Curious little creature that I am, and having read the earlier post about the pros/cons of using the whitelist, I wondered...
Do providers get overwhelmed by referral requests, or just get tired of fulfilling them? I imagine these emails or calls flooding in from people they don't know, asking about people they may or may not remember anyway.
What's your opinion on referral requests? Would you prefer the whitelist or something similar be used as a reference repository so you wouldn't be bugged?
If indeed you mean reference requests from past clients who wish to see someone new then absolutely I am happy to help and am quite prompt as I realize that they are generally time sensitive. The only time I have a problem with it is when a request is from someone I have not seen in well over a year and then I will only vouch for them if I had seen them multiple times and not just once. People can change in that period of time and I do not wish to put anyone in peril so I clearly state how long ago it was and let the lad make her own personal choice.
It is a courtesy I have no problem extending for those gents that take the time to spend time with me.
I would still reply to every one of them. Although that is not the only way to keep one safe, it does aid in the process. I never get overwhelmed, and I am always happy to help.
The only time I will not verify someone is if I don't recognize them by memory, or if it has been over a year and they repeatedly use me as a reference even though they have seen other ladies. Once it has been over a year then I explain to the lady that it has been too long and I do not feel comfortable vouching for them or their recent activities. I will tell her that when I saw them, I was safe (if I was safe).
I am always happy to give a deserving friend a good referral when he wants to see a new lady. I don't get many, but I also haven't met many gentlemen either.
You make a point I didn't think through Sara, people change. I always inform the lady if it's been over a year, just out of courtesy. It didn't actually cross my mind he might not be the man he once was.
I will glance at a white list only to see if anyone in my network had white listed him. From there I might contact the last two ladies to white list, but the list itself doesn't do anything to ease my concerns. If I don't hear directly from the lady, I'm not accepting the date.
I've gotten alot of guff over the years for not giving what I call 'verification services'.
Do you really want to see someone who will not respect you enough to help you feel at ease, one on one? Instead you must offer up a list of ladies you've seen to be questioned?
Getting to know one another before our time together. Not a difficult process. It doesn't include the recommendation from someone I don't know. Just becuz a group of ladies work in this field doesn't mean they have anything in common..(or would relate equally well to the same person)
A stranger is a stranger. why trust their advice or knowledge any more than any other stranger.. Means so little as to be irrelevant.
Alternatively... even if you aren't looking to establish anything but a light one time encounter; Making sure a person is 'OK' is simple (and safer and more accurate) doing your own investigation. If all your worried about is if he/she is going to cut your throat, rob you, or cause you legal or emotionally problems... some 3rd party whose motivation might be questionable, is not going to ensure your safety from that.
To blame someone else for your inability to vet a potential friend on your own (client to lady and vice versa) is ill placed.
I will give a public 'OK' on a website that exists for that purpose if asked by a client. as long as I've seen that person in the last year.
I feel it is much more accurate then 'call a stranger' but should be used only as one small part of the entire process.
But calling me directly and interrupting my day is not fine and dandy....
Not becuz I'm mean... nor do I wish anyone ill will... only becuz it isn't my affair.
I don't use that method and request not to be contacted for that purpose.
Wow, to think you just MIGHT give back to the community that served you well was a bit to ask of you I guess.
"But calling me directly and interrupting my day is not fine and dandy...." I bet other ladies just love to hear that shit.
"I don't use that method and request not to be contacted for that purpose." Well if ladies AND gentlemen did not know it before they sure ought to now eh?
Just MHO of course, it just seems in practice you might be there for one of your clients or a provider seeking a small moment of your time. Geesh
Granted, although some ladies have given me a snippet on the gentleman I'm asking about(cock size, his likes, what he looks like, bed skills), most just go 'I've seen him, he's safe'.
I do appreciate the 'he was the most difficult client I've ever had' and the 'be sure to let him DATY, he's amazing!' comments, but I honestly just want to know if he's LE or another kind of risk.
Other immature ladies may not like to hear it, but ladies with any sense understand that it is not the obligation of another provider to verify their clients.
Some of you have this business twisted; you have a faux sense of propriety, "community" and values because TER enables those of us who post here to speak to each other on a daily basis.
Sorry, but this is actually a business comprised of individuals and some participants truly believe in discretion.
That "small moment" of her time multiplied by hundreds upon hundreds of clients a provider will see in a career is a lot. I give out dozens of reference checks weekly and the sense of entitlement that some providers (most of whom I will never ever cross paths with) exhibit towards my information is absolutely astounding. One liners, no courtesy follow-up or thank you, incomplete checks ("I'm Chrissy, have you met John from Texas?"), impatience / last minute checking when they realize they have a complete unknown quantity in their parking lot waiting to come up etc...you name it, providers who give references deal with it.
I participate in the reference system but I don't have any misplaced anger or irritation towards providers who do not.
Many providers have no idea how to screen, aren't interested in furthering their business by learning and rely exclusively on the word of other ladies. This does not protect them and when something goes down they're the first ones screaming about a reference check.
Clients are different provider to provider, period. He may be good today and flip his lid tomorrow. Reference checks are not the end all be all; only to providers who don't want to use their thinking power to screen with other methods and to clients who only think of their time and themselves.
