This is another in my series of “Ask the Ladies” posts.

I stumbled across an advice article from Cosmopolitan, “The Secret Girlfriend Weapon” (link below).  What caught my attention was this phrase:

“never bitching is unrealistic...”

So, ladies, tell us hapless guys, why does “bitching” often seem to be part of the female package we fellows do not understand?

that women don't sweat, burp, or fart, therefore they must bitch or they will explode.

What is so blazenly OBVIOUS to women seems to just fly right over men's little heads!

Example: My best friend just ended a so-so relationship with this guy. She point blank told him, "NO, we cannot be just friends. NO, I do not want to be your gf. NO, I do not want to see you again." So, what does he do? He calls and texts her umpteen times a day saying HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND! WTF does he not UNDERSTAND???

Key point to women not bitching....LISTEN TO WHAT WE SAY AND TAKE US SERIOUSLY. THEN, maybe, just MAYBE, you will give us a reason to STOP BITCHING.

Gotcha!  I am truly just kidding.

Although you're really cute when you're mad.  

guys do it also it may not be as high pitched as a woman's but they  do, do it.

the central issue of communication between men and women. The sexes communicate differently and expect differing things from the effort. It's apples and oranges. Men complain about women and vice versa. Each side thinks itself blameless and places the onus on the failure of the other to understand.  This line of investigation simply has no where to go but ugly.

This is why I prefer my relationships a few hours at a time, in a context where the lady and I are being our best for each other, and not really expecting or desiring "meaningful communication" at the level of a relationship.

This is also why I am going to ignore this
thread....

PS this post was just too delicious to ignore after all.....



-- Modified on 11/20/2008 6:07:19 AM

Because you don't understand the difference between "men whining" and "women bitching."  Just kidding, but really it's all the same. I hate being labeled at times as a bitch just because I am a woman and have an opinion.  I could be wrong, but I think that's what irritates women more than anything: men who do not take them seriously and who are condescending. Some of us "are smarter than the average bear, Boo Boo!"

What would you call a man bitching?  A politician or one who is PMSing (pissy male sexist).  

I only speak up, and maybe it sounds like bitching, just like everyone else when provoked.

However, I try to do so in an intelligent way. But, don't harm my family because then you'll see a real "bitch":  a militant and raving madwoman who will kick the crap out of you with my dirty combat boots. Damn! I wish I could kick ass in stilettos.


Hugs,
Ciara


















-- Modified on 11/19/2008 5:42:40 PM

and I am convinced that men are more challenged by it than women.

Men are obsessed with themselves and it takes a good deal of practice for a man to quiet his mind and just get what a woman is saying.

Women, on the other hand, seem to pick up the skill much more readily.  Whether that is because of social or natural reasons, I do not know, but I know it causes a lot of grief between the sexes.

I'd say that this is the biggest reason why women are said to bitch a lot.

when the answer doesn't come they repeat it just a little louder to sence some connection

At this point the answer is dead silence or the comment doesn't really fit

Well the women again puts her two cents in just a little louder and the man takes notice..Now he's ready to discuss something but he just hasn't figured quite what..

Your right Mr. Fisher! Most men don't realize they are not listening until the women does start bitching

I watch my married friends play this game all the time and just have to laugh...I can tell ahead of time who is going to do what from many years of observation..

Single life...What bliss

Thank god I never have to bitch to get attention

Kisses Haley

-- Modified on 11/19/2008 6:16:58 PM

because I prefer to do with my attention as I please when I please. Just being honest. Having someone in my life that requires attention when it does not suit me is annoying. That's why I prefer my relationships a few hours at a time. It's my choice to give attention to the lady for this limited time. Ok, so I'm a bastard, but there it is.....

I agree, if we don't bitch, we'll explode!!

That condescension is what happens when a man is responding coolly and logically to a lady that wants her feelings attended to.......

-- Modified on 11/19/2008 7:50:29 PM

Many years ago when I was married, my husband was a bitcher. It was so bad that I would work as much as I could and take every extended travel trip available. My children were babies, so I'd pack up my kids and take them with me. When I arrived to my destination, I'd slip them into daycare while I worked during the day. Needless to say, our marriage was short-lived due to his continuous bitching and I learned to be a very good ignorer!

The moral of the story is------the male gender isn't exempt from "bitching"!

I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

"Bitchy" women can sell crazy some place else. We're all stocked up here.

-- Modified on 11/19/2008 7:46:25 PM

Someone please pass me the bottle of estrogen.
We are now quoting cosmopolitan?
Forget the bottle, I will just go out and get laid. That is why we are here, right?  

