a little off-topic.....I am sorry but I have to vent......lately in the past couple of years I have been getting more and more snide & rude comments coming my way from married and engaged people about me being single.....I mean, c'mon, just because I live my life differently than yours does NOT give you the right to be malicious to be, so please stop acting like you are better than me.......today was my birthday and i was feeling very bummed as I usually do on this god-awful day, so saying things to the effect of "at least I have someone", "I wouldn't want to be X-years old and not have a girlfriend", or "you're single? hey, you better start looking" really, really, really pisses me off to no end, and quickly deflates me into a melancholy funk........please remember that it's not everyone's dream to be married and have kids, but we do have feelings just like you and anyone who makes these types of comments is acting in a self-righteous manner.......I am already riddled with an abundance of insecurities & self-doubt, I do not need this......ugh

thank you all for your ears on this matter.....

(Aside from the venting) Amen, but your preaching to the choir. For laughs, direct that energy toward those smug couples that feel compelled to share their plight.

-- Modified on 3/31/2005 9:15:41 PM

Go back several pages.  On 3-11-05 I posted something about this. You could also do a search. My subject line was:
Ok singles, what do you say when people ask,


The question was what to say when people ask why a nice guy/girl like you is single. (somehow my subject line was shorted by TER)  I have several stock answers I share there, and there were some more good posts by others.

Oh, and lighten up. Don't take yourself so seriously, and don't take the other people so seriously either. Just because they have a problem with rudeness doesn't mean it has to ruin your day.

Hey, Happy Birthday!  You sound like you are happy with being single so don't allow the negative words of others get to you.  I think you need to find a nicer, more positive group of people to hang with.  So many people are unhappy and since misery loves company, they are more than eager to share it with you.  Continue to do whatever it takes for you to be happy knowing that you are being true to yourself.  And as far as insecurities and self-doubt, we all feel them in one way or another-it's a part of being human so don't be so hard on yourself.  Being who you are is the true beauty!  Now go get your birthday spanking LOL!

Damn what I'd give to be single again.  

And if it ever happens trust me never again shall I marry or allow a gal to live with me 24/7.

A weekend live in sure but no way a ring though the nose.

Single guy count your blessings and to those married friends who bug you simply tell them you're very happy being single and playing the field.  

Or say I have yet to find Ms perfect.

Exactly the same situation with me. Same, same, same.
The jokes that you might be gay.
The where is your girlfriend question at some kind of social thing.
The family members asking why don't you invite her for dinner situation.
The what is wrong with you with so many beautiful girls around...

I guess they want us to kill ourselves. Then they would laugh and claim victory. But, no I...,  I don't know. I just ignore them as much as possible. I have always adopted the quiet, strange, living away by myself, keeping everything to myself. That makes them think that I just don't want to talk about it.
I might move farther away where nobody knows me and asks me and then move and keep moving again. That might even be a good way to meet that the "one" or someone, anyone.

And then laugh at the married and engaged people and rub their noses in the fact that they don't have the flexibility or finances to do what you did.  Being single means you can make this type of decision without having to get approval from someone other than yourself.

Those folks who make the snide comments: they're jealous. They're trying to lull you into making he same mistake they did -- misery loves company.

Just like the folks with kids who say, "You just have to have your own. Then you'll understand." Yeah, right. The fatigue and misery on your face says it all.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Hey, Does it make you feel better that single girls get the shaft too? OH! I mean.. we get harrassed

My sisters (4), brothers (6) get on me all the time.

I tell them simply ... "and look at you today, how radiant, jovial, and proud you stand, it's suited you well I see " and do a slow eyeroll at them as I look at their tattered clothed, 50 lb heavier,unmanicured,frumpy,life sucks looking selves.

No, I am not better than them.. but my single life is.

I get the same stuff from oh you must be gay or what's wrong with you.  NO I am not gay and there is nothing wrong with me.  I like living alone for the most part, there are some draw backs but doesn't everything.  I enjoy doing what I want when I want my married family says how can you afford to do things well I don't have kids and anyone to account for.  I want to go on a minivacation I go.  I want a dinner companion I book one and have a great time and go back to my house and garden and have great memories of all the beautiful women I have been with.  Most who call and are counted as good friends.

It's just jealousy rearing its ugly head.....  Most married people would get divorced in a second if it didn't screw up their finances....  And most people with children would trade them in for a BMW in a nanosecond.....  MA

The "Where is your girlfriend" question pops up more times than I can count. Also the "Why aren't you married?" I get from the relatives is beginning to get old. I would love to find someone special to share my life with but I haven't found her yet so QUIT ASKING!!! Especially this one aunt I have, she asks this constantly.

at least that is what I've experienced.

The relatively nice question is, "What's a nice guy like you doing still single?"

More rude are, "What is wrong with you?" and "Are you gay?" and "You better get busy or you won't get anyone!" and "I guess all the good ones your age are taken" or "Nobody wanted you, eh?"

But I can deal with comments.  I have my stock answers all lined up, as my earlier post mentioned.