She did say that she puts references online.
Alea is an outstanding provider and I do not begrudge her for having chosen to opt out of this system.
Your opinion is your own, but you'd do well to look at it from all angles before passing judgment on her choice.
I have to agree above. There is a reason why datecheck and p411 exists. So that the ladies dont have to keep getting daily emails "did you see such and such". If the lady is too lazy to join a screening service, than she should not get upset when the lady does not respond back to her.
and alea is right on here.
Hey guys, what if your wife found out what you have been doing and called alea finding e-mails exchanged. If she wasn't careful you would be heading for divorce court in the morning.
Yes, a gentlemen should always ask a ladies permission to use her as a reference and give her warning as to what lady will be contacting her.Be sure all this ladies included otherwise another search to verify a provider can take time. I like this done via a phone call for my own personal reasons yet some ladies want an e-mail.
Remember every lady here has other obligations so make it easy and safe for her so she can keep you safe. I will never give a lady info over the phone and I have posted on my website how to get a reference from me. I will say ladies have called me while I was on vacation and at 1AM so they don't miss some last minute date.
This is a hot topic for me and as things become more problematic around the country I find less patience with those who don't think about me.
Kisses Haley
(in YOUR eyes) that you can't be bothered, it isn't your affair, you have no obligation to help, whatever! You don't see it is relevant that if someone slips thru your impenetrable shield of goodness, and smacks you around for an hour, or starts choking you to "help your orgasm", that it could be of any value to any other provider? He won't relate to another woman that way?
You are also mistaken on the fact that you have nothing in common with other ladies. You are not selling used cars here. You are selling a much more personal service. You are selling your body to anyone who will pay your price.
There was a lady that I really wanted to see, then she posted a note on her web site that she will NO LONGER give references. Pretty much ended any interest I had in her. "I'll take your money, I'll fuck and suck you all nite, but I won't vouch for you to any other provider"! What a pile of self important crap that is! Plus I have to subscribe to some crazy ass date check service to see you. I think not! You are plenty hot that you'll get enough weasels to jump thru those hoops to sniff your panties. I'll pass!
What an ignorant, trashy response.
her self important treatise on why she is too important to help another provider, or hobbyist!
Her self important treatise made a lot more sense than your tirade of hostility.
She said she doesn't participate in the reference system, not giving them and not taking them choosing to do her own personal verification and not providing verification services (free of charge) to other providers.
It's her business, right? This is a business of individuals who are not unionized, right? This business isn't regulated and there are no industry standards, right?
A client pays for a service with one individual, not all of the individuals who will come after her.
If you think that you pay for the right to have someone vouch for you, you would be mistaken.
Tossing in comments about her selling her body to anyone with the money (right, because no provider has any standard or choice in who they provide to) just added to the trashiness of your post.
And some people call the providers here "classless".
Oh and I happen to know several upscale, highly reputable and thoughtful, caring providers who do not provide references any longer due to abuse and being blamed for misbehavior of clients by providers who relied on their word alone exclusively for screening. These providers, like Alea, are well within their right as a business/service to choose to protect their name and reputation first since so many providers choose greed over slowing down and getting to know each client they accept meetings with.
By the way, unlike yourself apparently, many clients don't enjoy the reference process and would prefer to be screened individually rather than going companion to companion relying on girls' names to secure their meetings.
Yes, your post was considerably more ignorant and trashy than her well-reasoned and articulate stance on the subject.
So now providers qualify as "Manginas"?
I see.
Do try to read the posts in their entirety and use context clues to follow the discussion if you're going to participate.
I never get overwhelmed from answering reference requests, because it doesn't take me much effort to do so really. I have mostly regulars and repeats, so it is easy to recall a client on the spot and respond to a reference request via my blackberry within a moment’s time. It's a smooth process for me.
I don't give references for any sisterhood type reasons (e.g. aiding a provider in her verification process), rather I give references as a favor to my gentlemen friends. They pay my salary, so the least I can do is give a reference for them to spend time with another lovely companion. However, I do know of some ladies who do not provide references. I don’t judge them. I just ask the gent for an alternate reference. Of course I am grateful to the many providers who respond to my reference requests. Thank you.
In terms of whitelists, I no longer trust them. After reading about how some providers give whitelists to strangers, in addition to the apparent fake review issues out there, I take the overall system with a grain of salt. It's too bad some can ruin it for the rest of us.
Have a great week everyone!
First, I contact the providers who will be giving the references.
I explain who I am planning to see, and ask if they will provide that new lady with a reference. After securing their agreement to that ...
Next, I send an email copying both the new provider and the reference provider in which I provide each of them with substantive information about each other. In essence outlining their respective virtues. Then I duck out and let them talk.
Generally speaking, those providers I see have a lot of commonalities; so it isn't unusual for introductions I make this way to lead to friendships between the respective providers.
Now, personally, I think the whole thing feels weird. You are essentially asking one woman for permission to see another. Given my druthers, I'd rather not. But when I absolutely *must* do that; I do it as described.
Which has an unexpected benefit. This gives the reference providers veto power over the new one. Since reference providers are already women I like, women I will see again and in whose judgment I have trust; they effectively shift the balance of power away from the new provider.