I learned that lesson long ago. God GAWD is that a knock-down drag-out fight in the making. Capital offense. I feel lucky that I still have my hand.

I don't think most guys care THAT much about how you style your hair as long as you keep it whipped. I haven't known many women who don't change their look every time the wind changes direction, this is not exclusive to black women.

BUT, if you do something drastic to your hair; like cut it to a significantly different length, or completely change the color - and I don't mean highlights, I'm talking used to be Ginger and now you're Mary-Ann, then you should update your photos. If you wear long weave, and your natural hair is short, then it's likely guys will see that as a drastic change. Surprises, for the most part, tend to be poorly received in this thing of ours.

How to deal with it? I dunno, that's your problem and one of many reasons I'm glad I'm not a woman. And then having an occupation where it gets fucked up several times a day...sucks to be you (bad pun intended).

86 the weave? Most guys I know are not a fan of it. Especially that cheap ass Yak-hair they sell at Sally's - looks like shit. And tracks, for all the effort you girls spend trying to cover them up, we spot them in ten seconds. And after 60 seconds of fucking - bye bye illusion. If you must, high quality human hair attached via a fusion method is the way to fool us. No need to lament on the price and time spent there, I know, I know.

But I for one, can appreciate the effort and expense put forth. Knowing most women put their hair above all else in relation to their everyday appearance, seeing one who doesn't put any effort into it makes me think she doesn't put much effort into OTHER areas of her upkeep.

On the other hand, maybe I'm just shallow. It's entirely possible.

whilst burning a hole in the mattress with my ex, attempted to grab a fist full of her hair and a beast definitely came out, but it was not ME.

I like microbraids. It's a good look that most black women can pull off. When someone mentions weave, I tend not to think of braids, don't know why. Maybe because it's always been such a common afrocentric hairstyle that it seems natural.

So I've been really apprehensive about posting this for several reasons but it is still an issue that has been nagging at me since I became active online. Today I finally decided that today was the day I'd lay it to rest.

So I'm a Black woman. One of the best things about being a Black woman is having "black hair" I love that I can do so many things with it at any given time; and I take full advantage of that.  I wear it straight, I rock my natural, I rod it into curls, I wear weave, sometimes I pull it back into a bun, the list goes on. And it is not all for the sake of appearance. It is very much a cultural practice and personal treat for me to sit and let someone work their magic on my hair, or do it myself. I love my hair. It's the thing on my body I am most intimately connected to, with the exception of my vagina of course.

But how does it relate my experience as a provider? Positive or negative?

The first issue is first impressions. If a gent see a picture of me with my weave (as I have in my current photos) and than I show up with my real hair, or perhaps just a different weave, what is his reaction? What message does that send to him? If he is put off by it does that mean I'm some sort of bait and switch?

And then during a session, under most circumstances, a steamy shower is simply not an option (unless you feel comfortable seeing me in a head wrap). And if I have a weave running your fingers through it is a no no.

If a session gets really hot and heavy, getting ready for another appointment would take about 45 minutes of hair preparation alone, so back to back appointments are out of the question.

I'd love to hear opinions from gents about hair consistency and how it affects hobbying.

I would also like to hear from sistas, and other women who have similar issue and how they make it work for them.

Thanks for listening.

I am a mixture of ethnicities, and I have a similar issue. I cannot chemically straighten my hair (it's resistant to chemicals) so must flatiron it straight to get it to do anything that doesn't look insane lol. I am low volume, so don't have to deal with back-to-back appointments, but have only showered with one client (and that was only because his shower had the option of turning off the overhead spouts). It hasn't affected my business--at least, not that I've noticed. I've only had to turn down one showering request, but it worked out well, as there were other fun activities to fill the time

I don't think having your hair styled differently than in your pix constitutes a b&s. Many ladies cut and/or dye their hair. As long as your body (and face, if it's in your photos) is accurately depicted, I doubt there's much of an issue.

Perhaps on your website you could list your current hairstyle with your stats if you're worried about it. I once saw a website on which the lady gave a vivid description of her appearance and noted that her ability to have many different looks was a source of pride for her. She mentioned a love of variety regarding hairstyles, and at the end of the paragraph about her hair she stated, "Currently, my hair is [insert color/style]." You seem very articulate, so I'm sure something like this would work well for you.

Lastly, I too would be interested in feedback from hobbyists. I've never had extensions before, and typically wear my hair straightened and falling to a 4-6 inches below my shoulders, but since I'm doing some video work in LA a few producers/photographers have mentioned getting extensions. Also curious about the importance of  showering together, since water makes my hair  uncontrollably crazy and tangly. Is not sharing a shower more of an issue than I may have realized?

