I'm a new provider and I haven't had any "strange" things happen but this story is hilarious lol.
.... 220lb Mastiff male dog sneaks in the room and starts licking my arsehole . Felt so good, I didn't say anything for a while.
Hehehe, she freaked out in embarrassment when she looked back and I was kind of embarrassed because I didn't stop.
Yes, I've shared this before. It is still the funniest event in my experience.
Told this story before so I'll make it short....Met a young lady at my hotel, gave her the "envelope", she put it in her sweater pocket. I had candles spread out over the room. We started to have our fun, we threw our clothes as we undressed each other. We continued to have our fun till I noticed the room was filled with smoke. But I kept on till we were done, Now the room was heavy with smoke. I then noticed that her sweater landed on one of the candles and her "Envelope" got burned halfway....Then It got really crazy once the alarms went off and security was banging on our door...And here's the evidence.
here's a link to my personal anecdote from that post. It remains the funniest moment I had in hobbying.
but since someone brought up a dog related story, I have one of those as well:
I was doing an overnight at the gal's house, and she had a huge vicious breed of a dog (Isn't he a sweetie?).
After a particularly amorous night in bed, she went downstairs to fix us breakfast, and I followed after spending a few more minutes in bed. As I got to the bottom of the staircase (in the buff, of course) whom do I find blocking my path but the aforementioned beast who has suddenly taken an interest in how my junk smells. My first thought is that the dog (a male) would see me as a competitor for his love's affections and decide to eliminate me as a threat by devouring my member. Instead he gives my crank a big lick and happily sauntered off. I suppose his philosophy was : Any friend of hers is a friend of mine.
In any case, my inamorata had her back to all this as she was busy over the stove. She turned around and said "Hungry?"
and with my heart in my throat, I cranked out something that I hoped sounded like an affirmative, but who knows?
OMG. I want to hear the full story.....
scroll down to Fisher's post, same thread. Its a good story too.
For some reason I am only finding the general overview and not the whole story
Sorry! I tried searching for such a thread but couldn't find anything. I'm probably one of the few millennials that isn't tech savvy. But in any event I'm thoroughly enjoying reading all of these responses! If you don't laugh once during sex or in some of the cases before or after, you're doing it with the wrong person.
I was in the middle of a pretty intense dominatrix session.... gentleman was naked, ball gag, blindfold, nipple clamps, and taped and tied to a dining room chair. I was pulling and smacking his balls while I was pulling on the nipple clamp chain and whipping him with my leather crop. And guess who decides to come to my front door and ring the bell? Jehovah's Witness. My client was in domination subspace and had no clue what was going on, so I just told him to not move or make a sound. Of course they ring the bell for a good 5 minutes before leaving. After I am sure they are gone I stop the session for a moment and apologize for the interruption to our session. He is very professional in his day job and simply states "I am never impressed by those that push their religion onto others.". Back in goes the ball gag and session continues.....
We had taken off from the office for some fun one afternoon and right in the middle of my downstroke, someone starts banging on the door. Naturally I tried to ignore it, but he was so persistent my girl finally begged me to go answer the door. I wrap a towel around me and answered the door, already with quite an attitude and still with a raging erection only to find some fucking Bible Thumper at my doorstep. If I didn't only have a towel wrapped around me I am sure I would have punched him right in the fucking mouth, and still almost did when I told him to get the fuck off my doorstep and he still tried to engage me in conversation. lol
Have I ever mentioned just how much I hate bible thumpers? lol
My favorite way to get these ass hats off my front porch and property is to greet them with a wide smile and say:
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"Oh thank Satan you are here! I'm just about to sacrifice a goat to almighty Satan and I could use a hand. Come on in and join the blood-orgy! You look like you can fuck like a banshee!" Then I just leer at one of them - and only one of them - until they decide to retreat.
