telling me.

I like my ATF a lot and have seen her about 20 times over nearly 15 months. I've never had a bad session with her; every single one of those "dates" has been awesome, for me anyway (she's told me the same thing but I'm not sure if I completely believe her though; she's a courtesan and very good in what she does and probably said the same thing to many other guys; nevertheless, I've always enjoyed my time with her immensely). The last few times she's canceled on me on short notices and I didn't know why. I know she likes me a lot and just can't figure out why she's doing this to me.

Finally we got together on a very special day, this past Valentine's day; she told me she's excited to see me on Valentine's day and wanted to cook for me. I told her I'd prefer to take her out for a Valentine's dinner but she said no. She said that she kept her social life separate from her business; I told her I didn't think I was socializing with her in the strictest sense of the word.... I was happy to pay for her time; when I sensed that I couldn't persuade her to go out with me on a paid date, I told her as gently as I possibly could that I'd rather go with my other plans on Valentine's day even though I had previously put my other plans on hold hoping that she'd agree to go out with me on Valentine's day because she's very special to me. She e-mailed me back and sounded disappointed that I turned her down (I mean what idiot would turn down his ATF's offer to cook for him, right?). In the email, she thought I was going to stop seeing her (truth is unless she chooses not to see me I plan to see her until she retires)and said that since she wasn't dating anyone, it'd be a terrible thing to spend V-day alone. She said that if and when we met again, she'd share a few things with me that she hoped would improve our relationship (that intrigued me); for the first time in our 15 months relatioship she used her real name in our communications (that also intrigued me).

So we arranged a 4-hour dinner date and spent our Valentine's evening together at her home; so about an hour into our date, I asked her about the thing that she mentioned in that e-mail; with a smile, she said "I thought you'd never ask." Then came the Valentine's day revelations...No. 1, she said that she didn't like the way I used my tongue when I kissed her whenever we started our dates and then she preferred to ease into things. No. 2, she said that she didn't think the fact that I kinda told her how I liked my kisses (I was just trying to express how I preferred my kisses as a client)... that offended her because it was an insult to her because it implied she didn't know how to kiss.. No. 3, she didn't like it whenever I critiqued the sessions.. OMG, I had no clues things like these could jeopardize my relationship with her. I'm not offended by what she said though because I think by being honest with each other it would improve our relationship. Needless to say, I'd learn and work hard to improve in those improvements.

What I can't comprehend is I don't think I've changed the way I kissed her. If there was a problem in that area, I would have sensed the discontent much earlier. I never thought that one lousy bad kiss would spoil the whole evening for a woman. I'm not the type who likes to stick his tongue down the throat of another but I do use tongue when I kiss.

Anyway, the evening ended great. She demonstrated to me how she preferred her kisses.

Ladies, can the manner a guy kisses you be perceived as objectifying a woman which offends you very much? What sort of kiss of offends you?    


-- Modified on 2/19/2006 5:35:43 PM

Reading your post, I thought that I was reading my own story..!

Anyways, I think that she cares about the relationship with you. If not, she wouldn't have said a thing about the way you kiss her.

a guy kisses me and the tongue goes every except inside the mouth.....they lick my makeup off and drool all over my body to the point I think I have a dog or a snail on me.

I understand kissing is important but I prefer back massages and cuddling on the first session as kissing is very intimate although I do LFK on first sessions

If you have seen her 20x in 15 months, you may be leading her to believe that you want a real relationship

I had a regular see me every week for a year and then he threw a tantrum when he told me to quit my hobby and I refused. I got called every name in the book and he told me he couldn't date a whore...

WTF?  What have we been doing all this time?

They like to ease into it ...

Wait a bit of time before you try to french kiss her, to be frank with you alot of girls prefer some time to elapse before kissing her or better yet let her come to you when she is ready.

It seems that she finally has the confidence to express her feelings to you.

If you do care about her, then you care about her true feelings.

If you prefer to not cater to her, then you should move on and try to find another ATF.

To me, this seems like a good opportunity to try to learn or to improve on your emotional flexibility skills.

xo xo Lisa Butler

but all the signals are saying "danger, danger".  I think that a miscommunication is happening but I am not sure from your side of things what is going on.
If this were happening on the third or fouth date, it would be easier to understand, but on the twentieth in 15 months?
Are you sure that in your relationship with her you are interested in a friendly business relationship as opposed to A RELATIONSHIP?
I can't imagine why she is sounding like a girl friend rather than a courtesan.
Here is some advice that I has never failed me:  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

horny, do you think she possibly could read this post?  Is that what you want?  Why not just tell her what you are thinking instead of doing it this way?
She is good at what she does since you are hooked!  "she told me she's excited to see me on Valentine's day and wanted to cook for me. I told her I'd prefer to take her out for a Valentine's dinner but she said no."  
I'm not trying to be Sigmund Freud but you may want to find out if you are a boyfriend or a client.  I'd ask her and delete the post.

mr fisher, I wrote my reply after your post showed up on my screen.  I agree with a lot of your posts including this one.  I agree that absence makes the heart grow fonder.  Self respect is important also because 'if a guy does not respect himself, then noone else will'.

