Indeed I wondered about whether my father (married over 55 years) or my grandfathers hobbied as well. Looking back on it, I believe they did. It may be the most unspoken common secret among men over 40.
Do you consider the hobby as part of your life, or as a completely separate life.
I have pondered this question many times and have decided it is a completely separate life. I base this on the fact that absolutely no one in my civilian life knows that I do this. The need to talk about it is fulfilled by posting on the discussion boards, attending meet & greets and becoming good friends with many of my regular providers. The hobby has become a whole different way of socialization for me and is much more rewarding and fun than my regular circle of friends in my other life. I may take it more seriously than many of you, but it started as an escape from a dysfunctional enviroment, and has helped me cope with the realities of civilian life. It's the greatest therapy I could have possibly recieved.
Any thoughts on this?
Well as a provider I live two very separate lives. I have grown kids who have no idea what I do. It takes alot of creativity for me to explain why I can't go shopping on Saturday afternoon, or why mom suddenly can afford to take them out to dinner. I really feel like two different people, most of the time. I have only two local friends that I can share my "other life" with. And since one is married, it's not always feasible for me to call him on the spur of the moment to tell or ask him something. I have to hide my new financial status from co-workers, kids, my mother, etc. I hate that I seem to lie so much! But I do LOVE what I do! I find I am so much more than just a provider. I provide many things to different people, and I love every bit of it. I am so lucky to have been introduced to the hobby. (Thank You Al!) I only wish it were socially acceptable so that I could share my excitment about the hobby with those I love. Maybe in generations to come?
regarding this subject is a case in point.
I think having multiple partners fulfills a natural instinctual and primal urge.
I appreciate that you are evolved enough to acknowledge this but I am not sure if it is socially acceptable for women to acknowledge wanting to have consensual sex with others.
xo lisa butler
-- Modified on 3/1/2007 12:54:02 PM
I try not to live the 2 separate lives b/c i don't believe this is wrong. I drop hints with pals, especially with their wifes, when they try to hook me up with a new woman. In some ways they want me to find the happiness they have in their relationships.
The crazy thing is the one time i had a need to see a psychologist, I was burying my brother who died at 49 from cancer and putting mom into a facility, he finds out i am single and asks me if i am gay leading a secret life. I said hell no and told him of my hobby. He then went into some twisted analysis of my sex life and I said, were done. I went out and saw a friendly hobbyist who provided better therapy b/c cups of coffee.
I suspect on some level most people don't want to know. U could speculate for days on why but hey speculation only feeds anxiety. I am trying to live a life.
It is hard to be sincere and honest while keeping the two completely seperate.
My family and friends know what I do, and I hold no shame in it. As for gentleman friends, many know my "other" persona and even interact with me in "real" life as we have similar business interests.
Now as in your case if a gentleman is using me to escape from his everyday world, I have no problem living out his fantasy, but it is hard for a girl like me to know and be with someone without being a friend to him/her. As well, when a gentleman says I am his friends and let's me know I am valued, that is so flattering and just melts my heart.
Anhhhh I guess I am just a romantic.
Kisses,
Vanica
The looks of titilated envy behind the wives backs is worth every penny I spend on a glorious session. What really gets them is when I compare my hobbying to their Sunday Church Service and their tithing. And let's not compare the Disneyland Annual Passes....
Walking down a path
One crosses another's path
The two speak
Paths separate and soon meet again
The two enjoy the company.
Is it a merger?
Each goes his own direction
He keeps on walking
Paths recross . . .
Will they separate?
The two enjoy the moment together
Taking it one step at a time.
The pair continues walking . . .
Dwight Watt
in a sense.
Sure, I have a job and family (but no wife) and I don't go prattling to just anyone about my hobby, but between actual dates with escorts and activities such as being on this boards and others, I have to say that it is the major part of my life in terms of importance to me and I am just fine with that.
It's also led me to meet the most wonderful person I've ever met (Bev) and that has made me so happy and helped to integrate the hobby a little more with my life.
It would be nice to have the hobby and every other aspect of my life all integrated, but I'm afraid that's just too idealistic for the society we are in.
Long may the hobby run.
