What would your wife do if she found out you were seeing escorts? Would she kill you/divorce you ( same thing LOL if she takes everything), be upset but understanding of a man's need for variety, or would she not care and join in or encourage your use of escorts?

Curiosity wants to know.


Leilani

-- Modified on 9/15/2003 2:24:39 PM

She'd definitely leave -- might eventually soften up but it'd never be the same.  That hasn't slowed me down, any, however.

Ah ... yes.   She'd encourage and join in!

Just like the times she says:

"Honey, please don't look for a job, I can work ... you really NEED to get that golf game in shape!"

"If it's OK with you, I'm going to run the car down and get the oil changed while you watch the Steeler's Game"

"My sister thinks you;re hot, and she like anal!"

I think I could talk myself out of divorce if it was a one time only experience she found out about. I'm pretty sure I could get a one time pass with LOTs of TLC and a promise to never do it again. You're wondering if I would do it again? Probably, especially after the 19 year old I banged today.

At first she was disturbed, but understanding of my need for variety.  Then she found it energizing (she wanted full reports).  Then she began to join in!  We had a threesome (our 10th or 12th) on our anniversary trip to Las Vegas.  I was, and am, a winner in more ways than one!

Paul

Leilani,

I know a gentleman who was frequently seeing a provider in LV whilst living in California. He was actually just paying for companionship to events, dinner and a bit of fondling. He had a couple of pictures of the two of them at different bars/clubs/events on his personal computer at home and his wife discovered them. When she confronted him she accused him "you were sleeping with that sl*t, weren't you?" and he, truthfully, replied "No, I couldn't afford her rates"!!!!! The next day she went to her lawyers for divorce; but I guess California has no-fault divorces so she didn't quite get everything. So he's now divorced and still hasn't slept with her.

I think she would leave me; we’d have a rough time for a while sharing custody of our son; we’d go to marriage counseling; then in about six months she’d realize that: 1) finding a better husband (notwithstanding the dalliance) would be difficult, if not impossible (with all due modesty); 2) my trysts with escorts never reduced the marital sexual activity; 3) said trysts were really pretty harmless (i.e., I wasn’t in love with another woman);  and 4) she would stand more to lose than I if we split up.  So, we would eventually get back together, but as jaxx said, “it would never be the same.”  A life without risks is not worth living.  

My wife just found out today and it is looking bad.  Doesn't know everything. Just knows I slept with an escort.  She is not into open marriages.  I suppose this will be going downhill very quickly now.

She asked the question - I answered.  "I have a curiosity about escorts."   So she knew, but not everthing.  Probably knew there was no emotion, so some counseling, etc and we'd get through it.  When the next question was asked I spilled the beans because I wanted out.  Once she knew I had slept with escorts in Vegas, San Fran, DC, Sydney, Montreal... well she was "Who the hell are you? How did you do all that?"  Well...I opened the yellow pages and dialed a number.  Then she got worried about disease and asked "Did you go down on her?"  My reaction was all she needed and she went nuts, worrying about her health until I told her I was safe because I had been tested and saw the girl's blood work which was negative.  "You open the yellow pages in 7 different cities and the girl is there in a hour with fresh bloodwork- do I look stupid, that's impossible!"

Not if it's the same girl.  You could hear the pin drop.

Same girl...?

Same girl, retired-tested, forme.

So then she knew there was emotion involved and there was probably no saving our marraige - and yet - and this is the truth- she asked me to sleep with her that night. She wanted to be held...  That hurt.  That really hit me bad.  I thought she'd follow the cliche movie script and yell and scream and throw my life out onto the front yard, but nope... Yes, our marraige was over years before but whe4 I saw how this hurt her, ... damn...

Well, I haven't gone for a swim yet. But I know what she would do...she would leave. Her lifestyle would take a dramatic nose dive. I know it sounds cliche, but I wouldn't be looking if she'd be into studying some foreign languages. If everything else in the marriage is fine, how is this not a viable alternative?

she is very independent.  Although I believe we would get back together - but it would never be the same.  She trusts me ``like a child'' and I hope I outgrow this hobby soon.

But i cannot believe that otherwise happy spouses would trash a marriage over playing with escorts.I would join in  occasionially ..guys desire variety.

It is never easy for anyone when a realtionship ends.  Hang in there.

I am not the average hobbyist obviously.  If I were married to someone I loved and they loved me.  I would seek some serious help if I was risking that for a piece.  If the marrige sucks or is on the way out.  Party time.

My wife believes it as a matter of trust and in her religous upbringing that it is a mortal sin.  Monogamy is a big deal for her and for a lot of other people as well.  I understand well her point of view even though I obviously don't agree with it.

I rushed unpacking and may have left a condom in a pants pocket is all I can think (I'm cut so no need for condoms).  She certainly doesn't know the truth fully.  The only other evidence would have been a whole lot worse than what I told her happened.

