I have no tolerance for NCNS, in this business or any other. To me, it's disrepect, pure and simple.
If she is convinced (rightly or wrongly) that he is "dangerous" she never should have booked the appointment to begin with.
OK, you've been stood up. You spent the evening in a hotel room waiting for a lady (or a phone call), and neither came. We've all been there. When do (or don't) you post a comment on her regional board?
If she e-mails you the next day with a good explanation, is that enough to stop you? How about two days later, but she's really sorry? How about if you never hear from her at all?
Guys, what are your "rules"? Ladies, what do you think our positions should be?
edit spelling
-- Modified on 2/5/2008 1:25:59 AM
but, rather, to step back and give it a little time before I react to something that pisses me off. Some things need immediate reaction, but this isn't one of them. I accept that there could be a very good reason for a Provider NCNS and would give anywhere from two days to three days for an explanation to be given. If none is forthcoming, then I would post so that others will know that it could be an issue. If she gives a reasonable explanation, then I would obviously not post.
I may be singularly fortunate in that I have never had it happen to me (sound of knocking wood), but that is what I would do.
-- Modified on 2/4/2008 12:11:59 PM
She missed out on the time of her life. No reason to make it any worst for her. I always have a plan b lined up.
1) You know one or more "regulars" in the area (whom you have already pre-screened with) and then you hope that she is available on very short notice. This is usually difficult to have set up if you are travelling to a "new" area.
2) You make a second date ahead of time and then cancel when not needed. I've never done this as I think it is unethical.
Do have a third method I can't think of?
i have posted on the Phoenix board ,two rants about no shows, no calls and I do it without throwing a lady under the bus. I don't think that serves anybody. I had only hoped that a provider would see themselves in the post and maybe get a clue.
I just initiated a very similar discussion on the LA board a couple of days ago and it triggered quite an interesting string.
Like you I exhibited no anger or vitriol, nor did I identify anyone. Its now 5 days later and still haven't heard back (and obviosly haven't continued to ask).
Bizarrely by the end of the string it seems to have degenerated into discussions that "the guy" (ie me) might have been a jerk or given a "cop vibe".
Go figure. I just moved on and left the LA locals to themselves
G.
http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=201023&boardID=1&page=2
OK, so they get a bad "vibe" of any sort and decide to not show up. Of course that is perfectly understandable. But what's the down side for then to later (or right then) call or email with an excuse (lame or otherwise)?
If they're wrong about that vibe they have at least given us a second chance at the evening, less bad will, etc. If they're right about the "vibe" and still call or email, where have they put themselves at risk? Provider's may have excellent instincts, but if they are making judgements and decisions to error on the side of safety, that "vibe" will certainly block a nice guy every once in awhile.
I guess my point is I'd rather see them "apologize" to LE 9 times just to make sure they apologized to us that 1 out of 10 times as well.
-- Modified on 2/4/2008 10:18:49 PM
I just don't agree with it. The same provider who blows off an appointment because she got a "bad vibe" would be the first one to rant and rave on this same board if the same thing was done to her.
Guys get "bad vibes" about appointments all the time, I know it happens to me sometimes, but it would never occur to me to just blow off the appointment without calling the lady. Any excuse, even a lame one is better than NCNS, Too bad some people(men and women) never learn simple consideration for others.
is that since she has just convinced herself that he's "dangerous" (e.g. LE, violent, etc), then he deserves no call and no explanation. Well, OK, but I'm talking about the percentage of cases (hopefully small minority) where she is wrong.
To say that it's just a part of the business, does not cut it for me.
Since I know who you're talking about, I would probably post something like "Has anyone heard from --insert name here-- in the last few days? I was supposed to see her a few days ago and haven't heard from her yet". That will either bring her out of the woodwork, or maybe get you a response from someone other than her. Either way, nobody could fault you for a post like that, imho.
Since the lady that you initially posted about told me that you two talked, I'm assuming that you're referring to someone else. If that's the case, man you got crappy luck. If not, I'm at a loss since the stories conflict.
Either way, I agree with Imallin. That's a harmless question that will get the topic flowing without poison darts flying.
I do of course know what you're talking about and in that case she did call to cancel. At the last minute, but she did call. We have talked since, and while not totally "OK" there is no animosity that I am aware of.
Let's keep this non-specific.
This all depends on circumstances. I usually go to IN calls so IF she doesn't answer her phone, I'm not out a bunch of stars. I'd probably call back in a few minutes in case she was in the shower.
OUT calls... If I was staying in the hotel on business anyway, I'd probably call after the interview time had passed to be sure she's ok, no car wreck or something.
If I'd gotten the room spocifically for the occasion, & was there fore out the extra stars I'd sure feel differently.
In any event I'd not wait more than 24 hours to call to assure her safty. Then the ball would be in her court to apologize or not. A lady or gentleman would apologize for NSNC and I'd not be friends with anyone who was not.
As Joe used to say "Just the facts".
NCNS can happen and there are valid reasons on both side for the occasional event. But those reasons generally do not cover a 3+ day silence.
If after a day or two you haven't heard from her or her explanation is not credible, post the facts of what happened.
No flames. No rant. Simply state the facts, with names.
Yeah you'll bet beat up by the white knights and we'll all hear from the ladies about the times that we failed to show, but the information is valid and worth knowing. That is the purpose of this site.
-J
Personally I would attempt one communication afterwards to connect and get some information. If I didn't hear anything from her for 2+ days after that then I would follow the others advice here and just mildly say something on the regional board.
b-
to make contact with the hobbyiest if she finds herself unable to honor her commitment. The converse being true if it's the hobbyist who can't honor his commitment. I think we're all in agreement that it's always best to make or receive the phone call prior to the missed appointment rather than after. Of course, making contact period is preferable to dead silence ... -e
The first thing I do or have done is to make sure the provider is ok. That's more important than getting my rocks off.
If you never have any communication with her after a few days, and you know she's ok, then maybe post. If she has any reason good or not, you'll just look like a dick by posting. I'd step back a bit if I have such an ego that I'd even think about posting simply because you didn't like her explanation.
I've been no showed a couple times, I just simply never see them. The times I have, there was no communication ever again. I understand the frustration, but, it's part of the hobby. I'd just move on.
IMO, She should contact you asap...a NS should be followed up with a call AND an email (if it's ok to be contacted in this manner)by the provider.
NC=unacceptable (unless something legit happened...like she's in the hospital, in a coma, or perhaps died.)
I would give it a couple days before posting if you haven't heard anything...you ever know what could have happened.
XO Ellyse