After several visits this provider told me she was in love with me...I thought she was just being a real GFE until she proposed no more money for services, told me she was sure I felt the same way about her. I could not hurt her feelings and say I did not. She has enough information on me to ruin me if I piss her off. I have not partaken of this new uncompensated relationship, as tempted as I might be. She is starting to get very very pushy. She is married and has kids but wants a very intense love thing. She is a great kid and I do care about her but if I wanted a mistress I would have looked for one. Any suggestions from those that have successfully walked in my moccasins? No lectures on what I did wrong, please, let's talk about what to do in the future...
Did you you tell her you love her too? If so, Dude, big mistake! You gotta do something about that right away.
There's never a good, clean way to break up with someone. Even if it's short-lived or one-sided. It always gets messy when feelings are involved. Since you have no interest in getting into a relationship with her, you know what you have to do.
Be prepared for some tears, accusations and lashing out, but let her know, as gently as you can, that there's no future for you two. Period. Don't be defensive or argue with her, and don't let her try to negotiate. I know you're worried about what she might do to get back at you, since she has so much of your personal info, but it'll get worse if you delay. Unless you want her to have control of your life through blackmail, you'll just have to bite the bullet and go for it.
Be a gentleman, but be a man. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out.
I can relate to some extent. My ATF was married and has a kid. (The "was" in this case refers to our relationship and not to her marriage.) I fell and she expressed love for me as well.
Since your provider has enough info on you to do some dammage and your words imply that this could become a "fatal attraction" scenario, you must be very careful. I suspect that your provider does not know you as well as she thinks she does. (Witness the fact that she doesn't really know that your feelings for her are not what hers are for you). I suggest that you use that to your advantage by becoming something other than what she thought you were.
Try reluctantly accepting her offer and take a free-bee or two (realize that to not accept the free-bee might be offensive and cause a problem) and as you do, let her start to see a side of you that she hasn't seen. Not something that is totally repulsive nor something quickly off-puting, but rather present her with a person that she sees over time that she really can't love. (The fact is that this is probably true and she doesn't know it yet.) Stay friendly rather than offensive and this thing will likely burn out from her end. And you will get some free lunch as it goes.
Eat a quart of beans before you see her and acquire tourette synrdome. I give it a week and she'll be dumping you. (just joking *smirk*)
I wouldn't take the freebies. I'd insist to pay til you two can work our the emotional aspects of your relationship. She'll feel used later when you try to break up. Sometimes it's best to let someone feel it was their decision to end it in order to avoid hurting them.
If you treat her with respect and dignity, she'll probably realize it was wrong.
...the plot for a sitcom episode. One that backfires. But you never know, it might just work. If so, you can avoid all the drama, etc.
However, what if she gets sucked in and just overlooks your "faults?" There are plenty of women who stay with REAL losers for years. Then you'll really be in the shit.
Is a dangerous thing especially if there's strong feelings involved. The worst thing you can do is continue to see her intimately if you're trying to break up with her. The best thing you could do would be to continue to talk to her via email and by phone and help her through this breaking up period. She needs your support more than ever now to help her through all the emotions she's feeling. She's probably feeling like she's losing a best friend and very alone and isolated. Since she's married, there's very few she can confide in because society hasn't accepted women having extrmarital affairs and when a women is going through a breakup, she need someone to talk to.
An understanding and sensitive man would comprehend the feelings and emotions of a women in love and help her through this period of breaking up rather than becoming cold and distant. Hope this helps you in making the right decision.
I have been there ... and it is emotionally very draining. The precise reason one sees a provider, has been not to face the question: "When am I gonna see you again?"
If you could reach a well defined boundary with her, which is a lot easier said than done, then it may be ok.
Otherwise, find an excuse, and severe the relationship. Here are some:
1] You are facing a massive financial storm, and cannot complicate your life just now, perhaps you would revisit this in about 6 months
2] You are heading abroad, somewhere far away, for about 11 months.
3] You have developed a major health problem, you don't know how long you may live.
The idea of being supportive and trying to get her through this period of distress sounds nice. However I tend to think a clean break may be a better alternative. If you continue to interact with her and try to play the understanding and sensitive man she may never get past the idea of you as her love interest. And then when you do walk away it may just be that much worse.
completely suck sometimes! Unfortunately, the same characteristics that allow providers to be so gentle and caring with our clients are the same ones that allow us to have very intense feelings for those same clients. I'm in a similar situation right now. I entertained a client last weekend, and I *really* enjoyed our time together. He's someone with whom I could totally fall in love. He's divorced with two children and not currently in a relationship. I've never been married with no kids. We're 1300 miles apart.
This was the last email I recieved from him.
Hey there,
Your emails aren't trivial - I actually love hearing from you.
I am not sure about librarians here - but I'd still love to sleep with you anyway !!! hee hee !!
I miss you already !!!
I don't date much - as you are right - I don't make the time......and my kids take up a lot of my time right now.
I am planning on coming back -if only for a couple of days - I will most certainly make the effort to see you - how could I not come see you if I am that close !!!
Have a great weekend - I am looking forward to it.
The next time we get together (and it won't be our last either) I'll bring you a nice surprise from Canada - that you can put on your shelf so you remember your Canadian Friends !!!
I'll give you lot's of notice - and we'll go out and have fun for an evening - then we explore that insatiable desire for the remainder of the evening. If you can stand it !!! haha !!
See ya cutie.
Jimbob oxox
ps...you have the most amazing and powerful eyes - they are sparkly and bright - and I have to see them again !!!
