TER General Board

The dating world is not easy...but I am trying to convey my point with an analogy
Angelina77 3823 reads
posted


   Mike had many of his dreams centered around a particular job. He spends a great amount of effort sending his resume out for his ideal position. After a great deal of hard work he was finally called.  More time was spent on formulating a plan on how he will conduct himself at the job interview.  Wanting to reveal all of his passions, ideas about this position and how he can make a difference in furthering the companies growth. Intimidated but he knows he is qualified for this position, he just needs a fair chance.
   Mike can hardly sleep, this is what he has desired for so very long.. He can feel his stomach turning, he is trembling from his nerves.  He has so much fear, he wants the interviewer to like him, but he is so worried that he will mess up, even with the knowledge that he is qualified for this position. His fear of living life any longer without this job is too much to bear. He finally drifts off to sleep.        
    The next day Mike wakes up early, takes a shower and tries to keep a positive attitude even when those troubled thoughts incessantly enter into his mind. He looks fabulous wearing an Armani Suit, clean shaved, pearly white smile and he finishes with an after shave with a calming and subtle masculine aroma.          Arriving to his interview 15 minutes early he waits in the lobby until he is called in. He keeps thinking to himself "Here is your opportunity, make it happen!"
   The interview is going very well.  This seems to be a great match.  Mike reveals many of his ideas and answers questions with such a savvy that he almost impresses himself.  The chances of getting this job are looking great. He is expecting that the interviewer is going to give him the job right on the spot!
    Moments later he is disappointed when the interviewer suggests two more follow up interviews.  He asks in a stern voice "Don't you think that I am qualified for this position?" The interviewer answers "Mike I think you are very qualified for this position, it is company policy that we have three interviews before we hire anybody." I am looking forward to seeing you again." Mike now has a little more desperation in his tone.  "I have been waiting for this job all my life, I really want you to hire me now." The interviewer says:"Most companies of this quality have this three interview policy, it is usually only high turn over positions where somebody would get a job right away, can't you understand that Mike?" Mike is now combative he replies: "No I don't understand at all! I just went over all of my credentials, you laughed at my jokes and told me that you liked me and that I was qualified for the position, what kind of tease is this?" The interviewer is very shocked, it was thought that Mike had a great chance at filling this position, however he is too anxious.  The interviewer now frustrated rejects Mike and says "I don't think we will have another interview, in order to work at this company you need to have patience and a little understanding of how our policy works. " You clearly do not respect the boundaries here so I am going to have to ask you to leave." Mike starts acting in such a pathetic way, he starts pleading over and over "please oh please hire me." Poor Mike ends up getting escorted out by security.
   The sad thing, Mike really was qualified for this position and it could have been his.  He had waited so long and he just had a little while longer to endure. His desperation to hold on to this position before he was even hired cost him greatly.
   Dating and job interviews have held similarities for  many in pursuit of a relationship. At times it is frustrating. The pressure of having to answer all of the questions properly,  good credentials and a stellar resume. It is true.  Most people are looking for those with a good resume.  The resume sounds like this: Trusting and Honest, Patient, Attractive, Hard Working, Good with Children and Emotionally Stable, to name just a few.
   I would like to get back to Mike and his interview.  Just as a good company would require three interviews so do most women.  I used this as an example because I met a really nice guy at a bar, enjoyed the conversation that took place and I found his passions intriguing.  After an hour of conversing similar to Mike this gentleman took a turn for the worst and wanted the position immediately.  I let him down gently and said: I am not ready to go back to your place yet, I don't feel comfortable and trusting, I need more time, perhaps lunch another day would be great.     The guy at the bar and the guy on the interview could have had the position they wanted.  The position could have been a great job, relationship or even a quick fling.  Persistence gets you to the interview, however desperation gets you a small unemployment check and a hang over of loneliness.

Just my thoughts and opinions.  

xoxo
Angelina Marris

...neither Mike nor the guy at the bar were really qualified, because they in fact lacked a critical factor: patience.  MA

". . . Mike ends up getting escorted out by security"

teehee, you said escort.

While on the topic of analogy, is there something that you pay to get a job for an hour? :(

:)

a very interesting and enriching story.

As my therapist told me 25 years ago:  "If you want women to stand in line for you, you first must get out of the line you're standing in for them."
Also, here is a true story from a retired co-worker:
He was a young recruit in the Navy during WW II and desperately wanted to get a posting with the submarine corps, not an easy job to get.  He got through all the grueling mental and physical exams with flying colors, and then there was just the final interview.  He sat down and the interviewer told him:  "I'm sorry, but you just don't quite make the grade."  The applicant was despondent, but he held his hand out and said how proud he was to have tried and will do his all for the Navy however the Navy sees fit.

Of course, he got the posting.  The Navy's one final test was to see how he would handle disappointment.  That lesson has always stuck with me and has been a great help in my life.

Bizzaro Superdude2723 reads

Most of us have had the experience of being "in the zone"!!!  and I for one have never mastered the ability to put myself "in the zone" consistantly...

You know when you are in the zone when you have a sort of detached but interested view of all that is going on around you and others respond to your slightest suggestions...  

When "in the zone" it seems that women are much more receptive to even passive stares by the "man in the zone"  ----

Am I imagining this - or are others aware of the
phenomena???

Elon M3174 reads

And just think, for a simple fee he could have had you all he wanted. Wonder how he would have felt if he would played it cool and not rushed you? Here he is thinking he's met the woman of his dream's only later to find out that a few thousand other guy's had been there and done that before him for a simple fee? Not an insult just the way it is. Unfortunately nice guy's finish last.


Instead of getting a job from a company, we'd have to compare it to buying a product from a company.  
Should job seekers envy the customers?  The process when there's a material exchange is always going to be different than one based foremost on emotional contact.  

Also, you are presuming that he thought of her as being the woman of his dreams and that she's high volume (a few thousand?)  You also forget that even if the guys are willing to pay, they get screened.  When I consider all of that, I don't know how your conclusion "Nice guys finish last," even applies.  

The non-professional dating world is so fulla' shit.It annoys me that unless you're blatantly rich and/or famous...the woman is holding all the "hoops".I'm as patient a man as you'll ever find...but my "attention whore meter" is rather finely tuned.Ms. Marris,you suggest that a woman needs a "comfort level" before she can be intimate
with a man.Granted...but she knows if wants to bed you.By my way of thinking-if she's not there after two dates-just end all contact.Any date that ends up in intimacy after those first two will be so bad...you'll wonder why you even bothered.


The analogy could have never been applied to my dating life, however.

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