References, references, references...

They are important things these days and while I feel bad at times for not accepting someone because their references don't check out, it's a necessary evil to ensure that I don't receive a nice new pair of shiny handcuffs and a forced vacation at club fed or worse- get hurt very seriously.

That being said, if your references don't check out, that doesn't mean you can't email me again when you get some references under your belt. It's generally poor form, though, to send me emails every day for a month complaining that I'm mean or trying to guilt me into forgetting that I do these checks to ensure my own safety.

Katie

I've been through this with a local agency and for the life of me I can't figure out what keeps setting off warning bells.  I'm registered w/P411 and RS2K, I've got references with independents from the area.  Whats guy suppose to do?

Completly agree!  Someone sending you emails everyday because you wouldn't see him is enough to get him totaly 86'd in my book even if he did come up with some legit references. It shows he has a lack of respect, can't take no for an answer and has a screw loose. In my opinion, worse than LE. At least if you get busted, you pay a fine or get out after serving. With a nut, you may never work again after being hurt or worse....killed. So men, please be gentlemen about it and respect the provider's wishes. If you make an impression of a nutjob, you may find yourself on the black list and well, good luck after that.

One of my favs gets the same sort of crap from guys all the time because she won't bend on her requirements.
Gents, grow up, get over it and move on. A lady has a right to screen any way she wants. We all want our privacy protected and to feel safe when hobbying. The ladies who take care of us deserve no less.

It makes me feel more comfortable when a lady won't give in regarding her verification process.  Both providers and hobbyists want to be safe, and if the lady is strict about her process, then I feel safer about seeing her.

Runningman

need to be extremely careful who you see.  Most guys are very respectful and know the proper way to treat a lady.  However, you need to let your instincts work for you.  If it doesn't smell good, it probably isn't your cup of tea.

The good news is with e-mail you can just "delete" the message from the guy who is obnoxious with his continued requests.  Most of the more business savey ladies do not give out a phone number until a date is set.  I do sometimes see a phone number listed in an ad or on a web site.  But, my guess is that these ladies let a lot of calls go to voicemail without a return call.

Be safe my dear.

I try... I feel guilty sometimes, but I'd rather feel guilty for passing up a probably really nice guy than feeling scared about legal problems.

Katie

It is not just the legal problems you need to be wary about.  Your safety with regard to the way the hobbyist treats you (I have heard from some ladies that some guys are much more forceful) as well as whether the envelope contains the correct donation are also important.

True. I've heard horror stories and am very grateful for the community the girls have on the provider boards to alert everyone to problem people like that and the other websites maintained to alert the ladies.

Katie

I've had it work the other way, in that I decided not to see a person who was not curious enough about me (very little screening process). It felt like a possible LE setup. Also, a person who will be insistant that you drop your screening standards probably has a major sense of entitlement, which is a red flag indicting that he may not respect other boundaries you set.

Very true. I prefer nice guys, not guys who are jerks about the whole situation. If you treat me like trash via email, there's no way in hell I'll see you.

I get picky about which girls I accept references from for this reason... my hope is that all girls screen well, but if they don't, I hesitate to accept references from them. That's why I try to stick to the established girls a little more.

Katie

I probably turn down around 70% of inquires because there is a lack of a legit reference.

I am curious- do you have issues getting references from other providers?  I have been having a lot of trouble with that lately.  

It burns me sideways when a guy wants to give the reference and the lady won’t come off it.  Personally, if I were a hobbyist I would stop seeing someone who cock-blocked.  I give references freely and honestly, it makes me glad when a client does ask me to vouch him because I know he’s being careful and not going to drag me into some sort of legal mess.

Anyway, great post-way to stick to your standards and if you need a reference….just ask 

XO
Melanie

Lets face it, if we were starting from square one,
no one would ever get to gather, a complete standoff, no reference, no deal. It seems that the
established girls wont the newby's to protect them.
I admit I don't have an answer, any suggestion.  

I just send the girl an email and ask her if she remembers the gent. Usually I get a quick response, but some girls take FOREVER to respond. I don't jump the gun, though, so I wait to hear from the girl as to whether she remembers him or not.

Katie

But you have to have standards and please know that women like you are rare in this business... for instance, most agencies have very few standards and take most all comers and who can blame them; money is their object. Even many independents are far too trusting and could use a review course. Good luck!

I ment girls that out right say they won't give you a reference.

I have heard-

"I don't do that"....click
"I don't have time".....click
"I don't know what you want"....click
"Send me an email and I'll get to it next week"...and then never hear from them.

Now there are many that give references but there seem to be an equal amount that don't.  I completely understand if the girl hasn't seen a gent in a year and doesn't remember but I get those that deny the reference before hearing for whom I am calling.

I have even had clients tell me that their reference called them and offered them a very discounted rate to get the client to not see me.  Just seems in poor taste- wondered if I was the only one experiencing it or if you had as well.

XO
Melanie

Never had a girl refuse to give me a reference, but there may be a first for everything. If they're offering lower money not to see me, I wouldn't know. I don't usually get cancellations.

It seems kinda' tacky not to give references when some of these same girls receive the benefit of them.

Katie

You're right, which is why I try to be so picky. I don't want a rap sheet.

Katie

I've had providers tell me that they don't provide references or whitelist, no matter how many times they see a hobbyist. I've always thought that they simply didn't want to vouch for anyone just to play it safe but I never thought about the competition thing. Interesting, so there are other motives for not providing references...

Maybe I spoke too soon. I just got the cold shoulder from one girl because she doesn't keep records. O.k. Fine.