I don't know what to do. I'm not silly enough to believe that he feels the same way about me. I lost all naivete about this profession and society's feelings toward this this profession a very long time ago. He's an awesome person. Rather than telling him and making him extremely uncomfortable, do I just fall of the face of the Earth? Should I just cease all contact with him rather than explaining why I'm going to disappear? I don't want him to think he's done anything wrong. I am extremely professional about this business in the way that I don't mix business with pleasure. It makes me sad that we met this way, because I realize I'm just another provider to him. I suppose situations like this must arise to keep life interesting I just wish I weren't so sensitive.
He sounds like a wonderful man and so many escorts are in your same predicament. As a professional, it should be simple for us to separate business from pleasure but as a women, it's not. If you're looking for love it's almost impossible to separate the two apart (business from pleasure) but if you're content being single, it's simple to not get emotionally involved.
My advice would be to send a genunine 'thank you' note after the date which is more that acceptable. If he continue's to email you for conversation, it's okay to email him back but don't ever cross the bondaries of a relationship.
It's up to him to initiate the next course of action and if he's interested in having a relationship he will. In the meantime, continue with business as usual to take your mind away from your feelings.
That's like saying librarians, Target cashiers, physicians, nurses, attorneys, stylists, and teachers who are looking for love shouldn't be in those businesses either. I don't think as human beings we can help with whom you fall in love. We can, however, set parameters and realistic expectations about people with whom we come into intimate contact.
I have never been married, but that does not equate to looking for love. If a provider is in this business and is specifically looking for a long term relationship or love in general, it's only going to end in a monsterous train wreck. It's unfair to the individual and even more unfair to the client seeking an escape of emotional committment.
Think of this whole business as being a fun fantasy in which true friendship sometimes happens (usually not in connection with the intimacy, but just because of common values and viewpoints), but genuinely romantic feelings are a very bad idea.
I understand what you're saying, but I know from personal experience that when someone is breaking up with you, denial will go along way in misinterpreting the their words and actions. What may be actually kindness and pity will come across as "there's still hope." Better to make the clean break. Just be nice about it.
I really feel for you on this one. She's married with children, and wants an intensely romantic relationship with you. This is a lady who isn't looking for sex or money per se, but, for love and fullfillment outside of her marriage...to me that's very sad. I feel for you both, not to mention the spouses and kids.
I see three ways for you to go.
Option #1: Direct approach. Tell her how you feel and that you are not interested at all in the arrangement she seeks. I'm a fan of honesty, and doubt that your fears of her "ruining you" are completely founded.
Option #2: Put some distance between the two of you. Stop e-mailing or calling her, begin weening her off the schedule you two have had. Pretend to be sick, or dare I say it, "diseased." No offense to you, but this lady is probably in a bad marriage, and she could fall for anyone who shows her attention and kindness, like you have. Make excuses why you can't see her, etc. Maybe she'll fall for someone else in the interim. Might help.
Option #3: Become much less desireable. But, subtly. Women are so smart and intuitive. Let her overhear you be a total asshole on a fake cell phone call, that comes in from a friend. Be mean to a woman, order someone around, hell arrange a hit, something, anything to get her to start to really dislike you. If she arrives at her own conclusion to break it off, you're home free. Hey, here's one. Tell her that her suggestion got you to thinking. Why should you have to pay ANY escorts ever again? And, that you stiffed 2 gals in the last 2 days.
I had sort of the reverse thing happen to me once. I started to really have romantic feelings for a provider. I told myself I'd stop seeing anyone I started to fall for. So, I just stopped seeing her. I realize my situation was MUCH easier than yours. I'm married too, but my wife knows I have sex with other women. She understands how I'm wired. It's something I need and have been honest with her about. I frankly think there's a part of her that likes how high energy I am sexually. As long as I come home to her every night, cherish her, and share my entire world with her, (all of which I love to do anyway), she's very cool about the sex thing. I recognize I'm lucky and I wish all guys could play it this way. Lying must be a bitch.
What if he keeps coming back every two or three months? It would be so simple if he could make a clean break as you say but lets face it, most men can't especially after they've been in love. They start emailing again after two or three months just to check up on us and it's really because they never completely got us out their systems. Next thing you know the two of you are in heated passion again and you're right back where you started from... it's a never ending battle.
By all means, please break this off immediately to avoid possibly hurting her and naturally getting into a stickier situation yourself. Women have very good instincts and unless you're one heck of a liar, she probably suspects that you don't feel the same way towards her. Please be careful. Especialy since she might ruin her own home life to possibly pursue this fantasy with you. As interesting as it may sound, stay away and with caution. Be well and good luck player!
I had (or have) a similar situation, I met a provider on her FIRST call, or so she says. She was with two other providers and we had a little party. The next night I called her to dome back by herself and we had a good time and stayed in touch. We are about 300 miles apart, thank goodness. Well I asked her to accompany me on a trip for 3 days and I would pay her 2000 plus expenses. That was agreed to, and I sent her the money in advance, it was Christmas and her car died, you all know the stories. Well the trip came in January and I felt very uncomfortable in the situation, like she was falling in love or something. I bought her a plane ticket and sent her home the next day. She cried and all that stuff, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I was afraid she would call wanting more money and to see each other again, which she did. I told her that I had confessed to my wife and told her everything except the lady involved to protect her. I said we are in counselling and working things out. This worked for a month or two and she called to say hello the other day, wanting to be friends. I tld her it was best to just stay away from each other as she was too tempting for me. Good luck.
I would not necessarly panic I would agree to see her right away and tell her your honest feelings ! Mabie the relationship the two of you have can surrive this . She is bieng pushy because she is anxious to establish these new boundrys I did not here any discussion about leaving spouses you are likely to piss her off giving her a cold shoulder and you know how they get then . If you dont feel right taking free shots then tell her that to you that is crossing a line you arnt ok with but I would say be honest and a little open however dont agree that you have the same feelings as her then run away how would that make you feel ?
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I just wish I weren't so sensitive.