Sounds like she does not want a relationship with you.  It may have nothing to do with you or your attractiveness to her.  My suggestion is that you should let things drop, keep hobbying, but keep an eye out for the woman that will say what this one said to you.

It could be used as an easy-out similar to a man stating "I'll call you", or "it's not you, it's me".

It may also have been a woman who has insite into how a relationship with you is likely to affect you.  Being bi-poly and with the nature of my profession - I've made the same comment before in all honesty, even when it is tinged with regret.  There are many men I've been attracted to who were not emotionally able to navigate my world... and I'm not changing for any of them.  Where would this relationship go?

Does it really matter what her intent was?
It means, just let this one go...

...its because I really didnt see the two of us going anywhere at all, even as friends, but I did care about them and so did not want to say anthing that would hurt them or make them think I was attempting to use them in anyway.

Dani

In the civilian world, the easiest way to for me decline a date is to tell the man that I'm already involved with someone else (even if it's a lie).

If I had been dating someone for awhile, I'd tell him it wasn't working out (with no hope for the future). I wouldn't throw out an "I don't want to hurt you" comment as that puts a different twist altogether on your relationship. It gives you reason to hope for a future (a difficult but possible future).

So, if you have been told this in the past more than once, I would take it at face value. There's probably a complication present that would make a future relationship very difficult, even though the lady may like you a lot.

Depending on your feelings for the lady, I would talk to her at length to see just what she means.

Perhaps there is a future with the lady, if you step carefully around the minefields.

Good luck.



-- Modified on 9/19/2004 8:08:08 PM

An ex-girlfriend of mine from a long time ago (one of the few that actually meant something) gave me this line before we got into a relationship.  I was puzzled at first since we were having a blast while dating.  Anyways, I told her something childish and stupid along the lines of "it's worth the risk to be with you," or some stupid sh*t like that(hey, I was only 22 at the time).  

Anyways, we ended up being together for 2 years--I was going to propose to her as I thought I had found the love of my life.  Things changed, however.  She realized how close we had become; how our lives were no longer disjoint; that her life was me, and that my life was her.  This girl was seriously freaked out!  It could've been a variety of reasons: maybe the divorce of her parents when she was young, or the guys that hurt her in the past, or whatever.  Anyways, she just one day--out of the blue--ended it.  She said she didn't know if she could handle being in such a close relationship with me--again, she repeated that she didn't want to hurt me; that she had a feeling this was going to happen (by the way, I could tell that she was in agony bringing me this news).  Needless to say, I was devestated.  There was no "let's talk about it," no postmortem analysis of the relationship.  She just left.

To make a long story short, what this particular girl meant when she told me "I don't want to hurt you" is just what she said: she didn't want to hurt me.  For this girl, she knew her  psychological issues would tear us apart.  Maybe it was abandonment issues, or the bouts of depression she dealt with, or something else.  But either away, I'd stay away from anyone that ever fed me that line again.