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Having great NSA sex with someone you truly like, even care for, is a powerful experience....regular_smile
MarkusKetterman 150 Reviews 435 reads
posted

and of course its' the NSA bit - the relationship-drama-free bit -  that is so seductive.

Wow! I get to fuck a pretty lady who always puts it on me and is not bitching about one goddamned thing or another all the time!  :-D

It's a fantastic place to visit but nobody gets to live there - client or provider

the trick is maintaining perspective so that you don't blow it by allowing "relationship dynamics" to creep in ......

AwCrap1613 reads

No, not the typical I've fallen and can't get up post.  What's with guys that go looking for relationships with providers?  It's a longshot to make it work with any woman, so why worsen the odds?

I just don't get it.

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HolliWood482 reads

And some people like to set themselves up for failure. A glutton for punishment maybe or he'd rather be the under dog instead of alpha dog.
It's hard telling not knowing.....
In the end though, we all just want to love and be loved.
Kissez that make your heart race
Sage

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laurensummerhill556 reads

They aren't seeking a relationship with "any provider" but a relationship with "that provider".  Whatever it is, has him smitten. It's no different then when you meet someone in a bar.  Anytime two people get involved strange things can happen, regardless of how you met.

Generally because he thinks he can handle her lifestyle. And generally speaking, neither side can.

Don't think it always fails. I know two cases where they actually got married. It can work, it's just rare.

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MarkusKetterman436 reads

and of course its' the NSA bit - the relationship-drama-free bit -  that is so seductive.

Wow! I get to fuck a pretty lady who always puts it on me and is not bitching about one goddamned thing or another all the time!  :-D

It's a fantastic place to visit but nobody gets to live there - client or provider

the trick is maintaining perspective so that you don't blow it by allowing "relationship dynamics" to creep in ......

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laurensummerhill346 reads

Today I was walking through the National Archives with a gent I have a mistress arrangement, and being bookish I was reading each document over carefully.

I noticed I wasn't half way through and he was already seated by the exit patiently waiting, so I abandoned the rest to join him.

He smiled up at me "You don't have to be 'Lauren', you can keep reading them if you want. I'm in no rush"

You can't spend your whole life putting your emotions, desires and needs aside once your in a relationship. You have to embrace each other's faults and imperfections.

Then you bring family, friends, work associates into the picture, and it's as complicated as every other relationship.

The beauty of companion and patron is that you are isolated from the world, and you aren't making "life choices" together. There is only two of you - the simplicity is an oasis.


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Duplicitouslust218 reads

Dear Ms. Summerhill:
I just want to ask the question have there been encounters where you know the client wanted to take it to the next level? If so what has been you response and when does it get to the point when you know that it is not emotionally healthy to see the person again? Also have you ever recommended to a hobbyist if they really have feelings for a provider to stop seeing her if you knew he was close to crossing the line? The reason I would ask you this is because you mentioned that you do have people who have on going arrangements with you and you have clients you do see you for an extended period of time. With that said it can be a bit dangerous emotionally. Thank you Ms. Summerhill. A penny for your thoughts.

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johngaltnh456 reads

For married men, I don't really think they are looking, specifically, for a romantic relationship with a provider. If they did the math regarding the consequences, even if successful; they'd quickly realize that isn't what they want.

What I think happens is that by the time a guy decides to cheat on his wife; he might have needs for a lot more than sex. He *thinks* that what he needs is sex; but his needs are far more profound and emotional.

I theorize that what happens is that the first time he comes in contact with a provider who even partially fulfills his needs; because he is so needy, he "falls and can't get up." It fills a void in his real relationship.

What he would be best doing is fixing his current relationship if possible. Or, ending it if practicable. But too many are caught in a no-man's land where the relationship can neither be fixed nor ended.

None of this applies, of course, to those most manly of married men who never experience even the slightest of emotional needs; or simply have such extraordinary sex drives that twelve wives wouldn't be enough. Nor would it apply to guys like me who simply aren't emotionally available to the typical woman in a romantic sense.