I like it when a woman licks me on the lips, even on the first date.  But if you like massages and cuddling, and want to save it for later sessions, sounds great also.  But you can see how this would make a guy feel more important to you when you do this.  These actions could be misinterpreted as you becoming closer to him. I guess you need to be careful if you think he is falling in love.

and it can set the tone for the rest of the date.

In your case, you saw your ATF 20x over 15 months.  WTF? to both of you.  Why wasn't their any conversation about what pleased (or didn't please) the other during all that time?  How is it that over a year passed and only NOW she tells you that she has a problem with your kissing?  Something stinks in Denmark, my friend.

Maybe all her gripes (and short notice cancellations) are a reaction to your initial declining of the date on Valentine's Day.  I really believe that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and when you relented and let her cook for you at her place (and her now dealing w/ you by her real name) could have all been a ruse to get you there and get back at you for initially declining her inviation by criticizing your kissing.  If she liked you as much as you think she did, she would've either mentioned this problem, or guided you in the right direction during the many sessions before this one.

IMHO, time to find a new ATF.

I feel like I'm selling out my team.  However, if you are to get close with your ATF, you have to expect her to be honest with you.

This message sounded like you were having your first real experience where you could be yourselves?  That is bound to happen with men and women no matter where they started from.  

Just listen and adjust!  I'm sure you've done it outside a client/provider relationship.

I agree, in my experience, it does become a bit of a relationship when you see someone that much.

Plus, he IS spending Valentine's day with her.

To me that reeks girlfriend.

xo Lisa

-- Modified on 2/19/2006 9:34:49 PM

...has told me right after opening the door that she's turned on when a fellow wears duct tape over his mouth.

Not a one has complained about my kissing.

A coincidence?

I think not.

been written in sanscrit....  whoohoo?  to quote sponge bob... good luck with that!

"What sort of kiss of offends you?"
Only these.
tyvm,P.T.

it can change the direction of the session for me. I LOVE kissing, lips, tongue, a LITTLE nibbling. But, when someone comes through my door and shoves his tongue right down the back of my throat from the first kiss, I'm having a tough time. However it IS his time so I do everything in my power to give him the hint. Like backing away a bit and using my lips fully on his. LIGHTLY dipping my tongue into his mouth, and nibbling on his lips. When we're really into it then I'll suck on his tongue and dip mine deeply into his mouth. But NOT the first kiss for gawd's sake. When he doesn't get the hint and I'm still gagging on his tongue and wiping the saliva off my face and chin I head south. It's time for a BBBJ.

Kissing IS an art and even though your time is your time I would think you'd like the experience to be mutually passionate. A good kisser arouses me MORE than anything else. It gets the nips hard and Lake Anneke is ready to burst the dam. Take your time guys. A couple more minutes finessing the kissing isn't going to shorten your session. As a matter of fact, if you're a good kisser you're usually a good lover. Although I'm never a clock watcher sometimes I hoping you won't leave if we have the time and you're THAT good. We girls like to have fun too ya know.

Smiles and Kisses,
Anneke

when it comes to kissing.  I guess it is not so much that you think you are great kisser in as much as the person you are with enjoys your kissing.  Everyone is different.  I think that I would be open to a partners preferences and work together on a mutually satisfying kissing experience.  Maybe you like more tongue and she doesn't... so then just compromise.  Maybe she likes you to lightly suck her lips but you prefer to suck her tongue... then again compromise.  That way you both get some benefit and enjoyment from each other.

I think if a gentleman rushes a kiss, and just immediately plops his tounge in a ladies mouth he can expect that she might be a little unnerved.  Easing into the tounge action and making slow subtle approaches while kissing is best.  Sometimes the first date or two you might consider refraining from deep french kissing unless of course she initiates first.  Just my 02.

When I first met my regular, I made the mistake of asking her whther she liked to kiss. She said no, she doesn't like it but she would do it. So I ended up giving her a few pecks during play. Now we kiss all the time and she initiates it.

Kissing is a way of communicating -- it's like a conversation. Start slow and light, then adjust your action based on your partner's reaction.

If you are seriouly into kissing and want to make it work, then for God's sake scrub your mouth clean just before your date.

To that end, I have found a toothpaste called Therabreath that long time providers have told me is has made a big difference in how my breath smells.  Therabreath also make a mouthwash as well.  It also doesn't hurt to drop a few Tic-Tacs in your mouth just before you knock.

(And no, I have no finanical interest in the Therabreath product, I just thought I would let everyone know that it works.)

No truer words were ever said.  Professor Anneke is one of the very best.