For both ladies and gentlemen...how has the hobby changed how you perceive or conduct civvie sex?

Looking for YOUR experiences and thoughts on how this has changed YOU.

A couple examples to get the conversation started:

- Guy at a club starts dancing with a sexy little thing.  Buys her a couple drinks and she invites him back to her place.  You get in the door and she is all over you.  Do you: a) go with the flow and bang her til you can't see straight, or b) say, "you need to shower before I lick that"?

- Lady gets invited out to dinner by a guy she likes.  The evening goes great, you are having fun, he is attentive and his jokes are ACTUALLY funny.  You decide to invite him up for coffee.  You get in the door and he leans in for a kiss.  Do you: a) open wide and do the tongue tango, or b) say "there's a fresh toothbrush on the bathroom counter for you"?

- Guys, foreplay is getting hot and heavy.  You are ready for the main event.  She grabs a condom pack and hands it to you and expects you to put it on yourself.  Do you: a) rip it open and roll in on like a pro, b) fumble with the package because it has been so long since you opened one yourself, c) lose your hard-on because you just realized she is not going to put it on using her mouth?

- Ladies, he is an amazing lover.  He is really pushing your buttons and you are comfortable enough with him to let go and have a couple great O's.  Do you: a) continue to enjoy the evening without a second thought, b) think "ok, I better get to work on him so he gets his", c) have the thought (however brief) "damn, we must be getting close to the end of the hour"?  

JB

-- Modified on 7/31/2013 9:48:20 AM

'IF' I decided to go out on a civvie date, which I don't do anymore, but if I did, here is what I think I would answer.  

#2. c) gentle kiss on the lips, no tongue and only if I like him. I would never 'invite' him up so it would have to happen where we are and in the moment, not calculated. I would never second guess.  

#4. d) he'd have to get past answer C in question 2 to even remotely think about if he's an 'amazing lover'. They come few and far between babe in the 'amazing' dept lol.....but yes, they do exist

Situation 1. Hot guy leans in for kiss. I would -

Neither of the above, but I wouldn't invite him 'up' for coffee unless I bargained on other things coming 'up'. That's just asking for an awkward situation. I wouldn't bang on the first date, either, and it has nothing to do w/holding out. Just how I'm comfortable approaching a *dating* situation in which trust needs to be there first.  

So my answer: I'd kiss him, and if there's a bit of garlic breath, so what? Then I'd bid him adieu before his dick took over his brain.  

Situation 2: Guy is making it happen for me. I would -  

Think b) and also hope he won't need an octopus and five dildos up his ass to come, because after so many O's late at night, I'm just about ready to crash.

I have been dating alot latley.
Last Sunday I got laid. I wound up jizzing on her tits, and stomach..
I found myself getting up, and getting her a warm washcloth.
It was like I was programmed!  
I didn't realize what I was doing untill I was wringing it out.
She thought I was so sweet.. LMAO
If she only knew where I picked that up!

i have found the hobby to help me mentally undress and imagine screwing most civvie girls i would have never noticed before..my libido usually is on overdrive and i am always super horny..i love this hobby..

Seriously though...this is exactly what I mean.

Before you hobbyied you likely would have never done that.

[and Hound...you act of kindness will remain a secret so we don't ruin your hard earned reputation on TER]

JB

I just want to add.......ALL of my hobbyists are great dates!  Always open to where the date and I never watch a clock...wink wink
Great post!  Thanks for posting.
Jenna

types of male female encounters are there are possible pairings of males and females on the planet - and thats a lot!  Mostly I tend to put "stuff" in buckets... there is the romantic bucket, romantic bucket with sex, sex, friendzone, pay for sex, favor for sex, you get the picture.

But now, as opposed to when I started in the hobby (PRIOR to the internet) it has changed how I view my options when I first meet a lady - I no longer think 'it will turn out this (exact) way" rather I think, "wow, I wonder  how this will turn out."  and know what? because I am relaxed about it, my encounters turn out pretty well.... better than before.

to try and find civie sex anymore.  Why bother?

