Really?  Are you seriously going to cancel the date that you booked over a month ago b/c I didn't give you enough pre-date attention?  How many ways can I confirm in 38 days that we're scheduled to meet, since I know nothing about you to keep a pro-longed conversation with a complete stranger, interesting?

This is about one needy Hobbyist, who apparently didn't need me anymore... while I couldn't fulfill his needs before ever meeting him.  I need to not feel creepy about the motives of Needy, Creepy Guy.  But I acted oblivious to the acknowledgement of his near daily (yet sometimes twice a day), endless Emails that were grasping for company, always polite in my replies.  However, b/c I could not respond every day, he cancelled less than 24 hrs before our 3 hr date.  

Those of you who take offense to this post are exactly who I'm talking about & need to get a grip.

I have a good rapport with each of my clients & enjoy messaging back & forth with them periodically.  But that's b/c I know a little something about them & I feel safe & comfortable.    

Until you've actually met the Provider, I'm thinking after you've booked time with her, to move on.  She has enough to attend to, regarding correspondents & inquiries.  The hooker handbook does NOT require a Psychology degree as a prerequisite, though I'm certain she'll be happy to Email messages back & forth, once she gets to know a little something about you.  Otherwise, if she receives messages from you on a daily basis before the meeting, especially when set substantially in the future, it's a little spooky!  Needy is greedy, is very unattractive, & oftentimes potentially dangerous b/c it usually indicates mental instability!  And if stalking is the intent, at least get a foot in the door before you scare a bitch!

He didn't sound like a serious client to begin with.

as MANGINO would say "fuck 'em

It sounds like your client didn't want a working girl, but a pen pal and babysitter instead. I've noticed that some johns on TER are quite dependent on someone to listen to them, maybe even more so than having sex.

I had a 4 hour date with someone last night who we arranged by text (we had met in a club previously but had not had intercourse and knew little about each other).  Our texts to set this up consisted on negotiations for amount "for the time,"  where to meet, what to wear, when to meet and what to do afterwards.  All total about 10 txts back and forth.  After that, I only texted on the day the room number.... she texted back - got it.

During the date, we exchanged lots of information which would have been impossible in an e-mail or txt.  Sorry you went through this, but this guy seems to be asking for a different service - like phone sex or txt sex or something along those lines.

Now, flirting on TER?! done that - and in fact met the ladies - and was NEVER disappointed.

I actually had a somewhat similar situation recently...

I booked a 3 hour appointment a month before a provider was due to be in my area and confirmed with her the week before and the week of, not necessarily flirting, but letting her know I was excited to finally meet her.

But then the day of the appointment, I got a text or email from (one or the other, can't remember which) and she tells me that the agency she uses when she tours will not let her accommodate the appointment that I booked with her over a month prior & confirmed twice so that this type of situation did not happen. She said that the were only going to let me meet her for an hour.

What a let down. I do my homework and get myself with providers well enough in advance so that I would not have any of these issues and I still end up getting screwed sometimes.

ditch one of the Appts.
If he's a member of a site like P411 or Date-Check....After said date passes, look back at his acct and see if another Provider gave him an ok on the said date. I've had several do this....ugh

Though I pride myself in not knowing much about agency format, if she was telling you the truth, that example rectifies my belief that agencies are just an organization of closet pimps.  Namely this particular one though, seems to practice Communism.  I certainly hope she didn't pop up via the search engines as "independent", to add insult to injury.  Again, I'm no corporate pimp expert, but there's something fishy about her story, & on her behalf, I call bullshit, sorry.

Shit's gonna' happen.  It always has & it always will.  I'm just glad we have this venting venue, even for the times when our posts are attacked, condescended, insulted, used against us as a debate weapon, or simply misunderstood.  Anything to keep the physical violence to a minimum in our community .

As far as booking goes, you're my ideal appointment... I love knowing a month in advance when I'll be meeting someone, especially for the first time.  The negative aspect is of course, that this increases the window of opportunity for which to cancel.

... b/c I used to have a theory that any initial phone conversation which lasted over two-ish minutes was a time-waster.  Likewise, any beating around the baron bush of messaging back & forth & not landing an actual booking within say, the first two replies, would also constitute as a time-waster, & believe me, there are a hundred motives for their doing so, but I don't stick around to figure their's out.  But that theory has been somewhat blown out of the water just from learning shit on these boards pertaining to some Hobbyists just being careful & selective, while doing their homework.  I absolutely appreciate this b/c the culprit Provider is who makes my job tough while simultaneously making skeptics out of you gentlemen, & vice versa, hence screening.  So had I not been patient with three of my regulars, just off the top of my head, you wouldn't be reading this.

Sometimes I feel that as I become more experienced, my habitual knowledge of the industry becomes counter-productive & my, what was once insight, has become blurred.  But that's what you guys/girls are for... to show me what that within question, is supposed to look like again in clear view.  Thanx.

