People there will be begging you for her phone number.

You write amazingly well too.

Well written.

I had a similar experience, and "I feel your pain."


HalfHour

......this all the guys she's ever met. My rule for civilian women: Hot looking women are generally lousy sexual partners.

and the ones who actually have some bedroom skills tend to have serious psycchological issues,

Seeing Fatal Attraction as an adult disturbed me more than seeing The Exorcist as a child.  Now I have another reason.

I had been flirting back and forth with this thirty-something MILF at work for the past several years.  She's very hot in a young soccer mom way, and oozes sex appeal to the point that she's coveted by every guy at work.  We ended up on a business trip together a little while back, and after a couple of drinks one  night in the bar, we each got enough nerve to hook up.  She's married with a couple of kids, and I am married with too many kids, so we both thought we had too much  to lose for it not to be safe (this isn't going where you may think it is - neither of us is stalking the other).

So we get up to her room and start going at it.  Holy Mother of God, the sex was horrible.  Making out was like kissing an Aquarium Sucker Fish, with pecks, chomps, and attempts to suck my adnoids out.  I'll give her this, she did go down for a BJ to get me going, but it may have just been because she couldn't actually suck my toungue out of my mouth while kissing.  

The BJ was the worst I've ever had.  She basically field stripped my dick with her teeth and she didn't just play with my balls, she squeezed them like she was auditioning to be the next Juicing Machine on QVC.  And when I mentioned the idea of swallowing, she looked up at me like I had just urinated on the Mona Lisa.  I pulled my dick out of her mouth when she came up for air and worked my way down for DATY.  It didn't just go downhill from there, it went off a cliff.

Attempted murder is the only way to describe it.  Every time she got just the twinge of excitement, she'd slam her legs together and twist a little while emitting a spontaneous wail.  Damned near snapped my neck twice.  I don't know what she's been reading or watching, but she actually reached down,  grabbed my ears, and pulled my face into her pussy as hard as she could while simultaneously snapping her legs together and twisting.  I was mentally filling out an expense voucher for combat pay.  If your ears are grabbed, and your head is pulled into the abyss, it is a recipe for suffocation.  I had to pull my hands down a little from her tits and tickle her to get released.

So I put the condom on (thinking of it as more of a bandage than anything else for the aforementioned field stripping) and we start in missionary.  What a lousy lay.  Her idea of different positions seemed to be lifting her legs a little higher in mish.  Again, I don't know what she's been reading, but my back felt like someone had thrown a pissed off Bobcat on it with all of the clawing and scatching she was doing with her fingernails.  She was moaning like a wounded Water Buffalo.

All of my fantasy thoughts of being the office stud, and satisfying her  to the point of having her swoon every time she sees me at work fly right out of my head.  Now I'm just thinking that I gotta get done with this so  my kids have a Daddy while they grow up.  So I cum, gently disengage, and lay bak trying to recover.  I had been exposed to a Flash Bang Grenade as part of my Army training one time - this felt way more disorientating.

What does she do?  She actually cuddles up to me and starts telling me how wonderful it was and how her husband never pays this much attention to her in bed (go figure).  I'm thinking that she's lost her fucking mind, and I tell her the only thing I could really say - "It was great for me too, babe."

We had three more nights left on the business trip and she actually wanted to hook up again.  I played the guilt card about my marriage and got out of it.  When I got back home, I called my ATF for a mulligan.

The whole experience has convinced me all over again to stick with providers.

I think if you were not an experienced "client" in the hobby it wouldn't have been half bad.  But we as hobbyists really know what the goods are, we see these fantastic women who are professionals -- they know what they are doing, we get incredible service and attention, so we're spoiled.  Obviously this gal you were with was desperate for some cock with the way she was behaving, she didn't care if you got what YOU wanted.  We're used to getting great sex, and a lot of civvie women really don't know what they are doing, it's not like they go to school for this stuff!  I've been with a couple of civvie gals who didn't have much experience and they just laid there like a log, eyes closed, just moaning a little,  letting me do all the work.  No thanks!

What's the old saying, "you get what you pay for" BTW, great review!

Grasshopper,

The Fucking you get.....

Not worth the the fucking you get.

but an awfully funny read!

Yeah, next time stick with the providers! Even when we were civvies, we were already better than that (we were preparing for our careers, right?)!

More attractive women probably get less feedback, especially if most of their experience is one-night stands.

Funny write-up.  I'm tempted to use it with couples who have a sense of humor.






