First off, I do not feel this way. Beyond that have fun and comment

" This was posted on another forum, and I thought I would share....
 
ESCORT 411 – TAKE THIS ADVICE BEFORE SEEING AN ESCORT.
 
As an escort there is only so much I can say to your face as my livelihood depends on putting up with your bullshit. Even those of you who regularly see me can annoy the fuck out of me. First off MONEY DOES NOT BUY MY LOVE it buys you time and that does NOT include free time. Honestly what make you think, you little fucking leprechaun with a penis not much bigger than the eraser of a no. 2 pencil, that I would consider the retarded idea of you leaving your poor wife of 40 years so I can spend the rest of my life enduring your rabbit fucking not to mention feeling like an amazon standing next to your tiny 4'11 frame? I mean come the fuck on – knock it off already with the googly eyes and the sighs followed by 'you are all I think about, I love you' followed by the awkward silence that staggers EVERY fucking time you do this. Thanks for paying my rent but you need to know that I never think about you, not ever, not even while your eager eraser is rapidly but barely penetrating my vagina. I swear to god if she had eyes they would be rolling every time you do this. Oh by the way I have never cum while you shake your face from left to right in my pussy – not once.
 
Ok for the other weirdo with the world's ugliest cock that resembles a groundhog. Yes it's big but gross. It is squishy and fucking cold? Why is your groundhog so fucking cold? Cold to the touch and so ugly? You should never show that thing to anyone but your hand and maybe that's why you see me and I swear you are the first client that made me realize my karma is in full effect. The way you stare at your self in the mirror while thrusting your entire lower half of your body up and down while I ride you is fucking weird douche bag – watch some porn for Christ's sake. You are only supposed to move your pelvis you freak. I'the think you'the get that hint every time you buck me off. I hate you but you pay me for several hours at a time (and even that is almost not enough to keep seeing you). Um no I am not going to ride you for 3 straight hours you fucking nut, no one will especially with that ugly cock. You are the worst I have to say and I hate you more than anyone congrats. You have made me realize that my acting skills are better than I thought OR you are just plain stupid.
 
For those of you expecting me to suck your dick but don't manscape your shit: I should not have more gagging of the hairy balls episodes than my fucking cat. When you show up with an afro Bush in your ugly area, I have images of taking the hair off my hairbrush and sticking it in your mouth to see how you like it stupid fuck. Then you start with the 'you're going to use a condom? ' stupid question. Um Yeah. Do I want your dried piss, pre cum and whatever / whoever else in my mouth? Hell no. Besides it never ceases to amaze me when you are seeing an ESCORT, even wanting to go there uncovered on anything. That tells me you must be a dirty bastard.
 
To the Titty Twisting Assholes: you like my big tits right? You like to look at them, touch them even lick them right? There will be a day you may not even have those senses to see, touch or taste because I will have beat the shit out of you for practically twisting or sucking my nipples off. No escort likes this assholes, we see more men than just you and you ruin it for the rest of them.
 
Butthole breath – you know who you are and if you don't, now would be the time to ask someone about your breath. If you don't floss regularly you can bet your breath smells like your ass crack on a hot summers day so make flossing and Listerine a habit. If you decide to indulge in the garlic, curry or red fucking onions then simply excuse kissing from our session, it's the polite thing to do. When you notice I am turning my head to avoid your mouth don't keep trying to stick your nasty breath my way stupid ass. The same applies to you stupid fucks that have these wet gaping mouths that cover half of my face – I don't want your saliva on my face! Not even a little bit.
 
Now listen the fuck up time takers- if you pay me for a certain amount of time that is what you will get. I have been nice and allowed a little extra and you seem to think that a little extra gets longer and longer every time, until your greedy ass gets butt hurt when I kick you out whether you have finished or not. If you wanted more time, then pay for more time dumbass. I love to shoot the shit with you but when you are a pain in the ass guy with stalker like tendencies it's annoying and no I don't want to spend one more second hearing how you wish we could be together forever. Let me be clear, all I want is your money and hopefully an easy fuck session that ends quickly. I would never look for a relationship in my black book of clients, dumb fuck. Some of you are so fucking far out of reality I don't think it's possible to pull your head out from way up in your own ass. It's weird. I am an actress, giving you great sex and fantasies to take home to bust a nut to later – THAT IS IT. I don't blame some of your wives for not wanting to fuck you, I don't want to either but thank god I don't have to live with you, my props to them.
 
Ok now for you fat fucks that think you are the shit because you have been a hobbyist forever. Do me and whoever else you subject your hanging fat folds to – when you shower lift the folds and scrub. After you do this take a stick of deodorant to these areas – like the area under you long fat gut that cannot breath. Because even if you shower you know your fat ass is sweating while getting dressed let alone while driving over to see me. When you are lying on your back and I lift that gut to find your hiding genitals it fucking makes me hurl in my mouth. So put some deodorant inside those folds – it will help.
 
