Married guys...before you started in the hobby, I'm sure you'd been thinking about for a while. What was it that finally made you say "it's time" and set the first meeting? And how nervous were you on your way there?
When your wife give you several reasons not to have sex for several months, that's when you start thinking of hobbying.
Don't get me wrong. My SO is a homemaker who does not drive a car, so she stays at home unless we go out together and I drive. She's a lot older than me, so when it comes to playtime .. it's either she's sleepy, tired, or does not want to be bothered or touched. She sleeps early and I sleep late.
I love my SO, but I have my needs. If I didn't hobby, I'd be really pissed at her for sleepin on me. With hobbying, she can continue what she's comfortable with and I'm cool and happy and have no demands on her. She likes it that way - no demands from me.
Hobbying is perfect, since there are no attachments after you pay.
About 2 years ago after intimacy was only happening 2 to 3 times a year at best, my wife booked a 5 night getaway at an all inclusive resort (couples only). We we intimate once during the entire stay. If we were not going to do it then, we were not going to do it at all.
After about a year of nothing on the home front after that I started the hobby. I love her but she is done with any physical relationship with me or anyone else.
Certainly not trying to stir up anything but how can you be 100% positive that she has lost ALL sexual interest for someone else? Are you with her 24/7 to know that she has no contact with anyone else?
As some men get bored with their longtime partner, so do women...sad but true.
I started hobbying after my wife and I didn't have sex for over a year. She had just had our first child, and well I have needs. I had hoped that after she finished breast feeding the sex would return, but it didn't. So I've continued hobbying. The other thing is that my wife's idea of sex is very vanilla: no BJs, no DATY. I love my wife but she just doesn't do it for me sexually.
as my medical condition progresses. There are things I want to do & they were never going to happen at home. She practices Classic avoidance... my ex taught me all the ropes years ago. skb
i love my wife. she is a great mother and great homemaker. she is also very beautiful. even in good times she liked all the sexual variety from A to B. now after 30 plus years of marriage and three kids, she has as much interest in sex and she does in getting a pre-frontal lobotomy or a root canal. don't get me wrong, if i push the issue, she will allow me to have sex with her lifeless body. i love her too much to take something that she is so reluctant to give. this is one area that we are not compatible. i started hobbying about 10 years ago. i travel frequently for business and have "friends" in each town that i frequent with whom i can share a few hours of passion. i tend to see a few friends multiple times, so the "getting to know you" part is out of the way and we fall into each others arms like long lost lovers. except these are lovers that have no strings attached. it has worked out quite well, as i don't resent the wife, she is relieved of another chore and our family continues on in ignorant bliss. ok you marital experts out there...flame away. sail
Sex is not the only part of marriage and for hundreds of years the social, child rearing, financial and sexual parts have been handled covertly, or overtly in some cases, by parties outside the traditional husband/wife pairing. Marriage is first and foremost a legal business arrangement. A judge can't make the couple love each other but they can make one pay the other alimony
Marriages that are over 10 years old often have amassed money, property, debt, kids, insurance, investments, etc that to try and divide up would just result in a much lower standard of living for everyone involved. I say if you make decent financial partners, social partners, parenting partners, etc but just don't match sexually then it is silly to scrap the rest and wish more people would be mature enough to accept that.
Honestly I would expect every woman would know that if they are not providing sexually for their partner that the husband WILL get those sexual needs met elsewhere. However it still seems like some women react badly when they find out for certain that their husband has some NSA partners.
knows that she is not being bothered for what she would rather not provide. if her nose were "rubbed into" my hobbying, it would certainly be out of joint. we are in the "don't ask, don't tell" phase. and no, we are not gay...not that there is anything wrong with that!! sail
My wife has been able to go for months without sex for the last couple of years. Before that it was at least a couple of times a week. She's also a lot more conservative now. Only in bed, at night, with the lights off, no DATY, etc.
After a long stretch without sex in which she continually teased me by saying "next week, next week" and it never happened I just said screw it. I'm too young to live a sexless life. I love my wife but I don't know if I'm ever going to get back what I had at home. I emailed a couple of providers and that was that.
I wasn't very nervous going to the first meeting. I was nervous as heck during the meeting. I was wondering how I would feel when all was said and done. Strangely enough I didn't feel any guilt. I just felt content. Since then there have been a lot less frustration and a lot fewer arguments. My wife still doesn't want sex much, but I get my physical needs met elsewhere so I don't care.
I'm perfectly capable of living in a monogamous marriage, but I can't live with rejection for years.
After 3-1/2 years with nothing at home, it was time to take care of ME. It wasn't her fault, or my fault, just the way things played out. She is no longer able to have sex, (health issues) and I never felt it was fair on my part to push the issue.
My wife, who I love very much, became very ill five years ago. The illness has effected most aspects of her (and our) lives. We are unable to be intimate. I lived with it for five years. I did not want an affair, where things could spiral out of control. The mission of my life, since day one of her illness, was to be there for her and our two children (we had adopted two girls ages 7 and 9 about two years before her getting sick,) to take care of them.
I stumbled across this site and it hit me like a thunderbolt. I had never considered doing this before. But I realized that I can get my needs met, relieve a lot of stress with NSA, and hopefully, nobody gets hurt. I do not plan on making this a hobby however. I did a lot of research here, found a great provider (have only seen her once so far)that I really like, and I plan on sticking with her. Hopefully this will minimize the risk as much as possible.
I was nervous on our first encounter. We have our second "date" scheduled in a few weeks, I do not expect to me nervous at all. She was great.
My final straw was when I realized my wife was trying to use sex as a "carrot and stick" power mechanism. I realized that if I let that continue, I was going to lose my leverage in the relationship. Once I started hobbying, I got that control back. She can sense that I am not bothered when she tries to play her withholding of sex game. Ironically, she ends up wanting sex more. In my case, I think hobbying has saved my marriage. I have better sex at home because it is not an issue anymore. She does not know what I am doing, but her female intuition is telling her that she better have sex with me regularly. She probably thinks I have a mistress somewhere but she just cannot figure out why the mistress has not tried to break up our marriage yet. As for nervousness at my first meeting. I was worried about the LE thing. However, the first provider I dealt with truly gave me some great insight into how things work. Eventually, I got on TER and got more comfortable.
No last straw here; spouse and I get along great physically and emotionally. I got into this because I was curious about being with other women, and quite frankly, I love some extra spice in my life.
Ha Ha I'm with you. My friend (a hot woman) divorced her husband because she caught him seeing a prostitute. Coincdently I watched 'The Girlfriend Experience' when her drama was unfolding and I just wanted 'check it out'
Nothing. My wife has never said no to sex. Wants to try new things. Sucks like a champ. Came back from Iraq and lost my daughter, so I seperated myself from her. When I tell you she is perfect, I am not lying. I don't know why I do this to her, but I can't stop
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