There is a TER poster on my board who has written to me 4 times in the past. The 4th time was just a week ago. He writes to me asking to meet. It always ends up with me doing a follow up email to him asking when he wanted to meet, which I either get a response that work is taking up his time or he is lacking of funds. But what I find funny is that a new review he has written of another provider goes up into the database each month ( a few infact). I havent written him back, for I want to do the right thing, and not create waves. But, nor do I want to be walked over either.

Should I:

A. just block his emails from reaching my inbox.

B. email him back and just say that I am currently NOT taking anymore clients at the present time, and continue to tell him that, when he goes to write me again.

c. Be honest with my feelings, and tell him that I feel that he is a time waster.

I am trying to figure out a way to get out of this situation. I have to put my foot down now, for enough is enough. I feel that if someone is truly not interested in seeing someone, they should not write to the provider at all. That just gives the provider mixed signals.

-- Modified on 10/3/2004 3:43:45 PM

Go with a variation of C.  Politely ask him to contact you again when he has the necessary funds and when he has a specific day and time in mind.

Either way, I wouldn't lie to him. I'd go with option C.

I think it's time for people to put their "money where there mouthes are".  So, I go with 'C' and tell him that if he is real, that's Great.  Then you can both put your mouthes, and other things, where they can be the most productive.  My .02

-- Modified on 10/4/2004 10:23:15 AM

Tell him your rate has increased to 500/hour.

Unless of course it is already 500/hour.

Two things can happen then.

1. He will fall off the face of the earth as far as you're concerned.

2. He will meet up with you and you will make big bucks!


TET

My view is that you just block his emails for a time and maybe he will get the hint. I know that work issues can arise unexpectedly, but knowing whether or not you have the $$ is known from the start. Also, if his reviews are not really fantasies [to get more VIP time] then it sounds to me that maybe you are a back up in case his first choice isn't available. In any case, avoid sending "mixed signals" or Pres Bushie will be disappointed in you. [lol]

I think he just wants the affirmation of knowing he's screened, that you haven't forgotten about him, and that your answer is yes before he sets the time and finds the funds.  

I believe that of the providers he's seeing, he's thinking of it as funds already committed.  Meanwhile, he's looking for some kind of affirmation on your part before he looks for the time  and funds for you.      

I suggest you don't do any of the three.  D) Tell him you will be happy to  screen him and/or approve him only after he has set aside the required time and gift for you, but you don't have the excess time to screen him and wait, or to correspond with him on any other basis.        

BTW, I made this mistake when I first started the hobby, trying to be pre-screened and get the approval before I had the funds and the plan, not realizing this kind of contact is just an annoyance to a provider.  I'm hoping I didn't burn my bridges with that woman, because I still want to see her.  However, unfortunate, due to that snarl, she got none of my business this year. You shouldn't let that happen to you.    

/Zin

-- Modified on 10/3/2004 5:28:39 PM

So, I don't think that has anything to do with it, although thanks for the other insight

I just dont understand why he is continuing to contact me, when he doesnt even go through with an appt, by making up excuses. Yet, he has the time to see other ladies and review them.

Honestly, I am to the point where I dont want to see him. Period. I am trying to figure out the proper way to let him know that I no interest in ever meeting him. There is a part of me, that I want to be very direct with him in a no-holds bar approach. Or, just be nice as pie and keep blowing him off like he has done to me

not that he doesn't want to see you and he's purposefully wasting your time...but that he wants to see you eventually and has a long list of favorites and limited funds.

What he's doing wrong, specificaily, is asking you to meet him and then not meeting you.  It leads you on, in a business sense, and then when he choses another lady that pay period your feelings are hurt.
  Personally, what I think is going on is:  He wants to maintain contact somehow until your "turn" comes around.  He doesn't know how to do it without leading you on.  It's a communication problem...not meant to be mean spirited.  It comes off as something a loser would do, but it's actually just poor interpersonal skills which is one of the many reasons this hobby exists in the first place.  
  Next time he contacts you for a meeting write him back from a place that has humor and intelligence...  something like:
"Oh, I've heard this before!  (insert the dates here!) I'll believe it when my PayPal account has a deposit in it!  Otherwise you'll break my heart again..."  
  What He needs to know is that you are one of the ladies who actually remember their correspondence and aren't some TV set to be clicked off and on. You've got a heart and soul.  But find a way to tell him you're hurt (or it'll become anger, and who needs that.)

I see no real harm in confronting him with what appear to be the facts as you have stated them.  

Why not, at his next contact (assuming there will be another) just tell him how it makes you feel having him make the gesture toward a session only to cancel.  And then for you to see that he has posted reviews of others.

