Some of my TER friends know about this but I wanted to open this up to everyone as things have changed in my life recently and I need advice. As most of you know, I am married. Let me tell you about her for a minute. She is an absolutely beautiful women. She's a lightly freckled, double amputee, Iranian women with red eyes and a deviated septum. We met during the war. In a little Parisian cafe serving Italian style food. In Tokyo. I was out with the guys, had just got paid, and hell bent on having a good time. When I walked in that gin joint, my eyes went straight for her. She was sitting at the bar. All by herself. Stunning.

After a few shots of Wild Turkey, I finally found the nerve to go talk to her. It was a little awkward at first because she had just slapped one gent in the face. I sat next to her. She was and still is, much more outgoing than I am. She asked me if I was looking for a date. She was reading my mind. So we had a few drinks, I picked her torso up off the stool and placed her in her wheel chair. My wife is about 2 1/2 feet tall. But about 4 feet in the wheel chair and approx 8 1/2 feet when she is on top of our 6 ft ladder painting our kitchen ceiling. But I digress. So our first date progressed, we kissed like long lost lovers that night! She asked me back to her place. She was living out of a hotel at the time. We made love all night! I think I made her cum 12 or 13 times!. It was wonderful! But being the kidder she is, she wanted to know where the cash was when we got done. I just laughed.

Well, fast forward till today. I'm still madly in love. We have a wonderful family. 5 lovely children. 4 of them are albino. Those are our normal children. The fifth has a condition that we have struggled with for quite some time. She is multi-racial. Half Caucasian, half black. She has a very rare genetic skin disease. She is black on her right side and white on her left side. The neighborhood kids tease her by calling her "Ebony & Ivory." We don't think its very funny. I mean we did at first, but its been a few years and the comedic effect of the term wears off after awhile. A little.

So....about a month ago, my wife was repairing a whole in our roof, when she slipped and fell off onto the ground. No worries as she landed on her stubs so she survived, but she needed some surgery and rehabilitation. So, while she was mending, I thought that would be a perfect chance to get away with my ATF, for as most of you know, I was in Udo's wedding party, and I couldnt let him down. There was a little snag with my girl because she wasnt used to me negotiating her rate, but this was for Udo and it was for love, so my ATF aquieced for a super cheap deal for its the rainy season in the Phillipines and as you all know, nobody pays full price for escorts during the rainy season.

We usually get along great, but on the flight over on Filipino Airlines, we had a little spat. We never discussed this topic before, and since we had 14 hours to kill, I thought I'd make a little conversation. Well, we all know where this is going, dont we? Yep, you guessed it...I am a P411 guy, and she is a Date Check girl. Ugh...It wasnt pretty. Back and forth we went, her making her points, me making mine. Lets say we agreed to disagree. Everything was fine from then on until we landed and had to have our bags checked again. The Phillipines is a very conservative country and they confiscated my gross box of 3XL Double Strength Magnum Super Wide Condoms! FK! I was so pissed!

We eventually got to our hotel and it was paradise! And since we still had two days before Udo's nuptials, I was thinking a little sexy time with my ATF! But, alas, no fkin condoms! What to do? Well my ATF always comes prepared! I knew she would come through! She got this look on her face, big smile, and said, "You can just fk me bare back!" Finally! My women said yes! My dreams answered! So we made love all night. So finally I asked her  "where should I put my cum?" She just said "why dont you come in deep?" Ahhhh...pure perfection! And have you ever seen a women's face after she came 25 times in about 6 hours? I asked her why she let me BB her. She said I was the only guy in her stable that used rubbers with her so she thought we were overdue anyway. I was stunned! I asked her why she doesn't make guys wear protection. She said "How do you think I get all those guys to give me 10/10 reviews sweetie?" Hmmmm....

I know this is a long story so hang in there with me as this is important. With another whole day to go prior to seeing Udo and his gushing bride walk down that aisle, I thought I'd take the ATF on some sight seeing but the crafty devil had already made plans. She placed an ad on Filipino TER of her travel dates there and booked out our room to make up for the money I negotiated her down. Hmmm...ok, minor set back I thought. But I had to give up the room to her and her Asian hobbyists. Those fkers are rough over there! One guy there never calls the women "ladies" or even "escorts", he just calls them "hookers". His handle is FiliCPA. Can you imagine that happening in the U.S.?