I live the ball and chain life and then I occassionally gnaw my leg enough to free myself. Before the baby harp seal killer discovers my wild life side, I have shoehorned my foot back into the steel jaws of misery.
worry that you will meet someone there who knows you?
I would certainly like to go to a M&G but worry about running into someone I will know there. How can you make sure they won't tell people what you do? There are so many ways that the information can leak out.
Doesn't that worry you.
Cheers
To rat on you they would have to explain why they were there.
If I should ever see someone I know at a M&G I will go on the offensive and imediately approach that person and say, "What the fuck are YOU doing here?" It then becomes a stalemate. You don't tell on me and I won't tell on you.
Until "that person" you happen to run into is in reality a supervisor of yours. and he states he was just passing through the area and saw you enter. Or even worse.
Many career paths have ethic clauses as well as other safe guards which can pose a serious personal problem to anyone who hasn't considered the ramifications. One evening of fun would not be an adequate exchange for 15+ years of public work or losing a security clearance, possibly being dis-barred or some other detrimental action as a result of the attention to the hobby and your involvement in it.
M&G and social gatherings are not recommended to everyone.
My suggestion to any hobbyist that has a family or career to protect needs to constantly be on guard and very careful about who he exposes to his hobby. Likewise, his public presence at any gathering needs to be a behavior that is made after serious consideration.
Just my thoughts but all hobbyists shouldn't bolt to a M*G just because they have a chance to be in the same room as a few hot women without having to pay for the pleasure.
I'll bet you keep a tight grip on your candle too altar boy!
I hold no public office, I am not LE, and since I have been self employed most of my life I have no higher ups to answer to. Ironically I find that providers are more concerned with being recognized than hobbyist's.
Even if I had concerns it would be worth attending. These parties are great. We have to bottle up all our excitement about what we do with no outlet in our civilian life. The hobby is not like golf, bowling, fishing, or restoring old cars. This is a very private activity that we must keep to ourselves. To be able to trade stories and share our adventures with others is a great release for us as well as an enjoyable experience. There is a real commaraderie amongst us. All that, and all those hot chicks too. Considering the odds, it's well worth the risk, unless, your a televangelist of course.LOL
Years back, I used to compartmentalize these different aspects of my life (sort of like, "I can't do this, but *he* can..."), even had separate wardrobes, played around with the idea of getting a second apartment devoted to playtime. Used a different name in certain circles. For a while, that worked pretty good.
Damn, did I just summarize the movie "Fight Club"?
But it made extra work for me, and when I realized that I literally started thinking of "the other" as another person (as in the sentence, "man, JC hasn't been to the gym in a week"), I decided that it didn't sound particularly healthy.
This is me, but that is me also. So, I integrated. Normalized the wardrobe, decided to get this single playboy apartment after the lease ended on the old boring one, and so on. And I feel better about it all, because I'm all the things I am, all the time. It sounds a little wussy fru-fru, but I'm whole. And happy.
Still need to get back to the gym, though.
It all sounds a little too "James Bond" for me. Hobbying is a big part of my life and obviously not something I share with my family or friends. Still, whatever you do in life effects everything else that you do. The money I spend on the hobby effects my everyday lifestyle just as the enjoyment I gain from hobbying effects my everyday outlook on the world. IMHO, You can't separate the two without running the risk of having it blow up in your face.
-- Modified on 3/1/2007 1:28:38 PM
It's much more fun separating the two lifestyles. When I'm on my way to see a provider I sometimes feel like ducking into aphone booth or a back alley and ripping off my clothes to expose a set of tights with a big H on the front. IT'S HOBBYMAN !!!!!!!
I love it! But you know what? I gain sooooooo much more satisfaction from my hobby life, than my dull boring routine life. My office job could be done by a mindless monkey......but I need it for a cover and other reasons. My self fulfillment and satisfaction comes from pleasing my clients. I sometimes feel like "Wonder Woman" when a client leaves. I love it!
Indeed I wondered about whether my father (married over 55 years) or my grandfathers hobbied as well. Looking back on it, I believe they did. It may be the most unspoken common secret among men over 40.
I'm tempted to say that just about any happily married man over the age of 40 probably hobbies - it's the only way I know to keep my sanity sometimes (golf just doesn't cut it).