From the biological and psychological perspective, men and women's brains are differently developed.  Women's linguistic skills are more developed and men's problem solving and spatial skills are more developed.  

Women seek connection; men seek solutions.  
A connection for women is talking and empathizing with one another.  Men typically like to compete and accomplish.

Things work out better when men talk to men and women talk to women.  Problems can arise when a woman talks to a man in the same way that she talks to a woman.  

Example:

Woman says:  I have a problem...I feel...
Man hears: blah, blah, bitch, bitch: there is a problem
Woman means: I want to express my feelings and talk out loud.

Man says: A solution to your problem is...
Woman hears: Quit your complaining and let me fix it because you can't fix it yourself.
Man means: I want to help you with what's bothering you
Woman wanted to hear: I hear you.  I understand your feelings.  

Related Reading - Sexual Spectrum - Olive Skeene Johnson (physiological dfferences)
You Just Don't Understand - Deborah Tannen (communication differences)

-- Modified on 11/20/2008 6:12:37 AM

that is primarily what we are here for.

Now, mind you, I do not object to a variety of topics on GD board


BUT

a topic that is operating *counter* to getting laid is not necessarily a good idea '

I bet he'd get hammered....

Thanks for interjecting something really useful....

Cheers

Gregory

I think my SO has one up on me there. Well, maybe not.
But yes, I do like to complete and accomplish.
Nice ass, Kassandra. Very nice

That's why I feel that the suitors I see (and those on the forums) generally do not need to hear my issues/problems.  I have girlfriends and family for that  I want to offer a wonderful experience, not a collections of bitchings!  Anyway, many of you already get more than your share of bitchings from SOs and other women in your lives.   *wink*

Thanks for the compliment; that is definitely one of my great assets

-- Modified on 11/19/2008 8:09:22 PM

Bitching is not a characteristic in all females,  especially a professional above board provider.   The true professional has a goal of providing an ultra relaxing, hassle free time to our clientel, regardless of how we may actually feel.  Doing otherwise in the hobby & outside would not only put us as a great disadvantage but possibly lead to occupational suicide.

-- Modified on 11/19/2008 8:38:57 PM

Oh right, like any woman was ever that straightforward. I'm guessing that she said some things and he was supposed to understand that that was what she meant...     luv ya, babe   "-)

Oh, Ashley (oops, I meant Gregory, must have had the vapors there), you are so insightful...

...Sorry, I wasn't listening!  lol

While bemoaning his girl friend's recent break up with him to his pal played by Jim Carey, he said:  (I paraphrase.)

She said something about me never listening to her or some crap like that.  I don't know for sure, I wasn't really paying attention.

but I'm not so sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.....

you are absolutely correct

fair is fair

some guys are pretty bitchy

and I avoid them too! '

-- Modified on 11/20/2008 6:12:57 AM

Yourself !

Many people get involved with a relationship for different reasons..Knowing what you are looking for will set the parameters in that relationship.

Knowing that you are more interested in planning for your own time and your own likes and wants helps you be honest with others..

I don't want to cater to anyone on a regular basis either. I like my time alone too and not have to listen to another about my choices...Does that make me selfish

Kisses Haley

I thought that part of the movie was hysterical, given the fact that she was so sweet, and he spoke that way to everyone. He was also suffering from a compulsive disorder. But Jack often plays characters that are amusing. Usually, someone who says things like that are either insecure or trying to play off your emotions in a ridiculing manner.

Condescending is when someone says something sarcastically which is patronizing in an inferior way -- like they have rank over you and your words do not have substance. For instance: "Now, now. Be a good little girl" when she is an adult. This is an example of belittling someone. Some can get away with this if the tone is positive and obviously comedic, but most still have not learned the fine art of being condescending.

And that's a fact, Jack! (no pun intended)

Hugs,
Ciara

-- Modified on 11/20/2008 8:30:15 AM

I don't have a problem anymore being straight forward. If I need a hug, then I'll ask for one. I would never assume that a man should know what I need. Everyone thinks differently. Now, I might be offended if my mother died and he said to me, "Gee, hon. Get over it!" I find that when men treat me as equally kind and intelligent as their counterparts, then I respond to them in the same manner. In fact, I might become more of a girly girl.

The book "Men Are From Mars" is funny but truthful. Just because men do not communicate the same way that women do does not make either one wrong (unless someone is being really offensive).  However, I do agree that a lot of women feel their partners should realize how they feel and respond accordingly. That is not always possible. I guess it takes growing up and experiencing different relationships to realize that you can overanalyze a situation. But then again, I probably should have a dick.

I say, "Get it out in the open (hopefully calmly) then get over it!"