I agree with you. This type of client is difficult to spot initially. Fortunately, their obsessive-compulsive behavior when it comes to emailing/texting/calling girls while stopping short of actually booking an appointment is easy to identify as time passes. Also fortunate is that this type of client behavior tends to be only a nuisance than an actual danger (since they never actually get around to meeting you in person).

No, it does not make any sense to me either, but so is life.

On her personal website she is listed as independent but when you go to her TER profile, their is a link to the agency that she books with when she tours "bigger cities" as she said.

I do agree, I enjoy being able to vent. And in parting with the provider, I let her know that if she does visit NYC again, I would love to see her, provided she left the agency (she stated she was going to be leaving them, apparently she had other issues as well). I was just disappointed, I like taking some time to talk and get to know you, so on and so forth before just "jumping in to the pool" if you will.

And this is true even after the date.

When a guy keeps contacting you and sending you messages more frequently than you are returning them and continues to do so when you aren't reciprocating, something is amiss.

I recently had an email banter going with a guy I'd seen before who was coming back to town. We emailed several times a day for about two weeks before our date. He apologized for taking up so much of my time at one point saying he'd never done that before. But I assured him that if I didn't enjoy the exchanges and I didn't want to participate, it would be very clear (I loved it... it made our date extra special).

One way to get a guy to stop doing this when it's annoying and you don't want to encourage it is to take longer and longer to reply each time. If he's sending you more messages without even waiting for a reply to the last one, then he isn't even respecting communication social norms. You learn the hard way not to ever adjust your normal methods or approach in order to keep a date. If they want to see you, it's got to be on your terms.

Guys cancel for all kinds of reasons anyway, so just do what you do and... NEXT!

show up, so I send one reply back when they email & tell them to call, that is if I'm interested in seeing them, if not I just send a thank you for their interest with a nice decline that we wouldn't be a match.
The same thing with text, when I first started, I found they wud text at 9am and ask if I'm availible I reply yes & they are still texting with questions 4hours later just to find out 5 more hours later that they think I'm le or something rude as a good excuse for not scheduling. The whole time I've told them to call cuz a 2min call will clear up all their questions.
Or they text & schedule at 9am for a 5pm appt. & text all day just to find out that at 5pm their phone gets shut off without cancelling or the same as stated above.
So in retrospect I may have lost alot of clients, but I have saved myself alot of headaches & now I realize even when they do make an appt. via text I will schedule anyone else who actually calls for the same time cuz I've lost tooooo much money due to these games they play.
I do apologize to the good guys out there, but rules happen after niceness has been taken advantage of.

... is that if a guy has those sorts of needs, eventually he'll run into a girl who is happy to meet them and she'll take him out of the hobby pool.

The hobbyist in question should never have booked you. He should have instead booked a different type of provider.

One thing to keep in mind is that no guy really hobbies for sex alone. Well, a few might. But overall, slippery friction is slippery friction and jumping through hoops and paying a girl for what you can do for yourself for free in 3 minutes clearly means the guy wants to fulfill more than a simply physical need. The only real difference is how the guys express those needs.

Some guys even have a lot of self-crypsis regarding their own emotional requirements. After all, we all know that if a man experiences any emotion other than lust, greed or anger he has to hand in his "man card."

Men's unmet emotional needs run the gamut along a continuum of a couple of axes. But if a guy is cheating and seems to be an overall nice guy, you can pretty much bet some important emotional (and not merely sexual) needs are not being met at home.

Obviously, a purely physical service is not really a good match for meeting *any* emotional needs to speak of. But especially given the prevalence of male self-crypsis in this arena, men often grasp for the symbol of those unmet emotional needs (i.e. sex) rather than the underlying prerequisites of the sex. (This is like women grasping for the symbol of male quality (money) as opposed to actual male quality (drive, ability).)

Because the purely physical exercise doesn't meet the unmet needs, the man goes frantically from one sex worker to the next, never finding fulfillment. While some small relief may be gained, as long as the underlying needs are unmet he will continue that path.

Basically, what I am telling you is that your entire business is built on a foundation of trying to meet men's emotional needs with a simulacrum that seldom works beyond the moment. Usually, because men don't want to lose their man cards, they do the socially approved thing and act as though they don't give a darn if you live or die outside of a session. And perhaps they don't in some cases. But every once in a while, you WILL run across a man whose emotional needs for basic affirmation of value and so forth have been so trampled he will appear desperate. Obviously, this works against him.

Now, I don't currently hobby, but what I would recommend for such men is that they forget seeing regular providers at all, and instead seek courtesans who specialize in such things.

Real courtesans exist (as opposed to women who use it as a marketing term), and even though they cost more, they are better equipped for such things than women whose primary role can't extend beyond the physical act of sex. If a man has such needs it is better to see a courtesan 4 x a year for $1200 than to see a provider once a month for $400.

