I had been planning for months a week long trip with my newly ex ATF who chose not to come because she had some late conditions I either chose or couldn't meet.  She decided she could make more money by not coming.  Of course she didn't tell me she wasn't coming until I was already there.  Then I had to phone her to get the news.  All this after I had helped her get through a recent personal loss

Fortunately I have very supportive friends within the community who have helped me and I am also in a spot where there are actually a lot of very nice providers (SF).  To read their board you would think ther isn't any one here but I have been very pleased to date.

The upshot of all this is I have spent less seeing local providers, playing golf and visiting with college friends than I would have for the spa she wanted to stay at for 2 days in Napa.
Lessons
1)In my head I had somehow made it cheaper to bring her rather than shop locally.
2)The sex I have had here is a lot better than what I had had with her lately.  I spent more time trying to make her orgasm than I spent on myself.
3)You can't make some one happy who really doesn't want to happy.
4)I won't travel with an ATF anymore.
5)The guys in San Fran have it better than they think and maybe they need to stop complaining on their board so much
6)Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, she chose not to come.
7)IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!!!!!

Having fun in SF,
Happily deluded

It is a shame that an ATF does not have enough respect for you, to let you know ahead of time, that she has decided you, your time and money is not as important as her time and money.

It also should not have been about the money, it should have been about a good client choosing her to spend the time with, when he could have pick anyone.

Money the root to all evil.


Hugs,

Tammy

nicely done. if a man would rather spend a weekend getaway with an ATF as opposed to 3 other hi-quality ("hi-q") providers it may only be that he's near-delusional about what the two of them ("the two of yous") are all about -- a friend told me once that nearly all providers think the same about such getaways!

face it it's a FANTASY role the guy is playing out for his own benefit (it's already to her "benefit" monetarily) and so she just plays along. the more oconvincingly the better she's tipped (or should be). but the time comes when someone has to yell "CUT" and the light goes down and the actors walk off stage (in good spirits, hopefully)


i've always said -- and based on a sound economic principle -- SPREAD THE WEALTH -- diversify! ... the more you invest in a limited portfolio the more you risk to lose!

but will they LISTEN?  

LOL

Again .. a lot of us have been there.  Sometimes things really DO come up, but mostly it's just as simple as you said - she got a better offer and sold you out - or just plain doesn't care.

It happens.   It would be tempting here to accuse the providers of simply being bad business people [note to providers reading this: "No .. not YOU ... of course not YOU ... nor any of your friends in the business ... but yanno ... those OTHER providers"] but that too is a one way street.  Clients shop around, change their minds, cancel at the last minute and even do a no-show from tiime to time.

the key is ... enjoy the hobby ... but don't let a situation develop where a provider can ruin your day.

Personally, I think you are generalizing circumstances.  Not all of us are about money.  Times I need to kick in gear to make money, other times I give my front tooth for a weekend resort in Napa.  Yes, she should not have stood you up.  But it sounds like you my need to seek a more gratifing ATF, as you discribe it. Just my observation.

~A.

also like variety.  After the first few meetings, unless one wants to reveal the details of one's life, there aren't much talk about.

Obviously she is bad news since she didn't even bother to notify you ahead of time of her not coming.  Sometimes an ATF could develop a complex where she started to think of herself as the hobbyist's mistress.  That is when all the games and melodrama surfaced.

no telling how many others she may do the samething to or how many she has done it to .........

How many times have I heard from a fellow provider that she was stood up by a client. Too many times. It goes both ways and  neither side is innocent! So lets all of us get off our soapbox and stop it with the woe is me, for we are all guilty of something. Let clients and providers start showing more respect for each other, then there wouldn't disrespect and mistrust.

Besides at some point it comes down to one person with one person, not providers vs. clients.

There was a post within the last week about providers wanting and deserving respect.  I want to say you get the respect you deserve about her but what do I say about me.  Is this the respect I deserve? You tell me.