Katie

Some people are easier to verify as not being LE but without a reference, it's a crap shoot. That being said, I've been lucky when I did take a gamble, but there's always a worry in the back of my mind...

Katie

simply because there are better indicators of my quality... and they are very easily checked
(more so than another provider).  I am listed on websites.... do not mind giving business information etc.  so you will know 1) it is me when I come to the door (photo is on web) and 2) I am not LE.  As to my non-violent nature, well!  I post here - and post reviews here so someone could read....

but as I say, if forced I do provide references.

-- Modified on 11/25/2007 5:17:28 PM

I'm in kind of a strange spot right now.  I have been hobbying since well before the Internet and have seen numerous women over the years.

That being said, right now, I don't see many ladies for some reason.  I may see providers 5 times a year and may see one lady 2-3 times.

Therefore, I don't really feel comfortable asking for references in this situation.  For the lady I see more than once, I don't want her thinking she has done anything wrong.  For ladies I have seen before, once or twice, but haven't seen in over a year it seems awkward to ask if they remember me.

I don't have a problem giving other personal or work information to make a lady feel safe but referernces seem awkward in my current situation.

I would much rather check a guys employment info (provided it's legit).  I get many newbie's- so I am pretty good with the employment check.  As long as I can verify it's a legit company, I am happy.

XO
Melanie

if references don't check out, the guy is lying for some reason and that's good enough to pass.

If the guy sends daily emails after being told no, that is an inidation of an unstable person, someone to avoid too.

I prefer not to give any personal information and prefer to use references.  Some form of verification is a necessary evil to protect both provider and also the hobbiest.  

It once took me many months to get one approval but I was patient and ultimately had to reveal the personal info requested. That was a decision that took some time to make, but now I'm glad I did it.

So I say stick to your guns.  Stay safe!

although it I understand that a gent would want to keep his hobbying to himself...  I have once in the past taken a recommendation from another hobbyist along with some verifiable info in lieu of a provider reference.  Mind you, that hobbyist was a regular of mine I had seen in excess of ten times.  It worked out that time.

Sounds good. You might be the exception rather than the rule, though.

Katie

I think everyone missed my point, If a provider never met a client without a reference, where would the first reference come from? IE, no reference, no
meeting, no business just not the real world,
some have to take the risk for a first meeting.

Thanks!

Yeah, I'm not a fan of stalkers, so I don't see them.

Katie

I like to whitelist. I just got into it recently, but I think it's a nice way to provide an easy reference. I figure it lets the other girls know I thought enough of him to whitelist him and when I add someone after an appointment, it reminds me that whether they reviewed me or not, I definitely saw him and wasn't harmed or incarcerated afterwards.

Katie

You never know someone's screening process or what other girls will say about you to keep their client or for whatever reason.

I feel really bad because there's someone that contacts me every few months to see him, but I haven't taken the bait yet. There's something I just can't put my finger on that sets off the warning bells. I'm not one to ignore my gut instincts, so I pass everytime.

Katie

Love love love the blacklist. It's amazing how many nutjobs and LE are listed on there. Seriously, I think it's extremely helpful to have a place where you can look someone up by their info and get the dirt like if they tried to rape/ harm a girl or if they were LE. Love it. That's another reason why I love the provider board as well.

Katie

I need to PM you. I have a membership to a blacklist. I wonder if it's the same site.

You're right. Someone has to take the plunge, but I must admit that I am a bit of a chicken shit sometimes and would rather wait for other girls to blaze that trail and then whitelist him so we know he's good. Failing that, copy toner sales person Katie will keep calling offices across the southland inquiring if Mr. X is indeed working there and ask to be connected regarding the copy toner shipment he ordered. *wink, wink*


Katie

TRB, employment verification helps determine weather one can discount the LE criteria. It does not assure you that the guy is not a nut job..Definitley you want to avoid the handcuffs but physical abuse of a woman to my mind is the ultimate obscenity..The references help mitigate the potential physical harm.

References help protect both provider & hobbyist.

I am not suggesting you change your screening process, nor do anything that would make you uncomfortable.

 It sounds like you have pretty much made a permanent decision not to see this person. True?

 If so I'm curious why you haven't told him? The vast majority of us support a lady's right to decide who they see on any basis. Period. If a lady, decided for what ever reason that she was not going to see me I would appreciate knowing rather than continuing to call her when there was no chance she'd see me.

-J

Personally, I ask for these references:

1)  Are you circumsized or not?
2)  Do you shave down there?
3)  Do you have your latest HIV and STD results
    in writing?
4)  Do you have an itchy beard or mustache?
5)  Do you bathe before coming over and put on
    your "stink pretty" (cologne)?
6)  Do you brush your teeth at least twice a day
    and floss before bedtime?
7)  Do you have fungus feet?
8)  Do you leave tracks on the bed afterward?
9)  Do you kiss like a lizard or a bullfrog?
And, last but not least:

10) Do you have a resume with references?

Tee-he! Just kidding, although sometimes I want to ask these things.  On the truthful side, we must do whatever it takes to make ourselves more comfortable with our partner and setting. If the gentleman disagrees with our screening process, he can move on to someone else.

Hugs,
Ciara

-- Modified on 11/26/2007 1:43:18 PM

"I pass every time", that means that she says no to him every time. If he can't get it through his head that she won't see him then that is his fault.

I am as dense as the next guy, truly. But if someone had said no to me after a few times asking, I would stop asking.

I've made it clear that I won't see him.

Katie

Before I read thru to the end, I kept thinking she asks this? Damn! lol.

Katie