Sometimes seeing an escort is all about the obvious. Man gets horny, man finds website, man seals deal.

Other times, it's not so simple.

When a polite young fellow sought out my company a few months ago, I hesitated at first. "Rick" was only 27, under my age limit by several years. But he patiently provided everything I needed to feel comfortable, including the names of three escort references. They all assured me he was a charmer.

The night of our appointment, Rick appeared to be everything the girls had said: masculine, attractive, soft-spoken and confident. Still, I wanted to take his measure. Slipping my hands under his shirt, I grazed a fingernail across his nipple. He caught his breath... and the sudden engorgement against my leg told me that I'd struck a nerve.

Soon we had sampled every tasty delight that room service doesn't deliver... and the time seemed right to reach for a cover.

"Um, wait a second, Tabu..." he murmured as he stopped my hand. "I need to tell you something."

I paused and looked up his face: his expression was a mixture of pride, chagrin, and hesitation.

"I'm a virgin," he said.

I pulled back and gazed at him in confusion. But before I could question him, he elaborated.

"I know it sounds strange, but I'm saving that one thing for the girl I finally end up with. It's old-fashioned, I guess... but it's just how I feel about it. I hope you aren't upset."

Wow, I thought. And then I'm sure a moment went by before I framed my answer-- because I wanted to give him the respect of an absolutely honest reply.

"No," I assured him. "I'm certainly not upset. I think it's great that you're sticking with your principles. The girl that does win your heart is going to be getting a man with some real character."

The rest of our time was spent in a lovely cuddle and intimate chat, and soon it was time for him to leave.

"I really enjoyed meeting you," he said as we hugged at the doorway. "Thank you... for everything."

"It was my pleasure," I said sincerely. And as I watched him make his way down the hall, I thought-- there goes one in a million. A man who knows what he wants, what he stands for, and how to draw the line when the line needs to be drawn.

From the mouth of babes.

the hobby isn't just about sex.  It's about intimacy, or at least the appearance of intimacy. At least sometimes.

-- Modified on 5/17/2007 12:36:43 PM

I think that's a precious story.  It's shows intimacy doesn't always have to be about intercourse.

Hugs,
TS Jamie

cmon...all this posing. the hobby is about sex. money for sex. sure we all pay lip service to how bright some of the girls are, how they have something to say..how we love their ompany, but when it comes down to it, it is money for sex, and then go away.

I hope he finds the person he desires most, and isn't disappointed.

Let's hope he does find the right person and she treats him w/ respect.

Tabu, I agree - great story and thanks for sharing it.

JustATransGril, I agree - appointments are not always just for sex, but about a deeply-felt need for intimacy and closeness.

What's more, although I don't share their views at all, I also respect those who still believe that virginity should be kept by men and women until marriage.

However, what troubles me about this example is: he's not acting like a true believer in virginity would.  He's making an appointment with a provider, leading her on, 'sampling every delight', getting her excited, and then (however politely) abandoning her.  Yes, he's charming, but, in effect, he's saying to her, (to put it bluntly and crudely) "Fuck yourself".

I wasn't there, and I'm not a psychoanalyst, but count me as a skeptic or a Doubting Thomas on this guy.

He might be taking secret pleasure in,  charmingly and innocently, making women suffer.  And he may be doing this unconsciously.

I recognize I may be wrong...but thought I ought to share my skepticism.

What do others think?  I'd be particulary interested in what Love Goddess, the psychotherapist who runs The Erotic Highway Board, thinks. Tabu, would you mind if I posted this thread over there, for her comment?

believer in virginity....   Bostongreg, even you are too kind, I suspect that he is setting the ladies up for something else... larger scheme in mind....  but what would the be?  hummmm!

Not blaming you Tabu, you were fine and thanks for the odd story.  I think the guy is a dumbass.  No one he's saving himself for will appreciate (or believe) his visiting an escort and not closing the deal.  If his future wife wants a virgin for a husband she'll want a guy who hasn't frequented escorts.  

Hell, at least get a bj and claim he didn't have intercourse.  Or don't let anyone but his future wife stick a finger in his ass.

Well, first, let me say-- you weren't there.

