As much as I try to figure out women I will never understand them and yet I will continue to treasure them.
I have been seeing a certain PSE for over two years now when she comes to town. Never reviewed her because she asked me not to as she only saw a few men and I only got to see her because I had a good reference. And over the years we have gotten to know one another well enough that I now pick her up at the airport when she comes into town and will crash at my place till her hotel room is ready.
So several weeks ago I wanted to surprise her for XMas and mailed a package to her. Nothing extravagant but things I know she likes. Here it is XMAS and not one word from her. I have seen her pop up on my buddy list and she signs on to her MYSpace page pretty regularly but has not sent me anything. I know some may think that perhaps she didnt get the  gift but trust me, she got the package. Last time I sent her a gift she knew it was coming and all I asked in return was an email when it arrived. But I ended up having to email her for confirmation. I am choosing not to do this at this point. I dont think I should have to. I just dont get it.
And I have another escort I have known for 3 years that I wished a merry XMAS to on her Myspace page. SHe is not a PSE. SHe read it but didnt respond to it. This despite the fact that I am flying out to her to spend three nights with her.
So do I take it personally? The PSE has responded to other emails I have sent her but not gifts. This other escort recently unretired and has always been friendly with me even when not available. Like I said, I cant figure women out but how much does it take to type "Merry XMAS or Thank You and hit the reply button.
I have to think that the majority of men on TER are like me- Gentlemen who treat the women with lots of respect. And then left wondering why nice guys finish last as the cliche goes.

I don't think it's about women as it is about providers who haven't developed a consistent way to deal with boundaries.  Providers constantly stress the need for clients to remember that they have a professional relationship no matter how friendly and sincere the interaction.

Perhaps they are both not quite sure what your intentions are?  Don't forget that providers often have to deal with stalkers and unwanted personal advances.  In many cases, these guys were "nice guys" to begin with, but they misinterpret one friendly gesture and things get out of hand.  The fact that you make it an issue of not understanding "women" rather than providers, may be a good indication that you are blurring the professional/personal line.  Do women in your personal life also not acknowledge gifts?

I can understand your frustration.  Thanking someone for a gift is not the same as accepting a marriage proposal or an invitation for a date.  In the first case, she already has a level of personal comfort with you.  Why don't you ask them how they feel about receiving gifts?  Maybe you can have a talk about their comfort zones?

Agree with Dragonfly.  Maybe asking a simple question in a general way would answer how they feel about gifts.  I know quite a few ladies, popular ladies who always respond quickly to appt requests, and every xmas I send out individual emails saying merry xmas.  But while half respond within a day if not hours, the other half...well after a week or two I stop checking my inbox for a reply.

They either are, or they are not. Apparently, she is not. My advice may sound cold, but I would either get used to her inconsideration or move on. Most people do not change who they are.

Why do I always play devil's advocate lol?  Is it possible she is touring or not at home for another reason? I did read your entire post but with only half a cup of coffee so far this morning I may have missed if you said she was. Was package sent 'return receipt'?  Very true about boundries. I don't want this to sound harsh but....Is it possible your view of the relationship is through rose colored glasses?  You may see her as a 'friend' but she may see you as a great client that gives nice gifts and has a nice pad to crash at. Period. I know sometimes it is very easy for a client to think there is something more than there is. That being said, a quick email to say thank you is just plain good manners.  Hell, I still write snail mail thank you cards.

I have been told by a provider that giving gifts is sometimes seen as a way to gain control over the provider.

So maybe not sending a thank you is a way for her to regain the control she thinks you may be trying to take from her.

Anyway, it would be good to learn how to give gifts without expecting anything in return.  When you expect something back it is no longer a gift.

You will notice more and more hobbyists are  booking and rebooking to see the same provider.

You see the word ATF used more often than not.

At first, I thought the majority of guys would want to see a provider at the most for one or two appointments, but thats apparently not always the case from what I see on the boards.

With so many guys booking multiple appointments and seeing the same provider. This is probably where the line of friendship, client relationship is being blurred from the hobbyists perspective.

-- Modified on 12/26/2007 9:24:15 AM

The important thing is that you wanted to give her a gift and did so.  

If she received it and chooses not to acknowlege it, it will be her loss, not yours.

You said, "As much as I try to figure out women I will never understand them and yet I will continue to treasure them." You will never figure out women. Try to understand one woman's experience at a time. Open yourself up to understanding what's going on in her life and how she is experiencing her interactions with you. Each woman, person, can experience an interaction in a multitude of ways given what's going on with them at any point in time. It's reasonable to feel disappointed in not having your gifts and messages responded to, but these are symbols of your feelings toward them. They no doubt have feelings and thoughts about your expressions of feelings, and navigating the professional boundaries. It's important for you to look at your feelings and motivations in all that you offer these women, above what they ask for for their services.

xxmeowbabyxx makes some valid points. I have run into similar instances. not getting simple thanks can hurt more than outright coldness. I would approach subtlety or not at all with your feelings.
there are plenty of other ladies out there who will appreciate your simple gesture as long as you keep them simple and NSA.

ax

There are many factors to consider.

