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going to a provider for a home-cooked meal is a bit like ...
Cynicalman 3.0 4119 reads
posted


going to your lawyer's house for a home-cooked meal

you know his time is valuable but you think to yourself surely he wouldn't think to charge me $150/hour for dinner, now would he?!

and you know what they say about lawyers ...

poor alfie4483 reads

I only put I am not looking for a provider since we see so many folks asking for advice on whom to see etc.  This is not one of those posts

Here's the story.  I frequently travel for business and try to see only a couple of providers in selected cities.  I have kept in touch with one in particular and have just spent some time with her which by the way was fabulous.  We get along great, have much to talk about and she seems to genuinely enjoy my company as well.  Now, this last time, after our appointment, she invited me out to dinner - to which I replied that I would love to go to dinner with her of course.  I will be in town for the week and a second time together would be really nice.  She then suggested I come to her house and she would cook for me - a nice dinner.  I agreed to it, told her I would love a homecooked meal while on the road since I eat in restaurants so much.  I mentioned that I couldn't think of anything better than a nice dinner and getting to see her again. To which she replied that I could also "have" her again.  The feel of the conversation with her (she stayed well over two hours for our appointment and only took her one hour rate too) seemed to me that she was not looking for this to be an appointment.  My questions are:

1. Am I being naive here - is this an appointment?
2. Really for the ladies - have you ever hit it off so well with a client that you've established a relationship outside of the provider/client relationship?  If so, is it treated like a real relationship or does it always straddle that line?

I am really into this woman, as she is absolutely terrific to just chill with and would love something more than the provider/client relationship but don't want to look like an ass if she's simply great at marketing.  HELP ME PLEASE!

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greywolf4924 reads

I think there's a simple answer.  Approach it as being simply a very special (home-cooked meal etc) appointment...but an appointment nonetheless.  If she does refuse the fee, then consider yourself a luck s.o.b.---just don't be a different sort of s.o.b. & assume it's a freebie!

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fortitude2874 reads

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Cynicalman 3.04120 reads


going to your lawyer's house for a home-cooked meal

you know his time is valuable but you think to yourself surely he wouldn't think to charge me $150/hour for dinner, now would he?!

and you know what they say about lawyers ...

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Paxem3337 reads

From the sounds of it, you two have a very solid rapport going on, so asking for clarification in a very tactful would make sense to me.[EOM]

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LIguy1332342 reads

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Slimroot3521 reads

All we can do is speculate. So here's my speculation:

If you've only seen her once or twice, marketing is a (slight) possibility. If you've seen her several times then this is probably not an appointment. Be prepared, financially, just in case, but this just may be something else.

She's invited you over because she likes you as a person. You tripped her trigger, made her panties ripple, whatever. You have established, over a (possibly) lengthly period of time, that you're a gentleman whose company she enjoys.

If this is indeed something else, you two will figure it out. Frequent, honest communication is the key. There are tactful and tactless ways of doing this, but you need to find out where she stands and also figure out where you stand. Everything else flows from there. Do you want a really good friendship or are you looking for a more "normal" couple-type relationship.

I have a good provider friend whom I met in similar fashion and it is, for both of us, an exquisite situation. She is absolutely one of the best friends that I have. She truly defines "friend with privilages". We both understand how rare an experience this is.

Assuming you want this to work and it starts to happen, treat her with the same respect that you treat any of your other really good friends. Never take her for granted or abuse her friendship.
Never borrow or lend more than $20.

A physical and emotional couple-type relationship is a whole different can of worms and none of us can help you here. Just be adults about it.

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Slowstart2655 reads

Good advise Slimroot.  Have the donation ready but it sounds like she is looking for more.  Probably more in your personality
than special sexual experience.  Remember she gets a lot more variety than you do and some of those guys have to be pretty good in bed, but I bet there aren't many, if any others, that she would cook dinner for.




-- Modified on 9/16/2003 11:14:49 PM

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poor alfie4154 reads

Thanks for the help guys...still not sure what this is but the intention is to prepare for an appointment but hope for something more - guess it will help keep me from being disappointed.  I am truly hoping for the friend with benefits situation but understand that this is her job and I wouldn't want my friends to come to my work and ask me for free stuff so I don't want to do that to her either.

I do think we have a significant connection and that said, I will enjoy myself at her house for dinner not expecting any more than that and if more happens, GREAT!  Of course if more does happen and she expects to be compensated, then I'll know what its about and can respect that.

I am having dinner with her later this week and it will all become clear then I guess.  Again, thanks for the help and any new info/advice is of course welcome.

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fourforty42674 reads

Let us know what happens. You too might score a point for humankind!
444

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r_bear112585 reads

Slimroot,

There are several sage points there. I hope these people can see them. Most are lessons hard learned, but often can only be learned through experience.

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poor alfie4728 reads

Verdict is in...it was a date - no money involved - just a couple of people who  are into each other getting together for dinner and chat.  

Thanks again for the input everyone - it all worked out just right.

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