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Alternate, but just as fun: A while back I lived in an apartment complex with a so-called "security gate." The idea was that no one gets into the property without permission from a tenant or the landlord. I found two middle-aged women at my door along with a small child, maybe 6 years old. I can only speculate they thought that towing a cute little tyke with them would draw people in to listen... WRONG! As soon as I opened my door I leaned forward and demanded to know why they were on private property. One of them said she was let in by a neighbor and I immediately called bullshit - loudly! Who? Where are they now? Why are you here? Then I started screaming that they were criminal trespassers and if they did not leave immediately I would call the police and report them for child endangerment. I pulled out my cell phone and started dialing.... "I'm gonna get you two criminals arrested and get this kid put in child protective custody"... They just stared at me for a moment until I started talking to the person on my phone. "Yes, I am at (address) and there are dangerous people here holding a child while they threaten to rob me! Please send help! I'm worried they may be armed!"... "Uh oh, they are moving now.. it looks like they are heading for the front gate. Better get here soon before that poor child gets hurt!"
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They bolted out the gate as I watched... a few seconds after they had cleared the area I put the phone back to my ear and heard by buddy saying "..... fuck are you talking about? Are you drunk?" I said no, thanked him for taking my call and hung up.
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Turned around and actually saw three of my neighbors watching me. Then they started applauding.
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Life is good.
I had something similar happen! Guy all tied up and maintenance knocks on door. They needed to check my fridge to see if it was leaking. I was like one sec! Tore off my leather and ran to undo my client who was tied up. We sat there chatting like old friends cuz we were lol till they left. OMG thank God I was not wearing latex! Takes me 20 min to get out of that stuff!
Posted By: WIMissScarlet
Re: hobby mishap!
I was in the middle of a pretty intense dominatrix session.... gentleman was naked, ball gag, blindfold, nipple clamps, and taped and tied to a dining room chair. I was pulling and smacking his balls while I was pulling on the nipple clamp chain and whipping him with my leather crop. And guess who decides to come to my front door and ring the bell? Jehovah's Witness. My client was in domination subspace and had no clue what was going on, so I just told him to not move or make a sound. Of course they ring the bell for a good 5 minutes before leaving. After I am sure they are gone I stop the session for a moment and apologize for the interruption to our session. He is very professional in his day job and simply states "I am never impressed by those that push their religion onto others.". Back in goes the ball gag and session continues.....
I’m at an AMP in Venice, going at it on a mat in one of the rooms. Two LAPD come in for a check.....talk about losing the urge. They spoke with the girl up front, then left. I think they just wanted to flirt.
Now this does not compare to any of the above posts, and perhaps I am the only one who finds this amusing.
In November, when all the stuff was out about Al Franken forcing his tongue down the throat of an unsupecting female, I had provider appointment with a regular I visit when in the area.
She is on top of me, DFK like there is no tomorrow, tits by my face hand on my cock and I blurt out, without any thought or filer control, "Hey, your being an Al Frenken".
She starts giggling in the middle of the next kiss, her body starts to shake and she rolls off of me laughing her ass off. We both had a good time with the humor and she kept giggling every time we kissed for the rest of the session.
I guess you had to be there.......
its 4am...in Chicago at Sofitel have room on 31st floor...doing dinner/overnight/drinks...we've been groping/kissing etc all night-getting ready entire cab ride to hotel...im fingering,shes stroking...get into elevator,its 4 am!!!...im ready for that first pop-she goes down-elevator stops at 27th floor-im coming...doors open and while i'm getting swallowed by an amazingly gorgeous woman,there standing in front of me is an older "grandparent" couple...our eyes meet...they just stared-they didnt get in,but as the doors were closing, the old man winked and said "ATTA BOY"....we both lost it...made a mess...we still contact each other w an" ATTA_BOY"
Posted By: mrposition
its 4am...in Chicago at Sofitel have room on 31st floor...doing dinner/overnight/drinks...we've been groping/kissing etc all night-getting ready entire cab ride to hotel...im fingering,shes stroking...get into elevator,its 4 am!!!...im ready for that first pop-she goes down-elevator stops at 27th floor-im coming...doors open and while i'm getting swallowed by an amazingly gorgeous woman,there standing in front of me is an older "grandparent" couple...our eyes meet...they just stared-they didnt get in,but as the doors were closing, the old man winked and said "ATTA BOY"....we both lost it...made a mess...we still contact each other w an" ATTA_BOY"
EDIT: Changed pic.
