I am curious about why certain women become providers when the vast majority do not.  Obviously the money is part of it but that is surely not the only reason.

I have often wondered about common psychological threads that most providers have in common, both good and bad.

I realize that this question is probably way over-generalizing.
Still, what makes a provider a provider ?

when i was a young girl.. i read a book.. i dont remember the title.. but it was about a girl who runs off to the big city..  and she soon becomes a prostitute...  living large and having a blast...

i said.... 'that's what i want to be when i grow up'...

i have tried a couple differemt careers...  white collar.. blue collar... and my fav.. leather collar... this is what im good at... and i think im a lucky girl...

baby ~

You're asking why do we do this? I can only tell you my story, which in one way or another I've posted this before.

Being a Provider satisfies so many things and touches so many different areas of my life. I've always had a full-time job (up until two weeks ago), plus a business, and a family, so it wasn't about the income.
I love the company of kind, intelligent gentlemen, and certainly love the intimacy! *wink* As Mara once stated so well, that, in the 'real world' it was hard to 'date' because dating had an objective, as well as an agenda. If all you're looking for is a wonderful, engaging evening with a nice man-have a great dinner and follow up with great sex, and then go your separate ways until the next time - that's not acceptable in the real world. It causes confusion, and often, the men  think you're a slut if that's all you want from them. They don't understand that you don't want a 'relationship'; don't want you to come over or call every day, etc, etc. Same for me -I don't want a permanent boyfriend, or husband either. I like the company of a 'few good men'! LOL  I enjoy the giving and the receiving that goes with the Provider/Client relationship. I thrive on making him feel special; like he's the only man in the world - and I enjoy being the object of his desire and passion, if only for a few hours. It's also exciting, exhilarating to meet someone who's really a stranger, and then in a matter of moments become as intimate as two people can get! I've never skied before, but my heart races the way I imagine it would be to ski downhill, the cold air blasting your face! Also, being a Provider keeps you in 'shape' - meaning on top of things. (I'm in no way a Barbie, but I'm not BBW either) You enjoy keeping up with topics, your personal appearance, etc.
It satisfies creativity - I enjoy hearing some of the things the ladies do! Creative role-playing, games, little secret, special things. Those more business-minded appreciate the customer service aspect, the networking and the socialization that can accompany this hobby. And that's just to name a few..then, there's the income. For some, there's big money to be made. I'm not one, as I date very selectively and very part time, which is just fine. But, for me, I feel it's the greatest 'job' in the world! Anybody that's worked in Corporate America and is sick of the commute, the office politics, the workload and the stress can agree that to get out of that, and to to do the most pleasurable thing on earth, AND be paid for it - well, it's a no-brainer! The smartest ladies I know have figured that out and bailed from the rat race! In our circle, we have a Ph.d, an RN, an accountant, a computer network administrator, etc, etc - all who gladly 'gave up' their careers to be a Provider, and some making WAY more money - without the stress, the hours, the commute, the wardrobe, the games and BS..or the taxes..(oops). I laugh when people ask why!
WHY?? I think that's one reason being a Provider is becoming more popular and Hobbying the Millenium way of dating!

Much love,
Sedona

All I can say so far is: WOW !

Those are two great responses.  Not exactly what I expected but great responses nonetheless.

I love sedonas reply. She has my thought process down so succinct at times it scares me...LOL.

I personally got into this business as a journey of self discovery. Sounds strange I know. I had dated in my civilian life less than anyone I had ever met. Guys were always my "friends" but not interested in long lasting relationships. I felt for a long time it was because of the way I looked. The typical, large women with a child and it was just too much for anyone, even just casual dating.

Tana of galveston asked me to join her in her business doing doubles. I just KNEW that it would be a wash. Why would ANYONE pay to see me when I couldn't get a date in the real world. So I decided to try it and throw all caution to the wind. What I discovered was here was an entire population of men who were attracted to larger women. I was amazed. I found I could discuss a variety of topics with gents without fear that it would come back to haunt me. If they did not like me, they wouldn't see me again , but if they did it was very cool. There were no expectations of future involvement.

And at the risk of sounding like a snob, the class of gentlemen who saw me generally were well educated, had a firm grasp on holding a conversation past sports and weather and more often than not, treated me like a lady. I made some incredible friends. I always looked at it like going on a series of blind dates and if I was lucky, they would come back and see me again. To go out, share a meal, maybe see a show and enjoy time spent with a man and then have an intimate encounter later on.....and then get PAID for it...well for me it was a no brainer. It was the best of both worlds.

