I've always wanted to write a charming, coming-of-age Christmas story about the Virgin Mary going through a life crisis of unplanned parenthood as she contemplates abortion. She's saved at the last moment by the apperance of her guardian angel, Clarence Thomas, Supreme Court Justice of the future.

Clarence shows Mary how much her child's life means by showing her how the world would be with her son's birth. It's not pretty; Mary's cheerful, friendly region of the world is dreary, impoverished, war torn and just too many darn religions. Finally, Mary is convinced to terminate her pregnancy and Clarence returns her to the world as if nothing had happened. Mary goes back to the manger to find the entire community of 3 Wise Men raise enough frankincense and myrrh to fund her son's carpentry career for about 33 years and then he's gonna find something else to do.  The intoxicating scent of frankincense and myrrh reminded Mary of Elizabeth Taylor's "White Diamonds" and it raised her spirits aroma therapeutically and the thought of aromatic pine being sawed for by her son convinced Mary to have the baby anyway.  

If though this isn't a musical, I think I'll insert a dance number at this pivotal moment.  Something with clogging in saw dust, dressed in Liz Tatlor drag.

The story concludes with Mary's husband, Joesph, bursting in the door, "Eurka, this place rich with oil, black gold, texas tea." As the whole community sings "Auld Lang Syne," a bell rings, telling Mary that Clarence finally achieved his goal as an angel and obtained his penis, a very large black one, just like in the stag movies.  Clarence is shown in the credits roll, teabagging an Anita Hill lookalike.

The end.

* Released to direct to video as "She who smelt it, dealt it."  By the associate producer of Talladega Nights and directed by Michael Moore's British half-hetero uncle, Roger.