. It is her job to create a "Happy Place" and to make sure you get there.
  Gee, a beautiful young woman, a pleasant time and great sex; hmmm. What's not to like?? I find a strong attraction to that situation, too.
  Remember, for a couple hours of her time, you pay this woman a sum that matches, or exceeds, the annual income of a large family living in an agrarian third world country. She is granting you the pleasure of her company as a commercial transaction, not an affair of the heart.

lol.  I don't think you're a gonner!
If you're not harming anybody and your finances are not suffering then I don't see why you should worry. You say you have no intention of leaving your wife, which is always a good sign. Just continue enjoying eating your cake!  

Love Nadia x

..and then take a couple week break.  These kind of things usually end up in heartbreak.

I sound a bit like a broken record because I've said this a few times, but many of us come into this without really appreciating just how much it's going to end up meaning to us.  Every aspect of the hobby has turned out to be much more personal, much more emotionally engaging than I expected, so you're not alone in that respect.

So, what would you do if you woke up one day and had softly "bottomed out..."  You had that moment when you realized you were so addicted to cocaine that you were putting everything at risk--family, job, social standing, financial future...  What would you do?  What ever that is, I'd take this every bit as seriously.  This is no lecture, not telling you what you should do, or that you should stop seeing her.  I'm just saying that the real costs of plowing ahead--becoming emotionally consumed in an unlikely relationship because it meets our basic human need for touch and affection--have to be weighed.

I'm not sure what you should do next, but I think it starts with acknowledging that it is a need...  Most of us don't receive enough touch in our routine lives, and now you're meeting with someone that seems to have an almost endless supply.  You're starting to realize how much the fulfillment of that need means to you and it is startling, isn't it?  But I suspect you're answers don't lie here, in and amongst all of us practicing addicts.

BTDT, and so have countless others who've posted here.  This place is beginning to be more about affairs of the heart than of the hard. Ugh.  

Distance yourself. If you're not getting it for free yet, that means it's still a financial proposition for her (think about it). Your cock has expanded internally and is now in control of your brain.  You need exorcism (not circumcision).  Find some other babes--trust me, you'll have as much fun. Remind yourself why you started paying for it--part of it was probably the detachment.

Danger Will Robinson

It happens all the time, Feeling.  It's called being an addict.

Doesn't matter if you're addicted to HER, addicted to the IDEA of her, addicted to the hobby ... any way you cut it, it's an additction.   The question is ... is she equally addicted to YOU ... and if not, do you really want to be that powerless in any relationship?

The fact is that if you don't change this situation, it's because you really don't want to change it, but here are some suggestions:

Arrange an overnight or maybe a weekend.  Sometimes, people that you adore for one or two hours at a time don't wear so well over the long haul.   At the very least you'll see them in a slightly different light.   In fact, sometimes just seeing them in that morning light is enough to make you run screaming into traffic.

Check out her reviews and send some emails to others that have reviewed her.   Strange as it sounds, sometimes corresponding with other men that enjoy the same delicacies you taste is enough to break that spell.  Putting a face to the guy that porked her (pun) just before you did can snap reality back into shape.

Save up your money and book repeated visits, like once a day or every other day for a week.  Familiarity may breed contempt.

Look for others on TER that are renown for the GFE and try them (I know you've done it, but KEEP doing it until you get it right).  Nothing breaks a fixation more than having to spread that fixation over three girls.

Tell her you want to divorce your wife and marry her and have three kids with her.  She may break the spell by throwing you out the window  (skip this step if she lives on an upper floor).

STEP ONE is to decide if you WANT to feel the way you're feeling.  Everything after THAT gets easier.

Dude, how does your provider feel about YOU?  A simple and direct conversation with her before a session might clear this up for you.  

The simple fact is that while providers generally don't judge their clients for being married, most women don't want to become romantically entangled with a man who is already in a relationship.

Talk to your provider, then pick one side of the fence or the other.  Ever lose your footing when you were straddling a fence?  Where this is going ain't much different.

Yoda

Only it's with three ladies not just one. And if I started to see a fourth or fifth lady I'd probally feel the same way about them. Remember most of the ladies are fantastic and it's very easy to love them for what they give us,but also remember two other things. First the time we spend with them is very short and second, they are being paid to make us feel that way. And believe me they are very, very good at doing what we are paying them to do.