My favorites are those who show up on time, don't talk much and when finished get up and leave but always leave a little extra. They know I will always take care of them because they get it and they don't ask my real name or if I have a FB or try to find out where I live because they know the deal and you guys are the ones that make it bearable.
 
The rest of you who cannot seem to find a woman or keep one please know that going to an escort is not the same as match dot fucking com. Just because some of us are nice, not mechanical and beautiful does not mean we want anything more to do with you than what you are already getting assholes.
 
Yours Truly  
 
Another Escort"

Your thoughts if any? (oh god lol, wonder who I am mimicking)

Who ever wrote this... baby I wanna book with you asap! I just love a feisty hooker!

Feel I am a bad boy, then spank me!

-- Modified on 6/18/2013 1:23:19 AM

Sorry but I love an honest woman. I don't want fake. Still want to enjoy it, but I want as real experience. Why doesn't some of these ladies do acting? lol

Cum on man, spill it.

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I finally got a provider to be honest about my dick the other day!
What she said was priceless...
Now I have seen enough dicks in my life to know I am average at best.
Don't ask.. So I told her that...
She said.. "No you are big.. For a hobbyist." LMAO!

-- Modified on 6/18/2013 5:01:09 AM

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Made me feel sorry for the guy! Glade I look like Mel Gibson. Lol

I thought it was genuinely an utterly hilarious piece....However if I ever felt that way about being a provider then I would stop, thankfully I'm student/intern so once I graduate I will be stopping this. I want my memory of this experience to be fun. having cringe worthy moments comes with the territory but if I hated that many men I would stop but thats just my personal opinion!

A xx

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Now, who am "I" quoting?  Priceless. :

FYI, I would never make fun of a "small" penis...I will only make fun of a big one, then run. Nope...not my speech at all. Sorry. The last rant I had, was my video.

If I actually worked, that might be a different story that could possibly affect how I feel about the men I see, but....lol. We all know that's not the case too often. Now, had ya caught be back in 2005 when I was running my first agency or 2007/8 when I started doing this myself and by the hour, yea....that might have been my rant lol.  

Honestly, I don't see enough men to bitch about much. Hell, most of the time I am so bored, I am grateful for a date lol.  

Most guys are from out of town, have seen my posts here and know what to expect, so I really can't say I deal with a lot of the bs she touched on. Now, my gals from across the pond doing FBSM....yea, they have a lot to bitch about lately lol. Mostly, "Business is so slow" comments, when I well told all of them that they better save some money because this happens every damn year!  

Many providers who bitch and moan about what "they have to do" have no yet learned to market themselves, charge a rate that works for BOTH them and the clients seeking them, and how to enjoy every part of this. There are ways you can do things for your clients (non-sexual) things, that will also make YOU feel better about what is going on, and not always feel like you're a cum dumpster. Treat him like a BF during the time you are together.  

If all you do is go in and fk someone, I would say you are probably going to feel a little bad about yourself. Put more into a date other than just thinking your hot body, and eyelash batting is enough....it's not, unless you are cheap and in Texas lol.

-- Modified on 6/18/2013 9:40:10 AM

I would say the list of suspects would begin with his list of reviews. lol

I thought it was hilarious, and like most things that are truly funny, it is definitely rooted in truth.

Do these sound like the words of LR?

"there is only so much I can say to your face"

Nope, that's not LR at all,

Maybe it's SexyMilf4you??? After all she uses Maginalades sign off, and she did  make a comment about fat hobbyists that shit their pants the other night, maybe this is how she REALLY feels about her date with him?

LMAO...you got it. I might not tell them in person, but I will certainly post under London right here and get my point across. This was my last rant, and it's the new edited version lol.

-- Modified on 6/18/2013 9:50:35 AM

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I propose ass-calade

rather than feel like I was being included with her sorry lot.  Besides, I am actually extremely handsome, smell wonderful, am completely charming and have a HUGE........................wallet!  She could not possibly have been talking about me! LOL!

Here's a shot of a provider after putting ass-calade on speaker phone, while listening to his life story.

Ass calade sounds just fine to me.

but did you notice the sign off by the provider was just like his? Was that a bread crumb leading us to him?

Aren't you the one that says most of the time you wish it was just a"blow and go"?  that everything else is exhausting.

 Now let me say this,I have never had a better GFE date than the ones I have had with you.

So which is it blow and go or gfe?

M

Yes, "at times" I like the blow and go types. We all need a damn break, but guess what...men PAY MORE for GFE, which is why most of us do it.

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I don't live that far away. Just  
10 minutes from your driveway to my pants around my ankles lol.

MM

-- Modified on 6/18/2013 2:32:05 PM

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Ass bag!!!

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I actually agree with her, I just hope she was smart enough to post with an alias.

She needs to find another job. How awful to feel such seething hatred in yourself every day you work. That's not healthy for her or for her clients. I hope she can find counseling.