For your holiday amusement, another chapter in the "What Were They Thinking?" file... Some of my latest voicemails, and what I've been tempted to reply.

Instead, I just hit 7. (delete!)

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"Hey, I'm in Room 2307 at the Beachside Marriot. Can you be here in 30 minutes?"

Sure, Officer Friendly... just let me grab my striped teddy. I don't want my undies to clash with my jumpsuit.

"Yo, this is Mike. Call me back. "

Gee, I only know 17 "Mikes"-- shall I start with the As?

"Look, I'm at the Sheraton with the wife, but she's gone out shopping for a while. How soon can you get over here? I think she'll be gone for an hour or two."

Actually, I'd prefer not to meet your wife while I'm wearing my teddy.

"Tabu, this is Frank. You can call me Frank, or what all the other girls call me-- "The Energizer Bunny."

(uncontrollable laughter)

"Hey, you're not answering-- if you're not free, can you send another girl over here?"

Why, of course, hon! I have one in every color. Just let me consult my Pimp-O-Dex!

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Happy Holidays to my smart and sexy boys (those present and those still "to come") who know exactly how to leave an irresistable voicemail!

BTW- for those interested in more observations on the wonderful world of whoopee for hire, check out my new blog... http://discovertabu.blogspot.com/.