What I really get offended about is when someone invites me to their house, perhaps for dinner, and without me knowing it they invite no one else except a single lady that they are trying to get me married to.  I never asked, but I bet the lady didn't know I was invited either.  I've had some very uncomfortable experiences like this.  For awhile in my twenties, it was so bad that I would ask who else was invited and point blank ask if any single ladies were invited.  I saved myself a lot of pain by asking these questions.  

I've even had to very emphatically tell some major meddlers that I was very unappreciative of their schemes and tell them to not do this to me and to mind their own business. And those were people who were friends!

Whatever you do, just don't be rude like them. Don't allow yourself to be lowered to that level of behavior.

And last, have a happy birthday - you made it through another year!

Single guy here as well though in a relationship - being pushed, poked prodded and shoved into marriage and I'm pretty sure its not for me.  I had 4 close friends in college - all of them got married and all of them got divorced within a 5 year time span.   One vindicative bitch tied him up in divorce court for 2 years because he didn't want to agree to pay alimony- primarily because she cheated on him and ended the marriage.

Don't know if you single guys have seen this site- www.nomarriage.com.  Its funny and totally sexist but some of the points made hit home.

I'm 32 and still single.  Despite being about 10 lbs heavier, my experience and maturity appeals to a wider spectrum of woman- I'm in a relationship with a sweet girl but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to marry her.

Anyway, keep your chin up brother, we've all been there.

One of my replies used to be, "Are you really happy, being Married, REALLY!?", but my fav is, "I love being Single, I can do what I like, when I like, with whomever I like, and I love it!"

Most of the people who critisize are jealous of your position.

Happy Birthday!!!

When someone says something rude to you, simply say, "Wow, I appreciate your comment as it was quite insightful.  I hope you'll appreciate mine nearly as much, 'F@#K YOU!'  They will get the message.  If it's coming from a "real friend" you can say this in a somewhat joking manner and they should be able to take it (maybe not in stride) and get your point.  If they're not a "real friend", then I wouldn't worry about them and I would think about how telling them off beats the frustration of keeping it in.

When someone says something rude to you, simply say, "Wow, I appreciate your comment as it was quite insightful.  I hope you'll appreciate mine nearly as much, 'F@#K YOU!'  They will get the message.  If it's coming from a "real friend" you can say this in a somewhat joking manner and they should be able to take it (maybe not in stride) and get your point.  If they're not a "real friend", then I wouldn't worry about them and I would think about how telling them off beats the frustration of keeping it in.

but ladies get it too. People used to bug me all the time but they they realized I REALLY WAS happy. And gee, I looked better than they did, more rested, more money, better clothes, better body, having more fun, etc. etc.
Then people started rumors that I was anti-marriage, but I told them no, I'm just very pro-single. When you're single, you can have it all, and when you wanted it. There are no have-tos.

Years ago, I divorced and moved. When i went looking for a church in my area for Wednesday night groups, they asked me first if I was single or married so they could put me in the right group. I thought that was odd. Why not group by gender, or age, or interest, I asked? Because we want to group the singles together so we can better help them find a marriage partner! It was as if singleness was UNDERSTOOD to be a TEMPORARY state only! I stomped out after saying I intend to be single forever!

Yes, I much prefer the single life, and if you're happy then be happy and forget what everyone else says. People eventually stopped bugging me because it was clear that I was very hapypy

IMO, being single has all (almost all?) Pros and No (almost no?) Cons. Being married has many Cons and few Pros.

If you feel the same way, then you might want to say that. Gets people thinking.

.. people who say stupid things to you about being single.  It's pure jealousy, particularly coming from those who have been married more than a couple of years.  When I was an executive assistant, the married people in the office were so very interested in what I did at the weekends, I'm sure living vicariously through my adventures. The financial pressures and home/family responsibilities kept them close to home at weekends doing yard work, driving the kids around, running  errands, etc.   How would you feel if you slaved away all week and spent your weekend doing yardwork? No wonder some of them have a negative attitude about those of us who get to do whatever the heck we want to all the time, not just at weekends!



-- Modified on 4/14/2005 4:18:22 AM

what a difference a day makes......thanks to all the intelligent, level-headed, and articulate responses, I feel soooo much better than yesterday.....nice to blow off some steam like that, that's why I love this community so much, no matter what your kink is, there's always people here who share similar experiences......even though it still makes me mad when others talk down to me because I live my life differently......oh well, I guess that's THEIR problem, not mine.......and extra thanks for the happy birthdays, glad that is over for another 364 days.....

Single guys/gals are entertainment for the married ones by the coffee machine in the office.
We inspire and bring great memories of how wonderful it is to be SINGLE!!!

THere is no hope for you if you haven't figured it out. Your life is that which you chose. Live with it.

I don't think it is even an issue of living your life differently.  Maybee you are actually living it correctly.  After the sexual revolution of the 70s, the exradorinarily high divorce rate, and the fact that we are bombarded with sexual imagery from media, billboards, the web, etc., this society has not come to terms with what a marriage is actually supposed to be.  Live On!

When you are asked if you have any children, just respond...

"I had one yesterday for lunch, and it was dee-licious!!"