My guess is that he will then either not back out of another (feeling appropriately guilty), or never contact you again (again guilty but too embarrassed to resurface).  

I suspect as a professional you would provide your best for your requested fee whether it was with him or...with me...  You just don't like the feeling of being evaluated and approached only to be rejected with what appear to be lies. It's not as thought you were scouting him for a husband.  Also you didn't mention that a specific date had been set and that you were out the time because of his behavior.

One other suggestion is that you just hire a hit man...

B will not stop him from emailing you in the future for a date.
C will waste more of your time.

fr

if he does it more than once, he is wasting your time.

I have been in the position of making an appointment with someone and having to cancel myself, but I would never talk about getting together again unless I was ABSOLUTELY SURE that I could see the lady.  

If he has done this, he is either being unaware and somewhat insensitive, or he is messing with you.

Let him know that this is your profession, and that you are making time for him that you could be making for other contacts or appointments, and you need to pass on his offer of business.  Ask him if he was a salesman and he had a client who kept leading him on, whether intentionally or not, and never closed the deal, and kept him from focusing on other clients, what he would do.

He reads the national board, realizes that this thread is about him and will take the hint.

Lets hope so

Thank You

He may unwittingly be trying to connect with you.  Clearly, he is naive and ignorant of the way providers think.  I was that way when I first started the hobby.  I know better now.  Unless he deliberately insulted you, if he still expresses a genuine interest in seeing you, I would keep the lines of communication open.  You don't want to make an enemy out of him and this is what happens sometimes when a person is rejected.  I would just politely say to him that unless he is serious about meeting you and keeping the appointment, you don't have time to respond to his emails.  Hopefully, he will get the point.

Boy I sure hope this guy isn't from the windy city...or it might just be me!!!!  Please give this guy a chance as Zinaval says...especially if it is a windy city guy!  lol
 I have done just what Zin has mentioned...trying to make sure I am not forgotten and also forward looking to meet with providers. I do need to budget to meet as well and that is the reason I have committed this(until now unknown) crime.
 But if this guy is like me, he would make a deposit to show good faith...ask him and see if he will before you blow him off.  I am still a tenderfoot here and dont realize all the ettiquette involved, but I am willing to learn. I am sure this guy is too.
 If you really dont want to meet this guy..tell him...dont block email as that is not classy or professional IMHO

What are the possibilities.
1) He'll stop emailing you: problem solved.
2) He'll stop jerking you around and acutally set something up: problem solved.
3) He'll continue acting like a jerk:  OK, time to swtich to (a)

Just one guy's opinion, of course.

--------------------------------------------------------
Oops, hadn't read your answer to zinaval when I wrote this.  I still think (c) is a good option, but now for different reasons.  You get the catharsis of telling him what's what, then you can proceed to block his emails from that point on.

No need to get nasty.  A slight rewording of your oringinal post would do fine.

-- Modified on 10/3/2004 8:37:34 PM

Go with Option B, let him know that you are in demand and move on.

If this start has poisoned any further chance of a good time.  

If not, you could start with C, and depending on his response/excuse, whether he's defensive, hostile or contrite, use A.  He might just be that scatterbrained and needs to focus.  

But I don't know what he's said to you and how he words these emails, it might make it much more boorish    

B sounds like a non-starter.  You don't know how many times you might have to repeat it to him.  He might just query you in a few months: "Are you taking new clients yet?"

/Zin

And I asked the gentleman.
"I'm happy to see that on Monday you had a wonderful experience with X, though I thought you were going to call me?"

We discussed it, all was good, and I have seen him several times since.  He hadn't meant to "play games", it was all in the timing.

But FOUR times?!?
I would certainly tell him that you've noticed the pattern, and that he is welcome to contact you when he has a date and time, the necessary funds, and is ready to schedule.
Period.

xoxo,
S.

This guys seems unreliable.  With his record, if you finally do set up an appointment, there's a chance you'll get stood up.  At best, he's a scatterbrain and not doing this to hurt you.  At worst, he's playing some "control" game.  Either way, it's an annoyance and a waste of your time.  If it has gotten to the point where you are trying to "figure out a way to get out of this situation," then it will probably affect your session if you end up seeing him and neither of you will have any fun.

I had this happen to me with a provider who kept setting up appointments and cancelling them even though she kept saying that she really wanted to see me.  She seemed really nice so I think the scheduling problems were because she was ditzy.  When I asked for advice on this board, almost eveyone said "there are too many good providers out there to hassle with her."  I haven't contacted her since and I don't regret it.  I don't see why it should be any different with your situation.