I have been seeing the same provider for over a year now on a very regular basis. I see others but there is a "pull" that keeps me coming back to this one special lady. It isn't about getting the most services etc., it's something less tangible than that. I will opt to see this lady 3 out of 4 times and I think about her when I'm not seeing her (and don't often think of any others). I can't explain it but she is filling some very deep need in me in a way that other providers don't. I don't view this as a problem yet but it could easily become one if I lost perspective. I know she doesn't have the same attraction for me so understanding that helps temper my needing her. However I do believe that I am special to her in some way beyond just being a regular that she has become comfortable with.

dying because they cannot get a meal every three days.  So yes, you CAN live without your ATF.

It happened to me as well with 1 girl only and this is what I did. I simply told her what were my feelings, and I told her that I was not going to see her anymore for the fun, and the only things I could have offered was my friendship. Simple as that. From that day no matter how much I wanted to contact her and see her, I stayed strong and never caved under the presure, and as you said, it was no longer just about the sex but about her as human being and her personality. Several months later she email me to get together as friends and we actually became friends and went out like normal people.

-- Modified on 2/15/2004 11:53:18 AM

and there all completely jealous of one another when I'm not with them. Whose that red headed guy with the glasses with that obnoxious TV show? he want's me on... but I'm holding out for a big REALITY TV show contract.

"Three is company but the wife makes a crowd"

Cheers!




-- Modified on 2/15/2004 11:31:55 AM

...but I could be wrong.

Honestly I don't know what it is with me lately and this "need" to make these quirky little remarks to threads that are devoid of politics. Just seeking a little breather I suppose from the stridency of the political jousting of which I myself have taken part.

Thanks for providing the inspiration for a brief moment of self amusement.

Great advice.  I had a client with the same feelings for me (once upon a time).  "I" was actually the one to give him advice similiar to yours; my other provider girlfriends thought I was crazy because getting him help ment giving up thousands of dollars per month.  Bottom line was that I cared enough about the guy to want him out of his disease. Now he thanks me for it.

I too fell for a provider. For several months now, we have spent weekends together and countless phonecalls as well.  We feel very deeply about each other, yes I have asked her and she agrees, and it is not just the sex but the companionship. chemistry and the fun we have together.  I am not sure where the relationship will end up but I recognize that it is tricky at best.  I respect her right to work at any job she chooses and she knows that I still see other providers.  I only know that, for now, it is working but there are several issues that will need to be dealt with if we decide to go any further.  Good Luck to both of us!

It  never even crossed my mind but now I think I can live without her. I could not live without my ATF.

Am I a gonner?
.......................

You're not a gonner. You are however deluding yourself. Any chick worth having will NOT become your homewrecker. If this girl is worth a darn, she'd be repulsed at the thought of you "leaving your wife for her". Women want men who know how to take care of business.

Go home and take care of business.

BK





-- Modified on 2/15/2004 12:39:05 PM

Your in a no win situation by being married.  You loose & the kids loose broken home etc.  I myself am divorced, kids grown, no kind of support to the X so I have a ATF.  Its a win win situation for me.

I've been fortunate enough to meet a special ATF! The feeling is awesome. The desire is immense! - but then reality kicks in!!!

Hope mother with child are doing fine.
I see that its almost time.

Its a beautiful thing!

Cheers!and may God bless!

Ah yes, they say that we can choose who we end up with, but we cannot always choose who we fall in love with.  And being in a hobby/provider situation is no exception.  It can happen.  The question to really ask yourself is why do you think you feel the way that you do?  Is it because the grass is greener on the other side?  Is it because you are filling in the voids of your own marriage?  Or is it that you really feel that you know this person and you love them for who they are?  I think you know the answer if it really truly is love that you feeling,versus infatuation, fantasy.
I myself have met someone that I "click" with and there is a definate connection there from the beginning that was more than just the sex.  Scares the hell out of me cause it wasn't supposed to happen this way.  I could either A, not accept any more appointments, save the inconveniences and heartache this kind of relationship could bring to all parties involve or B, just keep a level head and play it cool and see where this is going to go and for the time being just enjoy the ride for what it is.  Guess what I'm trying to say, is that we waste so much of our lives worrying about the could've beens and should've beens and where is this going kinda stuff, when really, just enjoy your moment for what it is and nothing more.  If you love your wife and have no intentions of leaving her, then leave it at that and see this as a wonderful opportunity to enhance your life, enjoy the shared moments and be thankful that you met another soul that you can click with in this crazy fucked up world of ours