Im not currently married either. When I was, there was no need for me to indulge in this hobby. My wife died a few years ago and because the kids are so young I'm not bringing a woman into their lives until they are older. I choose instead to stimulate the economy via providers. This is not meant to judge those who are married and are hobbyist. Rick said it best, if the marriage is for all practical purposes over then party on. If it is a good marriage, then I too question the risk factor. Its all about choices; if you choose to be a hobbyist then you take on the responsibility of the potential consequences. On a sidenote, there are plenty of unfullfilled housewives on the prowl out there, could she be yours??? just food for thought[EOM]

Leilani,

I chose to respect my wife and went to counceling before I ever cheated, hoping to see if I could get what I wanted out of the marriage. We decided that my needs did not coinside with her desires, so we split up. As friends. Now I am free to pursue guilt free.

Don't get me wrong, it took a tremendous amount of courage to ask for what I wanted, but I have found it is awfully lonely on that extra mile.

So now if I want to run with sissors or be a hobbiest I only have the potential of hurting myself.

That's freedom and I know what it feels like now.  Took a while for the loneliness to fade but guilt free living is nottobe missed.

you forgot to swim right after eating.

It would be painful for a bit but the marriage would survive.

I know this because her father cheated in a relationship with another woman when my Mother in Law was a real shrew.  My wife threatened to keep him from seeing our kids if he bailed and took the "easy way out" by leaving her. So with this "help" from us, he agreed to try and fix things if she was willing.

I helped fix things by encouraging her (my mother in law) that life would be difficult financially and emotionally as she was in her late 50's at the time (this was about 7 years ago).

She was a REAL pain in the ass when we were dating (I met my wife in college and she did everything she could to make sure we had minimal time alone together when we were at their place).  I'm happy to report though that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Post explosion, she lost weight(she is about a size 4 now at 62 and has the body off someone 20 years younger except for a few facial wrinkles), dresses more provocatively, and encourages us to take romantic weekend getaways whenever we can (which unfortunately is only once or twice a year due to kids).  Her attitude has totally changed and the relationship is actually BETTER than it was before when she finally realized that whatever angel on her shoulder she was trying to appease by doing the "right thing" was actually sabotaging her happiness.

My reason for indulging in this hobby is that I have a high sex drive and she doesn't.  Once a month is fine for her (while I am a five times a week in need of SOME kind of release kinda guy), and kids and her insane work schedule insure that we have neither time nor energy for each other sexually.  She is also very vanilla in her activities in the bedroom (Mish, French, CG, DATY, and Doggy are OK.  Everything else is not.)  I'm much more adventurous and have some friends in different circles including the spanking community which I get to explore about twice a year.  She cuts her hair short at just above shoulder length, as much as it kills me as I beg her to let it grow out.  Costumes and role play are out.  Lingerie is strictly on the tame Victoria's Secret side when it comes out once every three months or so.  When R Rated scenes come on the TV she becomes uncomfortable, NOT worked up.  I have some porn which drives her up a wall, but I have to sneak to watch it, and she throws out my Playboys and Maxims if she finds them in the mailbox first.  Sex is always in the bedroom or a high end hotel room (motels are out).  Unfortunately, she is beginning to turn into her old mothers persona instead of her new one.  I don't mean to make things sound bleak as this is the only phase of our relationship that is a problem.  She is a great mother, a great partner and wife in all OTHER areas, and a great person.  It's just that her sexual side has wilted as she has gotten older.  

Sorry to drift off topic, but I thought my answer would make more sense with some background.  Basically, I believe she would stomp around, call her girlfriends (both are divorced BTW), go cold on me for a few weeks, but ultimately her head would win out and she would find a way to get through it and move on based on her past attitude with her father (not just failing to throw him out of the family, but threatening him if he did try to leave the relationship).  Seeing her friends current miseries (both recent breakups in the last three years) would just drive home the point that there is no picnic out there without me.

When I hobby, it fees an appetite that can't be fed anywhere else and I'm a happier person at home.  I don't agree to the whole "cheating" label as I am not falling in love with another woman and giving my heart to another.  That's how I've rationalized it and I'm at peace with it.  (I follow my own internal moral compass and this hobby does NOT feel wrong to me as I believe all positive expressions of love/sex are OK).

Damn one Escort stole my wifes perfume & one of her handbags try explaining that. She caugth me beacause of that little Bi#@%. My wife would have left me if she thoughtit was a escort. She thinks it was just a regular girl I cheated with. Why do escorts steal? You give them a few hundred & they want more.

geeze - my seeing providers was my wife's idea - she's got some health problems and she didn't like what I was turning into after 5 years of celibacy.

wally

Interesting ... It was like reading my own thoughts.  Only I haven't actually hobbied yet, but am seriously considering it using the same rational for the same reasons.