When I have a bad day with my SO and I know I have an upcoming appointment with a provider, I just let whatever it is roll off my back. My SO probably just thinks I'm a very happy go-lucky type of fellow - hey, we all need a release some way.
It may not be the greatest excuse in the world but for many people, the alternative to hobbying would to become something along the lines of an alcoholic abusive spouse (this might be an extreme, but I don't think it's too far from the truth). The real problem would be if I weren't able to afford hobbying at least every once in a while.
This is a great question... as a single guy, fairly new to the hobby, it was a real hurdle for me to overcome initially. At first I couldn't even get myself to break my cherry, but after the first few nerve-wracked encounters, it got progressively easier.
But I keep it a separate part of my life. I don't feel guilty about it as I first did, & I'm not cheating on a spouse or GF, so I figure WTF!
But it has come to mean a sepaatate identity for me, & these discussion boards are a great way to share my thoughts, since I couldn't share them with the civvies. For the same reason I couldn't do a M&G ... I'd love to meet the providers at a M&G, but I'd be fearful of running into some civvy I know.
After three wives and so many dumb dates.This was a no brainer for me I don't keep it separate I let everyone know that this is what i'm doing and if you or anyone has a problem with it then tuff get over it.No one has been where i've been in my circle of friends.They argue about it all the time,but I always win in the end.Who the hell over 50 wants to sit at dinner with some old lady you don't know and hear bla bla bla for two hours.Only to find out later you might get a good night kiss
Many people comment on how the hobby is based on fantasy and illusion; well, yes, but in regard to the question at hand, it is clear that for many of us it is a separate life from our real existences, but in many ways is more meaningful, substantive and less full of posturing and hypocrisy than the "real" lives we lead most of the time. Hobbying for me is not an escape, although it may have started out that way --
my "real" life is pleasant enough with many joys. But experiences with a great provider take life and experience to another level, unique and not attainable in any other way, and it's not just the physical release, but the intensity, the connection, the sharing if only temporary, the well-being. Nothing illusory about that!
As a good character in a shitty movie once said: "You've got your work, your friends and your family. Give any one the time it needs and you end up shitting on the others." Or words to that effect. In order to avoid cognitive dissonance some of us might blissfully accept our different personas and some others might pretend it's just something that can be separated into its own bracket of life, like working versus home life. I tend to think that the danger lies not in having two lives versus one--heck our dream lives are yet another life if you want to keep count--it's keeping the various parts of our being in some sort of balance. Your chosen hobby could be gardening as opposed to meeting hot women and having sex with them. But if you do enough gardening you start ignoring other parts of your life and pretty soon the gardening is all you've got. By the same token, if you deprive yourself of any outlet but work and home and neither is proving satisfying, can you really be happy (or make others around you happy)? Or do you just end up shitting on yourself, your friends, your family out of frustration? So whatever hobby you choose, I hope you can find the right balance to make you and yours as happy as fate will allow.
Gardening, Golf, or Gambling are experiences we can share with others. This is a hobby most of us keep from our family and friends. That's what makes it seem so separate and different from the norm. The hobby is the perfect balance for my lifestyle. It has enough positives to balance out all the negatives of everyday life. Don't know how I kept my sanity all those years before I discovered the true meaning of life. BBBJ, DATY, DFK, CG, Doggie, MISH, in all it's variations and forms, and in a more serious vein, the many friendships that were formed in partaking of all these pleasures.
Im single, an only child, very small family ties, and those that are the closest to me know about my business, they dont judge and see it as me being a sound and successful business woman. I dont share my life with anyone who doesnt need to know, as far as my neighbors that I exchange friendly hellos with (I live in an apartment) that wonder why I dont work, go to the gym, shop, and leave the house dressed up on a regular basis, they believe I am a trust fund baby...they dont need to know anything further. I live my life normally, and dont advertise the fact that I am an escort. It started as hobby for me as well, but one that has become fruitful in many ways!
xoxo~
Lauren
Some women like to buy a pair of shoes, new outfit, etc... some other girls get a monthly massage, pedicure, manicure, hairstyle, etc... Some guys play golf.
This is my hobby. This is my endulgence and I see no reason to share with anyone on the outside.