As for single guys, however -- honest to goodness, I don't see a problem with them chasing providers for relationships.

"Provider" is a job. It doesn't DEFINE a person any more than being a firefighter. Our jobs are always a significant part of our lives; but they seldom truly define our essence.

In addition, while I admit my sampling is skewed; many providers are really extraordinary human beings with tremendous insight, sound character and internal beauty.

Why WOULDN'T a guy who was in the market for a mate pursue such a woman?

Now, I don't think he should do it stealthily. I think he should state his intent outright to the object of his pursuit.

And if she is amenable, he should pursue.

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Audidudi323 reads

John, I have to commend you on your insightful comments on this board. I am single (divorced) and had a wonderful time recently with a provider. After our session she implied that she would like to get together outside of a professional relationship . So I asked her if she was serious. No point in wondering. Yup, she was serious- Karma ? Who knows where this is going but we have spent time together just doing normal things- shopping, lunch, met her daughter! I could have met this woman anywhere, she just happens to be a provider. Smart, beautiful, fun to be around. You are correct-she is an extraordinary human being.

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mrfisher402 reads

It's not so different in the civie world sometimes.

My wife even told me that she was on her best behavior to snag me, and I fell for it.  After the wedding and kids, things were no longer as sweet as before.

At least in the hobby world, there are no strings, and that makes things so much easier.

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johngaltnh349 reads

As long as there's an envelope; you can suspend not only disbelief -- but belief as well.

;-)

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OSP358 reads

I see you got stuck with the SAME bitch that I did. LMAO ;-)

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mrfisher271 reads

Did you work the night shift?

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Claudius42310356 reads

The idea of the performer is merely an abstraction: we postulate an objective reality more as a linguistic convenience than as an knowable object.

When we say "he is a bastard" or "she is a bitch" we are really only critiquing a performance. We never really know the other. Furthermore we are doing it in a way that may unfairly puts the entire responsibility for that performance on the other.

The advantages of engaging in that bit of self delusion are several and not limited to: not wasting energy on fixing the unfixable, not having to examine our own contribution to the performance issue, etc.

With all that said and caveated: it sounds like she was a bit of a biotch. ;-)



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MarkusKetterman296 reads

as a behaviorist I would put it this way:

there is for all practical purposes no more or no less to people than the way they *behave* - or "perform" if you will

of course I am speaking of the sum total of their behavior

in any person to person interaction including the most intimate and long lived, you have to realize that you are not experiencing the sum total of the other's behavior

he/she will exhibit differing behaviors with different people in different circumstances.

Ultimately, what passes for "personal" relationships are just as "performance" oriented as P4P.  There are behavioral negotiations and interplay which are transparent to most who are not trained to recognize the phenomena.

One of the great liberating moments in my life came when I realized that I was not obligated to read minds or attempt to predict the future. That the most successful strategy in dealing with people was to take them as they presented themselves to be and act / react accordingly, placing the onus on them to alter their behavior if they wanted a different "result" from me lol.....

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Claudius42310319 reads

i have no need of the monad hypothesis. assuming that there is an objective unknowable reality is not harmful as long as one doesn't actually use the idea.

i am not quite a behaviorist since that is a psychological position. since my stance extends to inanimate objects as well i'd claim to be a radical phenomenalist / empiricist: there is no knowable entity called an electron or atom: those ideas are merely summaries of behaviors.

i find women attractive who can exhibit a range of behaviors. similarly find that i "get into trouble" with women is when they think they have me figured out and classified in some excessively simply way: dom/sub, reliable/unpredictable, gentleman/gorilla, etc.

if my current P4P favorites are oversimplifying me in some way they are being intelligent and keeping their "figurings" to themselves.

i too don't read minds, nor do i predict the future. sharing a view of future possibilities is sometimes an interesting way to see if someone genuinely likes you.

but basically oversimplifying, overpredicting is THE deal breaker for me in any relationship including one that is P4P. it is the prime relationship error from which all others follow. when i am on the receiving end of such i remember T. S. Eliot's

"And I have known the eyes already, known them all-
"The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
"And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
"When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
"Then how should I begin
"To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
"And how should I presume?"

when collected and pinned to a wall, i simply wriggle free. similarly, as i would not be pinned, so i do not pin. i am profoundly incompatible with folks who fix, formulate, and pin the subjects of their discourse....

