I don't want to be taken for granted by any provider, or made to feel like an walking ATM. How often is best to see the same provider regularly? Once a week, once a month, every other month or once every 3-4months. I think once a week is just too much. What do you all think?
Over the years I've seen a few regulars weekly and noticed that after a while the service becomes too blase, boring. A timeout probably necessary on both are parts. How do I broach the service with out hurting their feelings?
as often as you feel comfortable with. This taking for granted and other elements of familiarity is well known on both sides of the fence. I agree, maybe a time out will suffice and even a well worded conversation. I have had to do the very same and sometimes it works and other times you just have to cut your losses and move on.
Sometimes the old saying "familiarity build contempt" can creep into this arena.
I think that treating the person you are with as you would want to be treated is a good start to hopefully stopping any advantage taking and ensuing resentments.
Should implies a right or wrong way of doing things, or approaches. It's more like, if it ain't broken, don't try to fix it. And, if it ain't workin for ya, change it.
It depends upon what you value, why you hobby, and how the chemistry is between the two of you.
Are you looking for physical variety? How important is a personal connection to you? Are you an overnight & weekend kind of guy?
My pref is to see a few regulars though funds don't allow once a week. The more I enjoy a provider mentally and physically the more oft I'll schedule with her.
Taking each other for granted is always a sign to pause or stop. That doesn't depend upon frequency. Could be after 10 sessions in 10 days or after 1 session a year.
I am going out on a limb and stating my truth honestly. I do get bored with some clients that I have been seeing and before the service starts to wain, I become less available.
I do not want to hurt their feelings and say that I am bored and that the session is too much like hard work or I get that "I wish I wasn't seeing you" feeling before an appointment. If it gets to that stage..I extricate myself as painlessly as I can.
No-one deserves to be treated less than the 100% they expect, but even the money is sometimes not enough to put on a brave face...I am facing a situation like that now. A great guy who I have become friends with but do not wish to have as a client anymore...can't handle that part.
I have likewise gotten too close to certain providers... The service did suffer. Also it was hard to keep my own head on straight. For me, the solution was to rotate a few Favorite ladies. I mix in a new lady when the mood strikes. I'm not interested in notching my six guns as many times as possible so I do not choose anyone I don't consider a possible Favorite. I found it useful to simply space out visits with #1 lady... had been almost exclusive previously... alturnating with #2. This can be done gently & no discussion is required.
I have seen my ATF about twice a month for about three years now. Not only does she not take me for granted but she actually keeps getting better. The answer to your question however is whatever works for you. Some gals will always appreciate you and your business and some will take you for granted no matter how often you see them. There is no formula.
I see numerous providers over the course of a year, but more than half of all my sessions are with my same ATF provider of the last 6 years.
Yes we've become friends, and in a sense, its sort of like putting on your most comfortable pair of shoes.
But boring and blase? Never. She's still got that thing she does that consistently takes me to that higher (pun intended) level that only a few can manage.
I consider myself very lucky to have that level of comfort with her.
But don't get me wrong, I like to put on my fancy boots too on occasion
I say as often as you feel comfortable with. I have regulars who I see once a week, every 2 weeks, or once a month. I a provider doesn't want to see you , she won't. And...vice versa If you are comfortable with seeing her often as you like then who's to say if that's right or wrong for you. Everyone is different. Play safe and enjoy the time you spend. xoxo
Sure, some ladies may get a little lazy when they know that a regular is going to be there week after week. (I must admit that since I first saw my favorite many years ago, our time together has only gotten better. The last three sessions have been the absolute best ever!) Anyway, my point is that this familiarity thing can cut both ways. A retired friend said that sometimes a frequent flier can get a little confused. He may start to feel entitled - like expecting extras of various sorts off the clock. He can become such a PITA that it makes it hard for the lady to deliver her best service.
Your story touches a nerve. It reminds me of a plausible but distorted account of a difficulty I experienced. But it was really more a matter of poor communications.
OTC extras were being offered and I accepted. I was encouraged to ask for OTC time to deal with planning complex dates and other issues.
I never “felt entitled". In effect I compensate anyway. With OTC happening i give extra gifts and cut some slack as far as business rules. If she had a better offer pending I would happily reschedule. I don't want special friends to have lost opportunity costs... I want them to do succeed and do well.
But one particular lady seemed to be incapable of saying no. Instead she would misinterpret a request from me as a demand. Rather than discuss the situation and clarify, she'd sulk and be resentful. An attempt at clarifying discussion went going nowhere. So I suggested a less frequent schedule of visits. She then flipped out.
I think that some ladies who "can't say no" tend to blame the client rather than take responsibility for keeping things clear.
I’m very thankful that current friends are capable of communicating more clearly. When they do something special for me, I return a favor. If they say no to a request, it’s not a problem.
that a lady's unwillingness or inability to confront a regular over his increasing liberty-taking entitles the guy to a free pass. You don't sound like the type to take advantage, but you have to admit that there are lots of ways to intimidate without making threats. Whining and pouting work just fine. Also, there is always the unstated threat to her reputation and business posed by a disgruntled former regular spewing whatever ugliness he can invent via back channels. It is enough to lead a lady to decide to just grin and bear him and hope he gets bored with her.
