TER General Board
Have you ever
Before this you were able to?
So I'm new to this whole thing (Was tired of all the virgin shaming), having only started out last month. I've seen about 5 different providers from the same agency and much to my surprise, I've never once had an O. Some would laugh it off and others would be visibly frustrated, asking if they failed or something... I remember revisiting one and asked if she remembered me, she said "Yeah, big dick no cum."
Am I the only one like this? I'm not on viagra or anything, in my early 20s.
And no you are not the only one like this. Many men have sexual issues. I do. At times I can't cum at times I can't get hard even. It is nothing to be ashamed of but it is a sign of a possible medical condition, some of witch can be very serious. It can also be nerves. I think a trip to the doctor should be your next stop.
when you masturbate ? If so, it's likely more of a psychological and habitual issue than a physical issue.
If not, then see a doctor ASAP.
This is very unlikely to be a medical issue. I'd just give it more time so he's more relaxed about it.
But after that, seeing a doc is a fine idea, just to be sure.
I didn't think of the medical issue. I do know some medications like anti-depressants can do this...
Also, testosterone issues...
When I was on certain medications, I could not cum for the life of me unless I watched hardcore porn.
Aside from that, if I'm worried about how long it is taking someone I can't cum either.
that can make it difficult to have an O.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201403/do-you-take-drugs-might-cause-sex-problems
Online porn is a problem for me. Perfect bodies having perfect sex. I can't live up to it. I don't get the stimulus I need. My suggestion is to try to be a good worker bee drone eunuch for a couple of weeks. Avoid all hedonistic pursuits. Just focus on work and being a good boy. Then, find a provider that really suits your tastes and let go. I think this is psychological, and not a big deal, unless you have a serious porn addiction and you are unable to abstain for a couple of weeks. I might have to keep my computer and phone turned off, because it seems like wherever I go on the internet there's a set of big tits in my face, and I get triggered.
When you intentionally hurt somebody, I hope you feel bad. This is not what is happening. Providers that are unable to deal with this should find something else to do. Best to view the situation as nobody's fault. Maybe there is some good information on The Erotic Highway board.
Out of curiosity, when the girl said "Yeah, big dick no cum.", what was her mood? Playful? Why would you feel bad in her case?
Cuddling, chatting, playing around, but no sex. They seemed happy and wanted to hang out again.
Some people just actually want the company. It took a while to not take it personally when a guy couldn't cum or didn't want to chitty-chitty... but really, many times I don't either... but the human touch is satisfying.
One thing you can say beforehand is, "I have trouble cumming - don't take it personally. I do love the personal touch and the memories for fantasy later."
Perhaps knowing why you go will help you and them relax, and take the pressure off of the performance... even on your part. You can just enjoy yourself, and if you cum, it'll be a nice surprise!
Xoxo
In my mid 30's I had same issue. Hard as a rock (miss those days) with no finishing. My wife at the time was very frustrated and felt I no longer found her attractive. Not true. Went to the doc and it was anxiety. Prescribed medication and the flood gates were once again open.
Doc told my wife she should enjoy a cum less dick as long as she can.
It's probably performance anxiety. I can almost always cum within about two minutes of getting a blow job but try to hold out for the rest of the hour. After about 30 minutes then it becomes hard to cum. Someone skilled in combination hand and oral can usually get me off. Hand jobs always also give me the strongest O's. So try that.
I've had to learn to like HJ. Seemed ridiculous in early times. No condom, tho.
I think the secret of a good hand job is that they are unrelenting.
This is an assumption, but given your status as a "late bloomer", I'm assuming you spent many years masturbating which has trained your dick to respond to a certain type of stimulation. What you might want to do is take a month off from masturbating. I think it's referred to as that "death grip".
providers tell me that failing to O is usually from men who are either older, in which case its most likely a medical issure, or younger guys in the millennial age range (under 35), because these guys grew up jacking off to internet porn and it has had the effect of desensitizing their dick. Your own grip is much stronger than a girl's kegels, so if you are used to a firm handie with a kung fu grip, then vaginal sex is often not enough friction to get you to the finish line. Many guys in their 20's can stay hard enough to have sex, but the only way they can finish is a HJ, or HJ/BJ combo. If you have this trouble again, suggest she try oral first and if that doesn't work, then take a handjob.
If that's not the case, then have your testosterone and estrodial levels checked by a urologist. These hormones being out of sync will often result in either loss of erections, or failure to cum, and its often the cause in men who are obese (testosterone goes down and estrodial goes up beyond normal levels). They are treatable with supplement therapy once you are tested and diagnosed.
I searched The Erotic Highway board, and one piece of advice went something like this. Don't do anything to stimulate your dick except for inserting it into a vagina. Wait 60 days. 60 DAYS!!! (ha-ha-ha)
looks like I indeed have the death grip. Time for a No-Nut September, October, and November!
Before this you were able to?
Are you taking any SSRI or SNRI medications? Those can have a BIG effect on sexual function. Read on.
It's not unlike whiskey dick: these meds provoke the desire, but take away the performance (quoted from Shakespeare). The main neurotransmitter during sex is dopamine in men and serotonin for women. The number of neurotransmitter receptors in the brain is limited. So when the SSRI/SNRI meds spike your serotonin levels, the extra serotonin crowds out the dopamine, which reduces the sexual prowess: your erection won't be as hard, and your ejaculation won't be as strong. On the plus side, the extra serotonin makes sex feel more "heady" (like a sativa high), and it may give you a higher mood boost afterwards, so there's that.
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