I would not go so far as to say this business gave me self esteem, but it did help. What I have always treasured was the compliments. Not the reviews but the lovely things said in private. When a women goes to a bar and a guy picks her up, he buys her drinks, tells her she is funny, witty and all those wonderful things, hoping to score. Usually by the next morning you play hell ever hearing from him again. In this business, it is pretty much a given when the time is paid for how the evening will progress. So when you hear you are lovely, and funny and intelligent, these gents say these things because they want to or because they truly mean it. They don't Have to say it. For me that was incredible.

I discovered that my sexual fantasies were not abnormal. I got to the point tat when I looked in the mirror I loved what was staring back at me. Over time I was more concious of how I appeared at all times, not just for work. I take meticulous care of my skin and clothing. I find great joy in pampering myself, where as years ago I did not care. And this was for MYSELF, not anyone else. Even though my time was being paid for....I was the ONE being requested. I knew these gents came to see me because I brought more to the table than just a body to bang. And the greatest opportunity it brought me was the chance to spend some much longed for time with my daughter. For the previous 10 years I had always worked 2 jobs and she grew up faster than I could spend time with her. These last 3 years have been joyous if for nothing but that.

So after all this rambling, I guess with every women you talk to, there will be a very different reason as to what makes her a provider. Oh the book of definitions it could fill.....

Im anxious to see more replys on this topic. I have always found it fascinating and curious how others became providers and what has kept them in the biz. I envisioned being in this business much longer, but 3 years was my limit for alot of reasons. But damn it has been fun

xoxx
L

My experience has been that few providers ever expected to have this kind of job, but for one reason or another ended up doing it.  Some like it, most do not.  Most have also claimed that it is only temporary, not a career (no matter how long they've been doing it).

If I were to answer the question, what kind of woman becomes a provider?  I would have to answer, ANY kind of woman.  All it takes is the right circumstances and opportunity.

I wanted to go back to school full time and get my degree.  I was in my 30's peaking sexually  and extremely senual without wanting to be with no where to put it.  Low and behold there was a market just waiting. ..  If you build it they will come.  But seriously if there wasn't a market for it I certainly didn't seek it out I just sort of fell in with the wrong crowd ( just kidding I do drama as well) the elegant solution.  If it weren't for the internet I never would have gone into it.  The internet made it a much more lucrative and a bit more dignified so it becomes a softer sell or a larger draw as the case may be.

I have enjoyed your posts for some time.  Please continue to post even though you are not actively in the business.  Sounds like a waste to me for you not to be in the business however.  Uusually interested in what you have to say even though I may not always agree.

I have always been one of those lovers of larger women myself. They always seem to be more sensual, more into the physical pleasure and sensations of life.  Perhaps another illusion, who knows.

I knew a long time ago I would be a good call girl.

I knew because sometimes I'd sleep with a date only because he seemed really needy or anxious to get laid, not because I was sexually attracted to him.

If my friends found out, they'd be aghast and ask how I could possibly have sex with someone I wasn't attracted to. I'd think to myself, "Hey, it's just sex....I know it really made his day, and that idea makes me feel good, so why not?"

I'm considered to be quite attractive and sexy and have no problems getting dates in my civilian life. As time has passed and I've dated a variety of men, I found the best lovers were not the best looking guys I always chased (the GQ or model types tended to be somewhat selfish in bed).

I realized if I wanted to have some hot times in the bedroom, I had to look beyond the box and look for personality over GQ looks, so that's what I now do in my civilian life. (And I have some unbelievably wild and passionate times! LOL.)

So, when the opportunity presented itself for me to change occupations and go into this field, it was an easy decision to make. I find I really enjoy it--enjoy pleasing my clients--a win-win situation. And of course the money's great!

Very well put! For the last 2 years I have wanted nothing more from a man than to have a good time I love having a relationship without having one, I hate the drama that comes with it.  The guys I run into can't seem to accept that and the ones who do don't fulfill the illusion to my expectations.  I want to be treated as a GF wich means spending some time, talking, going out and the best sex you have to offer and I usually get guys that try to treat me as if I am a booty call!  That is not what I am and that is why I state that I am GFE and not PSE.

And I once saw a movie about a girl who was raised to be a courtesean and it really seemed like a fun thing to do (and of course I know its not all fun and games) I mean get paid to do what I love to do already...you can beat that...oh and the money was a good bonus lol.