What I am suggesting is that the dynamics of the hobby in general and the dynamics of the personalities involved can create circumstances where clear communication is defeated.
Your points are valid. But there are counter points that are equally valid. People can feel intimidated when there is no intent to intimidate.
Other personal examples… Outside the hobby I have to be careful: given a problem to solve my facial expression can mislead folks who don't know me well into thinking I am angry. Folks who are used to me know it means nothing. I can’t answer for whining and pouting. I will indulge in theatrics on occasion either as black humor or to emphasize that there is a communication problem that I’d like to solve.
There is never any ambiguity about my extremely rare necessity to make a threat. It’s never implied always explicit: “because of condition X, which is your responsibility, you must do Y or I will do Z”. Z is always something civil and legal.
But I’m going to have to add here that any rumors I’ve threatened anyone in the hobby are false. I have a disgruntled provider (not now in my review history) who has been telling other providers that I showed up on a lady’s doorstep with a gun threatening her, her family, and/or myself.
So I can certainly sympathize with the problems a provider faces with clients inventing stuff to damage her. I’d never do that.
There are many risks in the hobby which can only be managed by clear communication. It is a small world and both the provider and the client are susceptible to being misinformed via backchannel sources about the other in ways that can damage the working relationship if they don't communicate well enough.
The originally generous provider I mentioned in my first response to you had heard a false story about me from a client of hers that was no friend of mine. She asked so I calmly reassured. When I heard some doubtful things about her, I calmly asked for reassurance and got drama. I guess it was OK for her to ask for reassurance but not OK for me to ask? Who knows.
Things _can_ get very complicated when there is too much third party information. However if I am asked for special reassurance I do feel it reasonable to ask for it in return.
If I have ever made an error in backchannel discussions it has been an error of interpretation, not an error in fact. I don’t invent events. I _can_ mistake their meaning, if communication with the principal isn’t clear enough.
When I am dealing with someone who never says "no" I find it unsettling. I am much more content and happy when there is polite push back. In that I think I may not be typical as a hobbyist. Many hobby because they hear "no" to much at home.
If you have some specific concerns on these points we've been discussing, you are welcome to PM me, if you are comfortable of course.
The hobbyist should always remember that this is the provider's livelyhood in most cases. What I've found is once a month is plenty with the same provider. Maybe even skip a month. Human nature tells us that boredom or same old thing will happen if you see a provider too often. You could try to mix things up if the provider is willing-early mornings, drinks, dinner etc.. Weekly, for myself, is way too much.
If you're being treated like an ATM machine, maybe you should stop treating women as strictly sexual entertainment. The two go hand in hand.
Why is your time becoming blaze? Here's my guess - you do the same thing every time. You book a short date, you show up and expect her to play then go. Well, that's boring.
Sex involves TWO people, which means both parties have to make an effort to keep it interesting - man included.
To stop a woman treating you like an ATM, treat her like a friend, and suddenly you're more then an income.
1. Book longer dates that include social time and do something OTHER then play between the sheets. Just going out for a light lunch at different cool places makes a difference. She gets the sense that she's being treated like a person, the two of you have a chance to engage the mind, and then that will give you "real estate" in her mind. That translates into the bedroom, with playfulness, passion and adventure.
2. If you can't afford to book longer dates, do something fun and sweet on the shorter ones. Make a tradition of buying a CD, from a genre she likes, or introducing her to things you like. Bring a bottle of wine that you like. Buy her books if she's a reader - things that will give you guys something to talk about. Invent playful scenarios, find new ways to seduce each other.
I've been seeing one guy 3 years, and we meet every two weeks, spending as long as 2 weeks together - and he STILL finds awesome new ways to seduce me and turn me on. Last time, after a long day, he ran a hot bath, carefully washed every inch of my skin, caressing it, waking up my body - exciting me.
Women are sexually turned on by men who can engage their mind, who aren't afraid to take charge, and know how to seduce them. Simple as that.
If you're going to be a lazy lover, or be the hobbyist with the personality of a styrofoam cup, then I suggest seeing her once every 6 months. Gives her enough time to forget you, so each new meeting feels like a first date
If you want to see a provider regularly it's suppose to be because you both have a smashing good time. So you wouldn't be feeling like she's treating you like an ATM. I would assume since both provider and patron are getting along - there's no concern of being taken for granted.
If you want to avoid such a situation, then see a provider that seems to really be herself around you and have a good time as well. For example, if she always stays a little longer to talk - that's a really good sign.
There's no such thing as "too much" unless you're spending more than you can afford to.
It's a little naive to try and apply a formula to something as dynamic and extremely individual as the intimate moments that two people share.
Unfortunately it looks like your attempt to purchase VIP membership has failed due to your card being declined. Good news is that we have several other payment options that you could try.
VIP MEMBER
, you are now a VIP member!
We thank you for your purchase!
VIP MEMBER
, Thank you for becoming VIP member!
Membership should be activated shortly. You'll receive notification!