I did give it a shot once about 3 years ago, and it was a disaster.

The hobby is the way to go.

END OF MESSAGE

I'll list three situations. This is long, but I've actually been thinking about this lately.

1. Guy I met on Match.com contacted me to 'hang out' for the night at my place. I replied, "I feel something will be expected." Not because I was prude, but because 1. I may not wanna' do it with him, 2. I was an escort at that time and felt he would be upset if he found out he had sex with a pro. Now, we ended up jamming together, (we are both musicians,) and we hit it off... here's the point. I actually thought, "Jeez, I enjoy f***ing hobbyists MUCH more than this!" To be quite honest, the skills here are more consistent.

Afterwards I did think "I just wasted my va-jay-jay on some dude when I should be saving it for work!" How f***ed up, lol.

2. A guy I met on Match last November before I ever even considered this... kept asking via text when I was going to come into town. I dodged the texts, but then agreed. Much chemistry on my side there. He seems only to want a date every couple months so I felt I wouldn't be hurting him.

As "it" was about to happen, I excused myself to pay for more parking... then called my pro friend panicking, asking her if I should tell him first. She said, "Hell no!" (In a more mature way, of course.) "You can't just tell that to anyone." After 15 minutes of counseling and helping me with that and the fact that I felt I had to 'perform' rather than just enjoy the experience, (after all, I didn't have to worry about reviews in my head in this case,) I went back up. We were just hanging and touching at that point, but he would have taken sex any time. After calming down a bit, my inner passionate demons emerged and I seduced the hell outta him and we had mind blowing sex. I left feeling attached, but quickly de-tached after my first client... ahhh, back to the norm.

3. I met a guy for a 'hook up' on CL a few months back. THE most GORGEOUS thing I've ever touched, let alone talked to in my life. Amazing sex every time, again, before I started this. I was around my home city on tour a couple weeks ago, bored one night after work, and shot him a text to say "hi". After confirming he was a-go for a visit, I did tell him what was going on... as I knew this guy wouldn't judge me. I went over expecting to give even better sex than before, and expected to get the amazing relief I had with guy #2. Not so. I left evaluating my every move, embarrassed I didn't "do" better now that he knew what I do. I left kinda' short changing myself instead of what used to be... "Man, that was HOT!" Probably won't do that again.

So... I'm always evaluating my performance instead of just enjoying hot passionate sex on regular encounters... could be guilt, could be the fact that sex this way has become the norm to me.

E

A few points from my perspective;

 
I look at cute girls and wonder if they work in the Business.

Seeing a Provider is much more enjoyable than seeing a Regular Girlfriend.

I have less Stress in my Life.

Makes me glad I never got Married.

I realized just now I did the warm wash cloth exercise for all of these cases lmao

I was very naive before discovering this world, and now I feel I have seen it all. I am not surprised by anything I hear or see anymore, and I also don't think cheating is the end all be all of some relationships.

pesky civies keep suggesting that I need "company" when what I really need is for my son to quit showing up in the middle of the night.... and finding a new lady running naked through the house! lol!  Course, I've caught him as well.

It's all in the head - you are correct - not the be all, end all of some relationships where the parties can understand that sex has  nothing to do with love, and for those that can't, well we hear about the shootings stabbings etc.   they take it as real.

Went on one of those, 12 dates in an hour things.... Sat down with one attractive lady who proceeded to ask, if I would pay for 4 new tires for her car, if so, we would be a go....

now what was she thinking!?  After all she was talking to BizzaroSuperdude, and failed to grasp the dudeness of myself.  Amatures...

I have come to appreciate hand-holding. The "longing" stares, one gives a date, as you await your number at a restaurant. The frightened clutching while watching intense movies. Anyone can have sex. Sometimes I just want eye candy attached to my limbs

I am humbled by some of the responses and glad I asked the question.

Amazing to see that some of the guys I thought of as "jaded" actually have hearts!