The last post inspired me to share some of my tales of woe these past forty-something years:

(All true except for the ones I made up.)

Let's keep dating, only other people.

It's not you, it's me.  (honest, even before Seinfeld used it.)

I have a really busy course load this semester.

I'm busy that night, I'm going to be busy that night too, ditto for the night after, uh-huh, same for that night....

Your blood doesn't taste right.

My cat tells me not to see you.

I've decided I'm gay.

My roommate says you bug him.

I guess I forgot to tell you that I already had a boyfriend.

So, take care of yourself, I won't be seeing you anymore.

I'm just not seeing people for now.

My head just doesn't know where it's at anymore.

I might be moving away, but I'm not sure; so I don't want to lead you on.

You're too nice a guy.

Why does sex have to be connected to everything?

I'll call you when I'm feeling better.

I'm starting therapy.  Maybe you should too.

I don't like going out, it's too cold.

You don't look the same anymore.

I took some LSD and now I feel different.

I don't want to ruin your life.

I really don't even like guys.

You could do better.

I could do better.

You should work on yourself some more.

I have been retained my M_____ O______ to represent her in a suit for divorce.....

and the "i love you but i am not in love with you"

My personal favorite:

My husband called. His ship is due back in port next week.

I think every guy here has heard that one.

On the other hand, have any of you heard the ones told to Homer Simpson?

I'm married to the sea.

I don't speak English.

I'm entering the monastery/convenant tomorrow.

My meds kicked in/my meds wore off.

I'm not sure i'm fully comitted to the hetero lifestyle.

You don't appeal to my 12 other personalities.


My physician strongly advises me to avoid all intimate contacts  --- permanently.

My dream job in New Zealand just came through.

I have a confession to make -- I'm entering the Witness Protection Program...

I've developed a strong and unusual allegry -- to men like you.

After this, I think we should both see other women...

I won the lottery..Get Out!

I hate to do this by e-mail but...

"Your blood doesn't taste right".

Hands down winner!!

Several years ago  I called a girl in October  for a second date:
"I'm busy until after the holidays."

Ouch

-- Modified on 9/19/2007 2:23:35 AM

To this day, it was probably the coldest way that I ever broke up with a girl.

"I'm sorry but you are far too handsome, your penis is far too long and massive, and I cant stand having three orgasms a night"......*ahem*.....well thats how I recall it...err it might have been "your friends are morons and you missed my masters graduation to play in a flag football game".......uh...so yeah, either way it was like that....and for the record it was the championship game and we won