Well, Lass and Sedona mentioned all of the reasons I became a Provider(both, quite well I might add) so I can only add, that having the opportunity to bring passion and pleasure to men that have specially CHOSEN me, because I'm what they want, is such a blessing. I LOVE MY LIFE...!!! Pampering & Spoiling someone that craves sensual touch like oxygen, is impowering. I've stated here before, that after an abusive 13year marriage that ended in divorce, raising 3 stepsons,3 natural sons( one, a product of a rape), burying 2 babies, working for the county, 11 years celibate, re-entering college, after 20 years, for a Masters, trying to date again after 24 years....I've finally found, I'm a beautiful, intelligent, sexy, emotionally strong, caring individual, that deserves to be happy. I've also realized, I'm happiest when I'm making others happy and have been fortunate enough to be able to earn a living doing what I have a gift for...It doesn't get any better than this.!!!! Of course, I've always said, I'd make a terrible millionaire, since I'd stay in my same home(I live in Paradise)and I'd continue to escort...It's the core of my being, I wouldn't do anything differently...Kisses, Robyn    

-- Modified on 6/2/2003 11:55:35 PM

that we three (you, me and Celtic Lass) are all redheads! LOL

It's been quite a life!

Lass,

Seriously, why don't you write that book about why women become providers ? You already have the life experience and the writing skills.  You could interview your friends and contacts in the biz and probably come up with a very interesting piece of work.

Just a thought.

duh...what, do you think we are doing this against our will!!

I love it and will miss it when I retire (years down the road)!!


Shaye

If I thought for one moment I could write a book that wouldn't bore people into a coma I would.

But to be honest the thought has crossed my ,mind more than once. Maybe in my old age when I bored with building websites and my future grandchildren are too old to play.

thank you for the vote of confidance though. I will give it some thought and see if something other than smoke comes out...LOL

kisses
Lass

This is a GREAT thread.  I really enjoy learning why ladies do this.  I don't like to ask the lady I'm seeing, unless we've known each other for a while.  The reasons stated here make me glad I'm a participant.  Thanks, all.

tennis

how about "short-time companion" ?

Hey there:

We have never had the pleasure, and now that you are retired, we probably never will.

My suggestion is if you are even remotely interested in writing a book about the biz, or your own experience, do it now. Why?

For several reasons not the least of which is time. The longer you wait no matter how fine tuned your memory is certain distinct details will fade.  In addition, the longer you wait, the less likely it will be that you actually sit down in front of your  computer and start writing.Let me tell you a story, and by inference an analogy. A very good friend of mine's Life Partner went to law school(I went to law school also but that's another story)at the same time as me and my friend. He was absolutley brilliant and near the top of his class, graduating with honors. Now almost three years later he has yet to sit for the Bar. Now he insists that he still wants to practice law, and will take the Bar someday soon but he wants to "enjoy life" for awhile. Now the truth is, he comes from a very wealthy family and if he never worked another day in his life he's taken care of very comfortably. But his partner and I agree that it is inevitable the longer he waits the harder it will be to pass the bar. So my suggestion is for you to do it now. Don't worry about your writing skills. There are people, providors  of a different sort if you will that help people like you and me write books. These people assist in varying degrees from simple critiquing to outright ghost writing, ie you tell him or her your experiences and they turn it into  readable prose. Like everything else in this world though you get what you pay for. So if you go that route don't pinch pennies. My suggestion do it now! Either way good luck in your retirement!.  Cliff

-- Modified on 6/3/2003 11:17:31 AM

You can use any word you want whether " whore ", "escort " or whatever.  But since the vast majority of women do not opt for this life style, I am only interested in the reasons chosen by those who do opt for this life style.  If love of sex is one of them, then great.  That's what we want to know.  I just feel like it has to be more than just the money.

"I just feel like it has to be more than just the money." --Combato

you're getting close ... perhaps closer than you think. you might even say "under your nose"  

I used to wonder why when I was younger, why any guy would pay for sex when they can get it for free.  Until I started myself I realized Im not being paid for sex (some guys although not many, dont want sex) I am being paid to give you the good half of a relationship whenever you want it...I can deal with that.

