I was just reading a New York Times article (link below) on a newer type of couples therapy where the first task is to resolve sexual issues, and only then everything else. Having undergone therapy with my ex, and watched her and our therapist desperately avoid the topic of sex, I found this approach encouraging. Sexual chemistry is an atomically binding force. It's absence is repelling. So, to me, persistent sexual discord is toxic, irrespective of how harmonic a couple may be in every other relational dimension.

... Tell me why I am so great. Which no good will come from at all.  I see no upside in going there.  Just keep enjoying the ride, and don't let any thought of you being needy or insecure start creeping into her head.  I think that this kind of question has a reasonable chance of backfiring in that way.

if there was still sex in my marriage, I'd not be hobbying.  I can't speak for the female perspective but for me SEX or the absence of it, is what connects the couple.  

... "Was it good for you?" of a provider, or any woman.  Instead, I ask her to be open with me about her likes and dislikes and let her know that I'm open to suggestions, as every woman is different.  In other words, I try to focus on making the journey as pleasurable as possible, rather than focusing on the destination.  It seems to work, for me.

In my own opinion a better description would be that it's intimacy that binds a couple.

I don't need an article to tell me what I want. EOM

I've never been inclined to ask her why it was good for her.  For me, I judge how much she enjoyed our time together by her facial expressions (especially by the look in her eyes), her body movements and sometimes it's by her vocalization.  

The guy is paying me to be there. He chose me because he saw what he was attracted to. The odds that I am attracted are slim to none...this is most likely different for other hookers.

However I think PLG is not coming at it from an ego standpoint. He seems to genuinely want to know if things are good, how to keep it that way from her perspective. The difficulty lays with if the "good" is real or not.

-- Modified on 7/4/2015 10:25:16 AM

I mean I would never imagine a bunch of guys who admittedly pay hookers to fuck them would be such a "touchy feely" bunch. It's really no wonder that you hookers have such little respect for the Johns you fuck. I am a John, and I am downright embarrassed at half the shit posted by my supposed "peers"

that if the sex is good for both partners this is a strong tie that binds. I couldn't agree more and its absence makes continued intimacy and trust and putting up with all the little cuts and scrapes of living with each other more and more difficult.

If I've enjoyed myself, I think it shows throughout - no need to ask.   And if there is any ambiguity in terms of my partner's wanting to be with me, before, during or after, I move on.  I don't expect true love but I do expect someone who at best really wants to be there with me or at worst, who can convince me that's the case.  

If they are going to ask such questions. Sometimes I would just love to tell it like it is.  

I just look at what honesty from a hooker does to some men on a fuck board. Can you imagine if the same things were said to their faces? Yeah bad for business.

It's when she calls you, AND wants to see you with no money involved.  

Your last sentence is the clincher.  If I think it's good, meaning she is entirely convincing, then I see no upside in putting her in an awkward position.  I would rather carry on being blissfully delusional if she thinks I am a chump, or is secretly gritting her teeth.

And the reason I replied to you is because you have experienced it the few times it has been real and you have been at this a long time and fucked a bazillion women and even your numbers are so low.  

Even if she stops charging doesn't mean it's because the sex is "so fucking great"  

when they put their shoes on and follow you out the door. I wouldn't think a lady would need to sleep on the decision to fall for a client.

This is no doubt true.  I think one realistic way to get a sense of whether there is a connection, at least for johns wishing to have one *and I confess I do include myself in that group* is to see what if any otc time follows the doing of the job.  

... She might be running a tab.

It has a ton to do with how the woman is treated...we work on a different level for the most part. If you treat her like a human being that is an equal partner and make her laugh you really do have it made.  

I started off similarly with my current "friend" I used to see her for a one hour "session" followed by several hours of dinner, drinks or whatever OTC. Her reason for charging me was that she met me through her "agency" and that she had to book at least "some kind" of an appointment for them.

That's a whole different world. And not one I desire to either discuss or repeat.  

Unfortunately not enough guys post that drivel.  But those that do...fun times  LOL

You should give it a shot.  It's exhilarating.

When the sex awesome, no need to ask the question. Does it?

-- Modified on 7/4/2015 10:12:31 AM

I agree that in the realm of this world there can be very genuine levels of attraction even when money is involved. Just because I have not experienced it does not mean it doesn't happen and I an glad others do. I really don't care as I am perfectly happy with what I get out of this deal.

Don't be afraid of the answer. Embrace it. Change yourself if necessary. But don't ASSume....!

It's going to take an evolutionary light year for us to ask if we're doing something wrong in bed.

I think some ask to see what crap a hooker will come up with, knowing full well the hooker is highly unlikely to tell the truth.
They have mirrors and know what they look like etc.