Despite what you believe about her, she has a life you know nothing about. She probably has what almost every escort has: a script. A glossy, photogenic version of her life that she has sanitized for clients. It may include, "I'm single," "I love holidays," or "escorting is just helping me get to the next phase of my life..." YOU DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW HER AT ALL... No matter how long you've been seeing her or what you think she has revealed to you.

She might not celebrate X-Mas, she might be on vacation, or she might just not have the personal organization and follow-through to call you. She might be one of millions of Americans who suffers horrible depression this time of year. Taking things personally will not help, and will certainly make your happy "relationship" strained.

I would suggest calling ONCE to make sure your gift arrived. Anything more is likely to anger or irritate her. Women in this profession don't want to feel owned, and the main problem with gifts is that the men who give them almost always feel some sense of entitlement to the lady's time/personal life that he is not actually entitled to. Avoiding this mindset will go a long way toward showing your trustworthiness, and make her more open to you in the long run.

Where did you mail it to?  Her incall?  Did she give you her home address?   And what was on the return address?  Your home address?

To me, a gift like this should be given in person so that you guarantee there is no way you can cause the provider problems...what if they have an S/O and this mysterious gift appears on the lady's doorstep right in front of the S/O?

Personally I think this may have stepped over the line a bit.  Granted, I give gifts at times, but always in person.   I wouldn't dream of mailing a provider anything.

Especially where you say:

"Despite what you believe about her, she has a life you know nothing about. She probably has what almost every escort has: a script. A glossy, photogenic version of her life that she has sanitized for clients."

An honest and eye opening post.

You are doing something with these women that goes beyond their comfort level with a client. Yes, that is what you are, a client. Paying them for their services is one thing. There is never any guarantee that any overtures beyond that will be appreciated.



-- Modified on 12/26/2007 3:49:03 PM

I agree with meow completely. Bottom line, no matter what the intention, a simple email thank you should be sent.  If the provider is comfortable enough to stay at this man's house, than she should already know what boundaries are set.  
I hate to generalize, but many of the younger generation (I know I sound really old!) have no manners.  Someone along the line, please and thank you went out the window.  

--getting off soapbox now--

Have a great new year

Kari~~

I appreciate all the comments that you folks have made. Some good points have been made and I am comforted by them. For those who have some questions I will try to clear it up here.

I realize that I have nothing more than a business relationship with whoever I see. I choose to see them again because I enjoy their company and feel comfortable with them. I am not the kind of guy that is looking to rack up numbers just for the sake of my feeding my ego. That isnt me.
As far as gift giving is concerned, it is just in my nature to show up with a gift rather than just an envelope. I have shopped anywhere from Bed Bath and Beyond to Tiffanys.  I enjoy shopping for women rather than just for myself. And providers list gifts on their profiles so it makes it easy for me to shop.
My PSE enjoys the gifts. I have no doubt about that. I am not crossing any lines by giving her gifts. And yes I mailed it to her house with her permission. I have done that before on previous occasions when the gift was too big for her to take back with her on a plane. It has never been a problem and she was home for the month of December because of school.
I dont have any fantasies of being her significant other. Nor am I looking to make her top ten list on Myspace. I have received gifts from other providers in the past and I couldnt imagine not saying thank you to them.
I do think the point of keeping me at a distance is a valid one. The other provider I mentioned that recently went back to work may have ignored my message but she didnt ignore one a co-worker sent her wishing her a merry Xmas. That was replied. But when you live thousands of miles away from someone, it just seems silly not to be considerate. If I sent someone like Jenna jameson a message, I wouldnt expect a reply by at means.  I always know that I can move on and will probably do that in regards to my non-pse provider. The PSE I like to at least stay friendly with becauase she is a good reference for other PSE's  I may contact.

the lady has no class. any person no matter what
life style they choose to lead should always be
polite and treat other people with respect. maybe
she is young and was not taught proper manners.
a simple thank you is not too much to ask. fuck
the bitch

I constantly tell myself that no matter what this is a business.  The first rule of business don't get emotional about business.  No matter what you thought/think about your sessions with her.  You should have left it at that --sessions.

This is what these women do not who they are.  What provider wants to mix this life and her "real" life?  Next XMAS take that money and donate it to the salvation army.