At 43, I've been sexually active for a long time-- as a civvie, an active swinger and a provider. I can smell a mysoginist a mile away. And this guy certainly didn't fit the bill. If he had, I highly doubt the reputable providers who vouched for him would have had anything good to say... nor would I have written this post.

As far as your assessment of his behavior ("leading her on, 'sampling every delight', getting her excited, and then (however politely) abandoning her.") I have to say-- uhh-- NO.

If you think we providers "suffer" every time an appointment doesn't end in intercourse, you'd be hugely mistaken. Many clients- for whatever reason- prefer a nice DATY/BJ session, which is what this was. He didn't get me revved up and then walk out the door. In this instance, we both ended up satisfied and happy.

I find it sad that you've taken such a cynical view of this... and it appears to me that it says much more about you than my client.

Feel free to ask the Love Goddess if you like. I only know that while I could never do what he's doing, I respect the discipline he's applying to his own life.

You, of course, are free to assume he had a nasty, ulterior motive.

"Many clients- for whatever reason- prefer a nice DATY/BJ session, which is what this was. He didn't get me revved up and then walk out the door. In this instance, we both ended up satisfied and happy."

I had not understood from your original story that you had given him an orgasm.  

Still, the distinction between bj's and intercourse may be of little importance to any young woman who wants a virgin for a husband. But if it makes him feel better or more virtuous, more power to him.  I wonder if he will be OK with a woman who has not had intercourse but has sucked off or been eaten by prior boyfriends.    Maybe her plea should be, "But I didn't come!"

I'm with you on this one. So being a virgin really means HE didn't enter her and SHE didn't let him. Everything else on the menu can be done and orgasm can be achieved but virginity is preserved because there was no entry?

I'm sure he wouldn't buy that line if the woman he was about to marry said Oh honey I have never had sex with any man. But I have blown 57, had 45 perform oral on me and lost my F*&kin' mind with all of them, but for you sweetie I have kept my hymen intact. Pleeeeze that's making a mockery of virginity and personally, it a crock. Just a bunch of religious hooey to keep people from enjoying sex.

I think his virue is crammed so far up his rear end he can't find it. Dare him to tell his future "virgin" wife his sexual past. And if she believes him I have some swamp land in Florida I want to sell her

I agree.  For all we know, this guy could turn out to be the next wacko ala the VT-nutjob.  He shoulda gotten laid.

I agree.  The original story would've been better if it had painted the ACTUAL picture.  Hell, lots of clients see pros for other things beside intercourse.  I myself, will see some just for Russian & a BJ.

Tabu, You hadn't mentioned that key (at least ot me) fact of his getting a BJ in your first post.  Somehow, that addition makes his behavior you reported a bit more understandable.

I had meant to write before (and forgot to include) that you probably didn't care whether or not he had his orgasm.  Most providers probably have far more of those to worry about, than they need or want in a day! And, since it's a business, he can pay for almost anything he wants (or doesn't want) - that's obviously fine.

It was his behavior - not yours - that concerned me. His just struck me as just too good to be true.

I certainly don't claim that my own motives are innocent and pure, and agree that my skepticism or cynicism here may reflect more on me than our your client.  I plead guilty to, sometimes, personal selfishness and not always being fair to women.

I just hope you're right that his 'discipline' has only pure idealistic motives or concern for his future wife, and is not something more personal to his own (unconscious or conscious)selfish needs.  

As the previous poster has asked: if he's so concerned about his future wife, why is he visiting an escort at all?  Does he think she wouldn't mind that as much or more than his having had a previous sexual relationship with a civilian girlfriend?  Would "I didn't have an orgasm" be a believable defense, or, as suggested before, wouldn't it be viewed as only a Bill Clinton one?

Thanks for your permission to refer this to Love Goddess on the Erotic Highway Board.  Readers of this Board may enjoy the analysis there.

Seems to me, that if "purity" was the issue, using the services of an escort for a BJ is like buying a plastic vagina, some lube and giving yourself a high tec hand job.  Sorry, in my book, it does not wash... time spent in the company of an escort "remaining pure" is time he could be putting in to find ms. right!  Sorry, this just does not pass the "smell test"!  he is either fooling himself, his future ms. right or the current provider he sees....