A better course of action, then, is to direct such men to women who are better suited for their needs. I realize it sucks to give up business, but it is better in the long run to direct them elsewhere because everyone wins.

topics like this one remind me of how little i can relate to so many providers, despite my childish inner longing to "fit in." i frankly would never see man who did NOT wish to engage in long conversations with me well before meeting, who did not wish to get to know me on a personal level, who did not openly reveal himself and his needs (which always come back to the emotional) to me. likewise i would never meet with a man who contacted me as coldly as if he were making a reservation at the Marriott. so yes, we all have our individual niches based on our personal motivations and goals within this little world, and recognizing just where we fit so we can conduct ourselves accordingly is so crucial.

while i would certainly never label myself a courtesan, i certainly feel much more like a sexual surrogate/gentle psychoanalyst than a "traditional" sex worker. how fortunate that there is someone out there to meet most any need.

Dude, You are straight on....and if a guy tips me at the end of a session then I will oblidge him with some extra attention a text here & there....but before the meet there's just no garuntee that he isn't wasting my time... Too many guys make appts many hours in advance just to play all day texting then not show up.
It was really unfair to keep the provider going for a month, then cancel at 24hours, he just really had no intentions of showing up. Why wud he waste her time then go to someone else last minute, unless he had been writing to several different girls all along then choosing at the last day, which again is a waste of a providers time....He shouldn't have scheduled, should have stated his prereq's before scheduling so then she would know she was in competition then it would have been her choice if she wanted to endulge him in daily emails beforehand.....
You get one email, text & then a phone call when setting the appt. with me, after that we meet for our session, I have to be that way because whenever I have strayed away from that rule I have found my time wasted as that's the guy who never planned to show up just wanted some free sex texting....shit I've even had them ask me for free phone sex stating well I have an appt scheduled with you what do u mean u don't phone sex....no not before the appt.....u gotta meet me then tip me for the extra service.
By the way, this is a NSA service I provide...

... because this too is exactly the way I see it (except I hadn't realized the whole "man card" aspect of it... brilliant!).  I've only been doing this roughly 2 1/2 yrs, but I've been a woman all my life & my view is that it's not a lot different from the dating scene.  Of course there is the void that's constantly trying to be filled, but just like anyone I would date, we women like confidence in our men just as much as you men like it in your women, & desperate will send any of us running the minute we discover it.

Now this is where it gets a little contradictory, but Courtesan is actually what I've been slowly steering toward since the beginning... it's more my speed & is one of the reasons I will only see one gentleman a day/night, b/c I am best at the longer dates & my preparation for them is unlike most.  I do have 'relationships', so to speak, with each of my clients/friends (I actually despise the word "client"), which is definitely extended outside the session period.  In fact, you would't believe the amount of time I spend each day corresponding with my regulars & prospectives I've not yet met.  Plus, I do a lot to ensure the atmosphere is as perfect as possible for a date to feel at ease, in an un-rushed, classy environment that will make him want to return for more than just the physical element.  These are all subliminal hints that I am a low-volume, genuinely attentive & caring 'date', vs an hour.  The contradiction here is that I advertise myself currently as an escort & am bitching about someone seeking the emotional support that entails the services more along the lines of a Courtesan, but which is what I'm trying to transition into, on a level far deeper than just a marketing strategy.  This may appear as a faulty product of uncertainty, currently, until the full effects of the alteration transpire.  However, I just think Courtesan is something I'm far better at than Call-girl.  And I find most of you Gentlemen fascinating & like to take my time with each of you, & I love that I'm subjected to all different sorts, from which I continually get to learn & try new things during the experience, that I would not have otherwise.

But this particular guy was creepy-needy, as you tend to get a few now & then, but so much that it obviously bothered me enough to feel a venting session was in order.

That was an absolutely exceptional post John... better put than I could ever find words for.

I dunno if you'll see this because I was too busy to respond before this slipped to page 2.

Now, your niche is its own special thing in a lot of respects. I suspect those lucky enough to see you are pretty happy about it and should be. But there's a bit of a catch-22 in your approach that I'm wondering how you resolve.

You know all about male self-crypsis and you know to gently unfold and reveal it to the guy. But before he can get to that point, you expect him to openly reveal himself and his needs as a prerequisite for seeing you. Being male, I can relate to being so ... bound up emotionally ... that anything I could say about my emotional needs would be a proxy for the real ones. It would be the best I could do, but it would still be incorrect or a lie and I strongly suspect you'd be smart enough to know it.

Obviously, I'm better off in that respect these days in terms of identifying my own needs, but I wasn't always that way.

Do you simply recognize an earnest but perhaps faulty attempt at expression to be sufficient assuming everything else is a good match?