Funny, when I started in this 'business', I bought a book called "Turning Pro" by Magdalene Meretrix, on Amazon.com. (She refers to herself the entire book as a 'whore', which to me was shocking at first.) I do recommend that any lady starting out read this, or, even if you've been doing it for years..
In the book, she mentions, if you're doing it for the money (only, primarily), don't. Do it because you love it, because you feel good, because you make them feel good..
One of these days, I want to rent the movie "Owl and the Pussycat" with Barbra Streisand that I saw when I was pre-teen. What she did looked FUN! And I remembered that in the back of my head, thinking 'one day...'
I can't imagine not having it, even in a small way, in my life..

xo,
Sedona

Lass, As someone who has done a certain amount of story analysis and editing I want to second what caharmon just said. You do have a unique and uplifting story  and it is one that deserves to be told. What I would suggest to you is to do what you are doing right now. Bounce off of the people you feel inspired by and write in whatever format you feel comfortable in. The fact is the anecdote you just shared with us is at least a 3 or 4 chapter outline of a larger work and you just wrote it off the top of your head by answering someone's question. I felt as if every single sentence you wrote could have easily been expanded into a couple of pages of memories and lessons. That's how these things begin. And you DO have it in you. You've already lived it. In fact, I bet if you went back and printed out the whole of your contributions to this board you would have WAY more than enough material for a full length book and it would only be a matter of editing and rewriting. There are people that specialize in that - all over the place.

Not to put preasure on you about it because I'd also be interested to know how you feel about this period of your life 5,10,20 years from now. The wisdom of the experience will come to you slowly but you have already lived the story. Good luck with it.

-- Modified on 6/3/2003 11:46:02 PM

This was a good book, written a couple hundred years ago.  Nice happy ending where the girl gets rich and marries the man she wants.

It was on the Boston Banned Books list along with "Uncle Tom's Cabin" for a long time.

Has anyone read "A Man with a Maid"?

decided to be providers.

1. She was a little over 20 yrs old, just divorced, living in a big city.  She had a low paying desk job.  She wanted to live the good life.  She met a handsome guy in a party who was a booking agent for a high class escort agency.  She decided to give it a try.  She enjoyed the company of her professional clientele; many of them were successful stockbrokers.  She finally lived the high life she always wanted.  After a while, she got hooked on cocaine and had to continue being an escort even after the glamour life wore thin.

2. She was barely 20, a student in an elite university.  She was sheltered when she grew up.  She got married with a fellow student.  He spent all her money and ran up big credit card bills.  Her parents didn’t approve of the marriage and so refused to help.  He berated her constantly and started to physically abuse her.  She left him and found an ad in a newspaper promising high pay.  She agreed to be an escort willing to give all her earning to her pimp in exchange for security, regular cash payment for her rent, credit card and tuition.  She was so naïve.

Eventually, she got help from a benefactor and through some careful manipulation left her pimp.  She finished her degree but the lure of escorting had been ingrained inside her head.  From time to time, when she needed quick cash, she would get back into escorting.  She also enjoyed the good sex that came along with the territory.

3. She was in her 20s, a mother of two.  Her SO cheated on her, got caught and then blazenly declared that he would continue to seek other women’s companions.  They were not married so she didn’t have much recourse.  She planned to save enough to leave him.  She saw an ad and joined a high class escort agency.  Eventually she saved enough and had the courage to leave her SO, willing to struggle as an independent escort.

4. She was 21, a previous runaway from a disturbed home.  She lived with an older man who supported all her needs.  He became more and more possessive over time while she had developed an independent spirit.  She left all that behind and tried to follow her dream to become somebody in a big city.  She became a stripper but the work was too harsh and draining on her.  She met a booker and became a popular escort.  She got her younger sister living with her in a high priced neighborhood.  She tried hard to fulfill her dream while supporting her younger sister to get a college degree.

5. She was 20, a foreigner stuck in USA.  She was semi-famous in her small home country.  She got involved with an older man, got her heart broken, decided to have a new beginning in USA.  Even though she has legal status, it was hard for her to earn enough to support herself in the style she was used to.  She didn’t want to go back to her country to live the old life, so she leaped forward and turned into a high priced escort.

They were all wonderful in their own ways.  I think the willingness to take risk and try new things are part of the reasons besides the pressing need for quick and good money.

-- Modified on 6/4/2003 6:53:45 AM

why all 5 were 20-21 years old?  was this the age you met them, or the age they entered the business?

interesting case stories, nonetheless.

Some of them were a few months into the job.  Others had been doing that for a few years.


-- Modified on 6/4/2003 6:21:17 PM