So to pass the time I headed down to the coffee shop where they had some free internet. When I checked my TER pm's, it was just the usual. Seven pm's from Curly telling me whose posts he reported to admin that day, 1 from Hound about an aquatic adventure that I cant disclose, 2 from LR both telling me to fk off, one from Perfect Storm telling me the current wait time for a review to be posted was 34.3 hours, four from ex-mods saying I post too much and about four or five dozen from miscellaneous pm'ers who just wanted to know what my problem was in general and why I was such an a-hole. You know, typical haters.

So I trolled around the local website scene for escorts and found a site called www.BaccePaget.com which roughly translates to "Back Page". In the Philippines it is considered rude to show a women's legs so you get crystal clear views of their faces! Awesome! Or so I thought. Well, much to my chagrin, I found my wifes ad on there. My whole world came crashing down. That lying, deceitful, backstabbing 2 1/2 foot bitch I thought!

And the final kicker. Just this morning me and the ATF just got back from our favorite strip club where the bouncer over there told us the home pregnancy test they sell in the bathroom came back positive. Fkin Udo. Couldnt get married in Canada, could he?  

So here's my questions. How do I tell my wife that my ATF is pregnant and how do I tell my ATF that my wife is hooking? If I see them both in a threesome is it bad taste to ask them for a discount? Has this ever happened to anyone before? What did you do? If not, what advice would you give me? Please, no jokes. I need the TER community on this one.

With the ATF you can at least get the handjob that you can't get with your wife.

With your wife, she does that weeble wobble trick and maybe can get your ATF off.

Don't get mad when you take your wife swimming, and someone asks "Is that Bob?"

But hey look I understand, that first night at the bar the music was loud anyone could have made the same mistake. You thought you were getting a great deal, you misunderstood and thought she said she would give you half off...but really she said that infact she was half off, the stool and about to fall. She fell for you that night and you caught her, you spun her around like a top and then put her down and she was that spinner you were looking for.

I'm happy for you man, congrats on the new baby. Make sure to give her that 10/10 with the other guys that get BBFS.

MM

Divorce your cheaten 2bit Ho of a wife, and take half her shit and half of her future earnings. Find a new ATF, forget about your old ATF and let her deal with HER problem. You paid her to go away......

I told you 43.4!



-- Modified on 3/20/2013 10:01:46 PM

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It really does.

Neither of you have a leg to stand on.

In any case, try a telegram.

Redrum.

While you were out there in Philippines, I told your wife everything...

Oh your wife gives a mean BJ... I mean really wicked...

How long did it take you to type this?  You must have a lot of time on your hands, clarence!

good read...lol

No way could your legless wife have sat on a bar stool.  Also, you forgot to disclose which STDs you picked up from bare-backing your ATF.  Udo says the ones he's picked up in Manila are drug-resistant.  Oh, and I'm not buying the part about the deviated septum.  Nice pictures of your wife, pre-amputation in "Magic Tricks Gone Horribly Wrong."

I can do it in less time that I can get a nut....

I'm a firm believer that Honesty is always the best policy.

If I were the wife I would the 3 of us to set down a dicuss the situation and figure out what to do together. It takes 2 to tango and  3 is some situations. But its always best to be honset when something like this happens.
Sit down talk to the wife, then set down and talk to the other girl, then set down with both of them and discuss this together. But becareful not to push this too fast as in getting them together to discuss this.
It wont be easy, neither one will be happy to start with but after the shock of it all pass's it will be easier to deal with for all involved.

I wish you the best of luck, just remember, Honesty is Always the Best Policy

it's just that the part about the deviated septum was really hard for me to believe.  I offer you this complete retraction.


-- Modified on 3/21/2013 10:00:53 AM

Now please tell me you didn't take him seriously and I just didn't get the joke.

Yell at them while you do it..
"Why are you so white!!" WHACK!
"Beady eyed little fuckers!" WHACK! WHACK!
It should be fun enough to forget your troubles.

I beat my albino like twice a day when I'm not seeing my SB.

MM

He sounds sincere about his question, and for it to all be a story there is alot of detail and what seems to be true concern about the situation. He asked for advice which I gave. If it is just a tall tail which I dont think it is but if I'm wrong someone else who might have a similar situation can use the advice too. So if its true or not I still stand by what I said. Honesty is Always the Best Policy

Stump took him for millions of bucks.    No lepers in this story above? Only amputees and albinos?

I wish you the best og luck with the situation at hand

Maybe take up crossword puzzles ?

Listen to this!One of the ball busters who didn't think twice in bashing me in my threads when I was trying to be serious turns around wanting to be taken seriously himself.Love the irony on this board.

No he doesn't.  He's just extending the joke.  I thought that was obvious.  Guess not.

Its a joke Jen just a dragged out joke and he's reveling in your trust in him...

Lol


He's a sick man.