Hugs,
ciara



-- Modified on 11/20/2008 8:27:35 AM

YES, you get it Kassandra. I like you. (eom)

-- Modified on 11/20/2008 9:10:27 AM

Seriously, it's a compliment. All you sexy, intelligent ladies make me want to be a better man.

Did I save myself here Greg?

No need to ask Gregory. I'm a big girl.

Hugs,
Ciara

The mention of Gregory was in reference to his earlier post where he mentioned that my post was funny but I might need to duck.

I posted in the wrong spot. Maybe I need a different kind of pill.

-- Modified on 11/20/2008 11:05:50 AM

and does not expect me to. Maybe her girlfriends have esp - I don't. Men in general don't.

If you tell me what you want, what you need, what would please you - I'm there.

And anytime I'm in your area, you are welcome to share mine '

-- Modified on 11/20/2008 12:49:46 PM

to get yourself out of a mess with a lady. Throw in a little contrite look so they believe you are using the flirting and humor to cover the fact that they've nailed you. Then, follow up a few days later with a thoughtful gift. And if she's an SO, some really sensuous, teasing, and *lengthy* DATY. She will never stay mad at you for long. In fact she may enjoy this so much she'll fake being mad at you to get you to perform. But that's OK, because it is excellent sport.

-- Modified on 11/20/2008 12:57:45 PM

discretion and respects my time and the need I have to attend to work that I bring home, or the need to listen to myself in a relaxed setting now and then, I am totally generous with my time. Just let me choose the time, unless it's an emergency.....

The most comfortable relationship I had in the past was with a very dynamic, professional, woman, who, like me, was very compartmentalized and self sufficient. We were there for each other on the spot if need be, but we were very consciously inter-dependent. We chose, we mapped out, those areas where one depended on the other. Neither of us held the other responsible for our feelings, or challenges or our personal failings. We supported each other out of choice, not out of compulsion. I wish that relationship could have lasted forever. Circumstances beyond our control parted us. Deep down, I miss that woman with every fiber of my being.....

Cheers

Gregory

I never liked it when I'd hear someone in my family bitch at their husband. On the other hand, I didn't like the husbands making fun of their wives. I guess that's why I'm single -- and loving it!

Hugs,
Ciara

very very much. And if she gets the better of me in a discussion, I can always place her in restraints and have my way with her '

When a marriage starts off, it's safe to say these lovers are honeymooners and they're happy. It's downhill swirl is in the afterglow of fantasy.  Real life sets in: impressing your partner haults,  comedic value has been exhausted, and it's possible that just plain boredom and routine have set in. Then, if the excitement and attraction are no longer there for the woman it does not make it easy for her to feel aroused. Perhaps she's just too damn tired from running the kids around. I actually had a boyfriend (okay many) who felt I was oversexed and he couldn't make me realize how tired he was, too, so I eventually gave up.
So, I know what it feels like, guys: to be frustrated beyond belief (and we were young), and I also know what it feels like to not be into someone anymore and it's hard to tell him, so the sex part is the first to go with some women.

However, by the majority of posts that I have read on this board, it seems like men just can't get sex at home but have to label it to be "all her fault."  Remember, most men can still have sex even though the marriage is on the fritz. On the contrary, women place their hearts into the mix, and hearts and pussies are too far apart.

Now, when women find this to be true, they should either try rectifying the situation with a sex therapist and perhaps some alternative medicines if they still love their spouses and want to make it work.  Perhaps they are going through menopause which -- for some women -- takes away their sex drive and they actually get dry and it hurts to have sex. Or, their poor bodies just don't have the stamina they once had, or maybe they're depressed. Women react differently to men in almost every situation. Men can keep the physical apart alive from a desired need to be comforted and physcially relieved. And, a lot of women just cannot have it (or at least not with their husbands) just for a sexual escape. When a women stops having sex it is usally because of a few reasons:

1) She doesn't love him or just isn't attracted to him anymore. Same thing with men, except they might be able to ignore the emotional part and still have sex (at least for awhile). But not most women.

2) It hurts her as she ages, so she needs to find a way (whether it's an operation, better hormone therapy or stimulants) that will get her in the mood. Menopause is a bitch to deal with, but there are natural herbs that help. And, forget it if you're on certain types of anti-depressants or high-blood pressure medicines. These can all affect the sex life.

Thank you! Dr. Ciara Raffael has spoken. Maybe I shouldn't have watched Dr. Phil today. Just kidding!

Janet, can you please send in my next patient?  Just kidding.


Hugs,
Doctor Ciara







-- Modified on 11/20/2008 8:35:29 PM