I read the original post in this thread, and understood by her mention of "Soon we had sampled every tasty delight that room service doesn't deliver... and the time seemed right to reach for a cover." that they had partaken of things such as oral gratification and perhaps mutual masturbation.  I did not read a refusal to orgasm or anything like that in it.

All I read was that he wanted to save one specific intimate act for his "chosen".  I am in the camp of "why is that so weird to everyone?".

I know a lady in this business, that has never been married, that says she is saving "greek" for her future husband, because though she can't give him "purity" she can have something that she wishes to experience only with him.  I know another lady in this business that says "BB" is being saved for a future husband, that that is a specific intimacy that she can offer to the one man she wants to spend her life with.  

That one would "save" a specific act for a future someone is not that unheard of.

Even myself, I masturbate like a fiend, but only clitoral, as something in my mind believes that penetration should be an act involving a partner, that it is an intimacy that should be shared with another. I don't do it because I expect a anyone to appreciate it....the impact of intimacy of the act is for me...simple as that.  I have the  "hang up" and I am the only one for whom it is observed.

Perhaps the man in this story isn't foregoing the final act because he thinks some future wife will fawn over him for not having intercourse with another but still having experiences...maybe he is doing this solely for himself, maybe he isn't as concerned with getting something out of it, besides his own sense of intimacy, as you guys would obviously be.  Maybe he simply is doing what is right for him without consideration that maybe one day his future SO will do something grand for him because he tells he didn't do something with someone else.  Not everyone does or doesn't do things just because of what others will think or do for them because of it....some people just do what they think is right for themselves...and it doesn't have to carry any sinister motives.

Maybe an interesting question would be why so many here only see an act as having value if will have a payoff from another...and if it won't then it isn't worth doing for oneself?

I've been appalled at how many are ascribing nefarious "motives" (for what? Impressing an escort?) to this young fellow's actions. We had all the fun we needed, and then he went his merry way.

You're absolutely right that he may simply be doing something for himself- his own self-respect, perhaps-- that has nothing to do with such clinical results as orgasms, or the reaction of his wife-to-be.

I fully believe you can keep something private and exclusive-- and he certainly never said anything about expecting his wife to have followed the same course... although all the naysayers here seem to think so.

So all in all, it's been a much more telling discussion than I expected it to be!

That is the troubling aspect to the whole adventure... that he felt compelled to tell you!  Why?  what was the purpose of telling you?  I've no problem with guys going to escorts, even if it is only to have them spit in their shoes... not matter the reason or the purpose - but why tell you?  

Agreed..... that the variety of what "satisfies one" varies greatly, but why tell you?!

why did he tell her that he was not having full intercourse and "saving" himself for the his future SO?

I can think of one very good reason...
He did not want her to think his refusal had anything to do with anything she had done.

People tell others things they want those others to know...for whatever reason.  It could be asked why when you speak of this business and marriage, on the boards, do you always make a point of mentioning you never saw a lady in this business while you were married?  I don't believe when you do so it is because you have any odd motivations, I think it just something you are kind of proud of so you want people to know you were faithful in your marriage, though that fact doesn't actually have any effect on your involvement now...but you still share it.  Maybe his "saving" himself is something that this man is "proud" of so he tells the ladies.

Maybe he told her just because he didn't want to seem "weird" to her, people often feel a need to explain things without any bidding from another, just to try and make their reasons clear so as to not be judged.

There are a lot of reasons he could have told her...and they don't have to be "bad".

unlike the hapless Mr. Clinton.... who damaged the presidency.  sorry!  but sex, is sex.  No matter how you define "is."  And for those who find my logic convoluted, it is no more convoluted than the logic which passes as our government.  Changing the meaning of words in mid sentence... well?   I guess that is the norm... As for this guy "saving himself?"  He is how old?  he has had "only oral sex" with how many?  Sorry, this still fall short of a stright honest truth.  It would be better if he would say, "lets get it on"  and when he marries would say, "I've had no emotional ties to anyone with whom I've had sex, save my "long sought after" soul mate...."  Just rings truer...