-- Modified on 7/11/2011 2:25:19 PM

-- Modified on 7/11/2011 2:37:12 PM

If there is anything more low than a streetwalker with a crystal-meth addiction is the corporate wannabe stud. It gets worse when you combine him with the corporate attention-whore milf. All I got to say about the subject is that when the losers from the office start to screw each other, say goodbye to any last remnants of peace, quiet, and privacy and mystery.

When I used to work for a large company in the DC area. There was this hot blonde from Memphis who interned there for a year. At first she was cute, funny but never shut up about her husband (a 1st Leutennant in the Air Force who just happened to be in Iraq). It was not long when she started to screw the office staff. Eventually, the shit hit the fan. She could not shut up about her escapades to the point that we started to call her Burger Queen (You know when you order a whopper with no onions at burger king, the cashier repeats the order into a microphone and Whopper No Onions is blared at full volume for all to hear). Well, wives started to find out, pics of her getting screwed started to surface and several people (burger Queen included) got fired. Eventually, her husband left her and she wound up going from a potential 6-digit salary to waitressing at a Dinner.

What was interisting about her was that the more slutty she acted, the more I wanted to fuck her too and may have had I pursued the issue. Thankfully, I had found hobbying and was enjoying great sex, with hotter women without the silly office drama that the corporate office stud wannabe  lives.

I've read in a while.

Serves you right LOL!

Poor gal!

All she wanted was to rock your world! Too bad she read the wrong Cosmo articles.

"I've had better!"

Actually, I am referring to all he people who have no game, cant afford or are too proud to hobby, or have zero life outside work.

Thank GOD that I work for myself nowadays but when I did have to work in an office and draw a paycheck. I found it very sad that the people at the office (especially the women) had no friends, no hobbies, nowhere to go, nothing to do aside from happy hour/or smoke weed (with co-workers) and work. How sad

Some of them thought I was a snob, while others thought I was some kind of wierdo because I did not participate in the happy hour gossip sessions, or fornicate with the corporate sluts, or hang out at one of their apartments (nobody owned a home) smoking weed. Yes, in a way i looked down on them and I am not apologizing for that. Maybe ignorance is bliss but I got my bliss by having sex with 9/9s and doing other things away from work and the silly office blather about who is screwing who, who is a wierdo and how shitfaced dufus 1 and dufus 2 got at happy hour yesterday.  

I would expect a real hobbyist to be above bad sex with trashy people especially at the office.

Be thankful she was married and didn't try to attach herself to your life, especially since she worked in your office. Whats that saying "you get what you pay for".

Heck most women won't even tell you what they like, do you think they will be open minded to what we like.  Same goes for the review process what one guy thinks is the best BBBJ ever, might Suck to a guy who knows what good head is.

Your a smart man and I couldn't have said it better.  Did the guy really think she would put out as good as an escort. If I were a women I would rather be a whore than a slut any day.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the marks on Mr. Happy.

This is a lesson I've learned again and again, and mostly the hard way since I'm pretty slow on the uptake at times, but...The packaging and flirting lies more often than not.  The best experience I've ever had, bar none, was with a 15+ year older woman I met through civic activity whose public demeanor was completely, totally inert and sexless.  Very conservative and proper in public, and never dropped the first hint that she might go "that way."  She was at my house for something at one point, hands touched, and within 15 minutes she was tearing me up.  Best bj ever, best sex ever, period, and that's including free-lance/civvie or pro.

On the other had, I've been with a couple that put on the airs like you describe; women who drove me nuts just because they were in the same zip code, and then turned out as bad or worse than what you experienced.

On the one hand, this makes life interesting and every now and then you get a real nice surprise.

On the other hand, well, you know....

I'm late to the party on this one, but you are singing the truth on that one.
The math on women we sleep with is very simple in modern society --- one is at least enough.  Yes, "at least", as in sometimes even one is too much to deal with.
Providers are the exception.  Sex is and should be fun.  Providers allow for that without all of the other baggage plus (to your point) they're good at it.  Practice, practice, practice.
Stay away from the civies.  They will cause you nothing but trouble if you already have one woman in your life.

For me the other way around..usually better sex from regular chicks but
when it comes to BJ providers are the experts and it shows..most every
provider came make me cum from head and most time cim..most regular
girls can't make me hard or make me cum from head..I have to fast forward
to sex cause there is no low or high..no climax with BJ. only a select few regular
chicks really went in when it came to head