Girl, I have given up on weave and wigs.  Now I relax my hair and wear it straight, some times with bangs.  Its been way to many sessions where afterwards Ive actually had to throw my $80 wigs away due to the fact the session got way to steamy and my hair was tangled to no rescue.  Dont get me started on a weave I gave that up when I first started providing, lol.  

Majority of my clientele is white, and they love to run there fingers through my hair.  Its part of there experience of being with an AA girl.  But when they do and they feel the track or the wig, its like they think "oh no where do I put my hands now" they have that confused oh im sorry look on there face, and then im stuck thinking OMG!!! What is he thinking now. Is he wondering what I look like without the wig, am I equally beautiful, am I bald lol.  In other words I got a little uncomfrotable. So thats why i just chose to go with my real hair.

I also wonder what new guys think when they see my professional pics with long flowing hair, then they get to my room and see me with shoulder length hair.  The session goes on and they return so im guessing they can tell its still me in the pics.

I was thinking about doing the fusion extentions, what do you think about that?

Thanks for the topic
Empress

Yes we black woman love our hair weave!!! And for the fellas who desire us, they like the weave too. Shit I get compliments about my hair all the time and some of my friends have met my hair dresser. Most us black women were not blessed with a head full of long luxurious hair, which it seems quite a few guys are into, so its not like those who desire black woman don't understand whats going on. So understand sweetheart, your no bait and switch just because you change your hair. The fellas understand the trouble we ladies go through to look good for them, although after 2 or 3 visits most of them don't seem to care much. I get early morning appts all the time when I am just getting out of bed, so never much time to prep. I am quickly starting to understand that looking a mess is very attractive as well!!!! I answer the door sometimes in a towel and head wrap and I am then suddenly attacked with affection!!! And I LOVE IT!!! hehehehehe  If I am all dolled up and pretty upon arrival, I do adjust the weave so I am not a total mess when we are done and so it doesn't get in the way of the session. And yes, I love showering with friends even if I have to pull out the head wrap, trust babe they understand. To a point, we are not just escorts, but private unknown secret lovers, and those who love their black woman understand what we do, how we desire to look and respect that beauty does take a little preparation.

The only problem I see with a provider wearing a weave or wig in all their ad pics, is when I see them it kind of takes away from the fantasy. Lol! if you read my review for a provider name"Twixxx" when I first saw her. I actually thought she was somebody else, because didn't have her weave in at the time.

I've also had the experince several times where I would run my fingers through a providers hair only to be met by extension lumps.

SHAVE IT

When I set up a meeting, it only makes sense that both my companion and I are going to look the best we can IN OUR OWN EYES. If my companion feels she looks good with a weave, or a wig, or extensions, then that works for me. I especially like purple hair, 20's spitcurls give me an instant hard-on, and I always wanted to fuck Sinead O'Connor. Wear it like YOU want it - we will find you!

hi Elle!

like you i adore my "black girl" hair. and i'm also well aware of the fact that many men, particularly men from different ethnic backgrounds, enjoy the look and texture of black hair. sounds win/win to me!

however, this is where i differ from many women....i just don't do the weave thing, period. i don't want anything that is not actually a part of me, attached to my body. also i have a thing about being considered attractive and physically appealing au naturel...for the same reasons i don't wear make-up. not only do i not do the weave thing, but i don't really do anything elaborate with my hair. every once in a while i do think something really striking and different is nice to try, but as a general rule i just roller set it and have it simply and loosely curled. this way i don't have to deal with any anxiety over my hair being touched...the more tousled, the better as far as i'm concerned...and i always look like "me." and btw, i get many compliments about my hair...although i keep it slightly relaxed, the low-tech way i style it gives it a "natural" look, and many men dig that.

as for showering with someone, it's not something i do often mostly because of time constraints, however again my hair is not an issue. just pin up the back, and make sure the showerhead is aimed so that my hair doesn't actually get wet. because my hair is curled by rollers and not a curling or flat iron, the steam doesn't hurt it.

so i guess the keys for me are being low-maintenance and rather laidback about my hair. but i realize that is probably not the norm for women of whatever ethnicity.

i would hate it if men ever stopped touching, caressing, grabbing and pulling my hair. it lets me know just how much of the Beast has come out...and i always want to see that Beast!

...to the weave. it's fine to have hair meant for looking, but i prefer having hair meant for touching.

I think if I encountered a big change it would have a negative effect on me, too. Maybe you can give a hint or warning?

Voice or email setting up the appt: "... My pics are recent but I'm wearing my hair in a weave now. I hope you'll like it." or whatever the change is. Or even if you're PLANNING on a change, you can ask (tell) the guy, if there's enough advance notice: It's Monday and you have a hair appt on Tuesday and someone visiting on Wednesday. "I'm getting my hair done tomorrow. Do you like the beaded look?" If he says he wants to cancel, you can at least reschedule the hair change for Thursday.

