Dear Caitlyn:
What was the level of trust in each of these relationships before or currently?
How would it change when the other learns about the unknown occupation?
Are both parties secure enough and is there a system in place when the party who is active as a provider or hobbyist goes to participate?
Would the divorce rate be higher or the same as a civilian rate?
What would be the psychological and behavioral stresses that would be evident during the relationship and how would it differ from a couple who would not have activity in the hobby?

then I got caught, twice, and for a while she tolerated it, but then decided to cash out her chips.

Now my SO is a provider and loves the fact that I am a hobbyist.  She even introduces me to new gals.

Yes, my SO knows and I have her blessings -- our relationship is stronger for the honesty

My wife actually wants me to hobby in a controlled manner. It was her idea. She says it helps her feel less guilty about her own choice to provide. I will say it does help add balance to know I have some side action as well. I prefer the days when we where monogamous but those days are gone at leased for the foreseeable future.

My SO suspects, because she's from a country and culture where it is assumed that men see women outside of their marriages, but not usually other civie relationships. And, where the man doesn't rub his wife's nose in it by giving her the details.

workers are in the oldest profession known to man.

No, my SO doesn't know and I know she would be very hurt/angry if she knew so I hide it from her at all costs.