-- Modified on 7/19/2003 2:15:51 PM

No offense to you, and I am sorry that she stood you up. But, I do hope you realize for those who do cater to mostly incalls, and for those that this is our main job (not going to pretty it up), we are generally the ones getting the hotel rooms. We women have alot to put up with, security, hotel staff who mile about in the hall way, and we make sure to tip them very well, so they can be about their business, and not at our hotel door. 90% of my busines is incall. So 4 to 5 days out of the week, I am the one purchasing the hotel room, and we have up front costs such as: the room + a security deposit, when the average client is only hobbying once or twice a week. It makes me wonder who is losing out on more money, when our alter sex cancels on us. Who is going to take care of my hotel bill, when "he" decides that he either doesn't want to make or is just too lazy to call me to cancel? Is he going to ask one of his buddies to take his place, because he can't? No. The one thing I will say about us providers, is that we have a network group. When I or any one of my "sisters" cannot make an appt., we simply pick up a phone and call one another to see if she can take the appt. So, you asked your question and I will ask mine: Is this the respect that a provider, who has great reviews, and is known for giving her 200% towards all her sessions should be getting herself? It works both ways.

-- Modified on 7/19/2003 1:42:07 PM

providers make it difficult for the rest of us.  The people who read the boards and participate in the discussions tend not to be the problems.
I agree with you 100% and obviously my beef is not with you but with my ATF.  Right now, I don't think there is anything I can do with her which would make this better.  I could scream all day and not make her see the light of day.  She has her position which I am sure she feels is valid.
I just know I feel betrayed.  I couldn't touch her right now nor would I want her touching me.

I have just seen two very nice giving providers within the last 24 hours and I am starting to settle down a little.

I just wish people would treat other people the way they would want to be treated.

Thanks for letting me vent and pointing out alternate ways of looking at this.
HD

-- Modified on 7/19/2003 1:41:24 PM

seeing as how it's a cost you would surely declare on your taxes  

seriously, if GAP were to open its doors and no customers were to come in that day, do you think the manager would say: "heck, might as well close early today"  or  "let's not even open tomorrow!" ??  

i'm joking only to make a point (believe it or not) which is ... the high-volume incall providers that i know often rent the room at discount on a monthly basis (or share it with another provider gal-pal). would this then not be a fair analogy to the GAP scenario above?

i don't wanna delve too deep into providers' "modus operandus" (for obvious reasons) so you don't need to go into details on the board. but perhaps just a yes/no, you're right/wrong, etc.

-- Modified on 7/19/2003 2:18:19 PM

Right on! Just be sure to do it when your emotions have settled, be honest and stick to the facts.

I chose to turn the other cheek, which is okay, but you had better be able to live with the consequences of the decision!

Also be prepared to have your integrity and honor challenged because, believe me brother they will be. If you stick to the truth, people who truly know you will figure it out and stick by you. That won't ease the hurt and betrayal right away, but it sure does over time!

Don't forget the other wisdom that has been shared earlier by others. DIVERSIFY! IT'S THE BEST MEDICINE!

Good luck and remember: LIVE THE DREAM AND SHARE THE LOVE!!!!!

-- Modified on 7/19/2003 2:14:29 PM

Actually, we can write it off, but it doesn't solve the question of: '"NOW". Unless there were guys banging down her door, to see her on that particular day, she is out of her fee and plus already spent money on the hotel room.

Also, that question can be redirected towards you men: " but arent' those business epenses, that you can write-off?" Because alot of men do travel for business, and I am pretty sure that they can write it off on their taxe expenses. Again, that seems to work both ways

thank you for your input Eve!  

my ATF cancelled out on me tonight. i was set to take her to a big shindig downtown - a friend of a friend's wedding!  can you guys imagine the astronomically high risk i would be facing in this situation? ... of someone she's porked coming up to the two of us with an all-knowing grin on their face saying: "So ... [wink] ... when are the two of you getting married?"

Sometimes, you are best off going stag to those types of functions. Too many cuties about to clean off your tie from the delicious clam chowdah lol

while we can't exactly write off the cost of the session itself on our reimbursement forms, we do (as i have) leverage off the purrfectly legitimate air/hotel expenses that are "paid for by the company" ... why "biensur!"  

btw, if any guy out there HAS written off that ONE expense and gotten away with it repeatedly, i would like to talk to you during the commercial break!