Smile! You're on the elevator cameras!
-- Modified on 1/11/2018 3:43:37 AM
...COOL!!!...i would love a copy of that vid myself...
Posted By: mrposition
Re: The guys monitoring the security cameras didn't lose it; they SAVED it.
...COOL!!!...i would love a copy of that vid myself...
Here's their phone number: (312) 324-4000.
Ask for the Head of Security. Give him the date and time (well, we know it's 4AM). If he sends you a copy, will you share it with us?
...hotels keep videos for that long???...why would security even give a copy to me???....never even thought about cameras then....hey,i'm really curious about this now...i'm there late spring and will quietly ask Sebastien about what is saved and what happens to all that video....if there are copies that i can access that exposes our faces...you'll never see it...if still incognito i have no problem sharing...it still makes me laugh...
This is freaking hilarious!
...whats even funnier is that the woman i was with,and who i really haven't seen since that weekend a gazillion years ago-has a younger sister who posts on this site and is in the hobby...she saw this board,recalled the event that her sister told her back then...passed my on info to her...we talked,she left the hobby/biz owner now...flying to Quebec in Feb... (hey gang,shes single,older,still gorgeous and txts me everyday)...
I was plowing a lady in missionary, on the bed, and facing the headboard. We were goin at it pretty hard and the headboard kept slamming into the wall with each thrust. There was a really large framed print on the wall above us, and it came crashing down onto my back! Thankfully the broad/blunt end hit me and not the corner. Otherwise I would have been severely injured. We laughed our asses off once we realized that I was fine. I then moved the print to the side and we got goin again. So... kinda funny!
Met this girl awhile ago who at the time had about 30 reviews, all straight 10's except 1 or 2 9/10's. Her photos were killer, that's what drove me to see her.She had a unique look to her.
Well she was a "smoker" like myself and she loved to "party". So on this one night we totally overdid it. Our lil 1 hour date lasted till 3am. As we're both very "happy" and out of it, she's leaning against the head board of our bed, I'm laying on my stomach, both my hands cupped under my chin, she took a hit, then passed it to me...As we're talking, I blurted out, "So what's with all those 10's?"...lol,
She took a hit and said with a straight face, "Fuck You".....then she said.."I know" and we started just laughing...don't know if it was what was said, or that maybe we were so out of it....but I still think about that moment.
-- Modified on 1/11/2018 3:45:17 PM
LOL. At the hard rock.. funny🤣🤣🤣
It's in Chicago, at a nice hotel downtown, so there is some ambience. Soft lighting, sexy spotify music stream going in the background, etc. I am on my back on the bed receiving some very nice fellatio. I have an orgasm, she blows me right through the climax, swallows the whole thing real easy, then she looks up and says, "man, I gotta get the subscription, these ads are driving me crazy." It takes me a moment to realize she is talking about spotify. Now THAT'S what I call GFE. Like, how much was she thinking about my blow job? Sometimes the ladies reveal things without meaning to. She didn't miss a beat on the BJ though, and I liked it just fine.
When I first started I did not offer CIM. I had my client on his back and was giving a bbbj, he was about to let go, so I released my mouth while stroking him. He went off like a fire hydrant and sprayed all over his face and hair!
I immediately burst into laughter. I mean it was just priceless! And honestly a little impressive! He bolted to the restroom and through a crack in the door told me to leave. He stayed in the restroom until I was gone.
Needless to say he did not call me again.
Overly sensitive SOB wasn't he. At this stage of my life I would be proud as hell of that. bigdell
And I'm sure since then there have been some "Interesting" times had by all....I've had more then my fair shares of experiences. So what's the latest and greatest that has happened? I'm chime in with my experience with a Dom, and her friend later.
And if CDL can revive a post from 2 years well then so can I.
added a post to it without realizing it was a resurrection. I would argue that makes me marginally less stupid than the guy who revived it.