I also like to touch pretty hair and learned my lesson about some women and their hair. Yikes! I saw Christina / Christine (TER 146458 and 113143) but my review never got approved. When I say "touch", I mean I couldn't even use the back of my hand against her hair! But here's a "lesson". Instead of a pleasant or coy or any kind of reasonable "please don't touch my hair" she gave a snippy "No! Do NOT touch my hair!" attitude. Mood killer. For that and OTHER reasons, I gave her a 2 that never got approved.

Good luck!

@LuckyIrishPrick- I'm glad you've learned the first rule of thumb in dealing with Black women lol. But as lilli said it's a bit different when it comes to sex. I love having my hair pulled and even with the weave (I get mine sewn in, it looks more natural and lasts much longer that other methods) this can still be done . As for the micros, they were all the rave when I was in high school so I tend to associate them with teenagers but I have seen some women pin them up into very sophisticated styles. But they are very damaging to your hair, especially around the edges.

@SerenaSinful- I actually love your idea about putting my current hairstyle up on my site. I think that would be a fun tidbit to add, especially if add a (phone taken) pic just to show it off. Thanks. That would be the only feasible way to "update" clients, because if I updated my photos every time I changed my hair I would be making my photographer RICH! And hey, I'm still waiting on my first review! lol

@candygyrlxxx- THERE IS HOPE afterall!!! I hope I meet clients like yours all the time!! thanks for showing me the silver lining.

@magic4u- To clarify, the lumps you felt were probably braids. When we get out hair "sewn in", our hair is braided and then the weave is sewn at the track to the braids.

@moutoncadet- Thanks for the words of encouragement! I was actually thinking of dressing up as Nicki Minaj (female rapper) for Halloween and saw an AWESOME purple wig!

@lilli- Can you explain to me what "slightly" relaxed is. Do you just get your hair relaxed less frequently than others? By the way, I've been completely natural for about a year now. I wear the weave to help my hair grow and protect it from the harshness that is Chicago winter lol.

@impposter- See @SerenaSinful. And as for the provider that was snappy with you: Had you not been in a hobby setting I would have been completely understanding of her reaction. However, hair is a point of arousal for the majority of men (A Muslim women told me thats one of the reasons they cover their hair, but don't quote me on that, she doesn't represent all Muslim women). And if "touching" her hair is a sensitive issue for a provider then she should be upfront about it to avoid situations like that in the future.

Thanks for all the feedback!

Simply put, the pictures should be recent enough to reflect your present appearance.  If a provider is posting pictures with her hair long or a certain color and shows up with it much shorter or a different color, I tend to regard it as false advertising.  It's not quite as bad as if there's been a large interim gain in weight since the posted pictures were taken, but it's still a potential let-down.

Elle...by slightly relaxed, i don't mean that i necessarily get my hair relaxed less frequently than normal, but when it's done it's very light. i also have very thick and very coarse hair, so even a heavy duty relaxer treatment is not going to get my hair bone straight. i would really rather not relax my hair at all, but again because it is so thick and coarse i have it done JUST enough so that i can put a comb through it (and not a fine-toothed comb either, lol). over the years i've grown to really love the texture and look of my hair this way, and my friends and clients seem to feel the same. kudos to you for keeping your hair natural under the weave...while i recognize that many women look awesome with a weave, i know that i would just be too uptight and uncomfortable in intimate situations to pull it off.

Some are funny about hair in general and I've had guys touch hair and ask was it all mine or what is a wig. Sometimes I laugh it off and sometimes I have to catch myself from giving him a crazy look and say with a smile well part of it is even though he had just asked a rude a-- question. I feel like I like partial or full sew-in weaves so what and i'm aware other races wear weaves & wigs I think people just find it easier to just balls out and blantatly ask us those "special" questions. I have a partial sew-in WITH HUMAN HAIR lol in my new pro pics and it looks SEXY lol.

AT FIRST I would think in my head oh mmyyyy ggggoooodddd he's touching my hairrrrrrrr but I got over that....I can fix it later. I've never gotten an bad reaction if I've said part of it's mine or if it's a wig because when I get to doing what I do lol they don't care. Most though are not digging all in my scalp anywyays.  Weaves whether full or partial is more about convenience for me. 5 mins to do whatever with it vs 1hr or more on my entire natural head.... hey I wear contacts sometimes too..... but my ass and boobs are real though, so are my lips and nose and cheekbones .

Gentlemen, (in all her "Tony Manero" impersonation voice...lol) EV raises hand while doing the cutest facial expressions and bodily gestures, evah', while quoting Mr. Manero from Saturday Night Fever movie of 1977...

"Would ya just watch the hair.  Ya know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it.  He hits my hair."

lol-lol, but true and not just for the sista's, but for the white-girl, latina', etc. "sista's", alike.