Looking for some feedback from fellow hobbist. I have  been a hobbist for a few years now, and enjoy the women i have seen. What im wondering is, if i were to ever want to stop indulging,
( for whatever reason ) Do u think it would be difficult to?

BTW  ( the what ever reason refers to Marriage )

Rays500

I think because on a societal level we are caught up in a lot of mythology about addicitions the fact that people like sex and work at gettting sex is branded an addicition in the same way that needing heroin is an addiction.

I love sex and it is a large part of my recreational time and expense but it is not a compulsion that rules my life. It is what works well. I look younger, feel better, exude more confidence, have cleaner immune responses, am more relaxed around other people, have less stored up tension... many of the qualitative shifts that medical doctors take into consideration when they ascribe "good health" to a patient.

I also get regularly tested at an STD clinic because I believe it is the ethical thing to do (as far as others are concerned) and the wise thing to do as far as my own health is concerned.

Never have been diagnosed with anything, not even herpes, with the exception of one case of urethritis 25 years ago and a mild urethritis about a year ago.

However, the young clinician, a guy about half my age, feels the need to give me a serious mini lecture on sexual addiction and why "serial pleasure seeking behavior" could be addiction. By his logic, this would include eating tasty foods. He would be more comfortable if my diet consisted of charred turnips
and possum lungs served in old hubcap under a bridge in the middle of a hailstorm.

I tried to reason with him that seeking pleasure and good health is the sign of a rational mind at work. Too much education had interfered with his ability to think straight.
He kept on coming back with the myth that anyone who enjoyed the company of escorts was, *ipso facto*, a sex addict and probably a closet Satanist as well.

In the end all there was left to do was to reassure him that I was OK, knew what I was doing, and wasn't I being an adult by coming in there, paying them a ton of money for all of their top drawer STD tests...

I know you wanted feedback from Hobbyists, and I'm not a Hobbyist, but I don't understand.
If you enjoy sexual freedom, and variety, then why would you want to even think about marriage? Or, if you considered marriage, why wouldn't you be involved with someone who enjoys that open lifestyle with you?
I can't fathom myself ever being married again; can't fathom myself even being in an exclusive relationship, but I do know this, if I were involved with someone, he'd have to understand my 'freedoms'. I personally (no flames please, just speaking about myself, no condemnation about anybody else) cannot be dishonest with someone I'm involved with. They either take it (lifestyle) or leave it.
If you don't think you can give up Hobbying and conform to the expectations of a conventional marriage, then don't. Or marry someone who thinks like you do.

Sedona

You Seventhson, have merely tuned into the natural state of our species. IMHO, we are taught from birth, the social mores of the day, to conform for power and control. Our society, frowns on nudity, a very natural state. I view sex the same way. I don't believe monogamy is a natural state, just like I don't believe clothing( think about how unnatural 7" platform heels are)is... By realizing, a balance is needed in all things to be completly happy, you free yourself from the guilt that accompanies this hobby. If I had a magic wand, there would only be clients and Providers in this hobby, that truly had achieved that healthy balance.

You said it all when you mentioned that the clinician was a young man.  If he were older and more fully "grown-up", he would have been less likely to need to learn what you were trying to teach him.  Someday he may get there.

I've had the unique and sad experience to support my ex-wife through a resident sexual addiction program in Southern CA about 4 years ago.  For as "worldly" and "cool" as I thought I was in some of the activities we shared together, I never realized or understood the depths of her activities outside of our marriage.  

I believe the difference between having a strong sexual appetite and one of addicition is that it becomes sexual addiction when there is an irresistable need to repeat the behaviors along with certain habbits, patterns and and secrecy to prevent others from finding out.

The recovery process for sexual addicts is not all that different from the 12 step programs for drugs and alcohol.  There are a variety of very good support groups I'd recommend.  If you're at all curious if your "habit" might be more than that, I'd seek out a local chapter of S.L.A.A. or S.A.A. from the link attached.  Sitting in on a meeting is a powerful experience.

Good Luck

I've read a few of the replies & agree that there's some information/questions for you to consider.  However, IMO the answer lies within yourself alone.  There are such things as addictive personalities, & those individuals are much more "at risk" than the average person might be.  But even with those people, propensity to one addiction might not mean to all addictions.  There are people who can't handle an alcholic beverage as most of us might, people for whom giving up smoking is far more difficult than it is for others, people who can smoke pot with no danger of becoming addicted to it & possibly more things, while others can't.  Examples are probably more numerous than I might be aware of..but I think the bottom line is that if you feel there's enough chance of an addiction, the likelihood is that the question is coming after the fact.  IF that's the case, it would be in your long-term interests..particularly if a futire marriage is being considered..to begin the withdrawal NOW!!

I've privately pondered this one myself. Presently I have no SO of any sort. If I did meet someone special would I want to swing? have threeways? or go the traditional monogamy route. It would certainly be hard to not Hobby again if intimacy issues or lack of arose. Again we all here have tasted the fruit of the "Tree" and now are searching for answers to questions that once didn't exist

...the answer would have to be a resounding NO...she ain't' gonna be there!!  Just not quite THAT open-minded!  LOL

-- Modified on 3/10/2003 5:18:01 PM