Zeus, that got long...... ;-)

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wormwood250 reads

Personally, I try to pursue some kind of relationship with anyone with whom I'm going to spend some length of time alone. I take pains to try to make sure I only see ladies who interest me in some way other than just physical. Why wouldn't I want to establish a relationship with someone I find attractive and stimulating?

I've found that approach reciprocated more often than not.

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fallonkelly309 reads

This is a wonderful thread.  Intellect and personality can be very stimulating as I have found with my gentleman friends.  

I have learned so much from being a provider.  Most of all, I believe I've learned what "not to do" for the next relationship I'm ever involved in.  

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Claudius42310241 reads

intellectual wrapping paper notwithstanding....

there are folks who love patterns and predictability. there are folks who love spontaneity and improvisation. some folks love both in a mix,

but when you act as if you have someone completely figured out, they are likely to simply be annoyed at being reduced to an object rather than being treated as a human being.

YMMV but it sure gets me grumpy when that happens. ;-)

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MarkusKetterman206 reads

which means that we are both adaptive and self-programming, or "learning"

Therefor to attempt to "figure anyone out", to reduce them to a formula, is to ignore the fact that the are alive, adpative, learning, changing, growing....

many "relationships" fall apart simply because one or both partneres want the interpersonal dynamic to stop growing as well, to be frozen in an instant of time.

This is why controlling behaviors are non-adapive and counter-evolutionary.

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Claudius42310155 reads

so i do not control. i do watch what happens when i provide information.

a reasonable and modest "figuring out" indulence is that if in response to information all is easy and drama free, it's good. if mere information is interprested as an attempt to control.... time to give it a rest. even more so if the other starts to dislike liking you.

when they start singing that old song "you made me love you, (i didn't want to do it)" when all you did was accept the "relationship" as offered on their terms.... it may be time to move on.

pardon the pensiveness, heard from ex 2 and it reminded me of old and recent times.

unfortunately the song as performed by George Burns and the Muppets on Sesame Street is not available on You-Tube so the dry link below shall have to suffice. ;-)



-- Modified on 4/27/2010 7:19:14 AM

Related Link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_Made_Me_Love_You_(I_Didn't_Want_to_Do_It)

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DownBoy258 reads

I must have a particularly strong receptor for oxytocin, as I seem to fall prey to the intensity of good sex with an attractive lady.  Coupled with some known emotional hooks, which sometimes get activated, it's a potent combination.  But I mostly recognize it, have the short-term crush, and then rely on time and distance to cure it.  Most of the time that works, though there have been some instances where it's been much more challenging than other times.

It's hard to fight biochemistry.

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AlfredReader248 reads

looking for a relationship with a provider is not very smart.  But then neither is looking for a relationship with a baker, X-ray tech, or banker.  It happens when it happens and actively "looking" usually causes us to conince ourselves we see something that isn't there.

Most relationships don't end in marriage.  Half the marriages don't last.  Provider or otherwise.

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sweetsuzanne236 reads

It happens because we are human.More then has been talked about.I don't think we look for it to happen it just dose.

Related Link: http://www.sweetsuzanne.com

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Ashlyn257 reads

comes a risk of deeper feelings (on both sides). It is hard to control your heart. That is why it is important to set ground rules and stick to them. If either of you think there is a risk of deeper feelings then it is best to be honest about how you feel and hope for the best. Just be careful how you say what you have to say. You might lose an awesome friend.

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