LOL

Sorry to see the hassle you went thru, and the bucks your out, but take solace in the fact that you went and ended up enjoying yourself anyway, many wouldn't have. While i don't know about getting your money back, i suppose you could always invest alittle more and send her a nice floral arrangement with a note telling her what a favor she did you by not going and that you explored people unknown and had a great time! Might make you feel better, but probably just best left alone, at least at the moment.

I tried it already.  Staff doesn't allow no show reviews.  Their advice to me:  post it on the local board to let others know.

i think!  (?)

please prove to me you are FEMALE (you know, what with your alias and all, i mean

my TV-addled stunted imagination is too feeble and most often i can not visualize who i'm talking to (without a webpage photo to stir my thoughts!)


LOL

But I can LOL But, for me to give up my alias, is not the best thing Lets just be TER buddies Btw, yes I am a female.



-- Modified on 7/19/2003 3:25:07 PM

-- Modified on 7/19/2003 3:25:54 PM

I also think one should be mindful of their ROI (Return on Investment)

You've succeeded in enjoying your golf game; making yourself happy; and three lovely ladies happy - rather than one (spoiled brat) only slightly happy.
It will only get better...

I'm happy for you.
However, #4 bothers me.
SOME of us are wonderful - even to travel with.
Take your time,
Sedona

before I travel with someone again.  I am to bound up in making sure the other person is happy.  I mentioned my dilemma to one of the ladies I was with and she pointed out she doesn't travel with clients because they are always looking for a relatonship.  I suppose I might take someone I were going to deer camp but never where there are good providers and especially not to San Diego where you are.  If I come to San Diego, will you see me and could you recommend a good oral surgeon? LOL Grin.
thanks for talking

Did you say deer camp? Hey! I wanna go! Can we wear cammy underwear and 'do it' in the trees? Sounds fun to me..
Is that your shotgun poking me, or..no, guess not........mmmmmmmm
LOL

Hey, thanks, hon. Talk to me anytime..

Take it from one who's been there, sounds more to me like a relationship problem than a client / provider problem.  She may not have handled this very well at all, but me thinks you were getting way to serious for her.  I also have seen two providers in twenty-four hrs. but only because I was really messed up in the head over another women.  But friend I think getting right back on the horse really helps and man is it more fun than crying in our beer.

PS  Sedona I don't hunt deer but how about a good beaver hunt?

You know what I'm talking about young man! Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....could I say it any louder?

I only hobby out of town so I will routinely see more than one provider in a day.  Three is about my limit.

She called me at 4 in the am to discuss her family problem so yeah, we were getting to a different level, time to come back now that the emergency is over for now.  She really needs cash badly and couldn't generate what she wanted with me.  I guess I am not a complete idiot (only 99%)LOL

I like doggie style, I am not sure what getting on the horse unless it is some variation of rodeo sex LOL although I did see an ad somewhere for twins.

i'm psychic!  

a bad cold less than 72 hrs before my appointment with a visiting lady from overseas.  When I decided that there is no way for me to get better to make the appointment, I asked one of my TER buddy to meet her instead (got her permission to do so ahead of time.) while putting up half the cost of the session.

I was prepared to pay at least half if not all the cost of the session to her.  I understand time is money for most ladies.  I am just giving my own thought on his situation for others to consider.  No offense was intended.



-- Modified on 7/19/2003 10:40:33 PM

"Better than they think" is a gross understatement. The guys in Toronto and Montreal, who have it even better, do the same thing. They all have it pretty @#$%^&* good if you ask me.

Wonder what the guys in Miami think?

Well for many it is all about the $$, not all.  I was recently on tour in Chicago and one of my regulars from my hometown flew in to spend 24 hours with me.  Not only did I waive my entire fee for him but let him stay free in my hotel room with me and didn't take any appointments while he was there.  Some of us are in the business because we like it.  Don't lose faith!